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Marrying An Older Thai And The Sid Sod.


bananas

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G'day Gents.

Ive been freeriding this forum for a couple years now and thought it about time I sought advice directly to my situation rather than trying to morph advice provided onto others.

My story is one of naivity (of that im sure) but has led to me a set of crossroads.

Im really sorry this blurb to the issue takes so long, but i see many topics where the author plays catchup to explain his situation and i wanted to avoid that.

I will not bullshit around the initial question most people has about a farangs girlfriend and her relationship to the nightlife industry, i will honestely admit that my girlfriend boo* (*not real name) worked and has worked in that industry on and off from the age of 20.

Usual story of sponsors coming and going, her moving from phuket to isaan and back and forth depending on her arrangements with the bf.

I met boo in Patong December 2008 she was 22 and i was the ripe age of 18... very young and came to phuket with little to no intention of participating or even audiencing the nightlife scene.

Short story being young i fell in love over a one week trip....rookie mistake i know...

Stayed in contact over the phone and saw her again for two weeks mid 2009, and 6 week dec-jan 2010. Met her parents up in Isaan and the whole family, huge culture shock, but i think i found it easier to adapt because of my age, (no issue sleeping on the floor or diving through mud pits for elusive fish).

I have never ever never ever sent her money or sponsored her, of course my holidays over there involve me paying for anything, but Boo has never asked money from me to support her, she has made me aware that if i was she would move back home and away from patong.

ANYWAY

I freeride forums like this and have see the many horror stories of sponsorship and girls lying about returning home to stay working in the bars, regardless i did not have the $ to support her back then anyway, and i made do with a hugely distressing and depressing relationship knowing her employment.

We broke up mid 2010 due to my new job and lack of holiday periods, and she started dating/being sponsored by a British bloke, i was curious to see whether she would actually stay up in Isan and not go back to patong so everytime i called her (once a week) i would ask to speak to her nieces (3 and 10) because i know there was no way they would be in patong and everytime i was able to.

So her honour is solid.

Anyway we got back together mid 2011, broke up with the current gf in Aus because of my feelings for boo. Boo is still with the english bloke (not physically) but she is definately hoping that i will look after her now, (having now got a well paying job).

SO..

Three years of talking atleast 4 times a week, having spent around 3 months with eachother physically in thailand. I am considering getting engaged 'mun' been reading up on it etc for a couple of months, the reason i dont/cant do the combined engagement wedding ceremony is due to the time it takes to select an appropriate date in Thai culture, my understanding is that an engagement ceremony is not so dependent on such traditions.

My current job requires me to undergo alot of movement over the coming twelve months and it would be impractacle to select a date during that period, so we would be looking and the new year period of 2012-13 for the marriage..

---------------------

I have asked about sid-sod with Boo and she believes her mum will ask in the range of 300,000 baht.

****i know this is absurdly expensive, but i also understand that I am foreign, there desire to show face etc etc.

Boo has told me that if we are only to get engaged at first then i have to pay half the sid-sod.

oh and she believes her Mum will keep it.......

any advice that anyone can provide on the traditional genuinity of the conditions of engangement implied to me would be greatly appreciated

bananas

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Bananas... Why in the name of God are you even considering getting married at what...21? Why are you even considering marrying a prostitute? And why in the name of God are you considering paying a prostitute and her family almost 8,000 euros to get married... You came to Thailand too young. Walk away and chalk it all down to expierience... :realangry:

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Dont do it mate!

Sin Sod is 1) Paid because the parents have brought up a proper, educated lady. While I am sure she is a nice girl, the fact she works in the bars shows she is nor proper or educated.

Sin Sod should never be asked for by the parents. The parents should never stipulate the terms or amount that is desired / needed.

For a family up in Issan - 30,000 would be more the sufficient. Any more is just you been ripped of and scammed.. Your girl will no this and clearly is OK with that happening.

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Boo is still with the english bloke (not physically)

So she has no feelings for the guy but is still taking his cash? Is that what you are saying? Sounds like a bit of an integrity problem to me.

300k sinsod for a hooker? Really? If you must marry this person, tell her flat out that 300k is too much and that no monies will be passed over at that engagement ceremony. Just tell her that you are broke and you need to save for the future. I presume that you want her to live with you in Australia, so she will have a chance for a better job and that money that she earns could be sent home as support. Let her pay her own sinsod.

TheWalkingMan

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Sin-Sod. There is a posted topic, much of which is highly contentious.

I know a Western guy who's Thai Wife is a Masters Graduate. She is Managing Director of her company (family owned). Her father is fairly well connected, a number of politicians and famous chiefs at their wedding which made the national papers and a few magazines. He paid B400,000 sin-sod, which was later returned.

Another friend Married PhD graduate and Chula Professor (34 yrs old). His Sin-Sod was 400k, and returned.

A Thai friend of mine married a well to do Thai lady: He paid 400,000B Sin-Sod and half of it was returned. But his new father in-law bought his daughter a BMW for a wedding present.

Another friend Married a relatively well to do Thai lady (again similar ages) he Paid 1.3 million baht Sin-Sod. I don’t think it was returned (the MIL is somewhat money hungry !)….

