A Confused English Guy With A Thai Girlfriend

[lyne55]

Ok people, Im going to be real honist here. I met a Thai lady (she 22 and im 27) Holiday with the boys in samui. I met her in green mango. I was very very nieve. Back then I though it was just the go go bars where it was the working ladies. I got dancing with her, small talk etc. Ended up snogging her. Next I know shes leading me bk to my hotel. No talk of money etc. She stays with me the whole holiday, every day, every night.(10 days) she eats every day with me nd the lads, She comes on every trip. I did give her some money on 2nd day as I felt a bit guilty, surly she should be going to work somewhere? I wanted her to stay with me so only fair I pay her same as a days wages? I gave her a small amount of money at the end of hols aswell. Ive been bk to spend 2 weeks with her and we went back to surin to visit her family for a few days.

I know what she does for a living now (yes that) Funny thing is, as I know, it dont tend to bother me? I just dont want to know. She calls me every day. we speak for ages. She txts me when she goes to bed, she speaks on skype every sunday. I dont send her money on a regular basis. I have sent her 10,000 BH so she could go home for a month and see her little girl. Thats it. She never asks me for money unless she wants to go home. (only that one time) She is interested in saving money so she can show money to apply for visa, she has opened an account that she puts about 1500 BH a month in. She always says she wants to live in england with me.

Is there anyone out there who could explain to me what they think she really wants/ thinks of me? Im fairly easy going person and love going over to see her. I party like a trooper. She is a fantastic girl and has a luvly nature about her. I do spoil her when im there with new clothes and if she lucky ile get her little girl something but i dont spend much money. I have explained to her im a car salesman and any visions of me being wealthy she better lay to rest as she will be disserpointed when she sees how small my pot to piss in is . I Do genuinly think i could have this girl live with me full time, But am I being super super crazzy or "baa baa boo boo" as I have come to know.

I have no girlfriend in england, and im not an ugly munter that cant get one. Ive had plenty of girlfriends and relationships with some beautiful friendly english girls, but something is telling me this thai girl is special.

Get at me people, whar your thoughts/ experiances?????

And yes i know my spelin in proper poo.

[Mossfinn]

But your spelling will improve

[David48]

Soooooooooooo much has been written about your question.

In the 'Quick Search' function at the top right of this page type in bar+girl and you will see over 1,000 responses.

Try these links for a start ...

No order, no preferance.

Good luck

[Kadafi]

I never understand posts like this, how is anyone here supposed to give you the right answer? we have never met this girl, never met you, never witnessed the two of you together so how are we going to have ANY idea of what she thinks about you??

[craigt3365]

Let's see how this goes over in the Farang Pub.

Topic Moved.

[MEGALITHIC]

Here we go again.

I am from the been here a long time/cynics camp.

I can't advise you as to what you should, or shouldn't, do. Just some obseravations and things you may want to consider:

1. You are a first timer or a newbie. This is what happens to first timers or newbies. It's all rather an exotic and overwhelming experience. Once you've been here (the LOS) a few times it won't be so exotic and overwhelming.

2. Would you marry a prostitute back where you come from?

3. You're only 27, what's the rush to tie the knot? Stay single for a few more years and enjoy yourself in the LOS.

4. The only reason to enter into a long term relationship/marriage with any woman is to have kids. Are you ready for that? Because if you bring her over to the U.K., that's exactly what's going to happen.

5. Are you ready to provide financial assistence to the extended family you'll get with the girl?

6. Are you ready to pay a fee (sin sod) for marrying the girl?

7. Taking a young, poorly educated Thai girl with minimal life/work skills out of Thailand is never a good idea.

Edited October 29, 2011 by MEGALITHIC

[lyne55]

I never understand posts like this, how is anyone here supposed to give you the right answer? we have never met this girl, never met you, never witnessed the two of you together so how are we going to have ANY idea of what she thinks about you??

I was just after others experiances, opinions and view points of the whole subject. I did not mean to ask someone who has never met me to interigate my relationship. Im a newbie, Just discovered thailand. Just thought this would be a good place to get a head start and learn from others who proberly know a shit load more about things than I do. As youle see thew reply before yours is much more help, the person directed mr to somewhere to hepl. Now thats what I was after

[lyne55]

Here we go again.

