Boredom, Availability Lead To 2nd Thai Wives: Survey

[webfact]

SURVEY

Boredom, availability lead to 2nd wives: survey

By The Nation

Most husbands took on minor wives because other women were readily available and they got tired of their first wife "going to pot and nagging them all the time," according to researchers from Ramathibodi Hospital.

They urged the civil service system to identify male officials' marital status so they couldn't fool women into becoming their minor wives.

As part of a domestic violence study, a survey was conducted from 20092010 on state officials' attitudes towards men possessing minor wives, Ronnachai Khongsakol, deputy dean of the medical school, said on Sunday.

Altogether 1,573 officials - 884 women and 689 men - were interviewed.

The main reason for philandering cited by the male respondents was opportunities and close proximity to other women at 58.2 per cent. Other reasons were getting bored with their wife due to overfamiliarity from living together for a long time (48.2 per cent), the wife's behaviour such as drinking, gambling, nagging or being aggressive (42.7 per cent) and the wife not taking care of her looks and getting fat (42 per cent).

The women said they thought men found minor wives because they were insatiable (77.8 per cent) and they were in a tempting environment surrounded by other women (73.4 per cent).

Almost 60 per cent of the men said having a minor wife was a man's personal business, while only 28.5 per cent mentioned it as an immoral act. About half of the women said it was an immoral act and 39 per cent felt it was a very personal matter.

Ronnachai also offered a suggestion that men's marital status should be identified in household registrations and as a requirement in civil service regulations to avoid such issues.

-- The Nation 2010-12-07

[apetley]

Interesting, only 28.5% of men think cheating on your wife is immoral. Even more interesting is that only half of the women interviewed thought it immoral to be cheated on

[brahmburgers]

Any of those jilted wives want a '2nd husband' or 'backdoor man' or 'sami noi' - to even the score, let me know. I should add; I'm a bit discerning, though you can pay me less than your husband pays his cutie on the side.

[AGareth2]

maybe the gyms and parks will be filled with exersising middle aged women

[supaprik]

maybe the gyms and parks will be filled with exersising middle aged women

sadly this is why I now have to train inside my own house,

[12DrinkMore]

Interesting, only 28.5% of men think cheating on your wife is immoral. Even more interesting is that only half of the women interviewed thought it immoral to be cheated on

Maybe the other 50% of the women are minor wives????

It would indeed be interesting to have the same survey done in Farangland as a comparison of morality...

Edited December 7, 2010 by 12DrinkMore

[AGareth2]

I have heard it said that a Thai man can always have as many wives as he can afford

[softgeorge]

Look at her face in the photo. No wonder the husband go for a 2nd (& 3rd . . .) wife. I wouldn't blame him, poor guy.

Your looking at the outside of a person. It does not matter what a person looks like they can still be loving and caring. Personally I think if one enters into a relationship then they should be 100% faithful. If you are bored or fall out of love then cut the ties with the other before seeking a new relationship.

[bonobo]

Interesting, only 28.5% of men think cheating on your wife is immoral. Even more interesting is that only half of the women interviewed thought it immoral to be cheated on

Maybe the other 50% of the women are minor wives????

It would indeed be interesting to have the same survey done in Farangland as a comparison of morality...

The concept of a second  wife is not particularly western but rather an Asian idea.  In the west, as in Africa, sex outside of the marriage is usually done through affairs or flings, or in the case with men, at least, through prostitution as well.  

However, surveys have shown that most westerners do stray outside the bounds of marriage at least once in their lives.  I have read figures of 85% for both men and women.  From this, I conclude that infidelity is part of the human norm, and availability is a major factor in deciding whether men or women stray.

And while the vehicles for straying may differ in different nations/cultures, the headline in this article pretty much indicates that people from Thailand are no different from people worldwide in this.  If partners are available, people, in general, will stray.

[softgeorge]

Interesting, only 28.5% of men think cheating on your wife is immoral. Even more interesting is that only half of the women interviewed thought it immoral to be cheated on

Maybe the other 50% of the women are minor wives????

