It Must Be Built In............. It Has To Be.

[Geekfreaklover]

how is your Thai coming along?

Actually very good, I can hold a conversation in Thai, make jokes, and have Thai friends too.

I cannot read or write Thai, but this isn't what the topic is about is it ?

This:

Much is made of the ability to speak, or not speak, Thai by many resident farang who think that by doing so they've elevated themselves some special level of acceptance in this country we choose to live in. They often, rather naively, sneer at others who deem haven't made the grade. I suppose in the overall scheme of things, a good knowledge of the language, it does help in the integration process. But let's be honest about this; if you live in a village situation, and you speak Thai fluently, what are really going to talk about that's going to stimulate your mental faculties? The next meal, grandpa needs lao khao, the upcoming weekends football games, the previous weekends football results, the neighbours 18 year daughter going down to Pattaya on her own. Hardly high brow stuff is it. In country where the majority of citizens don't know which compass bearing their neighboring states are on the ability to speak Thai fluently aint that big of a deal folks.

And this:

Living in one of these villages is almost akin to stepping back in time. I know, I've been there. You're interacting with a fatalistic mindset, one that sees the world as in a state of destiny. So and so's 17 year old son was killed in a high speed motor bike accident. Mai bpen rai, that was his destiny. He died because he was supposed to. Yes, shall we have some som tam for lunch? You, the farang, will never win against this centuries ingrained accepted view of life. To keep resisting it only wears you down both physically and mentally. Let the mother of your stepson deal with him in all matters. For the sake of your mental well being take care of your own needs and be yourself; a farang, because they aint gonna see you as anything different. You're not Thai and never will be. I lived in a village situation for 2 years and this what i did, I built an outdoor gym and worked out nearly every day. Within a short space of time I had a few of the local kids working out with me. that is how I gained respect; I was the guy that could do, and knew, something no one else in the village knew or could do. Not only that the kids were improving their health and gaining knowledge about something other than the little world they lived in.

Yep.

The whole point is that until you speak and understand Thai you do not know what's been said in the village, in the homes etc. You probably think that those two old men drinking whiskey were talking about world affairs. Once you understand what is being said and importantly what is being said about you and the status que as illuastrated above it is usually time to move on, hopefully with child.

[Richard4849]

The best thing about speaking Thai is knowing that NOT everyone is talking about you behind your back. Contrary to what you might think, the farang is not always the topic of village small talk.

[welsh1]

The best thing about speaking Thai is knowing that NOT everyone is talking about you behind your back. Contrary to what you might think, the farang is not always the topic of village small talk.

have to agree with you...when you learn to speak Thai...when they are not talking bout us falangs,,then they are talking about eating food

[transam]

The best thing about speaking Thai is knowing that NOT everyone is talking about you behind your back. Contrary to what you might think, the farang is not always the topic of village small talk.

have to agree with you...when you learn to speak Thai...when they are not talking bout us falangs,,then they are talking about eating food

Noooooo, just eating food.

[qualtrough]

Hi thequietman, I have been through this with my stepson also, but with a twist, he insists in stealing anything and everything from all the family, he seems to think it's his right to help himself, after too many years trying to deal with it I simply said enough is enough and packed him off to gran. He's now banned from our house, which caused some problems with my wife, but she soon got over it.

My wife and I are moving to the city before our two year old boy starts school (International School), in an attempt to remove him from what we perceive as "The Village Attitude".

Wishing you all the best with a difficult situation.

There is an expectation from this young man that i am going to pay for his university tuition. for whatever reason, he feels that it is his right. i have told him to go work for a year and save up his wages. if he covers his miscellaneous expenses like rent and food, then i have agreed to help him. you should have seen his face !

he says he wil start work next year at a local hotel, i will stick by my promise. its unlikely he will deliver.

its important that my wife sees that i tried. its up to him now.

last i seen him he was cutting mother in laws garden with weed whacker. said machine was getting too hot, it needs to cool down. that was 2 hours ago and no sign of him.

just popped open a beer, its the only thing that keeps me sane and relaxed.

Then this is the reason that he has attitude with you.

You are not treating the boy as your son but more like you are some sort of distant Uncle who is making quite clear the point that you have no obligations to him.

In fact what is happening is that the boy is rebelling against you. He probably views you as someone that has taken the affections of his mother away from him and as an outsider that has replaced his beloved father. Even if the boy never really had a relationship with his father, you are certainly not proving as being any sort of substitute for a real father figure in his life, because a true parent child love relationship is unconditional, however much the child may in your book be misbehaving.

