Dowry

[Rinrada]

In most 3rd world countries the womens parents pay the man to take their daughters off their hands but Thailand just likes to do it the other way round....doncha just luv em for it...TIT......think too mut...

[britmaveric]

We could pay 10 million baht and never be accepted into Thai culture, don't ever kid yourself on that point.

What about Western culture, it looks like a one-way street to me.

Accepted? I dare say a better word is tolerated mate - no matter how hard we try - you will never ever be fully accepted - that is as certain as death.

[Maigo6]

2 Examples I know of with Thai guys,

Him 16 she 17 .........30,000 baht sinsot

Him 18 she 18 ............ 80,000 baht sinsot.

None are from well off families, but it's the way things are done.

I don't see why Farangs complain so much about a sinsot of 100 - 200,000 Baht, wake up, we are only talking 3000 Pounds or 5,000 US$ even at the latter sinsot cost, and lets face it chaps, what would you get at home in your own country after spending a heck of a lot more for wedding dress, reception, cars, photographer, etc, etc, etc...........Yep, you got it, another future divorce statistic and another house lost..............

That's the reason many of the older guys that live and love in Thailand came here in the first place, the reason being, they have a financial advantage over many of the local men, so they are 'sexy men' for a while, attractive to women 20 - 30 years younger cos they are able to provide financial security for the female.

If guys want to come to Thailand and live the rock n' roll lifestyle you used to masturbate about when you was a kid, expect to spend some money for the privilage, think of the alternatives you left behind.

[Heng]

In most 3rd world countries the womens parents pay the man to take their daughters off their hands but Thailand just likes to do it the other way round....doncha just luv em for it...TIT......think too mut...

Actually some parents still do, in the form of gifts of substantial funds and property during/after the engagement ceremony. It's at the same time a way to put the groom in debt (not real debt, but in gratitude/greng jai, etc.) to the bride's family and at the same time acknowledging that the groom is worthy of the bride's family's acceptance.

[dog412]

why would anyone, without real clout or financial power, want to define themselves as more than they are? you may be setting yourselves up for ripe picking's, to say the the least. caveat emptor.

[brunodog]

why would anyone, without real clout or financial power, want to define themselves as more than they are? you may be setting yourselves up for ripe picking's, to say the the least. caveat emptor.

It's the whole face thing again. I agree with the point that yu may be setting yourself up for the future.

If a farang was to grossly overpay (I hate the financial /emotional terms cross over )for his sin sod, would this create the impression that they are incredibly wealthy. In the future less scrupulous members of his new Thai family may come to see him as a money tree.

The more I think about the sin sod discussion the more it highlights cross cultural differences

[dog412]

why would anyone, without real clout or financial power, want to define themselves as more than they are? you may be setting yourselves up for ripe picking's, to say the the least. caveat emptor.

It's the whole face thing again. I agree with the point that yu may be setting yourself up for the future.

If a farang was to grossly overpay (I hate the financial /emotional terms cross over )for his sin sod, would this create the impression that they are incredibly wealthy. In the future less scrupulous members of his new Thai family may come to see him as a money tree.

The more I think about the sin sod discussion the more it highlights cross cultural differences

unfortunately,it may be the whole family's face you may need to save. however, you will never be told any of this.why? you will find out , maybe, in good time. maybe not. how much time do you have!

[dog412]

2 Examples I know of with Thai guys,

Him 16 she 17 .........30,000 baht sinsot

Him 18 she 18 ............ 80,000 baht sinsot.

None are from well off families, but it's the way things are done.

I don't see why Farangs complain so much about a sinsot of 100 - 200,000 Baht, wake up, we are only talking 3000 Pounds or 5,000 US$ even at the latter sinsot cost, and lets face it chaps, what would you get at home in your own country after spending a heck of a lot more for wedding dress, reception, cars, photographer, etc, etc, etc...........Yep, you got it, another future divorce statistic and another house lost..............

That's the reason many of the older guys that live and love in Thailand came here in the first place, the reason being, they have a financial advantage over many of the local men, so they are 'sexy men' for a while, attractive to women 20 - 30 years younger cos they are able to provide financial security for the female.

If guys want to come to Thailand and live the rock n' roll lifestyle you used to masturbate about when you was a kid, expect to spend some money for the privilage, think of the alternatives you left behind.

[dog412]

part of the equation, may be be that the thai female, and her family, is at a disadvantage as to the right's of the husband. the goldigger's in rural thailand are the male's. may be very difficult for the wife to separate from the husband,and if the husband was clever, get's advantage to her families estate.

[Rj 81]

Don't pay out a sin sod that you can't afford!

