Marriage put off as sinsod not available

[Ollie]

I've read a lot about the do's, dont's, in's and out's of getting married to Thai ladies and the views on the sinsod in this forum.

Well what's your view on this?

I'm travelling back to LOS shortly, originally with a view to getting married with the Thai Girlfriend. A bit wary of travelling to the village as farang's not really known but thats a side issue. Anyway, its not a great deal, but the money for the sinsod is tied up in my property and with things being what they are in the UK now, I'm not ready to sell.

Explained this to the girlfriend and the upshot is the marriage, party, everything has been put on hold even though I was ok getting married and doing the sinsod later. I'm still going to the village to meet the parents and everyone else as far as I can tell and we're now doing something different instead, the name of which I can't recall, but I suppose it equates to an engagement.

Now judging by the cynics out there, this shouldn't be happening and having received photo's of the interior & exterior of the girlfriends house (breeze block & tin roof, we're staying in a hotel nearby) and the rest of the village it seems to me that there's not a lot of money around.

What do you think is this typical or have I struck lucky?

[bkkmadness]

Who's put the marraige on hold, the parents? Reasons?

How much do you have to pay?

Are you happy the wedding has been put on hold? Have you had a choice in the decision?

[The_Other_Mac]

Perhaps the "something else" is the ceremony without the legal side?

I have no experience of this so I won't offer any advice. [For chrissakes somebody stop him!]

[Totster]

It is important that the money is at the ceremony.... in fact this is more important than the family actually keeping the money.

The money is there to be seen by everybody... shown off in fact.

The ceremony you will be having instead is called a "Bai Si". It is held when welcoming someone, saying farewell, when someone is sick etc.. It is very similar to the wedding ceremony, and money will also need to be offered here, but not a large amount.

totster

[Nam Kao]

How much are they asking for Sin Sod?

Yes i know Thai guys that are saving to pay off the sin sod before they can marry

[britmaveric]

Personally sounds like BS. I'd be very weary if I were you. They understood the circumstances prior now all of a sudden things change?

Sinsod in my view point is rubbish. Why should you pay for who u marry? Too bloody demeaning to sell your daughter off. That being said all dosh given to the parents is supposed to be given back, but from what you stated in your post worries me.

Faire enough you help the reles out with dosh now and then after you are married, but prior forget it.

[Merlin]

they'll quite happily wait even a year or two for the money to come through before they do the marriage - as was mentioned before, it's a big deal- one of the central parts of the ceremony.

I was upcountry last week, and the local gossip was about a wedding that got almost under way before the groom announced that he didn't have the money - this was after the drinking had started and the band was setting up etc.

Serious loss of face all round - quite a big deal, with repercussions probably still going on a week later...

[BambinA]

actaully sometime SIN SOD just for traditional , after marry..bride's family will give u back,

and many TH families for now they dont ask for SIN SOD .. just they want their daugther happy

google

Thai Wedding Ceremony & Dowry System

One of the most important occastions of the person's life after birth is the wedding ceremony as it places value on that particular moment when man and wo man have decided to be united in a bond that will influence the rest of their lives. Therefore, the ceremony must be held in a beautiful and sacred way. Above all, astrologers will be consulted beforehand in order to find out if the stars of those to be married are compatible and if so what should be the auspicious day and time for the ceremony. But mostly the ceremony will be held in August which is considered as the most auspicious month for wedding.

Usually in the countryside, a marriage takes place at the age of 20 while in the city this maybe late, up to 28 - 35. This depends on the readiness of the persons who want to enter into marriage. At the same time, nowadays most young people choose their own marriage partners while arranged marriage is very rare.

The most interresting part of the wedding ceremony is a procession of "Khan Mark" (offering items) as relatives and friends of the groom dance their way to the house of the bride with their hands full of offering.

The engagement ceremony must take place be fore the wedding, however, some couples may prefer to hold the engagement and wedding ceremony on the same day as a means of saving money. The engagement ceremony is usually done through the offering of an engagement ring to the girl while the wedding cremony will be incomplete without the offering of "Sin-sod" which is the money to be given to the bride's parents by the groom's parents of the amount they demand.

The wedding ceremony begins in the morning with the chanting of monks, then the couple and relatives offer food to the monks who, after their meal, will chant again while the senior monk will go around to bless the couple and the whole gathering with holy water before they go back to the temple.

After the dinner reception, the last ceremony to be performed is the sending-off of the bride and groom to the room specially arranged with the decoration of roses. The ceremony will usually be guided by the elder villager and eventually, the ceremony ends here.

Traditional Thai weddings are normally held in the family home of the bride but they can be held in our offices or at a hotel. Most ladies require the traditional ceremony, although it is not legally recognised as a marriage, for the Buddhist religious beliefs.

Buddhist Weddings do not normally take place during the Rainy Retreat known as Khao Pansar which varies in date from year to year as monks are confined to their temples.

In the past the custom was for the parents of the bride and groom to matchmake. It was possible the couple did not even know each other.

Elders from both families would meet and agree on the engagement, date of the wedding and the dowry to be paid to the parents of the bride.

