Men From Changmai

[STEALTH K3]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

[KhunMarco]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

scratching my head on this one

Never noticed , really. They are generally more good mannered if you ask me ..

Note the word generally!

Edited November 30, 2005 by KhunMarco

[wimpy]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Have you ever thought of using punctuation?

[Jai Dee]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

scratching my head

A bit of puntuation might alleviate that itch... I'm scratching too...

[Tywais]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

You didn't say Thai or Farang. Most of the farangs I know you wouldn't say they looked feminine to their face. Come to think of it most of the Thai men I know would pound you silly if you told them that, smiling all the time of course and saying mai bpen rai, bang, mai bpen rai, bang .....

Edited November 30, 2005 by tywais

[chanchao]

> Have you ever thought of using punctuation?

Punctuation is for girlies, not real men, obviously.

[Maejo Man]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Any other earth shattering observations?

[lamphun]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

Could this be a case of "wishful thinking" by your bf and yourself.

[chuchok]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Could this be a case of "wishful thinking" by your bf and yourself.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Yeth, it could mean that you howwible perthon....

[Gulliver_in_LOS]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You should always go out with daddy and mummy. OK?

[meadish_sweetball]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

I've noticed some of the posters on the forum lately seem to resemble trolls (it takes one to know one).

You will find this useful

When you and your friend were not 'out by yourselves', who went with you?

[Gulliver_in_LOS]

How can somebody declare to be undercover and remains so?

G

Edited November 30, 2005 by Gulliver_in_LOS

[Guest endure]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You'd better not let my boyfriend hear you say that else he'll set the wife on you

[zzap]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

First time in Thailand/Asia, I guess?

Many Asian men seem "a bit feminine" at first glance or if you don't know how to judge their behaviour.

[Johpa]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thai culture does not allow alot of equality, even in marriage. Even new born Thai twins are divided into phii and noong. Yes, there are a few marriages of equals amongst the more educated, but they are few and far between. So once under the same roof there is some contesting as to who will be in primary control.

Thai men have a few options here. Some, a minority of Thai women, will cede the power position to the husband. Many men beat their wives into being the more submissive partner as domestic violence is pretty endemic. Other men aren't into physical abuse and retreat into drink figuring the fight is not worth it. But many men quickly take the more submissive position in the household and become somewhat feminized. Psycho Ologists might ascribe this to the domineering role of Thai women in the upbringing of the children. I have one friend, a professional business man working for a major Thai corporation, who lives in a home where his wife, a respected Achaan, has decorated the entire home akin to a young girls bedroom. I have to brace myself each time I cross their threshold. From the perspective of this unrepentant heterosexual, the guy appears to be rather feminine and he is not the only Thai guy I know in that situation, actually a pretty common outcome. But I find this a more common response in the city than in the villages.

Me and my fellow brother-inlaws married to the 7 sisters, as well as most of my Thai pals in the villages, retreat into drink as we are incapable of hitting our spouses while our spouses are incapable of accepting the opinion of others. Besides, the traditional Thai villages are still clusters of sisters who rarely fail to unite. Resistance is futile so please have the child go across the street and buy us another bottle of lao khao.

[kat]

There is a high rate of domestic abuse in the country, and the physical abuse goes both ways - men beating women, and women beating men.

[zzap]

Resistance is futile so please have the child go across the street and buy us another bottle of lao khao.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am still resisting, after I made the mistake to move with her to her village!

But hand me the lao khao anyway...

There is a high rate of domestic abuse in the country, and the physical abuse goes both ways - men beating women, and women beating men.

How did we get from feminine Chiang Mai men to domestic abuse?

In my personal observation, the violence is an extension of disagreement, rather than "abuse". Doesn't "abuse" require a defenseless victim? The scenes I have witnessed, either both were verbally or physically violent, or one (the man, actually) chose not to.

[kat]

Resistance is futile so please have the child go across the street and buy us another bottle of lao khao.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am still resisting, after I made the mistake to move with her to her village!

But hand me the lao khao anyway...

There is a high rate of domestic abuse in the country, and the physical abuse goes both ways - men beating women, and women beating men.

How did we get from feminine Chiang Mai men to domestic abuse?

In my personal observation, the violence is an extension of disagreement, rather than "abuse". Doesn't "abuse" require a defenseless victim? The scenes I have witnessed, either both were verbally or physically violent, or one (the man, actually) chose not to.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Sigh, do you need people to spell everything out for you?

