Thai Wives

[DavieA]

Just wondering......for all those married to a Thai lady that you have taken back to your homeland either to live or long holiday, how did they cope? Did you have to come back? Did it end your relationship? What were the pros and cons?

I ask as I've got to start thinking seriously about my girl. After nearly 2 years, I can't see myself living in Thailand for more than 2 more years, but when I think about it realistically, I don't reckon my girl could cope or be happy in OZ. I can't bare the thought of going through both the expense and hassles of getting her in to the country, setting up a new life etc, for her to turn around and say "I want to go home!"

Edited August 26, 2005 by DavieA

[uncle paul]

Just wondering......for all those married to a Thai lady that you have taken back to your homeland either to live or long holiday, how did they cope?  Did you have to come back?  Did it end your relationship?  What were the pros and cons?

I ask as I've got to start thinking seriously about my girl.  After nearly 2 years, I can't see myself living in Thailand for more than 2 more years, but when I think about it realistically, I don't reckon my girl could cope or be happy in OZ.  I can't bare the thought of going through both the expense and hassles of getting her in to the country, setting up a new life etc, for her to turn around and say "I want to go home!"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

the most important thing is for the women to have access to thai food and thai friends. once they get thai friends wherever they are they seem to settle down easier.

[aletta]

Paul is spot on.The wife hated the UK until she met some Thai friends in the Chinese supermarket in Greenwich.After that no worries.

[meelousee]

Things that made a difference,

She is well educated this helped enormously, no language handicaps where she would feel lost all of time.

She had h&ll with the food, something’s were just not available or were the wrong type. Care packages from home made a difference. I know that in Perth there are some well stocked shops that have the basics.

Friends and her support group were not there. We did meet some Thais in Texas and that helped so they could play "Bamboo Telegraph" and talk shop.

The hard one, family as you know Thai ladies are very family-oriented, this is a difficult situation. The phone bill will be a big one. vacations help but don’t really replace being away, besides the economic considerations this just one of the reasons why we are in Thailand on a permanent basis.

The try and cope test would be a good idea, say a long vacation to let her get a feel of what can be. I think that trust and love make a difference and does help in the long run, as long as she does not become neurotic and withdrawn things have a way of working themselves out. So in a nutshell food, friends and family are the considerations you may need to focus on.

[SiamOne]

Paul is spot on.The wife hated the UK until she met some Thai friends in the Chinese supermarket in Greenwich.After that no worries.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

that is true...I was quite lonely in London, feeling homesick, but then met some Thai friends and everything changed for the better

When we go to another country, it becomes difficult again, but not so bad as that first time

as long as I can phone my friends occasionally, and haveThai food, all is well!

but....it also would depend on the girl herself

[rio666uk]

My Wife has been living in UK for 10 months now. She was shellshocked by the weather obviously but got over that fairly quickly. She has made many new thai friends, either from bumping into them at the thai supermarket or just out and about - they seem to attract eachother... before you know it I'm sat round someone elses house listening to her husbands story "how he met her etc" whilst theyre munching through som tam and nattering away.

She wanted to start working and sending some money back home - 2 of her friends live locally and were working in a local factory.... she had barely been here 2 months, she loves earning the money and I think its important that she has something to get up for in the morning - she can see the money thats coming in from her doing her bit and she loves the fact that shes helping financially... she tells me that she feels good and wouldnt want to be a kept lady - just as well really!

We spend a few quid on those international calling cards as she calls home every sunday for a good hour or so and speaks to half the village....

so to sum up:

as long as she has the means to make som tam...

someone to eat it with...

some thai friends to have a chat with...

and a "phone home" card

she's as a happy as a pig in sh*t

obviously we'd both be happier living in Thailand but.....

[SiamOne]

so to sum up:

as long as she has the means to make som tam...

someone to eat it with...

obviously we'd both be happier living in Thailand but.....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

she must be a Northern girl!!

[rio666uk]

so to sum up:

as long as she has the means to make som tam...

someone to eat it with...

obviously we'd both be happier living in Thailand but.....

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

she must be a Northern girl!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yep - Nongkhai... strangely enough so are all her friends, Udon, Surin, Khon Khaen & Nongkhai...

And sometimes we even eat at the table, but usually just sit on a straw mat on the floor - - she likes to keep it real!

[TRIPxCORE]

What is it with the fuc**in Som Tam? They would all just die without it and I think it tastes like cr*p!

[wamberal]

Just wondering......for all those married to a Thai lady that you have taken back to your homeland either to live or long holiday, how did they cope?  Did you have to come back?  Did it end your relationship?  What were the pros and cons?

