Thai-Foreigner Marriages?

[oshoshitzu]

I met my wife in a bar in Pattaya in 1999 and we are still together and I am nearly 20 years older than her. Ever since we met we have only spoken in Thai to each other.

Edited January 28, 2011 by oshoshitzu

[Berkshire]

/../ if I had to give one piece of advice to a newbie regarding which Thai women to avoid, it'd be those that can speak English. Which of course means that you need to be able to speak Thai. Flame away.

Hahaha - completely wrong. Seriously, you would look for a uneducated farmer girl and think things would end well instead of a western educated or just decently locally university-educated one of a middle-class family?

Yeah, you do that then, and good luck to you.

Boy, you've totally missed the point. My preference is a university-educated Thai girl who doesn't speak much English, which would constitute the vast majority of Thai uni grads. Get it? By the way, you do realize that Thai universities teach in Thai, don't you?

[mark45y]

Interesting & illuminating chart, thanks for posting. I see some traits that seem to conflict, namely traditional values vs intellect. A shame because my ideal girl would be both intelligent & sexually submissive (in the sense that she doesn't use sex as a tool for manipulation, as is common in the west)

Unfortunately I can understand how the traits can conflict. Women have a lower sex drive than us & 10+ years down the line it makes sense that the more intellectual ones would rather not put out whenever the man asks for it.

Like most things in life it will change.

As a young man I used to hear, “not again!”

Now I hear, “go again?”

[Artisi]

So what is the point in asking such a stupid and meaningless question, have you checked the marriage failure rate in the western world?

Edited January 29, 2011 by Artisi

[slapout]

If we look at marriage as well as life, as a 'crap shoot', recognize the life/woman is the banker, thus will win in the long run. We just need to appreciate those good bounces of the dice, while recognizing the final outcome will be somewhat of a letdown from those moments of exuberance.

[Beetlejuice]

Once upon a time, an Englishman asked a beautiful Thai Girl... "Will you marry me?"

The Thai girl said "NO!"

And the Englishman lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

Edited January 29, 2011 by Beetlejuice

[Semper]

Once upon a time, an Englishman asked a beautiful Thai Girl... "Will you marry me?"

The Thai girl said "NO!"

And the Englishman lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

[samran]

My advice is to be very cautious. Thai women that marry farangs are in many cases goldiggers.

Fortunately, from what I've seen, the men they marry are social morons. They deserve each other really.

You haven't seen very much then have you, You should try getting out more.

More sweeping statements.

It helps if you are able to put together the link Samran is alluding to

perhaps I should have been clearer.

The majority of Thai-Farang relationships stand the normal odds for doing well or not so well, and for generally the same reasons as everywhere else in the world.

There is a large subset though of (mainly) male farangs who basically have no social skills, and come to Thailand, well, because thailand has a reputation of sorts. When I say no social skills, from what I've come across they can be very successful in what they do, but are perhaps pretty useless when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex...hence the term 'social moron'. Back home they would usually have been single until their old age.

This in turn attracts those who are adept at exploiting such people. aka, the gold diggers.

Been more than a few instances where you try and hint, and if not tell straight out, that it is a lost cause, and in most cases (all bar one where they guy realised before it was too late...perhaps after the trip to visit the family in Mukdahan).

All in all, I've seen knives thrown, entire extended families move in without notice and the husband walked all over like a doormat, gold bought and then sold, money owed - alot of money owed, money invested in a variety of 'make work schemes' for the wife..... The list goes on.

Fortunately, the farang population in this category can be assured that it happens just as often to stupid Thai males easily led as well, so there is no discrimination going on there.

But in my view, they deserve each other.

[TAWP]

/../ if I had to give one piece of advice to a newbie regarding which Thai women to avoid, it'd be those that can speak English. Which of course means that you need to be able to speak Thai. Flame away.

Hahaha - completely wrong. Seriously, you would look for a uneducated farmer girl and think things would end well instead of a western educated or just decently locally university-educated one of a middle-class family?

Yeah, you do that then, and good luck to you.

Boy, you've totally missed the point. My preference is a university-educated Thai girl who doesn't speak much English, which would constitute the vast majority of Thai uni grads. Get it? By the way, you do realize that Thai universities teach in Thai, don't you?

Do you realize that most of the better schools here teach in English? Or that even if one is schooled in Thai one can be fluent (more or less, granted...) in English?

