fletchsmile Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) You believe telling the truth is most important. She believes making people feel comfortable and not making other people lose face is more important. You see black and white. She sees grey. You believe people are born or should be equal. She believes people are not equal and there is always a senior and a junior. You believe equality should start at birth. She believes people are not equal because of what they did in a previous life. Which one of you is right? Is there a wrong or right? Does an object change when you look at it or depending how you look at it? Will you choose to be frustrated by you and your Thai wife's differences? or will they be a source of enjoyment and fun to learn about each other and become closer? BTW Almost never say never Edited March 9, 2011 by fletchsmile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F1fanatic Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 (edited) You believe telling the truth is most important. She believes making people feel comfortable and not making other people lose face is more important. You see black and white. She sees grey. You believe people are born or should be equal. She believes people are not equal and there is always a senior and a junior. You believe equality should start at birth. She believes people are not equal because of what they did in a previous life. Which one of you is right? Is there a wrong or right? Does an object change when you look at it or depending how you look at it? Will you choose to be frustrated by you and your Thai wife's differences? or will they be a source of enjoyment and fun to learn about each other and become closer? BTW Almost never say never The best post I've read so far to explain the differences between Thai and Western ways of thinking. However, whilst the poster obviously finds the difference enjoyable, most don't once they actually realise the difference. Few Westerners will appreciate lying as a 'positive' way of seeing 'grey'. They will see it as lying - full stop. Incidentally, its not 'white lies' that are the issue here. White lies are something Westerners know all about - we do it all the time to make someone else feel better. The OP is talking about a lie that is about making the liar get out of a bad situation, therefore it is not a 'white lie'. Having said that I agree with a previous poster, I suspect the OP is a troll - nobody surely could be quite that naive.... Edit - mind you, I'd be the first to admit that I've a wrong/right mentality! Edited March 9, 2011 by F1fanatic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thongkorn Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 I told my wife from day one , One Lie and your gone , and I have never lied to her. The thing is how do you know now when she is lieing or not ,I do not believe in this losing face crap, Its just an excuse to justify whats wrong.The bottom line is how long can you put up with it, Its your life but personally I would not put up with it , I have been through some thing similar and in the end it will eat you up, and destroy you and what you have.The sad thing is this sort of thing is not unique to Thailand It happens every where and in every class of society. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skint Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 OP, like many Thai's telling porkies seems to be a common theme. Give her a copy of Pinocchio to watch! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katana Posted March 9, 2011 Share Posted March 9, 2011 Information is only valuable if you are the only one who has it. You know she is not truthful. That is a valuable piece of information. If she knows you know she is not truthful that is a worthless piece of information. I realize this is a deep thought but think about it for a while. The men who think their significant others are truthful have less information than you do. Consider yourself lucky and keep it to yourself. Quite a bit of truth to that lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chooch7 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 you cant abide lying yet you married one who from day one was a liar. you do need a counsellor! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilgore Trout Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I speak from experience with these kinds of women. She is frequently lying because the woman has no respect for you and probably has hidden agendas. Her lack of English language skills is only an excuse. My advice is: do not trust anything she says or does and keep a well trained eye on her. Especially her phone and Internet contacts and where she goes. Sounds like a recipe for a great marriage First off, why on earth would you marry someone you couldnt communicate with properly second, a leopard will never change their spots. If you don't break it off now, as they say in Thai; "som nam na" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
p_brownstone Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 This has absolutely nothing to do with "lying" in the Western sense but, as others have pointed out, is simply her way to avoid her losing face and you being offended because she forgot your birthday. Don't make a big deal out of it. Patrick Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cardholder Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I told my wife from day one , One Lie and your gone , and I have never lied to her. The thing is how do you know now when she is lieing or not ,I do not believe in this losing face crap, Its just an excuse to justify whats wrong.The bottom line is how long can you put up with it, Its your life but personally I would not put up with it , I have been through some thing similar and in the end it will eat you up, and destroy you and what you have.The sad thing is this sort of thing is not unique to Thailand It happens every where and in every class of society. I agree. "Face" is just the inability to admit you were wrong or made a mistake. