Wife Telling Fibs

[vont]

Ok. I asked the wife her thoughts on this.

I seldom bring her into these, as she thinks were all insane. Pecking away on the computer about Thai women, when theres a good chance one is in the room.

I asked her "Why the lies."

She said. "To make people feel good. "

I said "But you never lie to me right?"

"Of course not" she replied, and then flashed the smile.

I told her that some farang men feel slighted and disrespected when a woman lies.

She said " What you feel is up to you."

She asked me if I thought her younger sister was sexy.

"Oh hell no!" was my immediate response.

She just smiled.

The same word sexy.... does mean differently to a Thai and a Farang....

For a Thai, it usually means lovely, attractive, cute.... etc.

However, to a farang, the word sexy carries some sexual implication on the outset....

So, don't jump the gun next time....

[mstribling]

Ok. I asked the wife her thoughts on this.

I seldom bring her into these, as she thinks were all insane. Pecking away on the computer about Thai women, when theres a good chance one is in the room.

I asked her "Why the lies."

She said. "To make people feel good. "

I said "But you never lie to me right?"

"Of course not" she replied, and then flashed the smile.

I told her that some farang men feel slighted and disrespected when a woman lies.

She said " What you feel is up to you."

She asked me if I thought her younger sister was sexy.

"Oh hell no!" was my immediate response.

She just smiled.

The same word sexy.... does mean differently to a Thai and a Farang....

For a Thai, it usually means lovely, attractive, cute.... etc.

However, to a farang, the word sexy carries some sexual implication on the outset....

So, don't jump the gun next time....

Thanks for telling me what my wife mean't

Only on ThaiVisa.

[zzaa09]

Your pissing into the wind on this.

Yep. Looking at it too literally.

[TheyCallmeScooter]

Lies are everywhere, usually told in a way that you know that they are lies, but the teller doesn't want to be rude

Like I say. Human nature.

You're not wrong, unfortunately.

But the above 'peculiarity' is where the whole house of cards comes down for the liars. Some people find terribly idiotic, stupefying lies to be incredibly rude, perhaps even the height of insult.

But try and explain this to someone who's endeavouring to convince you their lies are for the benefit of you and others, and....

She said. "To make people feel good. "

I told her that some farang men feel slighted and disrespected when a woman lies.

She said " What you feel is up to you."

lol. How adorably and uniquely Thai.

You just have to laugh, obviously - as mstribling and Mark understand. If you took it seriously, you'd probably go insane.

[GreenSnapper]

that's where you guys get it so wrong. for women, good sex is a result of good communication between partners, if nothing else.

In which book have you read about that?

[tonititan]

that's where you guys get it so wrong. for women, good sex is a result of good communication between partners, if nothing else.

In which book have you read about that?

What, you don't believe it?

[bhoydy]

I think the thing we have to realise here is that everyone is different, so no one on this forum is going to be able to pin point the reason for what happened from the sparse information provided. People forget important things all the time, but whether it is intentional or not it is not something to get worked up about. If you are getting worked up about it maybe you're with the wrong person.

Here's another way of looking at it. Maybe she was upset that you decided to go home for your birthday than spend it with her. I have no idea if that's true or not, but whatever the outcome i wish you luck in your quest to find happiness in a world which is so trying for us all at times.

Good luck or as they say in Thai - Su Su

:jap:

[sbk]

that's where you guys get it so wrong. for women, good sex is a result of good communication between partners, if nothing else.

In which book have you read about that?

Same book that made her female, I think. Pretty sure aries27 is a woman

[Scully]

I have been with my Thai girlfriend for over 3 years and have spent every day and night with her for this time (apart from a month trying to get her in the sack). I have recently had to travel back to the UK due to my fathers death and we keep in touch through skype.

Every day for at least an hour we talk and god forbid if I am late to get in touch as she will be straight on the phone asking where I am. I do not mean to sound harsh but if your wife truly loved you she would never miss a day wanting to talk to you never mind a birthday and to then lie about it would have me doubting her intentions.