We got to domestic abuse, from the topic itself, and from this direct quote:

"... Thai men have a few options here. Some, a minority of Thai women, will cede the power position to the husband. Many men beat their wives into being the more submissive partner as domestic violence is pretty endemic. Other men aren't into physical abuse and retreat into drink figuring the fight is not worth it. But many men quickly take the more submissive position in the household and become somewhat feminized. "

Also, your "personal observation" seems a bit warped, if you think violence is a natural outcome of disagreement.

[zzap]

No, I don't think it's a "natural outcome of disagreement".

But, unfortunately, I have seen a few arguments go that way - confirming what you stated earlier. I used to have a good overview across the slums stretching out behind my 3rd floor apartment. (no, I don't suggest violence is related to slums).

And the topic isn't about domestic violence, is it? Anyway, I am pretty off-topic as well now.

Men coming across as 'feminine' has, IMHO, nothing to do with Chiang Mai, but it can certainly lead to (public rather than domestic) violence, specially on a Friday night in the North of England or the South of the US!

But, I am glad to say, it is perfectly acceptable in Thailand.

[Guest endure]

Compared to the western idea of masculinity many Thai men come across as feminine - softly spoken - deferential - agreeable.

[Gulliver_in_LOS]

Thai culture does not allow alot of equality, even in marriage. Even new born Thai twins are divided into phii and noong.  Yes, there are a few marriages of equals amongst the more educated, but they are few and far between.  So once under the same roof there is some contesting as to who will be in primary control. 

Thai men have a few options here.  Some, a minority of Thai women, will cede the power position to the husband.  Many men beat their wives into being the more submissive partner as domestic violence is pretty endemic.  Other men aren't into physical abuse and retreat into drink figuring the fight is not worth it.  But many men quickly take the more submissive position in the household and become somewhat feminized. Psycho Ologists might ascribe this to the domineering role of Thai women in the upbringing of the children.  I have one friend, a professional business man working for a major Thai corporation, who lives in a home where his wife, a respected Achaan, has decorated the entire home akin to a young girls bedroom.  I have to brace myself each time I cross their threshold.  From the perspective of this unrepentant heterosexual, the guy appears to be rather feminine and he is not the only Thai guy I know in that situation, actually a pretty common outcome.  But I find this a more common response in the city than in the villages.

Me and my fellow brother-inlaws married to the 7 sisters, as well as most of my Thai pals in the villages, retreat into drink as we are incapable of hitting our spouses while our spouses are incapable of accepting the opinion of others. Besides, the traditional Thai villages are still clusters of sisters who rarely fail to unite.  Resistance is futile so please have the child go across the street and buy us another bottle of lao khao.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Interesting post. But can't see really how a man with domestic problems will make him show "feminine" qualities to other people outside his home, if at all. Also the final paragraph, stating that such person will usually resort to drinking, seems to contradict the initial argument.

Cheers,

G

[STEALTH K3]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

First time in Thailand/Asia, I guess?

Many Asian men seem "a bit feminine" at first glance or if you don't know how to judge their behaviour.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

No its the 3rd time within a year.

[STEALTH K3]

Thai culture does not allow alot of equality, even in marriage. Even new born Thai twins are divided into phii and noong.   Yes, there are a few marriages of equals amongst the more educated, but they are few and far between.   So once under the same roof there is some contesting as to who will be in primary control. 

Thai men have a few options here.  Some, a minority of Thai women, will cede the power position to the husband.  Many men beat their wives into being the more submissive partner as domestic violence is pretty endemic.  Other men aren't into physical abuse and retreat into drink figuring the fight is not worth it.  But many men quickly take the more submissive position in the household and become somewhat feminized. Psycho Ologists might ascribe this to the domineering role of Thai women in the upbringing of the children.  I have one friend, a professional business man working for a major Thai corporation, who lives in a home where his wife, a respected Achaan, has decorated the entire home akin to a young girls bedroom.  I have to brace myself each time I cross their threshold.  From the perspective of this unrepentant heterosexual, the guy appears to be rather feminine and he is not the only Thai guy I know in that situation, actually a pretty common outcome.  But I find this a more common response in the city than in the villages.

