Nothing In My Name!

[Thaipwriter]

Falang = rich = handout = face

Falang = not rich = prudent = happy

Face is everything in Thailand.

When it is used to extort cash from falangs it is just emotional blackmail.

you would not entertain it in Farangland so why do it here??

[barryofthailand]

Here we go again

Thaipwriter,

you are going to get the ususal advice after a post like this - She's only after your money, kick her out etc. etc.

Now, we only know what you have told us.

We have no idea how old you two are or if she gave up working to be with you.

Do you both look at this as a lifelong relationship?

Look at this from her point of view. At the moment, she has nothing. If you stay together for 10 years and you decide to trade her in for a younger model, you will leave her with nothing. In ten years time, she will be older and it may not be too easy for her. She may well be thinking of the future and wants some security. The points made by Kayo re image will also come into play.

If you are serious about this relationship, then I suggest that you start thinking the same as you would if you were part of a couple in your own country.

If you have an income (pension, investments), then put by a % every month to buy a piece of land in her name. Maybe open a bank account in her name and save it there. It doesn't have to be a large sum of money, just what you can afford. If she is not happy with this then obviously listen to the alarm bells. If you are not happy to do this, then maybe you are not ready to commit to the relationship.

What ever you do, do NOT sign over what is already in your name. That is asking for trouble.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Absotutely correct. When a thai person reaches the age of 40 it is very difficult for them to get work. You need to have a conversation with her and find out what she wants out of this relationship. You also need to ask yourself what you want out of this relationship. I've been married for three years, i've adopted my wifes son, and yes everything is in my wifes name including the telephones. Thier is a thing in Thailand about (How much does he give you every month). Even some of the banks speak like this. When we first were married i opened a bank account with Krunk Thai and wanted a joint account. They said OK but a joint account does not come with an ATM card. They told my wife ( in thai of course) why don't you just ask him how much he wants to give you each month and open a seperate account.

One of my wifes friends asked her (" How much does he give you each month to put in the bank") My wife replied nothing. Her girl friend said I don't believe you.

If the lady your with truly loves you, she will not ask you for money. My wife does not listen to people in the villages. She is her own person.

Barry

My wife replied

[SiamOne]

thank you for your deeply fascinating insights into Thai mentality.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

please read the link i posted, then please come back here and discuss

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes, I have read that stuff before. It is by a man who thinks he knows everything. He has many preconceptions, and he justifies them by quoting subjective experiences. It is entertaining, and amusing even, but not worth taking seriously.

His best experiences are with so many girls that he did not marry, always a good point to start. Think back to any g/fs you have had, and maybe your experiences would not be all positive, for whatever reason. I am sure you could make western women out to be money grabbing nasty bitches, if you wanted to.

This bit

She must be willing to tell in Thai, the proper way. On another occasion she expressed this love using the phrase (nickname, rak khun); well those of you who know Thai understand that this is a ridiculous way of espousing one's love for someone. The Thai language has a very succinct way of stating someone’s true love for someone they consider as a spouse, ‘chan rak ther’; NOT (nickname or chan) rak khun, and for someone who is relatively competent in Thai (taken university exams and regularly done simultaneous Thai-English-Thai interpretation as part of my job), her ridiculous expression was an insult.

is nonsense, as even starter students of Thai will know. A g/f or wife will call her partner khun, not ther

ther is a familiar useage, only for someone your own age and "rank"

khun is for an older person, including husband, and implies respect and will be used even if the woman and man are the best of friends.

so, as in the rest of his diatribe, he is talking nonsense.

You are basing your ideas on this guy...try thinking for yourself and stop quoting errant nonsense at me

[Thaipwriter]

thank you for your deeply fascinating insights into Thai mentality.

please read the link i posted, then please come back here and discuss

Yes, I have read that stuff before. It is by a man who thinks he knows everything. He has many preconceptions, and he justifies them by quoting subjective experiences. It is entertaining, and amusing even, but not worth taking seriously.