Anyway, the point was that by denying those that speak English well you are usually denying yourself to a lot of the better ones...unless you are looking for a farm-girl from an cultural mindset of 'yesterday'.

[Theoutsider]

The thing all married couples have in common is boredom. A necessary evil, nonetheless.

are singles are never bored? and why is boredom evil?

[Theoutsider]

Once upon a time, an Englishman asked a beautiful Thai Girl... "Will you marry me?"

The Thai girl said "NO!"

And the Englishman lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf and dated women half his age and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up.

and then he died of cancer.

[annamargarita]

Thai-Foreigner marriages will work!! However, this depends on how the relationship started and the 2 people making this partnership.

Sometimes, everything works out and the couple live happily ever after, but in other instances, cultural differences and mistaken expectations lead to nasty breakups. Over the years, I've seen many Thai-Farang relationships. Those that lasted were generally not those who began in a bar. There's nothing wrong with meeting your Thai sweetheart in a bar, don't get me wrong I mean, that happens all the time , but I think there are good reasons to be very cautious and wary before entering into a serious relationship with a 'bar girl'.

The bar scene attracts a certain type on both sides of the equation. If you're looking for a nice Thai woman to settle down with and eventually marry, then I recommend looking elsewhere. You will ask me where? Here are my suggestions and this comes from experience:

1. Community or organization/social clubs with educated, smart Thai women..volunteer, have fun and meet high quality women

2. Online Dating - you will be surprised to learn and discover good looking, smart Thai lady here

3. Church...that is if you are a Christian or Catholic or anything

To the happiness, we all deserve!!

xoxo

[mark45y]

Thai-Foreigner marriages will work!! However, this depends on how the relationship started and the 2 people making this partnership.

Sometimes, everything works out and the couple live happily ever after, but in other instances, cultural differences and mistaken expectations lead to nasty breakups. Over the years, I've seen many Thai-Farang relationships. Those that lasted were generally not those who began in a bar. There's nothing wrong with meeting your Thai sweetheart in a bar, don't get me wrong I mean, that happens all the time , but I think there are good reasons to be very cautious and wary before entering into a serious relationship with a 'bar girl'.

The bar scene attracts a certain type on both sides of the equation. If you're looking for a nice Thai woman to settle down with and eventually marry, then I recommend looking elsewhere. You will ask me where? Here are my suggestions and this comes from experience:

1. Community or organization/social clubs with educated, smart Thai women..volunteer, have fun and meet high quality women

2. Online Dating - you will be surprised to learn and discover good looking, smart Thai lady here

3. Church...that is if you are a Christian or Catholic or anything

To the happiness, we all deserve!!

xoxo

Without saying anything controversial number one would be my best choice by far having a some experience with two and three.

However I don't know what you are talking about. Perhaps you could mention the names or areas of interest of these clubs. For those of us who don't live in a big city like Bangkok or Chiang Mai.

The only club I have been able to find in my little town is an exercise club that works out at the local sports stadium every night at 5 PM. All the ladies change from work clothes to aerobic outfits and two professional women lead the exercises to music.

There are about 50 women of all ages, some kids two local Thai guys and me all decked out in our best fashion stretch wear jumping around to the music. Most of the music is American and I am the only one who understands the tunes.

So have you all got this picture in your minds? One old bald guy with a beer gut doing aerobic exercises with 50 Thai women.

I asked a couple of Brits and Aussies who hang out in the Pub where I eat lunch to join me. They looked at me like I was stark raving mad. I think now they think I'm gay. Oh well.

I know I am going to pull some tail from this adventure. It is like getting an invitation to an all female sex addicts autonomous meeting. I might also lose some weight and add some muscle tone.

I had to overcome the initial embarrassment and stares but after a month I am pretty well accepted.

I can see the wheels turning in the ladies minds. They edge up close to where I am exercising and sniff. They smile a bit and you just know they are thinking, “he is old and ugly but he doesn't smell bad.”

[kokesaat]

"and then he died of cancer"

Alone.

[mark45y]

"and then he died of cancer"

Alone.

Even in a crowded room when you die you die alone. No one is going to hold your hand at the entrance to the pearly gates.

[domprz]

I'm confused. Why would anyone want to get married if they haven't even met the future spouse yet?

[craigt3365]

The thing all married couples have in common is boredom. A necessary evil, nonetheless.

are singles are never bored? and why is boredom evil?