I am from the been here a long time/cynics camp.

I can't advise you as to what you should, or shouldn't, do. Just some obseravations and things you may want to consider:

1. You are a first timer or a newbie. This is what happens to first timers or newbies. It's all rather an exotic and overwhelming experience. Once you've been here (the LOS) a few times it won't be so exotic and overwhelming.

2. Would you marry a prostitute back where you come from?

3. You're only 27, what's the rush to tie the knot? Stay single for a few more years and enjoy yourself in the LOS.

4. The only reason to enter into a long term relationship/marriage with any woman is to have kids. Are you ready for that? Because if you bring her over to the U.K., that's exactly what's going to happen.

5. Are you ready to provide financial assistence to the extended family you'll get with the girl?

6. Are you rady to pay a fee (sin sod) for marrying the girl?

7. Taking a young, poorly educated Thai girl with minimal life/work skills out of Thailand is never a good idea.

Spot on answer. Thankyou for your insite. Just a bit of a reply, I like things how they are, you know, going over there and basicly holidaying with her. She is a great girl. I understand and know what a challange that would be to bring her to the uk. I applied for a holiday visa as soon as I got bk to the uk and it got massivly turned down. (yeah know everything about that now!) I am fairly busy with working in england. Sometimes I feel a little guilty that she may be pinning all her hopes on me. She doesnt relise quite the size of a commitment from me that would require her to come and live in england. SHe calls me all the time and i do think the world of her but she does live 6500 miles away. Again thankyou for the reply

[lyne55]

Here we go again.

I am from the been here a long time/cynics camp.

I can't advise you as to what you should, or shouldn't, do. Just some obseravations and things you may want to consider:

1. You are a first timer or a newbie. This is what happens to first timers or newbies. It's all rather an exotic and overwhelming experience. Once you've been here (the LOS) a few times it won't be so exotic and overwhelming.

2. Would you marry a prostitute back where you come from?

3. You're only 27, what's the rush to tie the knot? Stay single for a few more years and enjoy yourself in the LOS.

4. The only reason to enter into a long term relationship/marriage with any woman is to have kids. Are you ready for that? Because if you bring her over to the U.K., that's exactly what's going to happen.

5. Are you ready to provide financial assistence to the extended family you'll get with the girl?

6. Are you rady to pay a fee (sin sod) for marrying the girl?

7. Taking a young, poorly educated Thai girl with minimal life/work skills out of Thailand is never a good idea.

Spot on answer. Thankyou for your insite. Just a bit of a reply, I like things how they are, you know, going over there and basicly holidaying with her. She is a great girl. I understand and know what a challange that would be to bring her to the uk. I applied for a holiday visa as soon as I got bk to the uk and it got massivly turned down. (yeah know everything about that now!) I am fairly busy with working in england. Sometimes I feel a little guilty that she may be pinning all her hopes on me. She doesnt relise quite the size of a commitment from me that would require her to come and live in england. SHe calls me all the time and i do think the world of her but she does live 6500 miles away. Again thankyou for the reply

Ah yeah, and the thing you said about supporting the extended family, is that how thai people live? I explained to her that I dont give my mum or dad money. I stand on my own 2 feet and there fine and look after themselves, they dont need any looking after. Her father died 9 years ago and her mother takes care of her little girl. She has been working in samui for about 11 months, maybe a little less than that. I see all the stories about having a child with a thai man then they run off, well thats exactly whats happened here. Back to the original point, I find it haed to grasp that she has to look after her family. I would have thought she would of wanted to see her little girl grow up?

She has friends in Samui, They love there job and dont want any farang boyfriends. They just like being with a new bloke every night. She finds that strange and I do a little but can understand they think there the queens of the island, blokes spunking money on them every night, drinks, hotels. Bit like a cheap rockstar. LOL.

I do take onboard your concerns with bringing a young uneducated girl bk to england and share that one with you no doubt!