In a traditional Thai family the wife is regarded as inferior to the husband and Thais liken the marriage to an elephant with the wife being the hind legs.

A couple traditionally become engaged during a ceremony known as Thong Mun. This is literally the giving of gold by the prospective groom to his fiance. Parents, friends and relatives will attend this ceremony. Thais do not go in for the practice of giving a diamond ring, instead they opt for gold, normally in the form of jewellery. Thailand uses a system of measurement of weight called the baht. A baht is equal to 1/2 a troy ounce or 15.2 grams. Because it is the couple being engaged a minimum of two baht is given. An odd number is never given, the amount must be divisible by two. After the ceremony the couple are known as "kumun" until the day they are married. This means a pair of fiancees. This ceremony may be sometime before the couple marry or it may even be on the same day immediately before the marriage ceremony itself.

The "sinsod" or dowry is supposed to be a compensation to the family of the bride for the loss of a worker. The "Sinsod Tongman" ceremony is a very important part of the marriage. Gold, money or real estate are presented to literally, in Thai, "to pay for the mother's milk." After this ceremony an astrologer would be consulted to give advice on auspicious dates for the engagement, the pouring of lustral water and the entrance to the bridal chamber.

The wedding itself is an elaborate ceremony presided over by 3,5,7 or 9 Buddhist monks. It is always held in the morning as monks cannot eat after midday. A Buddha image, an altar, flowers, candles and incense sticks are all required. The monks sit on the left of the altar and recite various Pali chants to bless the couple.

The lustral water ceremony is performed immediately afterwards by a village elder who will start by placing powdered incense on the forehead of the bride and groom and then placing a coil of special string "sai monkon" on the heads of the couple to show they are "tied" together, he will then pour lustral water from an ornately decorated conch shell over the hands of the bride and groom. All guests will then pour water over the couples hands.

A wedding party usually occurs the same evening which culminates in the wedding chamber ceremony. For this a married elderly couple will prepare the bed and place rice, peas and sesame seeds on it as a symbol of fertility. Coins symbolise wealth, water and powder are for warmheartedness and happiness. Other good luck symbols may be used in addition.The elderly couple will then light candles and incense sticks.

Family and friends will then make two barriers, the silver gate and the golden gate, through which the couple must pass on their way to the bedroom and a small amount of money is usually given to pass the barriers.

On reaching the bedroom the couple will prostrate themselves before the elderly couple and their parents who will offer them advice on their future responsibilities whilst blessing their union. The guests and parents then leave the newly married couple alone for the night.

Nowadays a quick ceremony usually replaces the traditional one and everything is done at once. Gold rings or necklaces are generally exchanged and the dowry is offered as tradition demands. Nowadays many families hand the dowry back to the couple as a wedding gift, some families do not require a dowry as part of the ceremony and some need to keep the money. Dowries range from 50,000 Baht up to 250,000 Baht although this last figure is very rarely asked for. In a highly publicised recent marriage of a Thai celebrity a massive 25 million Baht was paid. We do not handle dowries under any circumstances and we leave it up to the couple to decide on how much, if anything, is an appropriate gift to the family of the bride and how much the man is pleased to pay. Obviously if a girl has previously been married or has had a child the dowry will be lower.

If you are fortunate enough to be invited to attend a Thai traditional wedding you will be expected to attend the wedding party afterwards. During this festivity the bridal couple will walk round the guests offering a small souvenir of the occasion. As this is done guests place a sealed envelope containing money on the proffered tray. No names are written on the envelopes. You can also bring virtually anything else you wish to offer as a present in addition to the envelope but presents are usually household goods or something the couple have requested.

Edited July 25, 2005 by BambinA

[OxfordWill]

Sinsod is important, Brit is just too British about it.

[BambinA]

Sinsod is important, Brit is just too British about it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

baby , SINSOD is important but its not that important , in general X TH family we dont care about it

na ka

Bambi

Edited July 25, 2005 by BambinA

[dereklev]

Sinsod is important, Brit is just too British about it.

Sinsod for show is fine and I went along with it....

They were happy that they could show off the dowry and I was happy 'cos I got it back......

[Totster]

Sinsod is important, Brit is just too British about it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

baby , SINSOD is importnat but its not that important , in general X TH family we dont care about it

na ka

Bambi

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Really... it seems very important in Isaan... I suppose it all depends on where abouts in Thailand you come from, and background maybe...

totster

[BambinA]

Really... it seems very important in Isaan... I suppose it all depends on where abouts in Thailand you come from, and background maybe... 

totster 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

make sense Tots

it depends on part of TH and background of family , some famailies re stuck with old traditional

Bambi

[OxfordWill]

Important that you got it back derek! Haha, I can identify with that.

Glad to hear its not vital for everyone, Bambi!

[uncle paul]

Important that you got it back derek! Haha, I can identify with that.

Glad to hear its not vital for everyone, Bambi!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

my cousin married recently and the family had to give 5 million.it was given back.

i never gave a thing, however, the wifes family gave me money!! now i know why they gave me 600 quid lol. i think they got a very good deal hahaha

[sua yai]

I got married on the 15th of this month. Because of heavy expenditure on my property in London, I felt it was best to delay the wedding ceremony and sin sod. Didn't want us strapped for cash in the first few months of marriage.