I was single most of my life. I prefer to be married. But then, I'm not a bar person. I just don't enjoy hanging out at a bar. To each his own...right?????

And with all the "excitement" of being married, how can you be bored????? :lol:

[mstribling]

I'm confused. Why would anyone want to get married if they haven't even met the future spouse yet?

Smartest thing mentioned on here.

[Bedrockguesthouse]

my opinion is its all about picking the right partner and that goes both ways. so my advice

is take yr time before u sign on the dotted line. i got a great wife (7 years together 4 years married) and i dont speak thai

but i took my time before marriage. my mates in bangkok have also been married for years and they also have great

long term marriages and the farang also dont speak Thai

cheers mark

[WAYNEandAEI]

my opinion is its all about picking the right partner and that goes both ways. so my advice

is take yr time before u sign on the dotted line. i got a great wife (7 years together 4 years married) and i dont speak thai

but i took my time before marriage. my mates in bangkok have also been married for years and they also have great

long term marriages and the farang also dont speak Thai

cheers mark

It all comes down to mutual compatability and respect..I have been with my Thai wife for 7 years, 6 years married, we work, we play, we laugh everyday. We have just walked away from a failed business here in Northern Australia which provided us both with a lot of stress, however we have stayed strong together.

[bermondburi]

My wife watches " Shameless " and she gets it and finds it quite funny. They all speak in a Manchester accent as well.

Come on , you can't be serious, if you took the 100 best English speaking Thais only five could write something with no mistakes. Load of rubbish.

I take it you're not married to a Thai then seeing as how the marriage is doomed due to linguistic incomprehension >

sorry, i corrected my post - i meant the 100 best speaking that you know. as i mentioned there are a few, a precious few who are near-perfect speakers, who will almost certainly have a background of living in the UK or US when growing up (when aptitude for learning languages is higher).

i couldn't possibly comment on your personal marriage not knowing the individual circumstances - but if as you say that she understands exactly british humour to a 'T' i would guess she has somewhat of an international background.

Depends what you call an international background. She's married to me so I suppose that makes a difference, but she is a pretty ordinary woman. Left school afetr high school so no university and we've been together six years in Thailand, never been to the UK. Not that international really.

[bermondburi]

It's the percentages, my friend. You are right, of course, regarding making sweeping statements. I'm sure you'll agree that there are many bargirls who are wonderful human beings and may not have a dishonest bone in their bodies. But would you recommend BGs for a wife? Of course not. There are simply too many who are on the take. Same with English speaking Thai women. Surely there are plenty who are not gold-diggers. But there are also plenty who are serial farang-hunters. Much more so than the average Thai girl who can't speak a lick of English.

You're absolutely correct when you say that those who can speak Thai "will have so many more women to choose from." I'll further add that if you speak Thai, you will have so many more good/normal Thai women to choose from.

I never said that BGs were wonderful human beings and I would definitely not recommend anyone getting shacked up with one. But at the same time that doesn't mean that any woman who can speak English is a BG. Anyone with half a brain should be able to recognise the difference between a BG that speaks English and a normal woman who speaks English. You can't tar everyone with the same brush.

Obviously if you speak Thai you will have more good / normal Thai women to choose from. Like you said it's a numbers game.

IMO it's a bonus if your partner speaks English. Ideally ( like I said in previous post ) a couple should be proficient in both languages, and highly proficient in one and that is the language that is used for the serious stuff so that there are no misunderstandings .

Dude, chill. You never even brought up the topic of BGs, I did. I was the one who suggested that "some" may actually be wonderful human beings (read my post). I only brought them up as an example. I'm absolutely not suggesting that all Thai girls who speak English are BGs. What I'm saying is that in my experience, a higher percentage of Thai girls who speak English (which would include the BGs) are of dubious intent, as compared to all the Thai girls who can't speak English. That's all.

Once you get out of the bar areas and tourist areas and forget about English speaking women in those areas then I would see nothing to worry about, in fact English would be a bonus IMO.

[bermondburi]

/../ if I had to give one piece of advice to a newbie regarding which Thai women to avoid, it'd be those that can speak English. Which of course means that you need to be able to speak Thai. Flame away.

Hahaha - completely wrong. Seriously, you would look for a uneducated farmer girl and think things would end well instead of a western educated or just decently locally university-educated one of a middle-class family?

