Girlfriend Doesn'T Ask For Money

[sambai]

I'm writing this partly because I have read the story of the other poster who's lent a sum of money to his wife's family to start a business, and the money has been blown. Partly also, I'm asking for a bit of advice, and the reason I'm asking for advice is because my girlfriend and her parents won't seem to ask me for financial help. However I'm not sure about her older siblings and what might happen in the future, especially if we marry.

Should I be harsh and always expect the girl to pay for her parents?

Edited December 30, 2010 by sambai

[Beetlejuice]

So you met her on the Internet and had a partial relationship with this girl for only a few months, yet you have already made your mind up that you want to marry her.

My questions are:

Why can`t you wait until you get to know this girl, her family and friends better before deciding that she is marriage material?

Is there a big age gap between you both?

Are the feelings between you and this girl mutual? If so, what is it that she sees in you?

The questions that you ask cannot be answered. Your own common sense and basic instincts about this person should give you some clues.

And as you are unsure of this girl`s true intentions and motives for being your part time girlfriend and weekend partner I would wait until nature takes it`s course and you are sure that you are making the right decisions.

It`s all down to you, it`s your money and feelings that are at stake, not ours.

Edited December 30, 2010 by Beetlejuice

[sunholidaysun1]

Not every girl in Thailand expects you to pay.

[nocturn]

why not put all the white noise and nonsense about culture and the thai way out of your head and deal with this question the same way you would do it at home, be it a lover or a friend who came begging?

the people here on tv have neither the information, sense nor inclination to help you.

decide for yourself, unless your goal is to see your own indecision immortalized on the internet.

[glomp]

Some people wait? unless she is employed you know it will come.

[XXpate48USA]

why not put all the white noise and nonsense about culture and the thai way out of your head and deal with this question the same way you would do it at home, be it a lover or a friend who came begging?

the people here on tv have neither the information, sense nor inclination to help you.

decide for yourself, unless your goal is to see your own indecision immortalized on the internet.

Are you speaking for all of us? ...I have the inclination to try and help anyone needing a little advice IF I can help, as there are many seeking advice on this "tv". Some DO have the information depending on what it is a person is asking. This is a forum for people seeking information "mostly" and most, if not all are trying to learn something. I don't think he is worried about you immortalizing him. I think he is asking a legitimate question and not looking for quips. I don't believe that it is all nonsense about thai culture and thai way, as this forum is about just that!...

so give the guy a break! or get some real experience yourself. Everyone is not in tune with everything!. walk a mile in his shoes, then you can understand why and what he is asking. You are right about some not having the sense! To speak for others, is one example.

You can't put one country in place of another and say do exactly what you would do there although the theory would be good if it were true, and wish it was so.:jap:

[XXpate48USA]

Hey if your partners in life, it all comes out of the same pot! Do what you feel (together) It comes from both of you no matter what purse or wallet it comes out of. Unless you've made other arrangments! Most couples or married people share everything so it really doesn't matter which account it comes out of(if it's a real relationship) Be generous and it'll come back to you one way or another.:jap:...It can't hurt to help anyone that needs help at least a little!...mai pen rai

[GuestHouse]

Girlfriend Doesn'T Ask For Money

I'm trying to think, where else would this warrant a post on an internet forum?

[travelmann]

I married one of these not wanting money types 5 years ago, she still hasnt asked for any, ill give her another 20 years and get back to you.

[pjclark1]

Learn how to say 'No' and mean it ........ dead easy.

[XXpate48USA]

Learn how to say 'No' and mean it ........ dead easy.

You surely have more guts than me! One of the words that ordinarily a man does not say to a thai wife is "NO"

But,you're absolutely right!! But after the "No" comes the attitude from hell!!...oh heck, they're all different. I just know Some, mine, and a few others but that word does not seem to be a favorite of most Thai ladys and if you have found a way to say that without a problem then you definetly have my respect!... I have to hand it to you!!! I need some lessons I think...

I wonder how tonight will be after I say that.........Will let you know after the hearing is back to normal and the bruises heel....kawp khun klup maak maak

[Beetlejuice]

Hey if your partners in life, it all comes out of the same pot! Do what you feel (together) It comes from both of you no matter what purse or wallet it comes out of. Unless you've made other arrangments! Most couples or married people share everything so it really doesn't matter which account it comes out of(if it's a real relationship) Be generous and it'll come back to you one way or another.:jap:...It can't hurt to help anyone that needs help at least a little!...mai pen rai

What do you mean; Do what you feel (together)? That`s a bit personal isn`t it. I haven`t had a good feel since 2001.