Me and my fellow brother-inlaws married to the 7 sisters, as well as most of my Thai pals in the villages, retreat into drink as we are incapable of hitting our spouses while our spouses are incapable of accepting the opinion of others. Besides, the traditional Thai villages are still clusters of sisters who rarely fail to unite.  Resistance is futile so please have the child go across the street and buy us another bottle of lao khao.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Interesting post. But can't see really how a man with domestic problems will make him show "feminine" qualities to other people outside his home, if at all. Also the final paragraph, stating that such person will usually resort to drinking, seems to contradict the initial argument.

Cheers,

G

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thats the sort of answer I was looking for thankyou

[kerryk]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Feminine men in Chiang Mai.

I took my Thai Princess to a male Go Go bar because she said it was only fair if she went with me to a female Go Go. To be completely accurate I took her and her girlfriend.

I guess one would expect to find feminine male dancers at a male Go Go, at least that is what I expected. The male dancers were anything but shy and they did not strike me as particularly gay at all. Most of them seemed pretty masculine and very friendly to me and the girls, especially the comics who found a lot of meat for their act with the girls being there.

The girls had so much fun that now every time we have an out of town female visitor we have to pay a visit to the male a Go Go.

I have discovered that four of the dancers live in my apartment complex with women and of course they all say hi to me as we pass in the lobby. My Thai Princess finds this very humorous.

To sum it up I have not found Chiang Mai men to be feminine. 90% of the time we go to Thai restaurants and clubs here and did the same when we lived in Bangkok.

My farang friends back in farang land all think I am here because Thai women are submissive. I have yet to meet a submissive Thai woman but no matter how hard I try to explain this to my friends or family back home they can’t seem to accept it.

[sbk]

I think the "metrosexual" appearance is more common in the bigger cities, I have noticed it more in Bangkok and rarely here. That said, it is true that people without a clear understanding of Thai behavior may find Thai men more "feminine" because they are soft-spoken, tend towards non-confrontation and don't feel the need to engage in the macho competitiveness of Western men. The fact of the matter is that Thai culture defines masculinity by different standards then Western culture.

[Guest endure]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Feminine men in Chiang Mai.

I took my Thai Princess to a male Go Go bar because she said it was only fair if she went with me to a female Go Go. To be completely accurate I took her and her girlfriend.

I guess one would expect to find feminine male dancers at a male Go Go, at least that is what I expected.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Assuming that this male Go Go bar catered to gay customers why would you expect the dancers to be necessarily feminine?

[kerryk]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Feminine men in Chiang Mai.

I took my Thai Princess to a male Go Go bar because she said it was only fair if she went with me to a female Go Go. To be completely accurate I took her and her girlfriend.

I guess one would expect to find feminine male dancers at a male Go Go, at least that is what I expected.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Assuming that this male Go Go bar catered to gay customers why would you expect the dancers to be necessarily feminine?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Because some gay guys like masculine men and some like feminine men. I assumed there would be a mix to cater to both. But it struck me as most of the dancers there were masculine.

[Guest endure]

Went to Changmai for the first time in November me and my friend noticed when we were out by ourselfs that a lot of the men were a bit feminine thats not a problem for me and him why is this is it the way they are bought up.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Feminine men in Chiang Mai.

I took my Thai Princess to a male Go Go bar because she said it was only fair if she went with me to a female Go Go. To be completely accurate I took her and her girlfriend.

I guess one would expect to find feminine male dancers at a male Go Go, at least that is what I expected.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Assuming that this male Go Go bar catered to gay customers why would you expect the dancers to be necessarily feminine?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Because some gay guys like masculine men and some like feminine men. I assumed there would be a mix to cater to both. But it struck me as most of the dancers there were masculine.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Apologies - I misread your post to mean you'd expect predominantly feminine dancers. My mistake

[OlRedEyes]

Me and my fellow brother-inlaws married to the 7 sisters, as well as most of my Thai pals in the villages, retreat into drink as we are incapable of hitting our spouses while our spouses are incapable of accepting the opinion of others. Besides, the traditional Thai villages are still clusters of sisters who rarely fail to unite.  Resistance is futile so please have the child go across the street and buy us another bottle of lao khao.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well, you seem to have the situation pretty much under control..

Anyway, it not just the Thai men who are effeminate. Look at the Chavs

[Gulliver_in_LOS]

Hello Ladies!

It's refreshing to have you for once in the chiangmai forum.

I agree that generally Thai men have soft verbal and body language manners. That can be seen as feminine from western point of view. However deep down they are one of the proudest people on earth. A proof of this is their high combative spirit during past wars, Thai boxing, and of course the concept of keeping face.

So don't be fooled by their appearances.

G