Why do you reckon she does that then, because she loves you ??

Honest question.

Sorry I have not replied as it was a case of post my opinion and run not really thinking about it, however you have read into my post a little too far. I am currently on the other side of the world with 23 hours to do what the heck I want, all my GF asks is for me to skype at the same time so I can speak to her and her family.

Maybe I did exagerate a little because it's usually a text asking what time I am online so my words (used for dramatic effect) were read,dissected and analysed as I should have known although your conclusion does not fit with the reality. My post was only stating that after 3 years myself and my gf talk everyday, I should have just posted that, I will do next time.

[OxfordWill]

Information is only valuable if you are the only one who has it. You know she is not truthful. That is a valuable piece of information. If she knows you know she is not truthful that is a worthless piece of information. I realize this is a deep thought but think about it for a while.

The men who think their significant others are truthful have less information than you do. Consider yourself lucky and keep it to yourself.

p.s. I don't think women are the same the world over, in what they want, how they think or how they behave. I believe there are more similarities between American and English women, for example, and less between Japanese and Dutch..

I know nothing about women from any country, but I can see they are not all the same in matters like sex, core values, etc. Of this I am confident. Anything else- no bloody clue.

Edited March 16, 2011 by OxfordWill

[Panhandler007]

Yup, welcome to Thailand...awesome

[GeorgePBurdell]

First the obvious. Thailand people do things in a Thai way. Their way has a lot in common with other Asian cultures but less in common with other cultures, decreasing linearly with distance. Asians "lie" for many reasons, among which are to avoid embarrassment, conflict, punishment, etc. More sophisticated members of Thai society lie with more skill and take pride in their ability. A peasant girl from the NE or North of Thailand will not have a sophisticated background and will not generally be able to lie very well but will try to avoid embarrassment, conflict, etc. My wife is northern and Thai/Chinese, college educated, rich family, we've been married 30 plus years but still not very Westernized. She doesn't lie, will not tolerate lying from me. But she is not "typically Thai". A young peasant girl will be VERY Thai in her manner which means she will have poor time sense and a weak concept of truth. She is what she is. Country Thai are the real Thai and the real Thai are not what Westerners would consider serious people. I like to say real Thai are born half-stoned on gancha. They enjoy "sanook" and in their culture the pursuit of "sanook" is virtuous. In Western culture pursuit of fun is frowned on or even evil. The real Thai quickly feel empathy or pity for the poor or downtrodden but there is no concept of Good Samaritan in Thailand or in Asia, avery foreign concept. When you marry someone from another culture you are going to have to adjust a lot. Not easy. If you can just go with it, if you can't tell her how you feel and tell her it is something in your heart that cannot change. Don't yell at her or punish her, treat her like a 5 year old in these matters. Be patient and tolerant and enjoy the other aspects of her personality that you cherish. Be a father type in these matters, stay higher, don't lower yourself to her level or lower, Thais smell this kind of thing constantly. You won't change her quickly, maybe not at all. You have wedded basically someone from another planet, expect differences, plus and minus.

[mstribling]

First the obvious. Thailand people do things in a Thai way. Their way has a lot in common with other Asian cultures but less in common with other cultures, decreasing linearly with distance. Asians "lie" for many reasons, among which are to avoid embarrassment, conflict, punishment, etc. More sophisticated members of Thai society lie with more skill and take pride in their ability. A peasant girl from the NE or North of Thailand will not have a sophisticated background and will not generally be able to lie very well but will try to avoid embarrassment, conflict, etc. My wife is northern and Thai/Chinese, college educated, rich family, we've been married 30 plus years but still not very Westernized. She doesn't lie, will not tolerate lying from me. But she is not "typically Thai". A young peasant girl will be VERY Thai in her manner which means she will have poor time sense and a weak concept of truth. She is what she is. Country Thai are the real Thai and the real Thai are not what Westerners would consider serious people. I like to say real Thai are born half-stoned on gancha. They enjoy "sanook" and in their culture the pursuit of "sanook" is virtuous. In Western culture pursuit of fun is frowned on or even evil. The real Thai quickly feel empathy or pity for the poor or downtrodden but there is no concept of Good Samaritan in Thailand or in Asia, avery foreign concept. When you marry someone from another culture you are going to have to adjust a lot. Not easy. If you can just go with it, if you can't tell her how you feel and tell her it is something in your heart that cannot change. Don't yell at her or punish her, treat her like a 5 year old in these matters. Be patient and tolerant and enjoy the other aspects of her personality that you cherish. Be a father type in these matters, stay higher, don't lower yourself to her level or lower, Thais smell this kind of thing constantly. You won't change her quickly, maybe not at all. You have wedded basically someone from another planet, expect differences, plus and minus.