I ask as I've got to start thinking seriously about my girl.  After nearly 2 years, I can't see myself living in Thailand for more than 2 more years, but when I think about it realistically, I don't reckon my girl could cope or be happy in OZ.  I can't bare the thought of going through both the expense and hassles of getting her in to the country, setting up a new life etc, for her to turn around and say "I want to go home!"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

How old is she? Is she a self-starter? In my experience, Thai wives settle in fine to Australia, provided that they have a bit of self-confidence to start with. Also, depending on your occupation, and whether you have kids or intend to have them, she needs to have something constructive to do with her time, apart from the obvious importance of making friends. Friends, incidentally, do not have to be Thai. My wife's best friends in Australia are all locals.

If your girl is a bit of a moper, not much self-esteem, a bit too reliant on you and/or her family and friends, she probably won't make it.

Do not assume, incidentally, that you just snap your fingers and get a visa for her. If you intend to try to get a visa for her, start soon.

You do owe it to her to try your best to make the relationship work, wherever you live.

[TheAceFace]

Once my son was 6 months old, I took both him and my wife back to sunny Manchester to see my family especially my grandfather. My wife was not keen at all, weather, food ect....... The biggest surprise she had was the way of life, her idea's was way off to what she actually seen. I think a lot of Thai women have big hopes for life away from Thailand only to have them dashed upon arrival, insaying that it was only for 2 weeks and the constant rain did'nt help. Given the fact that if I ever had to relocate back there she would be happy to come. I know many happy couples who have been living in the UK for a very long, although they do admit they miss Thailand and hope one day to return.

A big plus is having other Thai people around to help them adjust.

[mrbojangles]

so to sum up:

as long as she has the means to make som tam...

someone to eat it with...

some thai friends to have a chat with...

and a "phone home" card

she's as a happy as a pig in sh*t

obviously we'd both be happier living in Thailand but.....

Thanks for that Rio, my Mrs goes for her interview next month, so hopefully she'll be in the UK very soon. I think i've covered everything off all of that list, in advance to try to help her settle in as quick as poss. I go to the Thai Temple in Manchester for my Thai lessons. So i'll be taking her with me and she can meet the other Thai's. Manchester is a doddle for getting proper Thai ingrediants for food. As for phoning home, with all of these companies now only charging 1 pence or 2 pence a minute, to call Thailand, if it makes her happy she can stay on the phone all day at that price.

[Neeranam]

What is it with the fuc**in Som Tam? They would all just die without it and I think it tastes like cr*p!

It's the chilis man.

I have a theory that they are actually addicted to them.

My wife went into a kinda trance in Australia when we learned there were 2 Thai restaurants nearby. When we got there and the staff were from Isaan, they made up some somtum and my missus was like a heroin junkie who had just had a fix. She isn't even originally from Isaan. She is in denial saying that she can live without chilis, but I don't think she can without the help of Chilis Annonymous, and handing her will and her life over to a "higher power".

The weather was too cold, but strangely she found Scotland at xmas time ok because we stayed inside most of the time with the central heating on full steam.

We found some Thais working in a local shop and she spent about 1 hour there chatting to them.

After a few visits abroad, she loves the idea of moving there for good and earning the big bucks. She doesn't know yet that I will be staying here so it will be me that she is sending the cash home to maybe !

[DavieA]

Just wondering......for all those married to a Thai lady that you have taken back to your homeland either to live or long holiday, how did they cope?  Did you have to come back?  Did it end your relationship?  What were the pros and cons?

I ask as I've got to start thinking seriously about my girl.  After nearly 2 years, I can't see myself living in Thailand for more than 2 more years, but when I think about it realistically, I don't reckon my girl could cope or be happy in OZ.  I can't bare the thought of going through both the expense and hassles of getting her in to the country, setting up a new life etc, for her to turn around and say "I want to go home!"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

How old is she? Is she a self-starter? In my experience, Thai wives settle in fine to Australia, provided that they have a bit of self-confidence to start with. Also, depending on your occupation, and whether you have kids or intend to have them, she needs to have something constructive to do with her time, apart from the obvious importance of making friends. Friends, incidentally, do not have to be Thai. My wife's best friends in Australia are all locals.

If your girl is a bit of a moper, not much self-esteem, a bit too reliant on you and/or her family and friends, she probably won't make it.

Do not assume, incidentally, that you just snap your fingers and get a visa for her. If you intend to try to get a visa for her, start soon.

You do owe it to her to try your best to make the relationship work, wherever you live.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thanks very much to you all so far for the advice, I'm begining to get the picture. Keep em coming though folks!

Snapback, good advice too, and you touched on the very real reason I posted this thread. Apart from having a heart of gold, she is 80% all of the things you say are going to be the problems. Hence my concern for her and our relationship.