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canuckamuck Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 You believe telling the truth is most important. She believes making people feel comfortable and not making other people lose face is more important. You see black and white. She sees grey. You believe people are born or should be equal. She believes people are not equal and there is always a senior and a junior. You believe equality should start at birth. She believes people are not equal because of what they did in a previous life. Which one of you is right? Is there a wrong or right? Does an object change when you look at it or depending how you look at it? Will you choose to be frustrated by you and your Thai wife's differences? or will they be a source of enjoyment and fun to learn about each other and become closer? Yep this is a good summary, of course there are other reasons for lying too, those are more problematic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David006 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Has anyone considered that the phones in Korat were down and the mobile towers off air too??? lol. Think the OP is rather overreacting...not like she comes home from "seeing mamma" and smells of booze and her panties are in her purse!! Suggest all the positives you have far outweigh the pedantic paranoia of us westerners who of course "never lied in there life".... Went to a marriage councilor in Oz some years back...she was hitting on me...pissed the ex off as I did not "see it" but she did?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endure Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Birthdays have no significance in Thai culture. Asking her to remember your birthday is the same as asking you to remember which animal in the Chinese calendar she was born under. The 'lie' was to save both of you the embarrassment of admitting your lack of knowledge. If you were Thai the situation wouldn't have happened. If you're offended by such insignificant things perhaps you ought to consider moving to Clacton. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackr Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 by the way its not a Thai trait Perhaps not but they do seem adept at it, from the top to the bottom. Don't buy this face saving for all crap, that's just a ruse to hide the real reasons... disrespect, personal gain, making things go smoothly for themselves, immaturity, you name it. Bung her to the curb, op. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bedrockguesthouse Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) i'm an aussie. birthdays here arent a big deal so my advice is dont get worried about it too much. trivial lies well i guess we all do it sometimes and i think some thai girls do it for different reasons but i think essentially its just a cultural difference and them not wanting to get into a conflict/debate over something trivial. Just love her protect yr monetary interests and enjoy yr marriage. cheers mark ps no way u shud even get anyone else to talk to her about this. total loss of face and yr marriage will go belly up Edited March 10, 2011 by Bedrockguesthouse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mstribling Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I speak from experience with these kinds of women. She is frequently lying because the woman has no respect for you and probably has hidden agendas. Her lack of English language skills is only an excuse. My advice is: do not trust anything she says or does and keep a well trained eye on her. Especially her phone and Internet contacts and where she goes. Sounds like a recipe for a great marriage First off, why on earth would you marry someone you couldnt communicate with properly second, a leopard will never change their spots. If you don't break it off now, as they say in Thai; "som nam na" Curious what is meant by "properly". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjclark1 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Don't think too much! A mistake many western men make when in Thailand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mstribling Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 This has absolutely nothing to do with "lying" in the Western sense but, as others have pointed out, is simply her way to avoid her losing face and you being offended because she forgot your birthday. Don't make a big deal out of it. Patrick Exactly. Your sweating it like a Western woman. I have no idea if my wife lies to me or not. I don't pay attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mstribling Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Don't think too much! A mistake many western men make when in Thailand. There it is ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robblok Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Don't think too much! A mistake many western men make when in Thailand. I think the problem is more that too many western men think with their small head instead of their big head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
egg Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Your pissing into the wind on this. ,,, aint that the truth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chooch7 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Don't think too much! A mistake many western men make when in Thailand. I think the problem is more that too many western men think with their small head instead of their big head. this would make sense if the girls the guys choose to marry were ez on the eyes kind of gals.............but this is hardly the case Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mark45y Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 A relationship is in many ways like a war. Some days a wife can be an ally and others an enemy depending on mood, tides, phases of the moon and the rainy season. I would suggest remembering the capture of an Enigma decoding machine by the Brits in WW II or the breaking of the Japanese Naval code by the US. Neither of these discoveries would have been of any value if the other side knew about them. The Brits didn't send a telegram to the Germans informing them how stupid they were to let someone steal a coding machine. The upper hand always goes to the one with more information. Shut up and watch and listen and remember. If they lie they also cheat and if they cheat they also steal. If you have a significant other who does none of these things, quick take your pulse, because you are probably dead and in heaven. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rixalex Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Birthdays have no significance in Thai culture. Quite true but isn't loving someone about knowing and understanding what is important in the other person's culture and going along with some of the customs? I bet the OP does his share of following along with certain important Thai customs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richardjm65 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Ancient proverb (Chinese, I think). The truth is valuable. Use it wisely. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilgore Trout Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I speak from experience with these kinds of women. She is frequently lying because the woman has no respect for you and probably has hidden agendas. Her lack of English language skills is only an excuse. My advice is: do not trust anything she says or does and keep a well trained eye on her. Especially her phone and Internet contacts and where she goes. Sounds like a recipe for a great marriage First off, why on earth would you marry someone you couldnt communicate with properly second, a leopard will never change their spots. If you don't break it off now, as they say in Thai; "som nam na" Curious what is meant by "properly". ok, fair question; I would say that properly means being able to communicate at the least, at a high school level or there abouts. If you can only communicate with your wife with you each having only a 1st grade or lower lexicon in each others language; I would say thats a problem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
samuibeachcomber Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I wouldn't be too hard on her. I forgot my own birthday this year. exactly,its no big deal,but "the phone lines being down in korat"is...............could just say "sorry i forgot",but sounds to me like there's more to it in this relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjclark1 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) I speak from experience with these kinds of women. She is frequently lying because the woman has no respect for you and probably has hidden agendas. Her lack of English language skills is only an excuse. My advice is: do not trust anything she says or does and keep a well trained eye on her. Especially her phone and Internet contacts and where she goes. Sounds like a recipe for a great marriage First off, why on earth would you marry someone you couldnt communicate with properly second, a leopard will never change their spots. If you don't break it off now, as they say in Thai; "som nam na" Curious what is meant by "properly". ok, fair question; I would say that properly means being able to communicate at the least, at a high school level or there abouts. If you can only communicate with your wife with you each having only a 1st grade or lower lexicon in each others language; I would say thats a problem Are you suggesting only people who have finished high school, be allowed to have relationships? (Quite a lot of Thais leave school at age 13) And what countries high school standards do you propose to take as your benchmark? (American high school standards are well below British high school standards, etc.) I've yet to meet a woman that I could communicate with, to my satisfaction. I think I would have to go gay in order to meet the communication standards you set. Edited March 10, 2011 by pjclark1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sbk Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I wouldn't be too hard on her. I forgot my own birthday this year. Lucky you For one thing, birthdays are not important to most Thai people and she probably forgot it. She was then embarrassed to tell you she forgot it. And yes, it is good if your partner acknowledges the things that are important to you, but does she realize that it is important? Have you ever taken her to your home country so that she has a better understanding of you and where you come from? And many Thais tell white lies. Not saying its a good thing, but its not always a bad thing. Sounds to me like you would be better off sitting down with her and having a real heart to heart talk about it in a calm and rational manner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ulysses G. Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 [i think the problem is more that too many western men think with their small head instead of their big head. I think that is pretty much true everywhere. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ozzieovaseas Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 A relationship is in many ways like a war. Some days a wife can be an ally and others an enemy depending on mood, tides, phases of the moon and the rainy season. I would suggest remembering the capture of an Enigma decoding machine by the Brits in WW II or the breaking of the Japanese Naval code by the US. Neither of these discoveries would have been of any value if the other side knew about them. The Brits didn't send a telegram to the Germans informing them how stupid they were to let someone steal a coding machine. The upper hand always goes to the one with more information. Shut up and watch and listen and remember. If they lie they also cheat and if they cheat they also steal. If you have a significant other who does none of these things, quick take your pulse, because you are probably dead and in heaven. :cheesy: Good one Mark, but Thai girls DO NOT go to heaven, Is not because they are bad girls mind you, but being buddhist and such, they believe in reincarnation.. This way they have the freedom to make their way back to Pattaya in the afterlife.. Besides, no such thing as bars and dodgy farangs in heaven, and id presume money would be in pretty rare supply too. Since these are the three things that Thai girls worship, i dont think life in heaven would be for them....thats even if they were allowed in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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