Not a bad first post.

You sure about Issaners not lying well?

Edited March 17, 2011 by mstribling

[vont]

First the obvious. Thailand people do things in a Thai way. Their way has a lot in common with other Asian cultures but less in common with other cultures, decreasing linearly with distance. Asians "lie" for many reasons, among which are to avoid embarrassment, conflict, punishment, etc. More sophisticated members of Thai society lie with more skill and take pride in their ability. A peasant girl from the NE or North of Thailand will not have a sophisticated background and will not generally be able to lie very well but will try to avoid embarrassment, conflict, etc. My wife is northern and Thai/Chinese, college educated, rich family, we've been married 30 plus years but still not very Westernized. She doesn't lie, will not tolerate lying from me. But she is not "typically Thai". A young peasant girl will be VERY Thai in her manner which means she will have poor time sense and a weak concept of truth. She is what she is. Country Thai are the real Thai and the real Thai are not what Westerners would consider serious people. I like to say real Thai are born half-stoned on gancha. They enjoy "sanook" and in their culture the pursuit of "sanook" is virtuous. In Western culture pursuit of fun is frowned on or even evil. The real Thai quickly feel empathy or pity for the poor or downtrodden but there is no concept of Good Samaritan in Thailand or in Asia, avery foreign concept. When you marry someone from another culture you are going to have to adjust a lot. Not easy. If you can just go with it, if you can't tell her how you feel and tell her it is something in your heart that cannot change. Don't yell at her or punish her, treat her like a 5 year old in these matters. Be patient and tolerant and enjoy the other aspects of her personality that you cherish. Be a father type in these matters, stay higher, don't lower yourself to her level or lower, Thais smell this kind of thing constantly. You won't change her quickly, maybe not at all. You have wedded basically someone from another planet, expect differences, plus and minus.

Don't yell at her or punish her, treat her like a 5 year old in these matters. Be patient and tolerant and enjoy the other aspects of her personality that you cherish. Be a father type in these matters, stay higher, don't lower yourself to her level or lower,

That surely is the secret of staying in loving relationships.... even some 30 odds year....

My admiration.... and wishing you both another 30 odds years on top....

[Berkshire]

My wife is northern and Thai/Chinese, college educated, rich family..... she doesn't lie, will not tolerate lying from me...but she is not "typically Thai".

Well this makes you a typical TV poster as everyone's Thai wife/GF appears to be "not typical."

In Western culture pursuit of fun is frowned on or even evil.

I honestly have never heard of this one. Which western culture are you from?

[Loz]

Lies are funny sometimes.

I just ordered a soda from my favourite chic eatery with my lunch, same as I do five days a week for the last 6 months. this time. no bottle with the remainder. I looked at the owner, not the new waitress. she looked at the waitress who said she'd emptied the whole bottle into the glass. Now, we ALL know that the glass (EVEN WITHOUT ICE) won't hold the full bottle. But, we all just smile and carry on like she didn;'t just pour my drink down the sink instead of carrying the bottle to the table...

Its funny what people will lie about.

Of course, I wouldn't date the waitress, or any of them for that matter. I don't like deceit so marriage is not for me. Better to be single and honest about one's intentions for me, anyway.

