Nothing In My Name!

[snoophound]

Yes its a bit of a joke but its real issue.

What wld she have if she stayed in the village with a local boy?,more than likely nothing.

The question of future comes up a lot though,usualy when the relationship is in a rocky patch,and the girls are coming up to 30.

Culturaly the Thais and for that matter ,any other asians focus on this more as they dont have a benevolent govt to step in the give them money for the rest of their lives.

I agree with one of the other posters,you can buy a block of land or small business and deed it to her.

You can buy her a motorbikein her name to match the flash cellphone.

But......you need to be sure that shes the girl for you,just remember at your age with your money their a thousands more fish in the sea.

You should think yourself fortunate that she has betrayed her motivations in this way, thereby saving you from wasting any more of your time on her. It sounds as if you are not happy to have a relationship where her main motivation for being involved with you is a financial one, many others in Thailand seem to be happy with such an arrangement. Therefore, you should move on and find somebody who genuinely cares about you first and foremost, and money secondary.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

good point, thanks

as a young guy i dont want to feel as though i am buying the attentions of girls, i did not have to do it in England, so why the F()&K should I do it here. If I was an old guy for sure i would pay.....a would still carry the grin that some of these old boys carry......i guess its an ego thing really

can i find this person in Thailand??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[BaanOz]

Buy her a nice 2 baht (weight, not price ) gold chain and she can wear it around the village to impress them.

[Ice Maiden]

Buy her a nice 2 baht (weight, not price ) gold chain and she can wear it around the village to impress them.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Should you really buy her happiness? Carn't she just be happy that she has a Farang boyfriend who looks after her and not worry about what her friends feelings are on the matter. Thats just jealousy - alot of it in Thailand.

You're going to have to sit down and have a long talk about this. Because if a few petty comments from local villagers and family have upset her then could that mean there are problems with the relationship and her feelings of security in the relationship, not the putting stuff in her name issue.

I don't think you can say all thai girls are worried about their farang boyfriend/husband leaving them so It's a great excuse to buy them something because that dosen't sort the problem. Many for the time being...until the latest mobile phone arrives and she wants a better one instead of the old one.

Isn't that just making things harder for later on?

Edit - If you carn't overcome problems like this as a couple then IMO it isn't really a relationship thats working.

Edited August 20, 2005 by Ice Maiden

[helitool]

You have been given some excellent advice and the only thing that I can add is that the most important thing in any relationship is comunication. My wife (who is from Chiang Mai) and I have been married for 25 years. We are very fluent in each others languages and we still have misunderstandings! If you plan on having a relationship with someone from another culture the first step is to learn the language and culture THEN you will have the tools to start searching for that special woman whose personality will match yours. Good luck!

[Thaipwriter]

Buy her a nice 2 baht (weight, not price ) gold chain and she can wear it around the village to impress them.

her and her mother have been there and done that.

I paid...mind you it was her 23rd birthday!

two weeks layer she sold it so she could change her mobile.

no sentimental value attached to things here is there???

[snoophound]

Depends where you live.

Face,mana,what people think is pretty much number one to most thai girls.

If they live in a village in KK its in her face every day.

Should have stayed on Samui.

Cant think why anyone would want to live in a village(for more than a few mths anyway)

Buy her a nice 2 baht (weight, not price ) gold chain and she can wear it around the village to impress them.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Should you really buy her happiness? Carn't she just be happy that she has a Farang boyfriend who looks after her and not worry about what her friends feelings are on the matter. Thats just jealousy - alot of it in Thailand.

You're going to have to sit down and have a long talk about this. Because if a few petty comments from local villagers and family have upset her then could that mean there are problems with the relationship and her feelings of security in the relationship, not the putting stuff in her name issue.

I don't think you can say all thai girls are worried about their farang boyfriend/husband leaving them so It's a great excuse to buy them something because that dosen't sort the problem. Many for the time being...until the latest mobile phone arrives and she wants a better one instead of the old one.

Isn't that just making things harder for later on?

Edit - If you carn't overcome problems like this as a couple then IMO it isn't really a relationship thats working.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Thaipwriter]

Depends where you live.

Face,mana,what people think is pretty much number one to most thai girls.

If they live in a village in KK its in her face every day.

Should have stayed on Samui.

Cant think why anyone would want to live in a village(for more than a few mths anyway)

her village is out in the sticks 30 km's away, we live in KK city centre

I would have loved to stayed on Samui! To many farangs chasing the same dream there though. no prospects there unless you have good income away from Thailand

Horses for courses, if you lived in a city centre high rise with crackheads for next door neighbours, a small home in a rural thai village would be heaven for sure.

[snoophound]

I think that one pretty much convinced me.

I had a girl like that too (issan) a few years back.

I would buy her something and next day she would have swapped or sold it for what she really wanted.

I think you know its prob not a long termer.