It took a number of discussions with the family - particularly the mother - and it was agreed to shelve the ceremony until November.

We were allowed to get officially married first though, so my gf/wife was able to move back in with me.

Sin sod's negligible at 50,000 Baht and the option to spread the payments over 6 months. There has to be 10,000 in November though.

A sensible compromise was reached for all, IMO.

[Thetyim]

You can show money or gold.

Where I live you can "rent" gold for the day and then reurn it.

If this option has not been suggested to you then I would be getting a little bit suspicious.

Edited July 26, 2005 by Thetyim

[bendix]

cue Freddie Mercury . . . .

"and another one's down, another one's down

another one bites the dust.

Hey, they're gonna get you boy,

another one bites the dust . . . . "

Don't do it. You're being a sucker.

[Neeranam]

What do you think is this typical or have I struck lucky?

Sounds like she has struck lucky. Maybe you too.

Good luck

And come on man, you have all the money, you have a say in it, more than you realise now. You can control the situation, unlike some other guys who let their neighbours come into their houses and raid their fridges etc.

Seems pretty usual to me, you haven't got the money, so they will wait.

[Dragonman]

What do you think is this typical or have I struck lucky?

Sounds like she has struck lucky. Maybe you too.

Good luck

And come on man, you have all the money, you have a say in it, more than you realise now. You can control the situation, unlike some other guys who let their neighbours come into their houses and raid their fridges etc.

Seems pretty usual to me, you haven't got the money, so they will wait.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah this sounds a good start to a relationship. I've got all the money so you will do as I say Trouble is he doesn't sound as if he has all the money, otherwise a guy with property could find a grand for a sin sod if he wanted to.

To make your future wife happy you make a fuss about something as trivial. I pity people when real problems crop up.

[a2396]

I would give them enough to pay for the wedding and some gold for the wife, nothing else. In my opinion the whole idea of dowery is a rip-off. You might as well burn up the money in the fireplace. In my case they (family) kept all teh money and still keep asking for more (monthly) in addition to asking for car, new house and set them up in a business. Do not live in the same village/city as the family either. A recipie for further money sucking.

[a2396]

You can show money or gold.

Where I live you can "rent" gold for the day and then reurn it.

If this option has not been suggested to you then I would be getting a little bit suspicious.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You must be joking. Rent gold?? The ones I know want money AND Gold and then keep on coming for more each month.

[lostsoul]

How much is the dowry???

Did you meet her while she was working in 7/11 or a bank??? Surely you are not one of the majority that married a "cashier" never goes ot from a bar????

[Neeranam]

That's not a very nice thing to assume

[snoophound]

thats not many poonds

you cld get an advance on credit card for that.!!

jeez if you are that short why take on a wife?

I got married on the 15th of this month. Because of heavy expenditure on my property in London, I felt it was best to delay the wedding ceremony and sin sod. Didn't want us strapped for cash in the first few months of marriage.

It took a number of discussions with the family - particularly the mother - and it was agreed to shelve the ceremony until November.

We were allowed to get officially married first though, so my gf/wife was able to move back in with me.

Sin sod's negligible at 50,000 Baht and the option to spread the payments over 6 months. There has to be 10,000 in November though.

A sensible compromise was reached for all, IMO.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Dragonman]

That's not a very nice thing to assume

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeah, he's like a cracked record.

[daleyboy]

How much is the dowry???

Did you meet her while she was working in 7/11 or a bank???  Surely you are not one of the majority that married a "cashier" never goes ot from a bar????

Just wondering &lt;deleted&gt; if you were born a &lt;deleted&gt; idiot or was it something you perfected over time?

[Neeranam]

thats not many poonds

you cld get an advance on credit card for that.!!

jeez if you are that short why take on a wife?

QUOTE(sua yai @ 2005-07-26 02:02:28)

I got married on the 15th of this month. Because of heavy expenditure on my property in London, I felt it was best to delay the wedding ceremony and sin sod. Didn't want us strapped for cash in the first few months of marriage.

It took a number of discussions with the family - particularly the mother - and it was agreed to shelve the ceremony until November.

We were allowed to get officially married first though, so my gf/wife was able to move back in with me.

Sin sod's negligible at 50,000 Baht and the option to spread the payments over 6 months. There has to be 10,000 in November though.

A sensible compromise was reached for all, IMO.

He isn't talking about pounds. He lives in Thailand, where 50,000 baht is a ###### of a lot of money.

[bkkmadness]

And yet again another sensible enquiry concerning something is turned into a slagging match by idiots that care to comment on the guys wife who they of course do not know at all.

Lets help the guy and ignore the twtts on here guys. Bambina gave some good useful advice, lets carry it along in that vein.

[daleyboy]

And yet again another sensible enquiry concerning something is turned into a slagging match by idiots that care to comment on the guys wife who they of course do not know at all. 

Lets help the guy and ignore the twtts on here guys.  Bambina gave some good useful advice, lets carry it along in that vein.

Well said bkk, me thinks they wont be round much longer anyway.