So….

Not to put a price on humans… But according to my observations of Thai culture and going rates.. B300,000 for someone without tertiary education appears somewhat above the mark. It appears girls in areas populated with foreigners have done their best to inflate the ‘going rate’ of sin-sod and foreigners being foolish have paid well above the odds. If the girl in question has not been married before, has no children, by all means pay sin-sod – but ensure you are not being taken for ride. A local boy marrying a local girl up-country would perhaps be paying anywhere between 20,000 baht and 100,000 baht.

I came to Thailand when I was 22, I’m 36 now. My life has changed significantly since then, as would anyone’s.

I understand and have no wish to judge your intentions and emotions – However, if you wish to stay long term in Thailand, do you really want to get married so young and support someone for the rest of your life when it appears that you have yet to see the ‘normal side’ of life in Thailand?

Edited by richard_smith237
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Aussie mate, SERIOUSLY walk away, I won't get into the sin sot thing as whatever the price is really has no bearing on what you are putting yourself into....ask your self this...Would I marry a slut from St Kilda or Kings Cross and pay her mother for the privilege? Come on guy, play, work make some real $$$$ invest and have fun......Don't be a <deleted> bud!! let her suck off the English loser...

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Sinsod at the engagement? Never heard of that one before. I got engaged no money no nothing, I paid for some food (half/half with MIL).

At the wedding the sinsod for my wife (educated and a good job in Bangkok, in a foreign company and good money) was 400,000baht, plus gold, neither of which I possessed, given to me by my MIL to show at the wedding (which I paid for).

I would seriously think about it, how do you really know what happened between her and the Brit ATM. Get to know her better before even thinking about marriage.

If you do get married then will she work in the bar still? If so, then she will still be with other guys whilst you are at home.

Edited by beano2274
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I seen naivete before, but this really takes the cake..... because you continue to not learn. You would actually contemplate marrying a girl whose JOB it is to have sex with other men ? And then seriously contemplate paying her parents for the privilege ? Do you honestly think that she will bond with you ? If this is all real and not a troll, you must be one of the biggest fools to have posted on this forum.

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I feel that in Thai culture we have a seniority system; this is why KFC is more popular than McDonalds, because a Colonel is a respectable profession whereas a clown as in the case of McDonalds is less respectable. Why Burger King has failed, is that in some circles, the Amartaya is not as respected as a career soldier, as in the case of KFC. Perhaps Wendy's can succeed with a female now that wimeen are more respected with a female PM.

How do you fit into this?

I believe your mother in law to be, is the equivalent of The woman who promotes Columbia Sports Wear. She has fixed and strong opinions, while you are perhaps more like the breakout character, who does zany stuff and perhaps pushes the limits in an extreme way.

In order to break out of this cycle, I can strongly recommend that you take a leaf out of the Mentos book. I see it happening like this....

You show up at the wedding, the bridal party are seated, and mother in law is there and won't let you in...points to a huge sign saying "pay up sucker, sign the check here"

You look all sad

Then you eat a Mentos

And you get an idea...and you run and jump over the fence to a field and signal to the Phoo Yai who would have done the honours, and the bridal party, who all look confused but come running over

You grab the kwai, and get it to do a huge pile of poop on a plate, and hand to the mother and law

She looks furious, but then you eat a mentos

And she laughs and looks at you and smiles then hands over her daughter and a huge pile of condoms along with a bunch of zithromax for the STDs.

Who knows, maybe it will be useful for you to understand and appreciate that the 'marrying upcountry prostitutes' subculture has a money culture mindset now, so if you don't pay...maybe love won't happen (the family will lean into you on this). So...do you really want this mentos moment, and are you willing to dig your heels in?

Otherwise, get your plate of kwai poop ready, and off you go.

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Mate you are in for a rocky ride. The sin sod is too high, way too high. Don't forget that after you marry her she will want to live in Australia to earn good money to send home.

Just some things to think about. Getting a visa for this will be a right pain. Probably have to have a 3 month tourist visa first just to get her here because the partner visa will probably take a year. The 3 month visa isn't a certainty either, you still have to jump through hoops to get it. Then she will have to return to Thailand for many months waiting for the permanent visa. Add in the cost of flights etc and it aint cheap.

Can you trust her to be faithful for all those months? Do you really want to rush it?

No need to pay sin sod at engagement. If you insist on marriage I would take it a lot slower. Get her on a tourist visa, have some fun. If all goes well then apply for 2nd tourist visa for 6 months then whilst she is here apply for the marriage visa. Whilst they are considering the marriage visa you return to Thailand with her and marry and pay the sin sod (not as much as you are being asked). I would think about 100,000 baht is MORE than fair.

If the MIL or the girl wants more then let them know you are prepared to walk away. Honestly, it's like shooting fish in a barrel, don't be fooled around, find one you like and make sure she is right in every way. If not, then just move on to the next one. Jeez there is no shortage of beautiful girls, just wait for the right one.

You are young, just go and enjoy what is out there.