Quite shy, very family orientated, very little or no interest in seemingly anything other than me, and yes, a bit too heavily reliant upon me than I would like. Think I'll make it?

On the visa bit.....don't worry mate, I've done my masters degree in knowledge about what I need to go through to get her one, that's 50% of the reason I want to be sure to even begin to try. That's why I've given myself a 2 year window from now!

Edited August 26, 2005 by DavieA

[edd]

I go to the Thai Temple in Manchester for my Thai lessons.

OK so where is the Thai Temple in Manchester please.

I did`nt know we had one there.

[Missing My Tom Yam]

I think it depends largely on the personality of the Thai woman, as one poster above said, if she’s confident and outgoing then she’s far more likely to settle in to her new home and new ways of living.

Also the support given her by the husband/boyfriend is hugely important.

I’m not too sure about the meeting Thais bit. My wife settled into the UK very easily but did so without relying on other Thais. She did make efforts to meet other Thais but found she didn’t have much in common with the Thais she did meet, other than being Thai of course. She eventually became close friends with a Singaporean woman, who remains her closest friend in the UK.

I think there is a logic in this, how many people are there in your country? How many do you regard as friends? It follows that with a small community of people from home you are not likely to meet someone you really get on with.

I think another issue is family, if the husband/boyfriend has a close extended family then his Thai partner will fit into that very easily.

[mrbojangles]

I go to the Thai Temple in Manchester for my Thai lessons.

OK so where is the Thai Temple in Manchester please.

I did`nt know we had one there.

http://nw-meditation.tripod.com/

It doesn't only do Meditation though. Thai language classes are every saturday from 1:30 - 3:00pm. Closed for summer hols at the moment but start again on Sat 3rd Sept

Edit/ i can never get it right adding web links

Edited August 26, 2005 by mrbojangles

[Morden]

If you're in the UK, use this link to find the current 1ppm telephone connection to LOS:

http://www.niftylist.co.uk/country_211_mobile.html

The little lady will be able to 'phone friends and family as often as she likes and that makes a big difference. The 1p rate moves around between the listed numbers so you have to keep an eye on things.

As has already been said, the wat is a great place for Thais to meet. They make friends very quickly there. The same with Thai food shops.

[edd]

I know how a Thai wife must feel when they first go to a new country, when I go up to the village for any length of time I find that I long for FALANG contact just for the change of thought patterns.

I love being in our house and the family but boy do I miss a discussion on an abstract subject, Space, Time, Philosophy almost anything that does not relate to Rice or Buffalos.

It must be hard for them to be deprived of conversation with other Thais.

[Boo]

I found with my hubby that it was important to make the home as comfortable as possible, sky tv, broadband, well stock cupboards with thai food & 25kg bags of rice that never ever runs out, we bought a thai keyboard & thai language wimdows application in Bangkok so he can email friends. The cheap call numbers are great as he can call his mates in LOS or his mum whenever he wants & when we complete on the place we are buying, will get the thai television tranceiver, so he can watch a few programs. He has a few thai freinds here & made friends with some older singaporean women at the local college. A lot of thai people we have spoken to don't actually want to return full time to LOS, they like the benefits of living in the UK & the ability of earning good money, the free health care & the equal rights. It's the farang hubbies who are most keen to get back to LOS & it causes a bit of friction some times There are so many different places now to buy thai food & a couple of trips to the temple each year keep him happy & he even likes the winter (!), so don't worry too much. But I would suggest a short holiday first for her to get the feel of the place but do your research on shops, temples, local thai resteraunts etc so that you can show her how easy it will be to live there

[DavieA]

But I would suggest a short holiday first for her to get the feel of the place but do your research on shops, temples, local thai resteraunts etc so that you can show her how easy it will be to live there

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My friend will get married in April of next year and I intend to take her with me, so I guess that will be the icebreaker for her/us. Good idea to look for the Thai sections of my city (Adelaide).

On that subject, do any of you fellow Assies know how difficult it would be to get her into the country for a 1 month holiday. Will that be a big problem I need to start organising now? Tips would be nice.