[kerryk]

Holy cow you are mucking about with the way of life of expats in Thailand for the past 200 years.

Let me advise you. First you marry an English girl. Get a job and start a family in England. Make sure your children are educated and well off by the time your English wife wants to trade you in for a cat.

She gets a cat and a house and then you move to Thailand. Don't rush things. There are many experiences with marriage in the West that for sure you don't want to miss out on. You won't be ready for the trials and tribulations of life in Thailand unless you have some boot camp of being married in the West first.

You see things can get pretty bad in Thailand with floods, floating poop, angry ex husbands and loony family members but you will be ready for them after 30 years of marriage in the West.

Frankly you won't realize what a paradise Thailand and a 25 year old bar girl are unless you have 30 years of marriage with a cold inhospitable climate in the west under your belt.

Take things in order. Get married in the West and then after 30 years find paradise in Thailand.

The visa system, bar system and everything in Thailand is geared for this natural order of things.

[ludditeman]

Frankly you won't realize what a paradise Thailand and a 25 year old bar girl are unless you have 30 years of marriage with a cold inhospitable climate woman in the west under your belt.

If I might make a small change to your post!

(Just kidding)

@OP

You only gave her 10,000bht the once, plus every other guy she spent 10 days with gave her 10,000bht the once, some send more, some send every month.

Get the idea?

You don't mind sharing so that's OK, but don't trust her or believe what she tells you all that much, just have fun.

Thai girls should stay in Thailand, after a short while in England they become English girls, and you won't want that.

Edited October 30, 2011 by ludditeman

[welsh1]

Koh Samui, Green Mango the place is well know for lady boys, who waite in the dark and seedy corners, normally by the mens toilets.

Waiting to pounce on drunken falangs,

OP. just out of curiosity your G/F does she go by the name of CHRISTIE

Edited October 30, 2011 by welsh1

[zorro1]

firstly why marrry? you have the perfect long distance relationships as it is. You see most long distance relationships fail because one or the other partner starts sleeping around but in your case your mrs is already getting shagged most nights so you have nothing to worry about....right?

Secondly if you do marry there will always be a dark side that is unspoken until of course you have the inevitable big fight and you say something silly like ,"well at least Im not a whore!"

Then she gives you a looong stare along with a strange smile and its all down hill from there.

[David48]

OH ... what the heck, you're young!

Here on the Forum, you will find many wise guys with lots of experience (both Good and Bad) ... and lot's of 'wiseguys'.

Read their words and soon you will sort the 'wheat from the chaff'.

Read those treads that I posted before ... it's a start.

Google what is 'Sin Sod' ... I know that there are many threads here but I could not find the correct one quickly ... one of the wise guys will surely add it.

Read also ...

http://www.thaivisa....-of-thai-women/

http://www.thaivisa....f-3-thai-chicks

http://www.thaivisa....e-answers-only/

this post starts with ...

Posted 2011-08-22 21:39:03

me and wife having serious problems, we are in uk, i want a divorce now !!! we have 2 houses and a car in her name in thailand, she told me today i can have houses and car back but one house in thai villiage in isaan ( which no one will buy ) 1 house in pattaya that i want to keep only its in her name !!! 1 car in thailand which is in her name. she told me today she will sign papers for me to give me the pattaya house and my car back.

what can i now do, i can book flight back to thailand soon to resolve this matter urgently. ONLY THOSE IN THE KNOW PLEASE ADVISE ME, I DO NOT WANT MISLEADING INFO FROM SOMEONE WHO HAS NOT BEEN THROUGH IT.

THANKYOU

Thai Culture is an Ancient and wonderful Culture, Thai People are, on the whole are good hearted (jai dee), Thai food ... to die for, Thai's sense of 'Fun in all things' (Sanok) is a concept we don't have in the West and so much more.

Take the time to learn the Thai Culture and then yes ... maybe you have met the one.

Then you will understand when you fight it could be about Cultural differances or it could be a personality fight .. learn the differences between the two.

Cut her some slack on the Cultural differance dissagreements but stand up for for yourself then it comes to something personal ... don't be pussy whipped and you will gain more respect.

