Dependancy - Are You Doing Your Bit?

[GuestHouse]

We all know the old adage 'Give a man a fish....... '

But how many expats in Thailand (or would be expats still living overseas) are feeding Dependancy with easy cash hand outs?

The best example of this I know of is years ago a friend and I started dating two women from Chainat, they were cousins he was dating one and I got introduced to the other.

Back then we made many a happy trip to Chainat spending time at the extended family home, a collection of houses on a single plot owned by Aunts/Uncles/Grandparents.

The family where relatively prosperous farmers, owned enough of their own land and a small ice cream business. Not wealthy, not poor, certainly hard working. There was always something going on around the house and farm, crops being planted/harvested, ice cream and Ka-Nom being made for sale in the market, surplus produce for sale on the road side opposite the family home - Busy, hardworking people.

My friend married his girlfriend, I moved on with happy memories.

Once married he started pouring money into the family - First the SIn Sod, then answering endless calls for cash to buy this, cash to buy that, cash to buy the other.

Five or more years after my friend married into this family I called into Chainat on my way north and made a visit on the family, the difference in how they were living compared with how they used to live was stark and quite a shock.

The stall by the side of the road had gone, there was an oldish motorbike rotting in the yard but actually seemingly not in bad condition, replaced by the new motorbike (perhaps the tires were flat on the original). Next to the motor bike and old TV set tossed out when the new one came along and everywhere empty beer, whiskey bottles.

Nobody was working, the ice cream business had be let go, the Ice cream maker was still there but not used in a long time - Hard work and self reliance replaced by idleness and dependancy.

This is not the only case I've seen, though perhaps because I knew this family before they got their hands on 'easy money' it was more obvious, but there are many others.

I know several families in which the parents have suddenly become too old to work (supported by a Farang Son-in-Law who is not much their junior but still busting his backside working to keep the 'old' mum and dad comfortable).

I know a handful of farangs who working hard to support Parents-in-law who are younger than the farang and I know more than a few who are providing incomes to Thai in-laws which exceeds the amount of money the Farang himself can expect from his UK pension when he himself retires.

I was talking to a Farang guy today who gives his Thai in-laws Bht30K a month - That's about GBP160 a week, way more than an UK state pension, while he laughs off the fact that his wife hands half of all the groceries from their weekly shop to her mother.

By comparison I asked Thai friend how much he gives his parents, he responded 'a token amount' maybe Bht500 or Bht1k a month but certainly not any significant amount of money. As he explained, his parents work for a living.

Now I have known one case of a single Thai woman who was giving nearly all of her income to her mother, but looking around I don't see many Thais dishing out large sums of money the way Farangs do.

We often hear the comment on TV that the only value a Farang has to a Thai woman/family is his money - I'm wondering if people who express this opinion come to it by having money removed from them against their will or they simply create a dependancy that they themselves can't get free of.

[mark45y]

My first Thai girlfriend was 40. She had an 18 year old daughter. I bought them thigh high boots. Quite expensive actually and 7 days worth of uniforms, each day was a different color. It wasn't cheap. But I felt good knowing I had contributed to them earning a living instead of just handing them money. Not only did they work but they got a chance to be with each other. The daughter eventually got married and now has one child and the mother is being a good grandmother, babysitting and such. I know what you mean.

[Moonrakers]

Mrs. Rakers is an orphan, but then her parents weren't the types to ask for money anyway.

She does have some 'family' up North who try it on from time to time but the misses deals with them. She works herself and always has done, she knows the value of money. We don't mind helping those who need it but those looking for handouts are told to get a job.

[mmushr00m]

The missus family are forbidden to ask her for money. The rules as set by the matriach of the family (the #1 aunt). <deleted> her cousin was involved in an accident where someone died and no talk about asking for money from them. When we go visit, they pay for the booze!!!

[Moonrakers]

The rules as set by the matriach of the family (the #1 aunt).

Good on her.

Just a wild guess here as obviously I have never met the lady. But I'll make a bet (if it were legal) that she has always worked for her own money!