People are talking serious amounts of money on here, if the family ask for too much tell them it's not happening. You should then come to a more realistic agreement. If they start playing funny buggars, they are trying to fleece you.

Remember they have got to accept you aswell as the other way round, if they can not accept that you can't afford what they are asking for then there are not the type of family I would like to be marrying into.

Also if the parents are like that, then whats the daughter going to be like?

As for the people who say don't pay a sin sod blah blah blah, don't listen to them, they are just scrooges with no understanding or wanting to understand of different cultures. In other words, "my way is the right way, that is that" ect...

Anyway best of luck, am sure you'll have fun!

[udon]

We could pay 10 million baht and never be accepted into Thai culture, don't ever kid yourself on that point.

What about Western culture, it looks like a one-way street to me.

Accepted? I dare say a better word is tolerated mate - no matter how hard we try - you will never ever be fully accepted - that is as certain as death.

Agree 100%.

After I went offline last night , that was the word that came to mind.

It's a bit like the way we regard Muslims in Aus, they will never be accepted in Aus by Anglo-Europeans as Aussies.

[chuchok]

We could pay 10 million baht and never be accepted into Thai culture, don't ever kid yourself on that point.

What about Western culture, it looks like a one-way street to me.

Accepted? I dare say a better word is tolerated mate - no matter how hard we try - you will never ever be fully accepted - that is as certain as death.

Agree 100%.

After I went offline last night , that was the word that came to mind.

It's a bit like the way we regard Muslims in Aus, they will never be accepted in Aus by Anglo-Europeans as Aussies.

yeah they will,but they would have to be second generation and be really good at AFL,League etc. The Wops and Greeks were never accepted, but now Stavoros and mario are as Aussie as a boxing day test match.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

We could pay 10 million baht and never be accepted into Thai culture, don't ever kid yourself on that point.

What about Western culture, it looks like a one-way street to me.

Accepted? I dare say a better word is tolerated mate - no matter how hard we try - you will never ever be fully accepted - that is as certain as death.

Agree 100%.

After I went offline last night , that was the word that came to mind.

It's a bit like the way we regard Muslims in Aus, they will never be accepted in Aus by Anglo-Europeans as Aussies.

yeah they will,but they would have to be second generation and be really good at AFL,League etc. The Wops and Greeks were never accepted, but now Stavoros and mario are as Aussie as a boxing day test match.

and a sausage sizzle

[udon]

Well, 2nd gen or not, would you be seen drinking with a bloke who looks like a Taliban reject, wearing an ankle length dress and a white skullcap or black turban?

My mate Mo, the Donner Kebab King, here in Beirut

Sorry...... off topic, but I couldn't resist it!

[Soju]

Refuse to pay sin sot and you will find out how much your bride to be, loves you.

Or from the Thai girl's perspective,

"Have a man refuse to pay sin sot and you will find out how much more he loves his money than you."

If you really love your money so much that you can't stand the thought of parting with some of it for the sake of love, then maybe you don't really love her at all. Love and marriage is a risk. Nobody can guarantee 100% success. If you aren't willing to take that risk, then you'll be much better off to just rent a girl.

Of course, as has already been mentioned by many others, there are some situations where little or no dowry should be expected, such as if the woman has been previously married and/or has children. But if the woman is not "damaged goods" and it is her family tradition for a dowry to be paid, then testing her love for you by refusing to part with a few months of a westerner's salary may look very bad in her eyes and/or her family's eyes.

For those who say that both need to give and take in adjusting to each other's cultures - that's true to some extent. But also realize that in most cases the man is the one traveling to her country. If you really want someone who has the same values and principles as yourself, and who doesn't expect a dowry to be paid, then why didn't you find someone from your own country? From her perspective, she may think you are being extremely unreasonable in looking for someone from another culture and then trying to change her. Of course if she came to your country and found you, then you would have a more valid point for not wanting to accept all of her culture. So I'd say give and take, but the one who is traveling to the other's country should be the one who is more willing to give and the one who should be more understanding of the other's culture.

[raro]

Refuse to pay sin sot and you will find out how much your bride to be, loves you.

Or from the Thai girl's perspective,

"Have a man refuse to pay sin sot and you will find out how much more he loves his money than you."

absolutely right...it's a catch 22 situation...

[Jai Dee]

Some good food for thought Soju... well said.

[udon]

Easy to see who paid a bride price and who didn't or won't.

[Soju]

Easy to see who paid a bride price and who didn't or won't.

Yes, and easy to see who's happily married and who's still single searching for the elusive orphan TG with no family

[udon]

Easy to see who paid a bride price and who didn't or won't.

Yes, and easy to see who's happily married and who's still single searching for the elusive orphan TG with no family

I'm a renter, not a buyer. ]

Besides, TGs are very thin on the ground in Beirut.