And I disagree that married couples share everything. It`s usually a give and take relationship, we give and they take.

Yes and be generous it'll come back to you one way or another. - Normally in the form of a bank letter saying your account is overdrawn.

It can't hurt to help anyone that needs help at least a little!...mai pen rai - Wanna bet?

From experience some of these girls that do not ask directly for money like to play the damsel in distress. I work vely long hour, vely hard and little money, my parent's vely sick and no money, my life no good, me so sad and my child stay with grandmother in shed, sleep in barn with buffalo and only have cold dog turd for eat. My husband was drink alcohol and beat me every day, or my husband have motorbike accident, he take 2 week to die.

Then the guy feels obliged to be the knight in shining armor and come to the rescue which can only be resolved with money. Many of these girls are professionals at playing the emotional game with the gullible farang, I`ve seen this all before.

One tip to remember is that if the girl and her family have problems that can only be sorted with money, then call it a day and say; next.

Perhaps I should write a guide, maybe title it, the Ex-pats guide to courtship in Thailand? The DOs and the DONTs and the signs that you are being taken for a ride.

The answer is that if you are willing to gamble everything you have worked for and your future happiness on a cute smile, some hanky panky and a few hard luck stories, then go ahead and jump in at the deep end.

Or otherwise you can use a bit of common and wait until you are at least 90% certain of the person`s sincerity.

Edited December 31, 2010 by Beetlejuice

[Gippy]

I married one of these not wanting money types 5 years ago, she still hasnt asked for any, ill give her another 20 years and get back to you.

Me too, 4 years tomorrow. Maybe they are playing the really long game?

[canuckamuck]

My wife doesn't need to ask for money because she can freely have whatever she wants, if we can afford it. She spends a fraction of what I do and she keeps my spending down because she is careful with money.

[nam-thip]

In 14 years of living in Thailand i'm still waiting for the first farang friend or acquaintance that tells me his lady isn’t after his money or is happy to go to work and contribute to paying the incoming bills.

It’s a fact that unless you buy them a business which many idiots do (mostly bars) 99% per cent of our tilacs wouldn’t bring shame on themselves with having to work for a living and put some money into the bill paying pot.

Are there any exceptions to that?

Let’s say i’ve yet to meet one.

My lady once helped me in my Guesthouse business in Phuket and her friends asked her why she was working when she has a rich farang, where all her gold was and how much was I paying her every month.

[isanbirder]

In 14 years of living in Thailand i'm still waiting for the first farang friend or acquaintance that tells me his lady isn't after his money or is happy to go to work and contribute to paying the incoming bills.

It's a fact that unless you buy them a business which many idiots do (mostly bars) 99% per cent of our tilacs wouldn't bring shame on themselves with having to work for a living and put some money into the bill paying pot.

Are there any exceptions to that?

Let's say i've yet to meet one.

My lady once helped me in my Guesthouse business in Phuket and her friends asked her why she was working when she has a rich farang, where all her gold was and how much was I paying her every month.

Sheer bunkum, Nam-Thip! What kind of people do you know?

I have met many farangs with Thai wives who work, and contribute to the family budget, and who have never asked for anything.

My own case, since you're bound to ask this, is slightly different. I'm retired, and have a much younger gay partner. He is the one who works (as a farmer, which is his choice), pays the bills etc. I helped educate him, and set him up in the first place, but he's taken over from there. His family don't ask for money either.

Edited December 31, 2010 by isanbirder

[neverdie]

Girlfriend Doesn'T Ask For Money

I'm trying to think, where else would this warrant a post on an internet forum?

[saintofsilence]

So many people think that all thai ladies only want farangs money

If a man is prepared to put in the time and avoid bar areas and low income earners who have demanding families that require money he will find ladies who have good jobs and support themselves well and don't ever ask for money.

If you find one of these ladies and stay faithful to her the chances of having a long relationship without being ripped off are good.

Edited December 31, 2010 by saintofsilence

[Gippy]

So many people think that all thai ladies only want farangs money

If a man is prepared to put in the time and avoid bar areas and low income earners who have demanding families that require money he will find ladies who have good jobs and support themselves well and don't ever ask for money.

If you find one of these ladies and stay faithful to her the chances of having a long relationship without being ripped off are good.