Edited December 1, 2010 by Moonrakers

[Patron]

Everytime I visit my MIL she brings out a special chair and sets up a fan on me. She then puts out her hand for money.

I give her money and she walks to to nearby market. I watch her struggle back (78yo) with 2 heavy bags.

She sits down the bags of beer and ice with a huge smiile on her face. This is the only time anybody in my wifes

family asks me for money. I always tell my wife to have one of the kids hanging around to go get the beer or I"ll get it

myself as MIL is so old. She say's you don't know anything.

[IanForbes]

Good point, Guesthouse. It's better to just help a little and then let the family struggle a bit to earn their own way. It's the way I treat my own grown children in Canada. My little help just takes the edge off and makes everything more comfortable, but doesn't replace the hard work needed for self satisfaction and the strive to get ahead. Lives are ruined if everything is too easy.

[Beetlejuice]

You may find this guide useful:

[craigt3365]

You may find this guide useful:

Ha! Great stuff!

[Crossy]

You may find this guide useful:

Ha! Great stuff!

Indeed, my lady hovers between columns 3 and 4, basic education but spent 9 years in Italy (where I met her) so is well versed in things international.

Very little money goes to the family. MiL (87) produced 9 children 7 of which are still alive so her minimal outgoings are well catered for, my input is mainly booze and fireworks for New Year party and a couple of packs of ciggies for Mum.

[Loz]

BJ,

How I have never seen that before is a mystery. Thanks from the bottom of my heart!

I have never found a document on here with so many uses...

[travelmann]

Blame the stupid farang, my wife worked when I met her on not on her idle back and yes I say idle because bargilrs could actually get a real job if they wanted and have a bit of self esteem, but hey ho opening your legs is easy work and eays money. Its not only the curse of Thailand although thais seem to aim solely at cash above all other things including principles.

My wife once said it would have been easy to be a bargirl but instead went to BKK at 14 yrs odl from Issan, shared rented rooms with many others continued e ducating herself to degree level and finsihed all that at about 24 years old and then got a full time job for 11000 baht a month. Was it easy?/ Nope but she holds her head up.

Shes still working 5 years later and more than ever.

[Chunky1]

You may find this guide useful:

Where is the chart for the other 95% of Thai Visa users?

[cardholder]

Blame the stupid farang, my wife worked when I met her on not on her idle back and yes I say idle because bargilrs could actually get a real job if they wanted and have a bit of self esteem, but hey ho opening your legs is easy work and eays money. Its not only the curse of Thailand although thais seem to aim solely at cash above all other things including principles.

My wife once said it would have been easy to be a bargirl but instead went to BKK at 14 yrs odl from Issan, shared rented rooms with many others continued e ducating herself to degree level and finsihed all that at about 24 years old and then got a full time job for 11000 baht a month. Was it easy?/ Nope but she holds her head up.

Shes still working 5 years later and more than ever.

.... and then she met you ?

[MrsMills]

Blame the stupid farang, my wife worked when I met her on not on her idle back and yes I say idle because bargilrs could actually get a real job if they wanted and have a bit of self esteem, but hey ho opening your legs is easy work and eays money. Its not only the curse of Thailand although thais seem to aim solely at cash above all other things including principles.

My wife once said it would have been easy to be a bargirl but instead went to BKK at 14 yrs odl from Issan, shared rented rooms with many others continued e ducating herself to degree level and finsihed all that at about 24 years old and then got a full time job for 11000 baht a month. Was it easy?/ Nope but she holds her head up.

Shes still working 5 years later and more than ever.

Surprised she had time to meet a Foreign gentleman whilst spending all her time studying and working. How on earth did you ever meet her ? I know many Nurses that are single not by choice, but they never have time to meet anyone, and the chances of being in the position to meet a foreigner are practically zero.

How do so many here manage it ? It seems very strange that so many people on internet forums never met their Gf or wife in a bar, 99% of men I know met their Gf or wife in a bar, why is it so different on anonymous forums ?

