Is Getting Your Partner Out Of Thailand The Key To A Successful Relationship

[ludditeman]

I reckon if losing your house means more to you than losing your wife then you probably shouldn't have got married. Or a mortgage.

SC

It took me 30 years (and 300,000UKP) to buy a house but less than 6 months (and 2,000UKP) to buy find a new wife.

Statistically that indicates to me the house is between 60x and 150x more important than the wife (depending on whether you value time or money more).

@expat .... SNAP!

Edited February 13, 2012 by ludditeman

[cardholder]

In The UK, one in three marriages between 1995 and 2010 ended in divorce; there is a similar rate in Australia and in the USA it is estimated that 40% of all marriages end in divorce and 49% of all marriages involve a re-marriage for one or both spouses.

So we can see that even marriages between partners with closer cultural, language and backgrounds and with probably lesser age gaps, that the chances of having a successful marriage are not great.

Add these other factors and it is hardly surprising that so many Thai/farang marriages fail.

The OP mentioned that most Thais would return to Thailand after their marriage broke up. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the reason the marriage failed was due to their desire to go back home, although I concede this could well be the case for many.

Even if the Thai wife had adapted quite well to life in her husband’s country and was reasonably content to live there indefinitely, once the marriage had failed, it is only natural that she would wish to return to her own country to be amongst her own family and friends. Although, there again, I know of a number of Thai women, including one my ex’s, who have opted to stay in their adoptive country, post-divorce.

We can only look at general trends and try to extrapolate what your own wife may or may not do or feel in similar situation, but there are so many exceptions that it might be a fairly pointless exercise. Every lady is different, and as I said in a previous post, you really have to be brutally honest about your relationship and the type of lady you have married.

I would venture to suggest that if the marriage isn’t working in Thailand, then it is unlikely to work any better on the other side of the world. But who can say for sure?

You don't normally keep a car longer than 4 years, do you ?

[cardholder]

I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad.

Ditto

There are a large number who are not keen to return to Isaan once they have reaped the fruits of their 'labours' overseas.

They can still love their country, love their King, love their Buddha from 10,000 km away and without having to get their hands dirty sowing rice.

[transam]

In The UK, one in three marriages between 1995 and 2010 ended in divorce; there is a similar rate in Australia and in the USA it is estimated that 40% of all marriages end in divorce and 49% of all marriages involve a re-marriage for one or both spouses.

So we can see that even marriages between partners with closer cultural, language and backgrounds and with probably lesser age gaps, that the chances of having a successful marriage are not great.

Add these other factors and it is hardly surprising that so many Thai/farang marriages fail.

The OP mentioned that most Thais would return to Thailand after their marriage broke up. That doesn’t necessarily mean that the reason the marriage failed was due to their desire to go back home, although I concede this could well be the case for many.

Even if the Thai wife had adapted quite well to life in her husband’s country and was reasonably content to live there indefinitely, once the marriage had failed, it is only natural that she would wish to return to her own country to be amongst her own family and friends. Although, there again, I know of a number of Thai women, including one my ex’s, who have opted to stay in their adoptive country, post-divorce.

We can only look at general trends and try to extrapolate what your own wife may or may not do or feel in similar situation, but there are so many exceptions that it might be a fairly pointless exercise. Every lady is different, and as I said in a previous post, you really have to be brutally honest about your relationship and the type of lady you have married.

I would venture to suggest that if the marriage isn’t working in Thailand, then it is unlikely to work any better on the other side of the world. But who can say for sure?

You don't normally keep a car longer than 4 years, do you ?

Yep, I do. Had one for 23 years.

[ludditeman]

You don't normally keep a car longer than 4 years, do you ?

Yep, I do. Had one for 23 years.

My current car is 17 years old, but I think a load of other guys drove it before me.

Edited February 13, 2012 by ludditeman

[cardholder]

You don't normally keep a car longer than 4 years, do you ?

Yep, I do. Had one for 23 years.

My current car is 17 years old, but I think a load of other guys drove it before me.