Edited March 18, 2011 by Loz

[Loz]

Ok. I asked the wife her thoughts on this.

I seldom bring her into these, as she thinks were all insane. Pecking away on the computer about Thai women, when theres a good chance one is in the room.

I asked her "Why the lies."

She said. "To make people feel good. "

I said "But you never lie to me right?"

"Of course not" she replied, and then flashed the smile.

I told her that some farang men feel slighted and disrespected when a woman lies.

She said " What you feel is up to you."

She asked me if I thought her younger sister was sexy.

"Oh hell no!" was my immediate response.

She just smiled.

The same word sexy.... does mean differently to a Thai and a Farang....

For a Thai, it usually means lovely, attractive, cute.... etc.

However, to a farang, the word sexy carries some sexual implication on the outset....

So, don't jump the gun next time....

Thanks for telling me what my wife mean't

Only on ThaiVisa.

and for no extra charge, you lucky bar steward!

[zzaa09]

I believe the broader universe and numerous variables of Kreng Jai might play itself well into the discussion.

[XXpate48USA]

Get used to white lies or break up and go home. Nothing you do will stop it.

UG is right as rain!......I went through all the lies and by the time you are a basket case trying to figure out why or when the next lie is comming, you will eventually give up. The rain stopped the phone?..haha ya sure, It was another lie. It;s just how these gals do! I just returned 1 week ago after going back from being angry at the lies from the last time.But I only last 2 weeks before I split and got totally away from her and hid in a motel and got the first ticket back.to Bkk, I found myself back only to hear she had borrowed from a loan shark and wanted me to bail her out. I thought it was crap but at about 6m a guy knocked on the door(she told them where we were staying)..duhhh...I just picked up my bags and split. This guy held up two fingers to show 20,000baht.....You will never know what the truth of anything is there and if she is lieing now she always will and they will get bigger. My advice is to do what I did, no matter h0w hard it is to leave her. It will possibly save your life too not to mentuion most of your cash!!....Hope y7ou listen!! This lieing stuff is and just seems to be a built in thing ith thai women. At least many many of them. I am jut one of these statistics. It was a horrible experience. If your gal didn't call you, then there is a reason and just take care of yourself. Personally I wish I had never gone to meet my wife in the first place. It's been nothing but lies from her and her whole family since we met....Lies don't cut it with us westerners especially when the lies are so stupid and they expect you to belive it!...IT"S FOR YOUR MONEY!!!....that's all!!!...sorry, Mate but that's how it is. Don't fall in love with one!!...stay or go home!...Just my humble (experienced) opinion!

[vont]

Lies are funny sometimes.

I just ordered a soda from my favourite chic eatery with my lunch, same as I do five days a week for the last 6 months. this time. no bottle with the remainder. I looked at the owner, not the new waitress. she looked at the waitress who said she'd emptied the whole bottle into the glass. Now, we ALL know that the glass (EVEN WITHOUT ICE) won't hold the full bottle. But, we all just smile and carry on like she didn;'t just pour my drink down the sink instead of carrying the bottle to the table...

Its funny what people will lie about.

Of course, I wouldn't date the waitress, or any of them for that matter. I don't like deceit so marriage is not for me. Better to be single and honest about one's intentions for me, anyway.

Some old fool probably would just smile and thought that, that was that.

Little did some would think a little further into what was going on behind the counter.

Did you ever realize of the possibility that the water that you bought and paid for,

might have come from someone else left over.

Now that is an enlightening thought to ponder on, isn't it?

[TheyCallmeScooter]

A peasant girl from the NE or North of Thailand will not have a sophisticated background and will not generally be able to lie very well but will try to avoid embarrassment, conflict, etc. M

...stay higher, don't lower yourself to her level or lower, Thais smell this kind of thing constantly. You won't change her quickly, maybe not at all.

Not a bad first post.

You sure about Issaners not lying well?

Not a great first post.

You sure about Issaners not lying well?

When it matters to them....