It would indeed be interesting to have the same survey done in Farangland as a comparison of morality...

The concept of a second wife is not particularly western but rather an Asian idea. In the west, as in Africa, sex outside of the marriage is usually done through affairs or flings, or in the case with men, at least, through prostitution as well.

However, surveys have shown that most westerners do stray outside the bounds of marriage at least once in their lives. I have read figures of 85% for both men and women. From this, I conclude that infidelity is part of the human norm, and availability is a major factor in deciding whether men or women stray.

And while the vehicles for straying may differ in different nations/cultures, the headline in this article pretty much indicates that people from Thailand are no different from people worldwide in this. If partners are available, people, in general, will stray.

I must be in the other 15% because I have never strayed.

[AGareth2]

someone has to be

well done old boy

[huma79]

they got tired of their first wife "going to pot and nagging them all the time,"

sorry, but what the heck does "going to pot" mean?

[Bluedan]

Its a pity they didn't interview the "second wives" to see whather they thought it was immoral and their reasons for doing it (assuming that they are aware of wife number 1). I think there has been a bit of a recent revolution amongst younger Thai women and that now it's not so uncommon for them to have more than one guy who thinks he is the one and only BF.

[softgeorge]

they got tired of their first wife "going to pot and nagging them all the time,"

sorry, but what the heck does "going to pot" mean?

"Gone to the pot"

An item which is broken, defective or substandard. Two explainations have been historically applied. The first is that in olden times when food was scarce, people would leave the bones, fat and undesireable portions behind after eating their meal. These second-rate items would be used for soup the next day, so as such, the poor-quality leftovers would "go to pot". The second (and more plausible) explaination is that in the days of the industrial revolution and early mass-production, assembly workers would occasionally find a defective or out-of-tolerance part which was not suitable for use. This part would be sent back to the smelting room to be melted down and re-cast a second time. Since the smelting was done in a giant pot, these defective parts had "gone to pot". In either case, the phrase gained popular use by the American homeowner who would occasionally wear out an item which would fail- often at an inconvenient time.

[reason1]

Both my marriages failed at around 7 years both parties getting bored; others longer seem to be together just for kids. Surprised no one mentions the cost of extra women. Women have been the most costly item in my life especially when running more than one

[Madivad]

Maybe the other 50% of the women are minor wives????

Interesting way to look at the stat, and I love it. ROFL

[neverdie]

I must be in the other 15% because I have never strayed.

The reason for that wouldnt have anything to do with your thaivisa nicname, would it? I take it you have heard of viagra?

[BigJohnnyBKK]

IMO if the majority of people in a given society feel that such an arrangement isn't "immoral", then ipso facto it isn't - for that society.

Over the past few years I've come to know many Thai families from the female POV, via friends of my wife. These aren't wealthy, nor very poor, mostly middle-class shop-owners/landlords, mostly mixed Chinese/Thai. And the VAST MAJORITY of them are in families where the men have mia luang/noi, relatively openly within the family even if it's kept hush-hush in more public circles.

In one family I am friends myself with the two older, now mostly cast-off wives who have become very close friends/partners and together try to support each other against the newest younger one - but they somehow all manage to get along from a functional/financial/social point of view.

And the VAST MAJORITY of these women have their "gik" on the side as well. So more power to them, and let's not get on our high horse about it, this is one area where "morality" is definitely relative and who are we to pass judgment?

In a situation where the woman **expects** and man to be faithful, and the man is *lying* to her about it, then sure there are moral issues there. But much of the time neither applies here.

My impression is that usually the woman accepts this will happen, and as long as the husband continues to provide for her and lets her maintain the public illusion that she doesn't know about it (lets her save her all-important face), then it's all par for the course.

Now if he's not in a financial position to afford his bit on the side, and threatens the financial situation of the family - that's another matter and even becomes grounds for divorce legally.

But not the infidelity itself, that's a concept. pretty alien to most of the non-farang world.