I am sure a few of the guys had a ride in it during those 17 years

[DP25]

I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad.

Ditto

There are a large number who are not keen to return to Isaan once they have reaped the fruits of their 'labours' overseas.

They can still love their country, love their King, love their Buddha from 10,000 km away and without having to get their hands dirty sowing rice.

Why the hell would they have to get their hands dirty sowing rice after living abroad? That's why so few Thais stay overseas, a couple years working there and you can buy a house or start a business in Thailand and have a better quality of life than in the US.

[Briggsy]

I don't think it's fair to take a thai girl out of Thailand. As someone said they love their country, their food and music. They love to chat with their friends and of course their number one priority FAMILY. It must be hell for them to go to another country, have no friends, can not speak the language well, no TV, and maybe a cold climate (like Scotland). I think it's just asking for trouble to take them abroad.

Ditto

There are a large number who are not keen to return to Isaan once they have reaped the fruits of their 'labours' overseas.

They can still love their country, love their King, love their Buddha from 10,000 km away and without having to get their hands dirty sowing rice.

Why the hell would they have to get their hands dirty sowing rice after living abroad? That's why so few Thais stay overseas, a couple years working there and you can buy a house or start a business in Thailand and have a better quality of life than in the US.

Indeed both cardholder and DP25 are correct here.

If I can extrapolate cardholder's theory, divorce hubby overseas and avail yourself of [currently] very generous benefits in Western Europe for single mothers. (Note to Thais aiming to achieve this: Norway, Switzerland, Sweden, repeat and absorb)

[Livinginexile]

I'm living and working in Cambodia at the moment, do you think this applies to Cambodian girls too or is this just a Thai girl thing?

I mean, only Thai women marry for money right?

[Ijustwannateach]

Thanks for the point of order, David48, but I can interpret Thailand's post in the context of the thread- yes, individual gay relationships are more volatile- not least because of the lack of social glue reinforcing them- but what I've seen doom the gay relationships that I've seen move abroad isn't some inherent 'instability of gayness', but unreality on the part of the couple. I know plenty of VERY long term gay relationships- many much longer than most straight marriages that I know from my parents' generation.

And as I said, I've no wish to set up a life in another country at the moment and wouldn't engage with Thais who were too enthusiastic about such a move. So I think I personally avoid one of the factors which lead to such disappointments. Also, I am not overly in denial about my own prospects and best interests- generally, if I were making a wishlist for an ideal relationship, I'd be looking for someone within about 5 years of my own age.

[theblether]

The earlier post referring to the Thai lady saying smugly that she was going to take the guys house only goes to prove that you can pick a wrong 'un anywhere in the world.

I do get amazed at the amount of men that risk the fruit of their entire lives work here in Thailand, and I know many of you will be nodding your heads in agreement.

Ijustwannateach says his wishlist would include having a partner within 5 years of his own age........most successful relationships are between people of approx the same age. That most notorious swordsman Russell Brand has just divorced Katy Perry because she wanted to go clubbing and he wanted to sit at home in his cardigan. We are an age for a reason!!

However back on topic, maybe there should be a check-list of things to do before you take your Thai partner home.......possibly,

1. Protect your assets with a pre-nuptial agreement?

What would you put on the check-list?

[David48]

... maybe there should be a check-list of things to do before you take your Thai partner home.......possibly,

1. Protect your assets with a pre-nuptial agreement?

What would you put on the check-list?

Good thoughts for a new thread (if it hasn't been done before) ... want to OP it?

Should be some great ideas in the first couple of pages ... after that, most likely, they will just get interesting!

Edited February 13, 2012 by David48

[punch]

I've recently heard a few of my friends saying that getting your partner out of Thailand and living for a while in your own country is critical for the success of your relationship. I can see a logic in that however I have also heard of stories where doing just that has badly disrupted and destroyed some relationships that have gone well.

What's been your experience on this issue? Would you agree that people doing this have a greater chance of a long term relationship? Or does it just open a new set of problems?