You have not experienced anything until you have had the 'Thai sulk' ... lasting anywhere between 3 hours and 3 days (legend has it that it can go on for a week or more).

NOTE:- 'Thai Sulk' ... not to be confused with 'Thai Silk' ... both very delicate things ... just handled differently!

But put in the 'hard yards' and learn the differences in our respective Cultures.

OH ... just so that you understand the monetary difference ... the minimum wage in Thailand, say for a basic factory worker is about 180 Baht a day ... $7 US or Aussie Dollars ... roughly 4 or 5 quid!

Giving her 10,000 Baht was 55 days wages for a factory worker or more then 2 months salary when you factor into the week-ends.

Ah Grasshopper ... so much to learn.

Chok dee muk marrk (a lot of good luck) :jap:

ps ... I have a Thai Girlfriend, manager, Uni Degree, same company 12 years ... best thing I every did ... and I've done a lot of things

Edited October 30, 2011 by David48

[Swiss1960]

lyne55

You have given yourself all the answers you need, you just have to read them correctly...

First of all, you know what work she does, which means she has another Farang every other night... do you accept this girl as your future wife? What do you tell your friends and parents where you met her and what work she does?

Second about money: You told her that you don't have much... which of course, she either does not believe as she sees you stay in hotels, buy her clothes, pay her salary when you are with her (which you do in her opinion, whether you call it salary or not...), take her to restaurants and from time to time give her "small" money... which is small to you but not to her. And if she has other guys like you (which undoubtly she has), she just might be very clever and not ask for your money as she gets enought from others... or she just enjoys being with you while you are there, because you are young and fun to be with and not one of her 50-70y old "regulars" who provide for her living...

Third about marriage and family: What do you think she will ask for when you take her to the UK and get married? First, you'll have double expenses for food, living, insurances, clothes etc. and all in UK pounds at UK prices and not any more in Baht at Thai prices. And then about the girl: Of course, she will tell you that she can not get married to you if you don't accept her girl coming with her... which triples your cost... or she will tell you that now you have to take care about the cost of living for her mother and her girl... and honestly, that would be a must-do, as right now, her mother and her girl live on the salary she makes from all those farang...

And finally... don't even think about marriage until she has seen you in the UK for at least two times 3 months on a visitors Visa... preferrably in winter time so she understands what it means to live there... and you understand what it means financially to have somebody at your side who needs lot of care and money... and you understand what it means to support her mother and little girl back home...

Now, I don't intend to talk you out of your plans... as I see from your previous answers to previous posts, you don't like any answers that are critical about your plans and ideas... reminds me of the thread "why ask questions if you don't want to hear honest answers"... So all I try to do is give you something to think about... by telling you to re-read your own posts and then make an educated guess about how long she will not be asking for money once you get married with her...

[expatdreamer]

Holy cow you are mucking about with the way of life of expats in Thailand for the past 200 years.

Let me advise you. First you marry an English girl. Get a job and start a family in England. Make sure your children are educated and well off by the time your English wife wants to trade you in for a cat.

She gets a cat and a house and then you move to Thailand. Don't rush things. There are many experiences with marriage in the West that for sure you don't want to miss out on. You won't be ready for the trials and tribulations of life in Thailand unless you have some boot camp of being married in the West first.

You see things can get pretty bad in Thailand with floods, floating poop, angry ex husbands and loony family members but you will be ready for them after 30 years of marriage in the West.

Frankly you won't realize what a paradise Thailand and a 25 year old bar girl are unless you have 30 years of marriage with a cold inhospitable climate in the west under your belt.

Take things in order. Get married in the West and then after 30 years find paradise in Thailand.

The visa system, bar system and everything in Thailand is geared for this natural order of things.

Kerry, you forgot to mention the dog, car, all the furniture and half your private pension scheme that the English wife gets after 30 years of marraige. But hey, you are still left with half a pension which you can make go a long way in LOS

[saxpirant]

[cWhat does she really think of me and others?

What does she really think of me and others?

She thinks the same as all the other hookers do, and that is as a farang you are a sucker and a money tree. She'll bleed you dry financially and move on to the next sucker and money tree.