I haven't started looking yet.

[Jai Dee]

Easy to see who has made an attempt to understand/accept/integrate with the culture, and those who didn't or won't.

Sorry udon... we're at opposite ends of the spectrum on this issue.

Just for info BTW, all, repeat all of my married Thai engineers (I have approximately 20 of them working for me) paid sin sot for their brides.

[raro]

Easy to see who paid a bride price and who didn't or won't.

Yes, and easy to see who's happily married and who's still single searching for the elusive orphan TG with no family

[Soju]

Easy to see who paid a bride price and who didn't or won't.

Yes, and easy to see who's happily married and who's still single searching for the elusive orphan TG with no family

I'm a renter, not a buyer. ]

Besides, TGs are very thin on the ground in Beirut.

I haven't started looking yet.

Well if you're a renter, then no need to even be discussing a dowry. You'd have to be pretty stupid to think of paying a dowry for a rented GF.

Some of us get great enjoyment out of owning rather than renting, and a few months salary spent to purchase seems to be a most excellent deal. And if for some reason, down the road, my purchase breaks down, gets stolen or needs replacing, I will gladly purchase another model and am sure it will also be an excellent bargain for me.

Before anyone jumps on me, the above comments were said with tongue firmly in cheek. I truly love my Thai soul mate and would never think of "trading her in" for anything in the world. And I didn't purchase her. She's given me much more than I could ever give to her. I may have parted with a bit of my money, but she devotes much more of her time and effort into making a happy home for us than I spend working to make the small amount of cash that it takes to make her and her family feel secure that I'm really seriously in love with her.

[Jai Dee]

Before anyone jumps on me, the above comments were said with tongue firmly in cheek. I truly love my Thai soul mate and would never think of "trading her in" for anything in the world. And I didn't purchase her. She's given me much more than I could ever give to her. I may have parted with a bit of my money, but she devotes much more of her time and effort into making a happy home for us than I spend working to make the small amount of cash that it takes to make her and her family feel secure that I'm really seriously in love with her.

That's the nicest thing I've read on ThaiVisa all week.

Good on you.

[udon]

Sorry udon... we're at opposite ends of the spectrum on this issue.

You can put a ring around that!

Sin sot = BS

[britmaveric]

If all things were equal and you could say you have all the benefits afforded a thai lad then I'd see no problem following a tradition if need be. However this isn't the case.

Any rate we are chasing our tails here, as I said prior sin sot isnt black/white - there are options and one shouldn't go into it thinking it happens at every marriage because it doesnt.

-If you want to pay, go ahead your dosh, and if you don't pay fine too - marriages are on equal footing on either scenario. It's what you the two people in a relationship make of a marriage not if a sinsot was paid or not.

[bannork]

One of my nieces is getting married next month, she finished M3, sinsot 70,000 baht. Her older sister who's a bit brighter, finished M6, had someone interested but her parents wanted 100,000 baht. He didn't have it so that was the end of that, or rather him. Another brother in law's daughter got married for the second time, sinsot, 40,000 baht.

In my experience the girls who come from secure and stable families will usually require sinsot. Orphans or those from broken homes are another story.

[britmaveric]

One of my nieces is getting married next month, she finished M3, sinsot 70,000 baht. Her older sister who's a bit brighter, finished M6, had someone interested but her parents wanted 100,000 baht. He didn't have it so that was the end of that, or rather him. Another brother in law's daughter got married for the second time, sinsot, 40,000 baht.

In my experience the girls who come from secure and stable families will usually require sinsot. Orphans or those from broken homes are another story.

You are completely offbase about stable/secure families require sinsot infact direct opposite from my experience and btw there is no second sinsot for a lady who has been married previously.

[Neeranam]

Was the best investment I ever made.

She's looked after me for 5 years now, provided a little girl who is the apple of my eye, and of course is it the way things are done here.

I got a great return for my money.

Good job I'm not always a stingy bastard, or I would have missed out on a wonderful life.

Why do some people try to change the ways the way Thais do things? Believe me it can't be done!

Noone is making us stay here.

Edited February 3, 2006 by Neeranam

[dr_Pat_Pong]

One of my nieces is getting married next month, she finished M3, sinsot 70,000 baht. Her older sister who's a bit brighter, finished M6, had someone interested but her parents wanted 100,000 baht. He didn't have it so that was the end of that, or rather him. Another brother in law's daughter got married for the second time, sinsot, 40,000 baht.

In my experience the girls who come from secure and stable families will usually require sinsot. Orphans or those from broken homes are another story.

You are completely offbase about stable/secure families require sinsot infact direct opposite from my experience and btw there is no second sinsot for a lady who has been married previously.

Correcto