The actual bad environment is in your home and the situation that this child now suddenly finds himself in.

Using heavy-handed technics will not work and it appears that you know nothing about child psychology and have no understanding of his feelings or care.

No, sorry, but this is one child who has my full sympathy.

Totally agree with you on the first part, but absolutely disagree with you on the second. Supporting a child's bad choices or behavior is doing him/her no favors by reinforcing or rewarding behaviors that will not serve them well in life.

[nocturn]

I like how people who don't spank always refer to it as a thrashing or a beating. I don't think I have ever seen a parent thrash or beat a child, but I have seen many spanks. Those who thrash obviously do it in private and are people with a limited bag of parenting skills.

Depending on age and communication level, I think a spank can be expertly applied to stop and reset a child who is attempting something dangerous, hurting another person, or has gone into a tantrum. I think however that if it used often it loses it's shock value and kids adapt. It also makes lazy parents.

It is better I believe to find other motivators and this comes from knowing your kids well.

i dont refer to it in any way. I have also never need to spank my child, the bad girl step, or going up to her room works just fine thanks, But then her mother and i agree to act uniformly and we dont undermine each others authority.

Perhaps your lady knows who pays the bills and doesn't want to upset things.

Funny how some here see money as the only motivator in thailand.

my "lady" lives with someone else because we split amicably and she remarried. we split the bills for for the child's expenses. For both of us it is a matter of pride and responsibility. We have shared custody with the child living with me over the course of the school week and spending friday and sat nights at her mothers.

Despite the fact our romantic relationship ended, we have agreed how we want to raise our child and do not undercut each other out of respect and a common concern for the child's welfare. So leave off the she "knows who pays the bills" crap. Some of us are on equal footing in or relationships, we would not settle for it any other way.

The attitudes of some on here make it very easy to understand why they are merely tolerated in their own homes, though i must give a grudging respect that they have taken on stepchildren in the first place.

[Kilgore Trout]

He still spends his free time running around the village and farms and is a happy wee 6 year old and calls me daddy/farang

Do you call him "my little slant eyed son?"

Anyone who foregoes all the opportunities for their child at a real school in the city or in the west for living in the village truly fills me with disbelief.

[harryfrompattaya]

The best thing about speaking Thai is knowing that NOT everyone is talking about you behind your back. Contrary to what you might think, the farang is not always the topic of village small talk.

Is speaking Thai better than speaking Yiddish?

[Richard4849]

The best thing about speaking Thai is knowing that NOT everyone is talking about you behind your back. Contrary to what you might think, the farang is not always the topic of village small talk.

Is speaking Thai better than speaking Yiddish?

Don't get it...

[welsh1]

The best thing about speaking Thai is knowing that NOT everyone is talking about you behind your back. Contrary to what you might think, the farang is not always the topic of village small talk.

have to agree with you...when you learn to speak Thai...when they are not talking bout us falangs,,then they are talking about eating food

Noooooo, just eating food.

Talking about food...misses just made me a big English Breakfast ..she said no good if you go out all day drinking beer and watching the Rugby on a empty stomach..

[transam]

The best thing about speaking Thai is knowing that NOT everyone is talking about you behind your back. Contrary to what you might think, the farang is not always the topic of village small talk.

have to agree with you...when you learn to speak Thai...when they are not talking bout us falangs,,then they are talking about eating food

Noooooo, just eating food.

Talking about food...misses just made me a big English Breakfast ..she said no good if you go out all day drinking beer and watching the Rugby on a empty stomach..

Lucky sod.

[onionluke]

He still spends his free time running around the village and farms and is a happy wee 6 year old and calls me daddy/farang

Do you call him "my little slant eyed son?"

Anyone who foregoes all the opportunities for their child at a real school in the city or in the west for living in the village truly fills me with disbelief.

To answer your question -No , I don't call him "my little slant eyed son" often , but I will remember it for future use .

I do however call him little frog , little octopus and little dog for a bit of fun . I believe there are great bennefits in the country lifestyle and my youngster is healthy in body and mind . I might add in agreement that if you are to keep your children out of the education system you should be competent in home schooling or at the very least be stinking rich . I am fortunate in having the option of sending my son to a real school without foregoing the bennefits of the countyside and a place he can call home .