His best experiences are with so many girls that he did not marry, always a good point to start. Think back to any g/fs you have had, and maybe your experiences would not be all positive, for whatever reason. I am sure you could make western women out to be money grabbing nasty bitches, if you wanted to.

This bit

She must be willing to tell in Thai, the proper way. On another occasion she expressed this love using the phrase (nickname, rak khun); well those of you who know Thai understand that this is a ridiculous way of espousing one's love for someone. The Thai language has a very succinct way of stating someone’s true love for someone they consider as a spouse, ‘chan rak ther’; NOT (nickname or chan) rak khun, and for someone who is relatively competent in Thai (taken university exams and regularly done simultaneous Thai-English-Thai interpretation as part of my job), her ridiculous expression was an insult.

is nonsense, as even starter students of Thai will know. A g/f or wife will call her partner khun, not ther

ther is a familiar useage, only for someone your own age and "rank"

khun is for an older person, including husband, and implies respect and will be used even if the woman and man are the best of friends.

so, as in the rest of his diatribe, he is talking nonsense.

You are basing your ideas on this guy...try thinking for yourself and stop quoting errant nonsense at me

This guy has many years of experience of living in Thailand and living with Thai's.

He speaks fluent Thai.

I think that qualifies his him to offer an opinion.

Many of the points he makes are vaild, they are valid in my relationship and they are valid in other relationships i observe.

For you to totally dismiss everything he says come's as no surprise to me. It demonstrates perfectly what he is trying to describe in his post about Thai mentality.

The paragraph you have quoted is poop, i agree with you there but generally, when your in a relationship you look to your partner and you ask yourself if she has the qualities to go the distance. The qualities that farangs look for and expect to find are not always present in Thai ladies due to cultural differences. Most men will be too blind in love for the fact these qualities are missing to make any difference.

This guy is different in the fact that he is analysing TOO MUCH. by doing that he gives the rest of us who are in a similar situation a great insight into potential problem areas.

I thinks its a great peice of writing, you do not.

ma bpen rai

[SiamOne]

he may be able to speak fluent Thai, but my example shows he does not understand it in any depth

as you say, never mind, and I hope you don't rely on other peoples ideas too much in your life

[a2396]

thank you for your deeply fascinating insights into Thai mentality.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

please read the link i posted, then please come back here and discuss

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes, I have read that stuff before. It is by a man who thinks he knows everything. He has many preconceptions, and he justifies them by quoting subjective experiences. It is entertaining, and amusing even, but not worth taking seriously.

His best experiences are with so many girls that he did not marry, always a good point to start. Think back to any g/fs you have had, and maybe your experiences would not be all positive, for whatever reason. I am sure you could make western women out to be money grabbing nasty bitches, if you wanted to.

This bit

She must be willing to tell in Thai, the proper way. On another occasion she expressed this love using the phrase (nickname, rak khun); well those of you who know Thai understand that this is a ridiculous way of espousing one's love for someone. The Thai language has a very succinct way of stating someone’s true love for someone they consider as a spouse, ‘chan rak ther’; NOT (nickname or chan) rak khun, and for someone who is relatively competent in Thai (taken university exams and regularly done simultaneous Thai-English-Thai interpretation as part of my job), her ridiculous expression was an insult.

is nonsense, as even starter students of Thai will know. A g/f or wife will call her partner khun, not ther

ther is a familiar useage, only for someone your own age and "rank"

khun is for an older person, including husband, and implies respect and will be used even if the woman and man are the best of friends.

so, as in the rest of his diatribe, he is talking nonsense.

You are basing your ideas on this guy...try thinking for yourself and stop quoting errant nonsense at me

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

This guy has many years of experience of living in Thailand and living with Thai's.

He speaks fluent Thai.

I think that qualifies his him to offer an opinion.