[DoctorG]

I have asked Thai girls "what is in it for single girls to go with married men" as this is common throughout asia, but my language skills are not up to the task of this question, so I have not been able to get a real answer. I am sure somebody here will provide that answer.

Is it just the money?

[softgeorge]

I must be in the other 15% because I have never strayed.

The reason for that wouldnt have anything to do with your thaivisa nicname, would it? I take it you have heard of viagra?

Thank you very much. You got me there but no still firing on both barrels no need for viagra or to stray when the wife keeps strapped to the bed and well pleasured 16 hours a day without meal breaks.

[chmiroau]

maybe the gyms and parks will be filled with exersising middle aged women

This would not be a bad thing.

It is sad for me that My wife was 52 kilo when we got married, and in the time between measuring up for the wedding dress, and the wedding day,she managed to put on 2 kilo. The trend has continued.

Now that sounds a bit harsh, but this is kinda the norm around the world. I know for sure that this kind of thing happens back at home.

So a fitness strategy needs, should be implemented some how. I know that it has happened at home. I found that being a catalyst was the best way to do this, and yes, it has helped our relationship as we (I'm a little over weight too) now have something to do together.

Um,,,, lets face it, most of us farang are over weight, what right do we have to comment about our wives weight.

[softgeorge]

I have asked Thai girls "what is in it for single girls to go with married men" as this is common throughout asia, but my language skills are not up to the task of this question, so I have not been able to get a real answer. I am sure somebody here will provide that answer.

Is it just the money?

My nieghbour is wife number two (2) for a thai guy who has 3 women in tow. Apparently they all know about each other and do not care he provides money to each of them every month and they are happy.

[crgram]

they got tired of their first wife "going to pot and nagging them all the time,"

sorry, but what the heck does "going to pot" mean?

"Gone to the pot"

An item which is broken, defective or substandard. Two explainations have been historically applied. The first is that in olden times when food was scarce, people would leave the bones, fat and undesireable portions behind after eating their meal. These second-rate items would be used for soup the next day, so as such, the poor-quality leftovers would "go to pot". The second (and more plausible) explaination is that in the days of the industrial revolution and early mass-production, assembly workers would occasionally find a defective or out-of-tolerance part which was not suitable for use. This part would be sent back to the smelting room to be melted down and re-cast a second time. Since the smelting was done in a giant pot, these defective parts had "gone to pot". In either case, the phrase gained popular use by the American homeowner who would occasionally wear out an item which would fail- often at an inconvenient time.

You may be correct, but I believe the reference to people is a little more simple. Many westerners refer to the women in their lives as "flowers" in various ways. And when the flower withers your left with the "pot".

cr

[Just1Voice]

When I married my wife 3 years ago, after knowing her for a year, I was 59, but most people who tried to guess my age, both Thai and Westerners, thought I was around 40-45. I'm 172cm and 68kg, which is the same weight I've been since I was 18. My wife was 49 at the time, but looked better than most women in their mid to late 20's and 30's. She's 148cm and 42kg, which is 2kg heavier than she was when we married. She has a fitness routine she does every morning for an hour to keep her weight down and figure looking GOOD!

However, shortly after we were married one of her friends came over and told me: "You know, in Thailand you can have more than one wife if you want." I laughed and told her 1 was enough. My first marriage lasted 28 years before my wife died of cancer, and never once did I stray. I hope this marriage lasts just as long, and while there is more than ample opportunity for me to do so, I have no desires to act on them when my beautiful, sexy, and very willing wife fulfills my every wish whenever I want, as much as I want.

Call me "weird" or whatever you want, but I'm in that group that believes that in you're in a committed relationship, then you put everything into it. IF, for some reason, it fails, THEN you end it and go searching. But you don't go out for hamburger when you have T-Bone, with all the trimmings, at home.

[TechnikaIII]

Any of those jilted wives want a '2nd husband' or 'backdoor man' or 'sami noi' - to even the score, let me know. I should add; I'm a bit discerning, though you can pay me less than your husband pays his cutie on the side.