I would suggest that giving your wife access to the courts in your home country would be a recipe for financial disaster, for those men in the 50% of marriages that eventually end in divorce. The odds are bad!

Yes, fully agree with this.

Recent case in point, just look at poor old "punch" at http://www.thaivisa....-and-i-know-it/

Never did hear how it ended up for "punch", but it certainly isnt a good sign when your Thai wife, after only 2 years in Australia, looks you directly in the eyes and tells you smugly she is going to take your house, and get a new rich husband to support her and her daughter. And by the way, guess how long a relationship is required to last in Oz in order for you to have to hand over half your house if the relationship goes pear shaped - wouldnt you know it, its 2 years - funny that.

And no, she wasnt an ex bar girl, she had a degree, good job, car, etc And the age difference at 17 years is a bit larger than normal for Oz standards but certainly not unworkable. Also sounded like the Thai wife really enjoyed her "girls nights out" with her Thai married girlfriends in Oz....

Hi Expat, still here. PM you.

I would add to this thread that its possible to bring a thaigirl/wife to your own country if she ticks a few boxs. Like the my first thai gf I had or met here in australia, she wanted it! wanted to addapt, love mixing with locals, eating our food, going to raves, loved movies, did not play on facebook, or watch Thai soaps and could care less about a thai contact here in oz. Some one on this thread who had a wife who was like this and she still lives in the uk. If your gf/wife is crazy about fb loves thai soaps loves herself (over the top) and spends hours taking pictures of herself, cant live with out thai food then leave her in Thailand. I know now maturity plays a big part. Thai girls at 30 are about as mature as a 22 year old westurner. So all the old thai ladies I know in my area are living happliy with there hubbies but all the 20 somthing thai girls and there hubbies are all in a mess, out root'n, gambling, sponging of there hubbies. Same old storry.

Ludditman-- everything you say is gold. I always have a good chuckle.

[South]

As to responses from folks like Ulysses. G .....Well, anyone with 27,000+ posts obviously has no life whatsoever and therefore has no experience of how life is

The old "too many posts argument". How clever.

But true, is it not?

As to responses from folks like Ulysses. G .....Well, anyone with 27,000+ posts obviously has no life whatsoever and therefore has no experience of how life is and is in my opinion in no position at all to comment on others. Simple as that..

Here we go again.

Surely everyone has a right to make a contribution to this debate without being slagged off?

You state that UG is in no position to comment on others... yet that is exactly what you are doing - commenting on others.

What gives you that right? What on earth do you know about UG or anyone else who contributes to this debate? You judge a man purely because he has made 27,000 posts on an internet forum.

Even five times married alcoholics and posters with 27,000+ posts to their name have a right to an opinion?

Disagree with them - by all means - but slag them off! why? Does it make you feel good?

Slagging nobody off at all - just stating (if you care to read) that anybody/any poster who has that number of posts spends ... again, IN MY OPINION, an extortionate amount of time in cyberland. That's one good thing about the www. everyone can have their voice. I only used UG's name because it was there within the thread, could have been anybody.

What exactly is the difference between disagreeing and slagging off then? What exactly are you doing? Does it make you feel good?

[Ulysses G.]

I work in front of a computer 6 hours a day and spend about 10 minues posting during that time. Your silly claim that someone with a lot of posts "has no life whatsoever and therefore has no experience of how life is" is absurd and has nothing to do with the topic of the thread.

[farang000999]

I am of the opinion that taking your wife out of Thailand will likely have disastrous results. One of two things will likely happen. The first is that she could hate where you took her, miss Thailand and be miserable. The second and far worse thing is that she may like it and soon become westernized.

What does it mean to be "westernized"?

[farang000999]

Depends on the age difference if the Thai lady is 15 years plus younger than her farang partner then she will almost certainly have affairs behind his back (seen this happen so often)

Why is it more likely to happen outside Thailand than inside Thailand?

[hotandhumid]

I am of the opinion that taking your wife out of Thailand will likely have disastrous results. One of two things will likely happen. The first is that she could hate where you took her, miss Thailand and be miserable. The second and far worse thing is that she may like it and soon become westernized.