It would be a foolish fool who looked down on his 'silly', 'dumb' wife, thinking (with hilariously misplaced arrogance) that his 'simple', country girl was only capable of idiotic, lazy lies. Or that his softly-spoken, country girl was just so demure and averse to confrontation, that the lies were all a result of her inherent sweetness.

If they care, the 'quality' of their lies will reflect that. If they don't care...well, they won't call due to it raining outside.

And whilst I'm not saying one should lower themselves to the level of petty, lazy lying...I'm pretty certain that "taking the high road" has a 2% success rate, if that...

[aries27]

hi sbk. how are things?

all's good in this part of the world...

that's where you guys get it so wrong. for women, good sex is a result of good communication between partners, if nothing else.

In which book have you read about that?

Same book that made her female, I think. Pretty sure aries27 is a woman

[sbk]

hi sbk. how are things?

all's good in this part of the world...

that's where you guys get it so wrong. for women, good sex is a result of good communication between partners, if nothing else.

In which book have you read about that?

Same book that made her female, I think. Pretty sure aries27 is a woman

I'm good cheers!

No worries, I got the same accusation in this thread even, that I was totally ignorant of how women think, haha. Well, never mind, I am sure the "experts" know far more about women than we do

[cardholder]

Lies are funny sometimes.

I just ordered a soda from my favourite chic eatery with my lunch, same as I do five days a week for the last 6 months. this time. no bottle with the remainder. I looked at the owner, not the new waitress. she looked at the waitress who said she'd emptied the whole bottle into the glass. Now, we ALL know that the glass (EVEN WITHOUT ICE) won't hold the full bottle. But, we all just smile and carry on like she didn;'t just pour my drink down the sink instead of carrying the bottle to the table...

Its funny what people will lie about.

Of course, I wouldn't date the waitress, or any of them for that matter. I don't like deceit so marriage is not for me. Better to be single and honest about one's intentions for me, anyway.

KFC is not what it once was !

[villagefarang]

Op is just another example of someone who can’t speak the language, doesn’t understand what is going on and thinks it is his wife’s fault. But he loves her to bits so that makes it all okay.

[zzaa09]

Op is just another example of someone who can't speak the language, doesn't understand what is going on and thinks it is his wife's fault. But he loves her to bits so that makes it all okay.

Language difference is just a fraction said problems. General miscommunication of cultural and individual character might contribute more so towards these troubles. You can be fluent in Thai and still miss things that are not linguistically connected.

[villagefarang]

I thought, ‘doesn’t understand what is going on’ covered all that, but thanks for reiterating what I already said. Perhaps I should have used ‘and’ instead of ‘ , ‘ but then again there still could have been some general miscommunication.

[zzaa09]

I thought, 'doesn't understand what is going on' covered all that, but thanks for reiterating what I already said. Perhaps I should have used 'and' instead of ' , ' but then again there still could have been some general miscommunication.

Frankly, if he doesn't understand what's going on, he really should have gave it greater thought about involvement with a "Oriental" lass. From long observations and experience, I'm guessing that this gentlemen would probably have similar issues with any Thai girl that he was involved with - I believe the situations would be the same. As it usually is the Farang side, not the Thai, that finds life perplexing.

[villagefarang]

True, ‘he really should have given it greater thought’, but that goes for most gentlemen and the women they marry, don’t you think?

[pjclark1]

I thought, 'doesn't understand what is going on' covered all that, but thanks for reiterating what I already said. Perhaps I should have used 'and' instead of ' , ' but then again there still could have been some general miscommunication.

Frankly, if he doesn't understand what's going on, he really should have gave it greater thought about involvement with a "Oriental" lass. From long observations and experience, I'm guessing that this gentlemen would probably have similar issues with any Thai girl that he was involved with - I believe the situations would be the same. As it usually is the Farang side, not the Thai, that finds life perplexing.

I never understand what is going on, when a woman is involved.

So I find it better not to tink too mut (or for too long).

Edited March 20, 2011 by pjclark1