Many of the points he makes are vaild, they are valid in my relationship and they are valid in other relationships i observe.

For you to totally dismiss everything he says come's as no surprise to me. It demonstrates perfectly what he is trying to describe in his post about Thai mentality.

The paragraph you have quoted is poop, i agree with you there but generally, when your in a relationship you look to your partner and you ask yourself if she has the qualities to go the distance. The qualities that farangs look for and expect to find are not always present in Thai ladies due to cultural differences. Most men will be too blind in love for the fact these qualities are missing to make any difference.

This guy is different in the fact that he is analysing TOO MUCH. by doing that he gives the rest of us who are in a similar situation a great insight into potential problem areas.

I thinks its a great peice of writing, you do not.

ma bpen rai

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My lovely has NEVER tole me she loves me TO MY FACE. Phone yes, in person never a hint. Any comments??

[a2396]

The villagers are daft, they only see the world from a very narrow angle.

I've read the entire thread here, and in my opinion you don't have the slightest chance of establishing a lasting relationship with a Thai. You appear to have almost no appreciation or understanding of Thai culture, or their education and living standards. No surprise - you simply haven't been in Thailand long enough.

Compromise is needed over and over again, more than in relationships within your own culture. Even in Europe, different nationalities think in entirely different ways. Try going from Germany to France or Italy, and you go from order to chaos. Go from the first world into an emerging nation and that is multiplied a hundred-fold.

Many Thais are poor, or are one generation from real hardship (living in a shack and wondering where the next meal is coming from. That is a serious problem which I would guess you've never experienced. Or not being able to afford medicines if you are sick.) Of course they are looking for security.

Many also have poor education or social values (by western standards) and have what we would consider childish and immature fascination with material things. Having good face is just what we would call showing off.

BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT IS. If you can't adapt to it, go home. Don't try and instill your western values on Thai people. Anyone on this forum will tell you that you'll never succeed, and it is not your place to do it anyway. You're a guest here, and living in Thailand for what you can get out of it. Who is exploiting who?

If your relationship is failing with your present girl then I'd guess from reading through this that there are faults on both sides. But the biggest fault lays with you in not showing enough understanding and compromise to the way things are done here.

If you don't like it, then leave. And do read Private Dancer and My Name Lon, You Like Me, as a previous poster suggested.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Compromise is to hand over all your assets to them - no questions asked? This may be implied to be "Thai Culture" by some. To me it is just plain greed. From my few months living in Thailand, it is clear all Thais do not behave or think like this. The greedy are those who have no respect for "Farangs" and see them as "easy pickins".

[SiamOne]

My lovely has NEVER tole me she loves me TO MY FACE. Phone yes, in person never a hint. Any comments??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Are you very ugly, or did she have the wrong number?

[a2396]

My lovely has NEVER tole me she loves me TO MY FACE. Phone yes, in person never a hint. Any comments??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Are you very ugly, or did she have the wrong number?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not ugly, not wrong number. Many times SMS and spoken by phone. In person, never. It is one of her many odd behaviors, which when questioned she would reply "she is Thai woman".

[NextStationBangkok]

Your money is your money so no need to put anything in her name if you don't want to.

My suggestion would be to set her up with a small business and then see if she can make a profit and earn something herself instead of waiting for hand-outs from you.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I lived in an appartment house where an Irish guy stayed with his Thai girl friend and doing teaching job. Also invested a lot of money to set up a Cocktail shop for his girl friend, and helped selling preparing afer comeback from work. Both of them had personal conflicts and problems later.So he decided to go back to Irland for a while and come back to live here peacefully.Immediately after he left she closed down the Cocktail shop and went f**king every farang in the same appartment for money.If a girl really wants to live with farang honestly, she don't need money because her boy friend take care everything, you just take care boy friend nicely. Again cases depends on person to person. Dont make a stupid mistake by transfering your properties to your GF, it might be gambled off.