Quite right. I helped my wife improve her business and she now pays for all our bills, I'm a house husband! The in-laws work their modest rubber plantation and help us with money if we need it. There are exceptions to the money grabbing Thai wife if you choose carefully.

[XXpate48USA]

Hey if your partners in life, it all comes out of the same pot! Do what you feel (together) It comes from both of you no matter what purse or wallet it comes out of. Unless you've made other arrangments! Most couples or married people share everything so it really doesn't matter which account it comes out of(if it's a real relationship) Be generous and it'll come back to you one way or another.:jap:...It can't hurt to help anyone that needs help at least a little!...mai pen rai

What do you mean; Do what you feel (together)? That`s a bit personal isn`t it. I haven`t had a good feel since 2001.

And I disagree that married couples share everything. It`s usually a give and take relationship, we give and they take.

Yes and be generous it'll come back to you one way or another. - Normally in the form of a bank letter saying your account is overdrawn.

It can't hurt to help anyone that needs help at least a little!...mai pen rai - Wanna bet?

From experience some of these girls that do not ask directly for money like to play the damsel in distress. I work vely long hour, vely hard and little money, my parent's vely sick and no money, my life no good, me so sad and my child stay with grandmother in shed, sleep in barn with buffalo and only have cold dog turd for eat. My husband was drink alcohol and beat me every day, or my husband have motorbike accident, he take 2 week to die.

Then the guy feels obliged to be the knight in shining armor and come to the rescue which can only be resolved with money. Many of these girls are professionals at playing the emotional game with the gullible farang, I`ve seen this all before.

One tip to remember is that if the girl and her family have problems that can only be sorted with money, then call it a day and say; next.

Perhaps I should write a guide, maybe title it, the Ex-pats guide to courtship in Thailand? The DOs and the DONTs and the signs that you are being taken for a ride.

The answer is that if you are willing to gamble everything you have worked for and your future happiness on a cute smile, some hanky panky and a few hard luck stories, then go ahead and jump in at the deep end.

Or otherwise you can use a bit of common and wait until you are at least 90% certain of the person`s sincerity.

I can't agree with you more!!!!!!!!..I was actually refering to a "normal marriage" which I don't believe exists between a falang and thai wife. Trust me!! I have heard it all myself and been hornswaggled more times than I would like to say....yessssss....it is all bull and if you read some of my other posts, you'll see that I am totally with YOU on that lying bull we get all the time. My wife is a professinal and I do know all the storys. I fell for them Hook line and most of the sinker (at first)but never enough to really believe most of it. I feel the exact same as you, my friend!!!...why do you think my handle is XXpate......I got the hell out of the crap and lies and bribes after half a year but sure got a lesson that was very disapointing in that culture. There seems to be no morality nor honesty in the whole of it all from the government down to the rice farmer. You are a frikin ATM ..that's it.....

I actually mean't adivce to a normal friend/love marriage or relationship. Not to give everything away. I am just happy I didn't buy a house or condo or land. I did buy many things for the POOR family though while they all snickered behind my back at the stupid falang....sure, I know exactly what you mean.....I suppose I was reffering to what I thought was a normal relationship(normally) In other words, be kind and helpful and it will come back to you. But never lose everything.... Not in Thailand, ....never help more than you have to because you won't be repected and only try again for more....I got the lesson you got too!.......keep up the good work letting other FOB's know as I do too...If i could only say what I really would like to.....ahhhh

[apetley]

In 14 years of living in Thailand i'm still waiting for the first farang friend or acquaintance that tells me his lady isn’t after his money or is happy to go to work and contribute to paying the incoming bills.

It’s a fact that unless you buy them a business which many idiots do (mostly bars) 99% per cent of our tilacs wouldn’t bring shame on themselves with having to work for a living and put some money into the bill paying pot.

Are there any exceptions to that?

Let’s say i’ve yet to meet one.

My lady once helped me in my Guesthouse business in Phuket and her friends asked her why she was working when she has a rich farang, where all her gold was and how much was I paying her every month.

I'd say that you had the wrong sort of friends but that's your choice.

My experience of Thai women is very different to yours.

Here's one farang who's wife works very hard, has never asked for a satang from me and paid for all the furniture in our house with her own money.

[DP25]

Girlfriend Doesn'T Ask For Money

I'm trying to think, where else would this warrant a post on an internet forum?

I've always wondered if somewhere on the internet there is a forum for Japanese men married to white chicks living in American trailer parks, dealing with the daily adventures of the scamming parents, meth head siblings, and drunken thieving neighbors.