Edited October 30, 2011 by saxpirant

[jimbeam1]

lyne55

You have given yourself all the answers you need, you just have to read them correctly...

First of all, you know what work she does, which means she has another Farang every other night... do you accept this girl as your future wife? What do you tell your friends and parents where you met her and what work she does?

Second about money: You told her that you don't have much... which of course, she either does not believe as she sees you stay in hotels, buy her clothes, pay her salary when you are with her (which you do in her opinion, whether you call it salary or not...), take her to restaurants and from time to time give her "small" money... which is small to you but not to her. And if she has other guys like you (which undoubtly she has), she just might be very clever and not ask for your money as she gets enought from others... or she just enjoys being with you while you are there, because you are young and fun to be with and not one of her 50-70y old "regulars" who provide for her living...

Third about marriage and family: What do you think she will ask for when you take her to the UK and get married? First, you'll have double expenses for food, living, insurances, clothes etc. and all in UK pounds at UK prices and not any more in Baht at Thai prices. And then about the girl: Of course, she will tell you that she can not get married to you if you don't accept her girl coming with her... which triples your cost... or she will tell you that now you have to take care about the cost of living for her mother and her girl... and honestly, that would be a must-do, as right now, her mother and her girl live on the salary she makes from all those farang...

And finally... don't even think about marriage until she has seen you in the UK for at least two times 3 months on a visitors Visa... preferrably in winter time so she understands what it means to live there... and you understand what it means financially to have somebody at your side who needs lot of care and money... and you understand what it means to support her mother and little girl back home...

Now, I don't intend to talk you out of your plans... as I see from your previous answers to previous posts, you don't like any answers that are critical about your plans and ideas... reminds me of the thread "why ask questions if you don't want to hear honest answers"... So all I try to do is give you something to think about... by telling you to re-read your own posts and then make an educated guess about how long she will not be asking for money once you get married with her...

That is about as honest an answer as you will get. Also kerryk wasn't far off either?

jb1

[kerryk]

Holy cow you are mucking about with the way of life of expats in Thailand for the past 200 years.

Let me advise you. First you marry an English girl. Get a job and start a family in England. Make sure your children are educated and well off by the time your English wife wants to trade you in for a cat.

She gets a cat and a house and then you move to Thailand. Don't rush things. There are many experiences with marriage in the West that for sure you don't want to miss out on. You won't be ready for the trials and tribulations of life in Thailand unless you have some boot camp of being married in the West first.

You see things can get pretty bad in Thailand with floods, floating poop, angry ex husbands and loony family members but you will be ready for them after 30 years of marriage in the West.

Frankly you won't realize what a paradise Thailand and a 25 year old bar girl are unless you have 30 years of marriage with a cold inhospitable climate in the west under your belt.

Take things in order. Get married in the West and then after 30 years find paradise in Thailand.

The visa system, bar system and everything in Thailand is geared for this natural order of things.

Kerry, you forgot to mention the dog, car, all the furniture and half your private pension scheme that the English wife gets after 30 years of marraige. But hey, you are still left with half a pension which you can make go a long way in LOS

Not once in 20 years of marriage did I ever mention Thailand. I never ate Thai food in the West.

I really don't know why but I kept the information to myself.

Now I live two blocks away from where I lived 40 years ago. I'm happy. It was not a cultural shock for me to come home to Thailand. I get a hair cut every two weeks from the same barber that cut my hair when I was 22. I even have a drink weekly with the same bar girl that I did when I was 22; she manages the bar now.

Why my ex wife in the West wanted my old truck I don't know and she didn't even like the dog but got him too.

The US is not the same as the UK and I got 100% of my pension. I was lucky she remarried.

Funny, I always knew I was coming back. I think it is the only thing that kept me sane for years.

[seedy]

4. The only reason to enter into a long term relationship/marriage with any woman is to have kids. Are you ready for that? Because if you bring her over to the U.K., that's exactly what's going to happen.

I can think of a few.

[Beetlejuice]

What this girl thinks of the OP and her intentions are secondary.

