I had to get this off my chest.

A few years ago I found out that my husband had received oral sex from his caddy while golfing.

I still love my husband, but we do live apart now. And since he has been gone, I know that he has been spending time at bars and with bar-girls.

I hate it.

I always felt we had a lovely sex life. He is sweet and quite passionate, and I thought we were fine.

I still, for the life of me, cannot understand how anyone can enjoy intimacy without love. I am not a prude - rather conservative certainly - but not a prude. I am happy my unmarried daughter has boyfriends and I see she makes good choices. It is fine.

But this uncaring lust baffles me.

And I finally got the nerve to confront my husband (soon to be officially my 'ex' husband) about what he got out of it. Why he could do it?. We had a good talk! I don't hate him, and we still have a special love between us.

We had a real talk - about sex and his 'girls' and everything. Not angry, and not shy with each other. I asked him all sorts - about what he did with them. What they did... I asked some very explicit questions, and (to his credit) he gave me some very explicit and very graphic answers - even about some of of his fantasies. I was actually pretty shocked at some of what he revealed.

And I still don't understand.

I never like looking at men as 'beefcake', I know that men and woman have very different sex drives, and all that. I am not stupid. So I want to think that perhaps it is just a basic women/men thing.. Some basic difference between men and women allows for this (rather distasteful) uncaring lustful behaviour.

- - - - But here it is my problem. My confusion.

My husband assures me that these bar-girls enjoy sex with him. And I can't really believe it.

I know I would not enjoy - could not enjoy - touching or kissing or anything at all, with some stranger.

I suppose that if I were really drunk or something, I could 'feel a little frisky', but I know I would never act on it - no matter how inebriated I was. I couldn't do it, and I couldn't enjoy it.

I can understand 'affairs' - love can be very powerful, especially when hidden and shared. But these are not affairs.

My husband assures me that many - not all - but many of the girls are not drunk, and many (he believes!!!) just can enjoy sex without any real feeling about him at all. Not even know his name.

I believe that he is a pretty good lover, but it has never been about 'technique' with me. I never really spent much time thinking about it though. I was very comfortable in my marriage.

I suppose that I just can't see a woman enjoy being 'pawed', no matter how 'good' the 'pawer' is.

This is in my head too long now, and I had to get it out.

Is my husband deluding himself? Or what???

I hope this was not too risque, but I couldn't really tell any of my friends about it - I may be a little more conservative than most, but I am sure I am not alone here.

Thanks, M

Chiang Mai (or even Thailand) related?

2nd post since 2008...the other post is amusing....

Sorry - I live in Chiang Mai.

He was down on Loi Kroh Rd last night, I believe.

Bar girls like it...

reveiving money.

They'll say anything for the bahts,

and of course men believe what they say...

But you know this already.

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/Admin

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