[Loz]

they learn how to close you to a yes. its your business to learn to counter their close. its just business. but if you confuse business with romance, you'll lose any power you ever thought you had.

[chuang]

.I was actually refering to a "normal marriage" which I don't believe exists between a falang and thai wife. Trust me!!

I felt sorry for all those farangs out there who are married to thai women....

[canuckamuck]

Girlfriend Doesn'T Ask For Money

I'm trying to think, where else would this warrant a post on an internet forum?

I've always wondered if somewhere on the internet there is a forum for Japanese men married to white chicks living in American trailer parks, dealing with the daily adventures of the scamming parents, meth head siblings, and drunken thieving neighbors.

That would be a great sitcom.

Come to think of it, the life most expats live here would be good material too.

[nocturn]

Learn how to say 'No' and mean it ........ dead easy.

You surely have more guts than me! One of the words that ordinarily a man does not say to a thai wife is "NO"

But,you're absolutely right!! But after the "No" comes the attitude from hell!!...oh heck, they're all different. I just know Some, mine, and a few others but that word does not seem to be a favorite of most Thai ladys and if you have found a way to say that without a problem then you definetly have my respect!... I have to hand it to you!!! I need some lessons I think...

I wonder how tonight will be after I say that.........Will let you know after the hearing is back to normal and the bruises heel....kawp khun klup maak maak

re: my earlier post and your reply: you may have the inclination to help, but you certainly don't have the sense.

you come off as something of a doormat, but thanks for your contribution.

May i suggest to the op again that he trust his own judgement.

[DougLee]

In 14 years of living in Thailand i'm still waiting for the first farang friend or acquaintance that tells me his lady isn't after his money or is happy to go to work and contribute to paying the incoming bills.

It's a fact that unless you buy them a business which many idiots do (mostly bars) 99% per cent of our tilacs wouldn't bring shame on themselves with having to work for a living and put some money into the bill paying pot.

Are there any exceptions to that?

Let's say i've yet to meet one.

My lady once helped me in my Guesthouse business in Phuket and her friends asked her why she was working when she has a rich farang, where all her gold was and how much was I paying her every month.

my gf makes from 40-100k baht a month and is now paying our mortgage instead of me. and works 12-14hrs a day many days out of the week.

my only real friend in thailand has a lawyer for a gf and she makes 10times his salary, his ex was an international engineer, she made 3 times his salary

Ive seen a lot more of these cases, i just dont know them enough to post accurate infos

The fact that the guy i quoted used 'tilac' means he's a monger, so maybe i should of not answered him.

Edited December 31, 2010 by DougLee

[transam]

In 14 years of living in Thailand i'm still waiting for the first farang friend or acquaintance that tells me his lady isn't after his money or is happy to go to work and contribute to paying the incoming bills.

It's a fact that unless you buy them a business which many idiots do (mostly bars) 99% per cent of our tilacs wouldn't bring shame on themselves with having to work for a living and put some money into the bill paying pot.

Are there any exceptions to that?

Let's say i've yet to meet one.

My lady once helped me in my Guesthouse business in Phuket and her friends asked her why she was working when she has a rich farang, where all her gold was and how much was I paying her every month.

my gf makes from 40-100k baht a month and is now paying our mortgage instead of me. and works 12-14hrs a day many days out of the week.

my only real friend in thailand has a lawyer for a gf and she makes 10times his salary, his ex was an international engineer, she made 3 times his salary

Ive seen a lot more of these cases, i just dont know them enough to post accurate infos

The fact that the guy i quoted used 'tilac' means he's a monger, so maybe i should of not answered him.

Think l better go and hang myself, good bye all.

[pjclark1]

The fact that the guy i quoted used 'tilac' means he's a monger, so maybe i should of not answered him.

Not actually true .... teerak is widely used in the general population.

Anyway, when you go to the pet shop the ugly mutt always costs less than the pretty little pedigree.

Nobody is really surprised by that.

Edited December 31, 2010 by pjclark1

[Moonrakers]

The fact that the guy i quoted used 'tilac' means he's a monger, so maybe i should of not answered him.

Not actually true .... teerak is widely used in the general population.

Anyway, when you go to the pet shop the ugly mutt always costs less than the pretty little pedigree.

Nobody is really surprised by that.

Not all of us buy our wives/girlfriends though. Pedigree or not.