Buy her a nice 2 baht (weight, not price ) gold chain and she can wear it around the village to impress them.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

her and her mother have been there and done that.

I paid...mind you it was her 23rd birthday!

two weeks layer she sold it so she could change her mobile.

no sentimental value attached to things here is there???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[pnustedt]

It certainly doesn't sound like you are planning a long-term partnership with this girl and she, and her family/neighbours, seem to realise this.

[Thaipwriter]

I think you know its prob not a long termer

Yeah, I know, i knew before i posted....i just wanted a few more folks to spell it out for me.

Thanks for all the advice. bed now......

[Thaipwriter]

It certainly doesn't sound like you are planning a long-term partnership with this girl and she, and her family/neighbours, seem to realise this.

does anybody plan long term after 5 months with their TGF?

Many might but at 5 months in i am still getting to know her due to the language barrier.

[pnustedt]

does anybody plan long term after 5 months with their TGF?

An interesting question. Some people meet each other and know within seconds that their lives have changed for ever. Others take years. Personally I consider 5 months long term and would be ready to make commitments or walk away from a relationship by that time.

[jackr]

Maybe she is a good girl and is buckling under the intense pressure from mother losing face from other villagers because her daughter is living in sin with one of those "rich farangs", or maybe she is a money grabber first and foremost. Is she worth the effort? I suspect you already know the answer? You're not married and don't have kids, the world is your oyster.

[MikeRay]

What I can´t understand is why people fix capital in rural areas ?

I´m quite sure that if you´d build a house in your gf homevillage you´d lost less than by now.How will your life be in KK city after you split up with her.It will be very difficult to you after all the gossip and splitting with a Thailady as a farang can be a very bad experience.She´ll seek for revenge because then she totally lost face.Staying with a farang without making a fortune of it for her and the family will place her in a bad light.

And I can´t imagine that there´s a big market for farang homes in KK city.Will you then still want to stay there ?

[JacknDanny]

Its because you are a Bluenose!!!

She is thinking how can I trust a man who obviously knows so little about football and supports a shitty team like Birmingham!!!!

I suggest that you change your allegiance to the REAL blues (MCFC) and you might find a change in her attitude

[SnakeBite]

Very sound advice from BOO and Tukey, me, I would say "Run Forest Run"

[ozzydom]

It certainly doesn't sound like you are planning a long-term partnership with this girl and she, and her family/neighbours, seem to realise this.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

does anybody plan long term after 5 months with their TGF?

Many might but at 5 months in i am still getting to know her due to the language barrier.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sounds like you have made up your mind re this relationship , She is living in relative luxury and with 10k per month at her personal disposal she should be looking after her family at the village quiet nicely,which would make her and her family a point of envy . If you intend to persivere with the relationship, try a different tack and buy her parents a nice cow as a gift to them, that will put you way up there in the popularity stakes and cut the feet from under her argument.

If she is still demanding piss her off K K is full of ladies waiting to move in and keep your back warm.

[LoveDaBlues]

Buy her a nice 2 baht (weight, not price ) gold chain and she can wear it around the village to impress them.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

her and her mother have been there and done that.

I paid...mind you it was her 23rd birthday!

two weeks layer she sold it so she could change her mobile.

no sentimental value attached to things here is there???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

She sold a personal item given by you for her birthday. She might as well have squatted and taken a dump on yer head. Find someone who appreciates you.

[geronimo]

During a "heated discussion" with my TG the other day she announced that "everybody in her village" thinks she is stupid to stay with me because she has "nothing in her name".

Bit of background info here: meet girl in restraunt in Samui whilst on Holiday.

To cut a long story short i was bored rigid in England so i sold my house, car, tv etc etc and came to Thailand, bought a house ( deeds with thai company), car (my name) , motorcy ( my name) got a job.

Been here 5 months now and lady has lived with me all the time.

It has become more and more apparent that she is not happy but will not discuss what is bothering her. This situation has been going on for a couple of months.

During previously mentioned argument she asks me "why do i stay you?"

i reply: hopefully because you love me!

she says: you dont love me!

I say: i came half way round the world and gave you a life of luxury! (I dont cover her in money, she needs nothing but i dont pander to everthing she "wants")

she says: everything name you!

I say : Yes thats right because everything was bought with my money.

she says: everybody in my village laugh at me because they think i have farang with no money.

At that point of the discussion i went out for a ride on the moped to reflect on what i was hearing. (having spent more than 3 million baht on making a new life here i could hardly believe what i was hearing.)

When i returned after half an hour, pleasantries returned and nothing more was really said.

I dont really know what to do. part of me wants her to get her out of the house as I just feel like i am being used.

Part of me wants to find a way to fix the problem because it wont go away.

Part of me wants to know why the people in her village have expectations of "farangs" coming here and giving away millions of baht? And why I am "no good" because i did not.

Putting my assets in her name are not an option.

I dont really know what to do!

What would you guys say or do???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well .... leave it as it is and if she won't accept it, then you're better off without her!