Many many guys in the west meet their Gf in a Bar, Disco etc, why is it so different here?

[fletchsmile]

Sounds like you need some new friends Guest House. Try getting out a bit more and mixing in different circles

[Loz]

mrs mills! when you meet a girl in a bar back home she's looking to get laid. here, she's looking to get paid. is that clear enough for you?

[travelmann]

Blame the stupid farang, my wife worked when I met her on not on her idle back and yes I say idle because bargilrs could actually get a real job if they wanted and have a bit of self esteem, but hey ho opening your legs is easy work and eays money. Its not only the curse of Thailand although thais seem to aim solely at cash above all other things including principles.

My wife once said it would have been easy to be a bargirl but instead went to BKK at 14 yrs odl from Issan, shared rented rooms with many others continued e ducating herself to degree level and finsihed all that at about 24 years old and then got a full time job for 11000 baht a month. Was it easy?/ Nope but she holds her head up.

Shes still working 5 years later and more than ever.

.... and then she met you ?

And?

Internet is how I met her, yep u can larf tell me she was a bargirl/ freelancer YAWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

[travelmann]

Blame the stupid farang, my wife worked when I met her on not on her idle back and yes I say idle because bargilrs could actually get a real job if they wanted and have a bit of self esteem, but hey ho opening your legs is easy work and eays money. Its not only the curse of Thailand although thais seem to aim solely at cash above all other things including principles.

My wife once said it would have been easy to be a bargirl but instead went to BKK at 14 yrs odl from Issan, shared rented rooms with many others continued e ducating herself to degree level and finsihed all that at about 24 years old and then got a full time job for 11000 baht a month. Was it easy?/ Nope but she holds her head up.

Shes still working 5 years later and more than ever.

Surprised she had time to meet a Foreign gentleman whilst spending all her time studying and working. How on earth did you ever meet her ? I know many Nurses that are single not by choice, but they never have time to meet anyone, and the chances of being in the position to meet a foreigner are practically zero.

How do so many here manage it ? It seems very strange that so many people on internet forums never met their Gf or wife in a bar, 99% of men I know met their Gf or wife in a bar, why is it so different on anonymous forums ?

Many many guys in the west meet their Gf in a Bar, Disco etc, why is it so different here?

I dont drink I never go to bars, is that so hard to believe? Ive never been to Nana either or most of the other local holes.

[travelmann]

Blame the stupid farang, my wife worked when I met her on not on her idle back and yes I say idle because bargilrs could actually get a real job if they wanted and have a bit of self esteem, but hey ho opening your legs is easy work and eays money. Its not only the curse of Thailand although thais seem to aim solely at cash above all other things including principles.

My wife once said it would have been easy to be a bargirl but instead went to BKK at 14 yrs odl from Issan, shared rented rooms with many others continued e ducating herself to degree level and finsihed all that at about 24 years old and then got a full time job for 11000 baht a month. Was it easy?/ Nope but she holds her head up.

Shes still working 5 years later and more than ever.

Surprised she had time to meet a Foreign gentleman whilst spending all her time studying and working. How on earth did you ever meet her ? I know many Nurses that are single not by choice, but they never have time to meet anyone, and the chances of being in the position to meet a foreigner are practically zero.

How do so many here manage it ? It seems very strange that so many people on internet forums never met their Gf or wife in a bar, 99% of men I know met their Gf or wife in a bar, why is it so different on anonymous forums ?

Many many guys in the west meet their Gf in a Bar, Disco etc, why is it so different here?

Because a bar in Thailand may as well be re named a brothel.

[IanForbes]

BJ,

How I have never seen that before is a mystery. Thanks from the bottom of my heart!

I have never found a document on here with so many uses...

Loz, I think we can thank a young, smart Thai woman for that document. She sometimes posts on the ladies forum.

