thequietman Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 I have known him for nearly 9 years now and have tried when possible, to show him the right way (or at least the way i feel he should go). Yet he fights me at every corner. Just simple things like how to treat people, do good things and they will come back to you, money is not the be all of everything, good manners, etc. I have been trying to teach him to take pride in what he does, whether school work or general work. But the moment i turn my back or go away from home, he just reverts back to his old ways. I have seen this mentality all around our village and the general attitude is get it done, with the least amount of effort. There doesn't seem to be any pride in what they do. Worryingly our 11 year old who i have tried to influence also since he was young, seems to be heading that way also. I have watched him open a sweet, check if i,m looking and if he doesnt see me, he will just throw it on the ground. The bin is right beside him. Is the attitude to ignore the farrang, no matter what..........built in ? I dont give them any reason not to respect me. i work hard for this family. Its a little frustrating. I generally have a mai pen rai attitude but I think its important to take a little pride in what you do ? Your thoughts please including the flamers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
falkan Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 get a girl without kid next time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard4849 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Get out of the village. You can't outweigh the environment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chonburiram Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 It's not built in, you are too soft, that's all, beat the s**t out of him and he will thank you for it later, believe me I know what I'm speaking about... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
473geo Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 My daughter receives pocket money for cleaning once a week, my son appears to think it is his job to make sure she has work to do! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
onionluke Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 It is learned behaviour . We are social animals and fitting in with their group is very important to youngsters to the point when they will go against their parents . Stop his pocket money and tell him to go and find a job and turn down that awful music at the same time . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roamer Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Get out of the village. You can't outweigh the environment. I think you have hit it on the head. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chivas Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Is smacking a child acceptable socially and legally in Thailand ?? (Acually I hope it is !) Mine get a wallop if they consistently misbehave deliberatly or not-they soon learn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
solent01 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 (edited) Hi thequietman, I have been through this with my stepson also, but with a twist, he insists in stealing anything and everything from all the family, he seems to think it's his right to help himself, after too many years trying to deal with it I simply said enough is enough and packed him off to gran. He's now banned from our house, which caused some problems with my wife, but she soon got over it. My wife and I are moving to the city before our two year old boy starts school (International School), in an attempt to remove him from what we perceive as "The Village Attitude". Wishing you all the best with a difficult situation. Edited October 8, 2011 by solent01 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thequietman Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 get a girl without kid next time! Thought about that many times. however i cant turn back time and mum makes the hassle worth it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thequietman Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 It's not built in, you are too soft, that's all, beat the s**t out of him and he will thank you for it later, believe me I know what I'm speaking about... not my kid, remember. and if i have to beat the crap out of him to get a point across then there is no point. thanks anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thequietman Posted October 8, 2011 Author Share Posted October 8, 2011 Hi thequietman, I have been through this with my stepson also, but with a twist, he insists in stealing anything and everything from all the family, he seems to think it's his right to help himself, after too many years trying to deal with it I simply said enough is enough and packed him off to gran. He's now banned from our house, which caused some problems with my wife, but she soon got over it. My wife and I are moving to the city before our two year old boy starts school (International School), in an attempt to remove him from what we perceive as "The Village Attitude". Wishing you all the best with a difficult situation. There is an expectation from this young man that i am going to pay for his university tuition. for whatever reason, he feels that it is his right. i have told him to go work for a year and save up his wages. if he covers his miscellaneous expenses like rent and food, then i have agreed to help him. you should have seen his face ! he says he wil start work next year at a local hotel, i will stick by my promise. its unlikely he will deliver. its important that my wife sees that i tried. its up to him now. last i seen him he was cutting mother in laws garden with weed whacker. said machine was getting too hot, it needs to cool down. that was 2 hours ago and no sign of him. just popped open a beer, its the only thing that keeps me sane and relaxed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