[TRIPxCORE]

She might as well have squatted and taken a dump on yer head. 

This is one of the all-time greatest quotes I have ever heard. I am literally laughing my a** off! Touche' Bluesman!

[chownah]

I have no idea if she is trying to scam you or if she is truly just insecure for herself and/or her family....It does seem, however, that she likes conspicuous consumption....she can't hold onto the gold you gave her because her desire to buy some flash gadget is more important to her...for the Thai's in my village gold means security...the fact that she is not sentimental about the gold does not bother me because my experience is that gold represents security first and sentimentality second....but she has voted for flash instead of security. I think that what this means is that regardless of her sincerity you have a girl friend who is a conspicuous consumer and if you should stay with her you must accept the fact that this is whay you've got. To me this would be unacceptable but to many it is what they want....decide for yourself.

[Tornado]

5 months is nothing, she sounds like she is there for status and money. Time to leave mate.. good luck.

I agree with Boo's reply.

[Nickerelastic]

I haven't read all replies however give her a small personal allowance, don't treat her like a domestic servant.

Trust your gut instinct

edit 5 months is nothing as far as relationships go.

Edited August 21, 2005 by Nickerelastic

[think_too_mut]

Her parents sleep on the floor in a corrugated iron shack. for sure she lives in luxury. so why does she have a long face on her??????

Am i wrong in thinking that she is just an ungrateful bas+ard???

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sorry, I can't imagine any girl in the world who would turn her head from the fact that her parents sleep in a shack while she enjoys "luxuries". She would not feel lucky, just depressed she (through you) can not do anything for them.

By the villagers she is most likely seen as your squeeze toy who disappears through the door of "luxury" to be f**** and never brings anything out.

If you were in BKK I would expect her to leave or manipulate you and go for a new hunt. Now, that you are in the village, it's hard for her but IMO demands won't stop until you shelled out some money or build a house for her parents.

Leaving her while anchored in her village and bringing in an another woman is a dangerous step towards grave troubles. In that case, you better sell and go elsewhere.

[jackr]

I haven't read all replies however give her a small personal allowance, don't treat her like a domestic servant.

Trust your gut instinct

edit 5 months is nothing as far as relationships go.

Suggest you go read the replies...he has!

[Neeranam]

If you plan on having a relationship with someone from another culture the first step is to learn the language and culture THEN you will have the tools to start searching for that special woman whose personality will match yours. Good luck!

Hear hear.

Lots of good advice here.

Doesn't sound like a good foundation to start a life together.

Keep it as it is for a year or two and look out for the signs that she is either after a quick buck(or a couple of million baht) or she actually maybe does like you.

In the end, you must be comfortable sharing what you have with your life partner.

Many guys I know have not been and buckled under pressure, bought a house and car in their TG's name. It all ends in tears.

[Nickerelastic]

Who has?

[jackr]

Who has?

he has...

[cloudtiger]

You're here because you don't like it at home. You like TG because you prefer them over farang ladies. So, why is it a big shock that you might have to play by the local rules as well?

Loong is right. You can't have it both ways.

It's sad, but it's a fact. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you'll be happy.

I personally know of 6 TG who went with farrangs out of love and nothing else. Yes, they all got a few thousand bhat stipends per month from their boyfriends, but nothing more. A few years down the line, five of these girls have nothing to show for living with their farrang boyfriends except stories of their farrangs being butterflies and falling-down-drunk-off-their-asses every night of the week. Now, they're older. All the Thais think they're used material, and darn stupid for sleeping for a farrang for free. Even most of the farrangs don't want them for various reasons. Besides, most of these girls are so changed by being with farrangs that they can't be with Thai guys anymore. So what? They're basically washed up after a relationship with a farrang. It's a one way ticket to work in the farrang beerbars, discos, and massages.

Five months is not a long term relationship, but I think she wants to know there might be more later on. You can tell her if she stays with your for a year, she'll get a buffalo; year and a half, she gets some land to put the buffalo on; three years, and she gets a little house for the parents; four year, a marriage. And so on.

Think of it this way: Since you love this girl, would you want to see her, after the relationship ended (god forbid), working in a bar and having to sleep with any disgusting bloke with a few bhat in his pocket? That's what she'll likely end up doing since everyone will be telling her, she's used material, cheap, and stupid. And, you clearly know, that after a "life of luxury" would any girl be happy going back to her 4000bhat/mo restaurant job?

Best of luck to you, mate.

[LivinLOS]

Started reading this thread and was going to be giving advice along the lines of her defense (eg little security for her, the ability and commonplace changing to new GF's that she may have already seen, the desire to get some kind of real commitment in her eyes from you) but the more I read the more she sounds like a gold digger..

Selling the gold.. Complaining of what she doesnt have so early on, expecting after 5 months to be getting more out of you than she is.. etc etc etc..

Ditch the b1tch..