Yeah, you do that then, and good luck to you.

Boy, you've totally missed the point. My preference is a university-educated Thai girl who doesn't speak much English, which would constitute the vast majority of Thai uni grads. Get it? By the way, you do realize that Thai universities teach in Thai, don't you?

So what are you going to do when she meets your family then, that will be fun playing tranlsator all day. Surely English is as bonus at this point if you've established that she is a " good girl ". or does speaking English automatically mean she is a " bad girl " ?

[Berkshire]

Once you get out of the bar areas and tourist areas and forget about English speaking women in those areas then I would see nothing to worry about, in fact English would be a bonus IMO.

Unfortunately, bermondburi, 99% of farangs start out in the bar and tourist areas. Some never leave. By the way, my advice is almost tongue-in-cheek. I'm sure you've heard about (and seen with your own eyes) the various disasters masquerading as relationships in Thailand involving farang/Thais. If more farangs would simply learn Thai, not only will their general quality of life improve, but their options for female companionship would improve dramatically. That's what I'm saying. If one of your requirement is that the Thai girl be able to speak English, I'm afraid you're narrowing yourself to a very small subset that includes some rather unsavory elements. If that's your choice, go for it and good luck.

[Berkshire]

Surely English is as bonus at this point if you've established that she is a " good girl ".

That, I would agree with. Yes, once you've established that she's a good girl, language proficiency (on both sides) is a huge bonus.

[bermondburi]

Once you get out of the bar areas and tourist areas and forget about English speaking women in those areas then I would see nothing to worry about, in fact English would be a bonus IMO.

Unfortunately, bermondburi, 99% of farangs start out in the bar and tourist areas. Some never leave. By the way, my advice is almost tongue-in-cheek. I'm sure you've heard about (and seen with your own eyes) the various disasters masquerading as relationships in Thailand involving farang/Thais. If more farangs would simply learn Thai, not only will their general quality of life improve, but their options for female companionship would improve dramatically. That's what I'm saying. If one of your requirement is that the Thai girl be able to speak English, I'm afraid you're narrowing yourself to a very small subset that includes some rather unsavory elements. If that's your choice, go for it and good luck.

Never said it was a requirement. I said it was a bonus.

Very true, 99% of foreigners start out in bar and tourist areas. Probably because they are on holiday having a beer. That's what most people do. Doesn't mean they get a wife there.

And JFTR I'm quite happily settled down in Bang Bua Thong, which if you know where that is then you will know that there isn't much of a tourist scene here, ( although the biggest Chinese temple in Thailand is a 5 minute drive away ), surely a good place to meet some rich hi-so Thai / Chinese bird everyone seems to want !

[mstribling]

/../ if I had to give one piece of advice to a newbie regarding which Thai women to avoid, it'd be those that can speak English. Which of course means that you need to be able to speak Thai. Flame away.

Hahaha - completely wrong. Seriously, you would look for a uneducated farmer girl and think things would end well instead of a western educated or just decently locally university-educated one of a middle-class family?

Yeah, you do that then, and good luck to you.

Boy, you've totally missed the point. My preference is a university-educated Thai girl who doesn't speak much English, which would constitute the vast majority of Thai uni grads. Get it? By the way, you do realize that Thai universities teach in Thai, don't you?

So what are you going to do when she meets your family then, that will be fun playing tranlsator all day. Surely English is as bonus at this point if you've established that she is a " good girl ". or does speaking English automatically mean she is a " bad girl " ?

I had a 12 yr old girl bump my shopping cart today in Tesco. She smiled and said "sorry". I called her a shameless hussy, now I know how to spot 'em.

[bermondburi]

Terrible that they start so young these days.

[bootly66]

Terrible that they start so young these days.

Just off to Tesco's... anyone want anything????

[bootly66]

So here it is.... a drunken rant... It's all so one sided.. It's all good when it suits them or it's not. When she wants it, it's fantastic.. when i want it , it's a roll over and HUUUUH!!! when she needs a phone call made , it's sure darlin I'll do that .. when it's me that needs a call made it's WW 3 . I'm sure you Know where I'm coming from..every thing is great til you ask for something to be done ( better do it yourself)... Provide provide provide!! but dare not to question..... Thai women?? (wives) can't live with them .. can't live without them... ( all tongue in cheek) (but fairly true) 5555555555555555555555