Edited August 26, 2005 by DavieA

[edd]

I found with my hubby that it was important to make the home as comfortable as possible, sky tv, broadband, well stock cupboards with thai food & 25kg bags of rice that never ever runs out, we bought a thai keyboard & thai language wimdows application in Bangkok so he can email friends. The cheap call numbers are great as he can call his mates in LOS or his mum whenever he wants & when we complete on the place we are buying, will get the thai television tranceiver, so he can watch a few programs. He has a few thai freinds here & made friends with some older singaporean women at the local college. A lot of thai people we have spoken to don't actually want to return full time to LOS, they like the benefits of living in the UK & the ability of earning good money, the free health care & the equal rights. It's the farang hubbies who are most keen to get back to LOS & it causes a bit of friction some times There are so many different places now to buy thai food & a couple of trips to the temple each year keep him happy & he even likes the winter (!), so don't worry too much. But I would suggest a short holiday first for her to get the feel of the place but do your research on shops, temples, local thai resteraunts etc so that you can show her how easy it will be to live there

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Your husband does not have to wait for Thai TV try this link

http://www.angelfire.com/nj2/stanti/thaimedia.html

That TV (and others) on the internet

[Boo]

Nice one Edd

[mrbojangles]

Nice one Edd

Ditto that, nice one Edd

[edd]

try this for the Ex pats in Thailand

http://mediahopper.com/portal.htm

there is another service that i use but you have to pay a one off fee of about £10 to join

Oh yes you can get Thai TV on this as well

Edited August 26, 2005 by edd

[snoophound]

Most of the missuses friends like Sydney

Plenty Thai food and ingredients.

Plenty Thai video shops for the TingTong TV.

Climate is ok.

Boredom can be an issue.

Family is an issue,they want money endlessly.

Casinos and Pokies are your biggest danger....seen many a marriage bust over this.

Regular budgeted shopping trips home important.

Just wondering......for all those married to a Thai lady that you have taken back to your homeland either to live or long holiday, how did they cope?  Did you have to come back?  Did it end your relationship?  What were the pros and cons?

I ask as I've got to start thinking seriously about my girl.  After nearly 2 years, I can't see myself living in Thailand for more than 2 more years, but when I think about it realistically, I don't reckon my girl could cope or be happy in OZ.  I can't bare the thought of going through both the expense and hassles of getting her in to the country, setting up a new life etc, for her to turn around and say "I want to go home!"

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Tokker]

According to my wife there seem to be different levels of food problems. My wife comes from the far north and is not very open-minded about what she eats.

We've lived in Belgium for over a year and although there are several thai shops and restaurants, it's just not good enough. She says that this might be OK for a person from bangkok because they can eat restaurant-style curry and the likes. She, on the other hand....

This, combined with her tendancy to lean towards the above mentioned features (too reliant, little self-motivation,...) which lead to depression, practically forced us to go live in LOS. My wife went up there already. I am following next month...

ALthough it's the consequence of some kind of failure, I am very much looking forward to living there. I hope it will work out...

Sorry if I lower the optimism of some people with this story, but anyway it's no reason why you shouldn't try it. In my experience the visa stuff was not that much trouble...

[snoophound]

Yep Access to good Som Tam, is a major ,even before TV.

Lek in the main says most of the local thai restaurants are no good.

Thank god for some smart cookie opening an MK here...although for some weird reason its sited in the Italian center of sydney.

She cooks herself and is very good,sometimes I feel like we run a takeaway service...still it keeps her busy.

According to my wife there seem to be different levels of food problems. My wife comes from the far north and is not very open-minded about what she eats.

We've lived in Belgium for over a year and although there are several thai shops and restaurants, it's just not good enough. She says that this might be OK for a person from bangkok because they can eat restaurant-style curry and the likes. She, on the other hand....

This, combined with her tendancy to lean towards the above mentioned features (too reliant, little self-motivation,...) which lead to depression, practically forced us to go live in LOS. My wife went up there already. I am following next month...

ALthough it's the consequence of some kind of failure, I am very much looking forward to living there. I hope it will work out...

Sorry if I lower the optimism of some people with this story, but anyway it's no reason why you shouldn't try it. In my experience the visa stuff was not that much trouble...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[brubo1]

My GF has lived in Oz for 10 months now. Likes it ok (good for make money). When she first came here I tried to introduce her to lots of other Thais in the same situation - big mistake! Let her find her own friends and preferrably NOT Thai ones! There is so much gossiping going on amongst them. It causes a lot of trouble. Thai food is important. I believe in Oz that's no problem.

After spending the last couple of years in the Thai scene, I believe they are a people totally unsuited to assimilation to other cultures. They will always stay Thai!

[chonabot]

the most important thing is for the women to have access to thai food and thai friends. once they get thai friends wherever they are they seem to settle down easier.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yes I agree with the food but not always with the Thai friends.

My wife has been here for nearly 8 years and soon met lots of Thai ladies , but they were ( mostly) a bunch of nosey cows. Interested in how much money I earnt , why she married a young farang who could speak Thai instead of an old duffer who had ATM on his forehead etc. I agree there are some nice Thai ladies here but IMO a small perventage. This does not have that much bearing on their background either , some ex-BG's are very genuine as are some Hi-so Types not very genuine. I can only speak for the community I live in ( Oxfordshire) but the majority of my wife's friends are English ladies.