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History

Featured Replies

> World History - As it really happened

>

> Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.

> They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer & would go to

> the coast and live on fish and lobster in winter.

>

> The 2 most important events in all of history were the invention of

> beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man

> to the beer.

> These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the

> catalyst for the splitting of humanity into 2 distinct subgroups:

> Liberals and Conservatives.

>

> Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning

> of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were

> invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around

> waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the

> brewery. That's how villages were formed.

>

> Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at

> night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is

> known as "the Conservative movement."

>

> Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live

> off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing

> the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the

> Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into

> women. The rest became known as 'girliemen.'

>

> Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of

> cats, the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of

> Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that

> conservatives provided.

>

> Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,

> most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are

> symbolized by the jackass.

>

> Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer

> white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their

> beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal

> fare.

>

> Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have

> higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,

> personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and

> group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter

> rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.

>

> Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide

> for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys,

> lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police

> officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally

> anyone who works productively.

> Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to

> work for a living.

>

> Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to "govern" the

> producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe

> Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the

> liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America.

> They crept in after the Wild West was tame and created a business of

> trying to get MORE for nothing.

>

> Here ends today's lesson in world history:

>

> It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily

> respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply

> laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that

> it will be forwarded immediately to other "true believers."

>

> While it may be true that these facts are mildly distorted, I'll bet

> you ended up with a smile ~~~ I did....

PKG

" Another interesting revolutionary side note: most of their women have

> higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers,

> personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and

> group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter

> rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat."

Liberals also have a higher proportion of people with post-graduate degrees :o

  • Author

Sorry Boon

I did not see that posted before. The funny thing is I had you in mind when I posted it. I thought you would like it.

PKG

Nice session boys. Does either one of you swallow?

:o:D :D

Taoism: shit happens

Buddhism: if shit happens, it isn't really shit

Islam: if shit happens, it is the will of Allah

Catholicism: if shit happens, you deserve it

Judaism: why does this shit always happen to us?

Atheism: I don't believe this shit

  • Author
Nice session boys. Does either one of you swallow?

what's the matter? the misses have a head ache

Nice session boys. Does either one of you swallow?

No, bet you do though... :o

Message strike a little too close to home there for ya does it, eh? :D

Nice session boys. Does either one of you swallow?

No, bet you do though... :o

Rapier like repartee!

Nice session boys. Does either one of you swallow?

No, bet you do though... :o

I'd have to be pretty stupid to swallow the abject nonsense you dish up on a too regular basis....

Well, that's what the ignore feature is for, Bud! :D

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