supaprik Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 I think your mai pen rai attitude is commendable and for your own sanity try to stick with that, as you say being with his mum is worth it!! Hitting a child is abuse and sure I am going to get hammered over that but I don't give a F##k what any child beater has to say, if you need to beat someone in an attempt to get your views across you are weak, all children need good parenting,love and constant commitment, bashing them only makes them fearful in their younger years and makes them think it's ok to bash other to get what they want. All you can do is do your best, try to be consistent and for Christ sake don't make any more..( kids I mean ). good luck to you.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkeypants Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Oh,,, OP. I sympathise with you, I have inherited the laziest, good for nothing kid I have ever seen. She is 11, won't listen to a word I say, (after living here for 3 years ). Will not, cannot speak English, has no desire to learn, my wife doesn't push her in the slightest, so I end up being the "wrong un " for telling her to get off her fat arse and do something, other than waking up on a weekend and sitting and watching shitty thai TV all day long, with the occasional break for a piss and a bite to eat, there is nothing else. She has no friends to speak of, the few that occasionally visit her are fed up watching TV and want to play on thier bikes etc, I bought her a bike a few years ago, a nice bike to 3000 baht. She in 3 years, has been on it about 5 times , to lazy to play with her friends. Dirty too, too lazy to do anything, just this morning I was doing a little weeding in the rock garden and she sat and looked, I asked her if I had missed any weeds, with that she promptly went indoors and swithched the tv on. <deleted>!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard4849 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Will not, cannot speak English, has no desire to learn This is Thailand; how's your Thai coming along? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darrel Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 (edited) " I have seen this mentality all around our village and the general attitude is get it done, with the least amount of effort. There doesn't seem to be any pride in what they do." It's not just Thailand, it's the whole planet. Welcome to the 21st century. Of course what needs to be done to all youngsters is to tell them what to do and, if they dont do it, hit them until they do. It's very simple and it worked very well since the dawn of civilisation. Unfortunately the bleeding heart liberals have put an end to all that over the last few decades, and that's the reason the entire planet is going to the dogs, with no discipline and no respect for anyone or anything. I'm glad I'm old and probably wont live long enough to see the mess this will turn into. Edited October 8, 2011 by Darrel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chonburiram Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Supraprik, how many kids do you have? ( try to be honest ) thequietman, turn loud... very LOUD, they dont hear ( feeeeeeel ) you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endure Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Of course what needs to be done to all youngsters is to tell them what to do and, if they dont do it, hit them until they do. The only problem with that line of action is that one day they'll be big enough to hit you back - and if they do som nam na. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
giddyup Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 " I have seen this mentality all around our village and the general attitude is get it done, with the least amount of effort. There doesn't seem to be any pride in what they do." It's not just Thailand, it's the whole planet. Welcome to the 21st century. Of course what needs to be done to all youngsters is to tell them what to do and, if they dont do it, hit them until they do. It's very simple and it worked very well since the dawn of civilisation. Unfortunately the bleeding heart liberals have put an end to all that over the last few decades, and that's the reason the entire planet is going to the dogs, with no discipline and no respect for anyone or anything. I'm glad I'm old and probably wont live long enough to see the mess this will turn into. You summed it up perfectly. Reap as ye shall sow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave9000 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 My young bloke is topping his class at university. He is a good kid. Significantly, all his mates are good kids...and we live in a small community of about 3000. There are plenty of bad ones here.....but plenty of good ones also. There is no doubt in my mind that the environment and his peers were the most important formative forces. It is difficult to move but just as in the west when a child is bullied at school, a change to another school often solves the problem. I am with those who say move away to a better place if you really love the child and his mother. If you don't love them....more to the point if they don't love you and just need you for the $....Make a quiet exit. Conventional wisdom is echoed in the words "...show me the seven year old child and I will show you the adult". Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
endure Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 " I have seen this mentality all around our village and the general attitude is get it done, with the least amount of effort. There doesn't seem to be any pride in what they do." It's not just Thailand, it's the whole planet. Welcome to the 21st century. Of course what needs to be done to all youngsters is to tell them what to do and, if they dont do it, hit them until they do. It's very simple and it worked very well since the dawn of civilisation. Unfortunately the bleeding heart liberals have put an end to all that over the last few decades, and that's the reason the entire planet is going to the dogs, with no discipline and no respect for anyone or anything. I'm glad I'm old and probably wont live long enough to see the mess this will turn into. You summed it up perfectly. Reap as ye shall sow. See post #18 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chonburiram Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Of course what needs to be done to all youngsters is to tell them what to do and, if they dont do it, hit them until they do. The only problem with that line of action is that one day they'll be big enough to hit you back - and if they do som nam na. OMG, my stepson is 20 cm higher and 50 kg heavier than I but it just takes a millisecond-sidelook to put him on his place, and yes, he is actually studying machine engineering at a reknown university. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rucus7 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Out of curiosity, is your wife on board with your values and the guidance you are promoting? Does she actively give the same feedback to the kids? Consistency is crucial for children, or they get mixed messages. They will also play the adults off each other. This can case real friction in the family. I think your plan regarding the compromise on how to pay for university is very well thought out. I hope you stick to it. Also that your wife supports your decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mirth Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Children follow by example. It seems you are doing the right thing but the peers in your village ain't. It's a uphill battle you are facing so chances are that you might lose. Only through spending more time with him, giving him praise and encouragement instead of scolding him would make you better than the villagers, in his eyes and little mind. Children are easily manipulated. Parents who scold their children often becomes the bad guy. I face the same problem at home so i changed tact by spending more time with my kids, praising and encouraging them when they do right. I still scold them but only on extremes. My way may not work with yours but that's my opinion cos it works for me. Nowadays, my kids ignore whoever calls me bad so they now say my children are rude but i still encourage my children to do the right things cos in the real world, we are not puppets for other people. I have known him for nearly 9 years now and have tried when possible, to show him the right way (or at least the way i feel he should go). Yet he fights me at every corner. Just simple things like how to treat people, do good things and they will come back to you, money is not the be all of everything, good manners, etc. I have been trying to teach him to take pride in what he does, whether school work or general work. But the moment i turn my back or go away from home, he just reverts back to his old ways. I have seen this mentality all around our village and the general attitude is get it done, with the least amount of effort. There doesn't seem to be any pride in what they do. Worryingly our 11 year old who i have tried to influence also since he was young, seems to be heading that way also. I have watched him open a sweet, check if i,m looking and if he doesnt see me, he will just throw it on the ground. The bin is right beside him. Is the attitude to ignore the farrang, no matter what..........built in ? I dont give them any reason not to respect me. i work hard for this family. Its a little frustrating. I generally have a mai pen rai attitude but I think its important to take a little pride in what you do ? Your thoughts please including the flamers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thanchart Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 (edited) : My wife and I are moving to the city before our two year old boy starts school (International School), in an attempt to remove him from what we perceive as "The Village Attitude". : This problem seems prevalent in many developing countries, In Philippines, we call it "Squatter Mentality". Those with this are often too lazy to work, expecting handouts (called "help" in their vocabulary) from relatives who worked hard for their money. Many of the fathers are too lazy to work and support their families and yet expect their wives to work to get money, submit to them and make many babies and drink themselves silly with the little money their wives make - feeding their drinking habits is more impt than education and even food for the many kids they make. It's a pain to be related to them or even to know them, cos if u refused to give handouts yet again, u are a bad guy. However, having said that, there is the minority who are different and work hard to try to get thir family out of that circle, despite their low education & lack of opportunities, These are the ones I actually respect and try to find opportunities for them , Edited October 8, 2011 by thanchart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimbeam1 Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Get out of the village. You can't outweigh the environment. I think you have hit it on the head. +1 spot on. jb1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thanchart Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Of course what needs to be done to all youngsters is to tell them what to do and, if they dont do it, hit them until they do. The only problem with that line of action is that one day they'll be big enough to hit you back - and if they do som nam na. I am in a different country now and was acutely aware of such possible problems when I inherited my 2 step children at 6 and 3 (young enough to mold). I did not "spare the rod and spoil the child", but the kids see me as a loving daddy and whenever I had to spank them, I also made sure they are assured of my love with plenty of hugging and assurance, and Most Important - explain to them why they were spanked. It was never done out of anger or loss of self-control. If I a angry I will not touch them, but let mama do it. They know that I only discipline them because I love them and if I don't do it when the situation calls for it, it simply means I don't care about who they are going to grow up to be. Now, almost 6 years later, the 2 kids are very close to me and the eldest is "daddy's girl". In fact we had not planned for a additional chlld until these 2 pestered us for a new baby. Now, seeing how they love their little Tiger and that he loves then in return is pleasure/satisfaction I have no words for, And interestingly I am also close to the parents of their late father is not common in the land I am in, and they trust me with their grand kids and can see I treat the new baby no differently from the older 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
harryfrompattaya Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 get a girl without kid next time! I am sorry to say you will be taking care of him and his children forever.Get out the sooner the better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
transam Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Oh,,, OP. I sympathise with you, I have inherited the laziest, good for nothing kid I have ever seen. She is 11, won't listen to a word I say, (after living here for 3 years ). Will not, cannot speak English, has no desire to learn, my wife doesn't push her in the slightest, so I end up being the "wrong un " for telling her to get off her fat arse and do something, other than waking up on a weekend and sitting and watching shitty thai TV all day long, with the occasional break for a piss and a bite to eat, there is nothing else. She has no friends to speak of, the few that occasionally visit her are fed up watching TV and want to play on thier bikes etc, I bought her a bike a few years ago, a nice bike to 3000 baht. She in 3 years, has been on it about 5 times , to lazy to play with her friends. Dirty too, too lazy to do anything, just this morning I was doing a little weeding in the rock garden and she sat and looked, I asked her if I had missed any weeds, with that she promptly went indoors and swithched the tv on. <deleted>!! I know exactly where your coming from. Same here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
canuckamuck Posted October 8, 2011 Share Posted October 8, 2011 Get out of the village. You can't outweigh the environment. I think you have hit it on the head. +1 spot on. jb1 Seriously, you think this is a village problem? I see the same crap in the cities here. Get out of Thailand perhaps. Personally I think the problem is unequal parenting styles, you really need your wife to back you up or its like making water go uphill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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