That's my 2 cents worth anyway. ;)

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I think this is a wind up, but nevertheless I will respond anyway.

A few facts that may save a guy a fortune and a lot of emotional trauma.

Cute girl sends out signals to a guy that she likes him.

After spending a passionate evening with her and a night of lovey-doveyness with and perhaps the best sex the guy has had for years, or maybe his first time, he becomes smitten and can hardly believe his luck.

He holds her hand and listens intently to her pitiful hard luck stories and then wants to be her knight in shining armour, to the rescue, at any price, dreaming that at last he has discovered a true soul mate and love of his life, believing in a dream the guy decides to invest in her for a good future.

This is how it begins and of course in most cases the result will turn out completely different to the guy's expectations.

Three major clues that will determine if the girl is not sincere and giving a guy a load of BS:

* Most of her problems can only be solved with money.

* The girl is not willing to give up any of her usual social schedules to be with the guy.

* Appears to have many relatives, friends, acquaintances or colleges that she prefers to keep to herself and separate from her so-called relationship with the guy.

It`s very simple. If a girl really likes or loves a guy, she will unconditionally follow him anywhere with no strings or provisos attached.

Her main ambition in life will become solely to be with her man without any financial stipulations and social limitations. She should in fact be proud and keen to show off her new boyfriend and let everyone know that he and she is now an item.

If this is not the case, then dream on baby, because it`s going to cost you dear and you are wasting your time.

Now, would I lie to you?

Edited by Beetlejuice
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I wish i was 20 again ,and not a cynical old sod :) listen to what the guys on here are telling you ,we have all been around ,fallen in love with hookers in the past ,been there done that and got the t shirt, then we woke up one morning and smelt the coffee .

Marry a nice girl who doesnt sell herself to every Tom Dick and Abdul.

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Mate, a few basic rules will make your life happier:

1. Never ever consider marriage in the West. Worst contract ever.

2. Marriage in Thailand can be considered once you are over 60.

Until then, you will have hundreds of cute girlfriends and will be able to understand the consequences.

And keep out of the bar scene. Nothing to be gained there.

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I think this is a wind up, but nevertheless I will respond anyway.

A few facts that may save a guy a fortune and a lot of emotional trauma.

Cute girl sends out signals to a guy that she likes him.

After spending a passionate evening with her and a night of lovey-doveyness with and perhaps the best sex the guy has had for years, or maybe his first time, he becomes smitten and can hardly believe his luck.

He holds her hand and listens intently to her pitiful hard luck stories and then wants to be her knight in shining armour, to the rescue, at any price, dreaming that at last he has discovered a true soul mate and love of his life, believing in a dream the guy decides to invest in her for a good future.

This is how it begins and of course in most cases the result will turn out completely different to the guy's expectations.

Three major clues that will determine if the girl is not sincere and giving a guy a load of BS:

* Most of her problems can only be solved with money.

* The girl is not willing to give up any of her usual social schedules to be with the guy.

* Appears to have many relatives, friends, acquaintances or colleges that she prefers to keep to herself and separate from her so-called relationship with the guy.

It`s very simple. If a girl really likes or loves a guy, she will unconditionally follow him anywhere with no strings or provisos attached.

Her main ambition in life will become solely to be with her man without any financial stipulations and social limitations. She should in fact be proud and keen to show off her new boyfriend and let everyone know that he and she is now an item.

If this is not the case, then dream on baby, because it`s going to cost you dear and you are wasting your time.

Now, would I lie to you?

This is very kind words and and smart thinking instead of just to say OP is a silly fool.Have to agree with beatlejuice 100% BUT please do tell me if this girl does really exist? and where to find?? :)

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Hope you are not a troll story teller and wasting our time but here goes.

You are young and have a lot to learn about life, especially life in LOS. Firstly it doesn't matter how gorgeous she is she decided to shag anyone for cash. She never asked you for cash probably cos there's another guy giving her money. If you had to walk before from her then she is not the love of your life.

300,000 bht is a rip off and she knows it. If you pay half cos your engaged then after you will probably get dumped.

I know a lady where l live who is doing the same shit as your lady and the mugs that are taken in is amazing.

Sorry to be negative but many here have seen it all. ;)

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Developing News:

Young man saves up to pay deposit of 150,000 baht to marry an old thai hooker.

A neighbour said, "he's a really nice lad but since the lobotomy he's been having trouble making decisions of any consequence above 'which way round do these pants go on' so we're keeping in an eye on him for now".

Next Jef Dawson with the weather. :huh:

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A picture of her will help, but I think that is doable.... and even profitable.

If she continues working in the same field, the OP will recover his investment within less than six months, then after that will be pure profit.

And when she will be outdated, construction sites on a Friday payday will still be a good weekly income.

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I seen naivete before, but this really takes the cake..... because you continue to not learn. You would actually contemplate marrying a girl whose JOB it is to have sex with other men ? And then seriously contemplate paying her parents for the privilege ? Do you honestly think that she will bond with you ? If this is all real and not a troll, you must be one of the biggest fools to have posted on this forum.

+1 Troll

jb1

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