The most important factors are: what is the OP doing in Thailand and is he established in the UK?

For example in the UK: Is he employed? Does he have a residential address and I mean not living with parents or renting? And as my granddad used to say; does he have 2 halfpennies to rub together and a pot to piss in?

If not, then the OP hasn’t got a cat in hell's chance of getting this girl back to the UK with him and even if he did it would be a disaster.

To many young men these sorts of experiences are just big adventures and better to just make the most of it now before returning back to the home country and reality.

[mr78]

My experience with bar girls is that most of them just want to find a nice man (around the same age) to marry and have a stable life with. However my experience is based on Phuket bar girls (i had a bar there for a while). For sure there are som scammers out there, but not as many as some people make it out to be.

Pro tip: do not buy a bar in Thailand!

[outofoz]

My experience with bar girls is that most of them just want to find a nice man (around the same age) to marry and have a stable life with. However my experience is based on Phuket bar girls (i had a bar there for a while). For sure there are som scammers out there, but not as many as some people make it out to be.

Pro tip: do not buy a bar in Thailand!

please, tell us more, about the perils of bar ownership....and the bar girls

[veryruay]

OP, wake up!

Are you English? If so, your spelling is terrible. What advice you needed? You thought she spend 10 days with you, this means you are handsome, she's in love with you? Naive (this is the correct spelling )

Go get a life rather than wasting time.............................. Good luck

[lyne55]

Koh Samui, Green Mango the place is well know for lady boys, who waite in the dark and seedy corners, normally by the mens toilets.

Waiting to pounce on drunken falangs,

OP. just out of curiosity your G/F does she go by the name of CHRISTIE

LOL. Like. Na she doesnt go by that name. LOL.

[lyne55]

Thankyou for all your reply's. Yeah my spelling is, well crap, but you all knew what words I was trying to spell so, does it really matter? I dont mind critical answers, I like peoples advise and experiances. Im a newbie and I see on other posts the usual "arrrr your a muppet, get real" answers, but that really isnt any help. If someone said, yeah done the same thing as you, took the lady back to blighty and it all ended in tears, then thats an experiance. I just wanted some genuine answers and opinions, and theres a few on here that are just that. I havnt really made any plans, only to go back out there in december and see her for 2 weeks, were going to Vietnam for what should be a holiday of a lifetime, for both me and her. Ive got a better understanding of what to expect if I ever did bring her back. Sounds like keeping things as they are for a few years might be a good idea.

Yeah Im based in the uk, got my own house, steady job for the last 8 years. I met an old retired guy back in Samui who had his own amazing place on the beach front, a younger thia wife and his kids. I asked him a few things but his answers were very different to some I got on here. I did susspect he may well be sugar coating things and that has been confirmed. Im not a dummy and I wont be buying any houses in thailand anytime. The place is ok but i still prefer "home" to live.

Ile soon find out if she has other people just like me on her books because ile need 6 months of her bank statements for the visitor visa to england next summer. Even if thats not something i need ile still be checking them .

Yeah didnt quite know the level of money I sent her. You say nearly 2 months factory work. Blimey. Next time she wants to go home better send her 2000 Bht hay?

Na, she is a nice girl and I like spending time with her, just better keep me whits about and leave things just as they are.

Thankyou for all your replys, you input has been taken on board.............

[mr78]

please, tell us more, about the perils of bar ownership....and the bar girls

What would you like to know? Bare in mind that i'm not a scientist or anything, so my statements should not be misstaken for facts, but i will try my best

[mr78]

Lyne, just go for it, whats the worst that could happen? I took the chance with my girlfriend (who worked in a bar) and 5 years later i still think it's the best choise i ever made. Just don't go buying any houses or anything.

[veryruay]

You cannot differentiate whats a ladyboy and a real woman?

[thrilled]

Being your 27 and she's 22,she might want you to be the one.!st ask yourself are you hot,or just average looking?Is she hot or average looking.How is her personality.

If I was you I would take it slow with her and see what happens in the future.

I know many are reading this and saying sucker.Thats because they've been burned same as me.Good luck.