Edited December 3, 2010 by IanForbes

[IanForbes]

Surprised she had time to meet a Foreign gentleman whilst spending all her time studying and working. How on earth did you ever meet her ? I know many Nurses that are single not by choice, but they never have time to meet anyone, and the chances of being in the position to meet a foreigner are practically zero.

How do so many here manage it ? It seems very strange that so many people on internet forums never met their Gf or wife in a bar, 99% of men I know met their Gf or wife in a bar, why is it so different on anonymous forums ?

Many many guys in the west meet their Gf in a Bar, Disco etc, why is it so different here?

You bring up a very valid point. I know 3 lovely Thai women I'm friendly with, in a platonic way. The only reason it remains platonic is the ladies in question start work about 8 Am and don't finish up until 10:00 at night. There's no time for going out for supper or any other pleasurable pastimes.

[PhilHarries]

I dont drink I never go to bars, is that so hard to believe? Ive never been to Nana either or most of the other local holes.

Yeah right, and I'm from a minor planet Zargh 14.71 in the outer reaches of the great spiral galaxy you know as M31 in the constellation Andromeda. I also know nothing of these "bars" and who is "Nana" but I do know a local "hole", black it is and composed of superdense matter.

Welcome to the internet where you are what you say and nobody believes you nor gives a flying <deleted>.

[F1fanatic]

You may find this guide useful:

Pretty much all the women with farang men fall in column 3, but none will admit it .

Thoroughly enjoying everyone explaining why this is not the case in 'their' case.

[StreetCowboy]

I dont drink I never go to bars, is that so hard to believe? Ive never been to Nana either or most of the other local holes.

Yeah right, and I'm from a minor planet Zargh 14.71 in the outer reaches of the great spiral galaxy you know as M31 in the constellation Andromeda. I also know nothing of these "bars" and who is "Nana" but I do know a local "hole", black it is and composed of superdense matter.

Welcome to the internet where you are what you say and nobody believes you nor gives a flying <deleted>.

Don't be cruel. There could be people like travelmann walking the earth amongst us; its like an alternate universe an arm's length away from our own...

SC

[craigt3365]

I dont drink I never go to bars, is that so hard to believe? Ive never been to Nana either or most of the other local holes.

Yeah right, and I'm from a minor planet Zargh 14.71 in the outer reaches of the great spiral galaxy you know as M31 in the constellation Andromeda. I also know nothing of these "bars" and who is "Nana" but I do know a local "hole", black it is and composed of superdense matter.

Welcome to the internet where you are what you say and nobody believes you nor gives a flying <deleted>.

Come on, not everybody visits Nana, etc. I've only been there a few times, only 1 time to Soi Cowboy with an ex-customer, and same with Patpong. They aren't everybody's "thing". But I have been to a few beer bars!!

[GuestHouse]

Welcome to the internet where you are what you say and nobody believes you nor gives a flying <deleted>.

I've known Phil for many years and I respect his views on a wide range of things - once again he's provided evidence of his ability to go the the heart of the matter.

[MrsMills]

mrs mills! when you meet a girl in a bar back home she's looking to get laid. here, she's looking to get paid. is that clear enough for you?

But you're a guy that doesn't really like living in Thailand, yet you choose to work in an incredibly low paying job, and live in Thailand earning peanuts, why would you do that ?

Edited December 3, 2010 by MrsMills

[MrsMills]

Welcome to the internet where you are what you say and nobody believes you nor gives a flying <deleted>.

I've known Phil for many years and I respect his views on a wide range of things - once again he's provided evidence of his ability to go the the heart of the matter.

You know him ? I bet he could walk past you in the street and you would have absolutely no clue at all who he was.

Edited December 3, 2010 by MrsMills

[GuestHouse]

Welcome to the internet where you are what you say and nobody believes you nor gives a flying <deleted>.

I've known Phil for many years and I respect his views on a wide range of things - once again he's provided evidence of his ability to go the the heart of the matter.

You know him ? I bet he could walk past you in the street and you would have absolutely no clue at all who he was.

Having worked with him for over ten years I find that difficult to believe.