Thanks ... Ha ha .. I needed a laugh just now ... as I contemplate the .. nagging? etc .. God forbid

"Beam me up Scottie" !!

[w11guy]

Both my marriages failed at around 7 years both parties getting bored; others longer seem to be together just for kids. Surprised no one mentions the cost of extra women. Women have been the most costly item in my life especially when running more than one

The simple solution is to date women who have their own money. Why do you have to pay for the women in your life? Don't they have any money or any job?

Edited December 7, 2010 by w11guy

[Brewsta]

Yay.....me too, nice to be in the minority on this occasion, methinks

Brewsta

Interesting, only 28.5% of men think cheating on your wife is immoral. Even more interesting is that only half of the women interviewed thought it immoral to be cheated on

Maybe the other 50% of the women are minor wives????

It would indeed be interesting to have the same survey done in Farangland as a comparison of morality...

The concept of a second wife is not particularly western but rather an Asian idea. In the west, as in Africa, sex outside of the marriage is usually done through affairs or flings, or in the case with men, at least, through prostitution as well.

However, surveys have shown that most westerners do stray outside the bounds of marriage at least once in their lives. I have read figures of 85% for both men and women. From this, I conclude that infidelity is part of the human norm, and availability is a major factor in deciding whether men or women stray.

And while the vehicles for straying may differ in different nations/cultures, the headline in this article pretty much indicates that people from Thailand are no different from people worldwide in this. If partners are available, people, in general, will stray.

I must be in the other 15% because I have never strayed.

[friendphil]

IMO if the majority of people in a given society feel that such an arrangement isn't "immoral", then ipso facto it isn't - for that society.

Over the past few years I've come to know many Thai families from the female POV, via friends of my wife. These aren't wealthy, nor very poor, mostly middle-class shop-owners/landlords, mostly mixed Chinese/Thai. And the VAST MAJORITY of them are in families where the men have mia luang/noi, relatively openly within the family even if it's kept hush-hush in more public circles.

In one family I am friends myself with the two older, now mostly cast-off wives who have become very close friends/partners and together try to support each other against the newest younger one - but they somehow all manage to get along from a functional/financial/social point of view.

And the VAST MAJORITY of these women have their "gik" on the side as well. So more power to them, and let's not get on our high horse about it, this is one area where "morality" is definitely relative and who are we to pass judgment?

In a situation where the woman **expects** and man to be faithful, and the man is *lying* to her about it, then sure there are moral issues there. But much of the time neither applies here.

My impression is that usually the woman accepts this will happen, and as long as the husband continues to provide for her and lets her maintain the public illusion that she doesn't know about it (lets her save her all-important face), then it's all par for the course.

Now if he's not in a financial position to afford his bit on the side, and threatens the financial situation of the family - that's another matter and even becomes grounds for divorce legally.

But not the infidelity itself, that's a concept. pretty alien to most of the non-farang world.

Thanks to 'BigJohnnyBKK' , quoted above, for filling in the blanks with some informative cultural insights regarding this rather lame story, as reported by The Nation, in response to a rather lame survey. And thanks to this forum for doing so in many instances, though wading through the garbage to find the goodies is often a chore.

[TALBOT983]

It's sex pure and simple. It has taken me many many years to come to the understanding that there is a difference in being in love and having sex. And YES it is an ego booster for a man to be found atractive even if it's only for his wallet.

I know that I am looked on as a walking ATM even after 6 years here. Remember you get what you pay for. And guys your wife will find a sami noi if you let yourself go to pot, just as most of you will do if your wife/GF goes to pot. It is the human nature, has been and will always be there.

Even if you just cheat in your own mind!

[oevna]

Call me "weird" or whatever you want, but I'm in that group that believes that in you're in a committed relationship, then you put everything into it. IF, for some reason, it fails, THEN you end it and go searching. But you don't go out for hamburger when you have T-Bone, with all the trimmings, at home.

Hmmm... Going for a hamburger. That might be the source of the problem right there!