I like that and it makes sense.

[Briggsy]

Many couples relocate to Western nations in order to give their kids a chance of a better education, career and life prospects.

[hotandhumid]

Depends on the age difference if the Thai lady is 15 years plus younger than her farang partner then she will almost certainly have affairs behind his back (seen this happen so often)

Why is it more likely to happen outside Thailand than inside Thailand?

Why do you keep asking stupid questions?

[Mobi]

Slagging nobody off at all - just stating (if you care to read) that anybody/any poster who has that number of posts spends ... again, IN MY OPINION, an extortionate amount of time in cyberland. That's one good thing about the www. everyone can have their voice. I only used UG's name because it was there within the thread, could have been anybody.

What exactly is the difference between disagreeing and slagging off then? What exactly are you doing? Does it make you feel good?

So, tell me; what part of ….

“As to responses from folks like Ulysses. G .....Well, anyone with 27,000+ posts obviously has no life whatsoever and therefore has no experience of how life is”

….is you disagreeing with something UG said, and not just ‘slagging him off’?

Pray show me which part of UG’s post that you have disagreed with in your above diatribe. ...and why?

I’ll tell you what I am doing - I am taking issue with anyone who comes on this forum, and instead of making an intelligent contribution to an interesting discussion, merely ruins the discussion for everyone by making snide, personal attacks against another poster.

I can tell you that I am sick and tired of people who are only using Thai Visa to take vicarious pleasure by insulting and upsetting other members, and it’s high time that us regular folk called them out whenever they appear in threads with their odious little posts. It is people like this who make many folk so many reluctant to post anything at all, and also forces many to leave Thai Visa and go elsewhere.

Yes “everyone can have their voice on the www”, but if you wish to join a community that engages in civilised discussion then you have to follow the rules of that community.

Thai Visa rule 4 states, in part: …Not to flame fellow members….'Flaming' is defined as posting or responding to a message in a way clearly intended to incite useless arguments, to launch personal attacks, to insult, or to be hateful towards other members

Rule 5, states, in part… Not to post inflammatory messages… or trolling…Trolling can be defined as the act of purposefully antagonizing other people on the internet by posting controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response or to generally disrupt normal on-topic discussion.

If you do not wish to follow the rules, you can always start your own forum where you can hide behind your computer screen and slag people off with malicious, unsubstantiated slurs to your heart’s content, notwithstanding the fact that personal attacks are tantamount to ‘cyber bullying’ which , in extreme cases, can lead to tragic consequences.

Rant over…my apologies to the OP. Let the debate continue….

[meatboy]

totaly agree with you mobi,i have come across a few,antaganists i call them.

[farang000999]

Depends on the age difference if the Thai lady is 15 years plus younger than her farang partner then she will almost certainly have affairs behind his back (seen this happen so often)

Why is it more likely to happen outside Thailand than inside Thailand?

Why do you keep asking stupid questions?

So when you take a girl to a Western country she will cheat because of all the young men yet this won't happen in Thailand because............... ?

[Mobi]

Depends on the age difference if the Thai lady is 15 years plus younger than her farang partner then she will almost certainly have affairs behind his back (seen this happen so often)

Why is it more likely to happen outside Thailand than inside Thailand?

I will tell you one true story - of which I have many. My last Thai wife was quite young and very beautiful. It was few years back when I was still in reasonable shape and looked OK-ish , but of course anyone could see there was a wide age gap.

I once took her on a luxury cruise out of Singapore, and she was the only Thai lady there - one of few ladies on the cruise under 30 - and I can tell you, she dressed to kill.

A majority of the passengers were middle aged couples from Perth in Australia. We became quite friendly with a number of them, but it transpired that many took my wife to one aside and told her that they felt so sorry for her being 'saddled' with an 'old' man and that they were generally disgusted that I would have the affront to marry such ayoung girl and parade her in such a fashion. This view was coming from both men and women.

My wife thought it was hilarious as she had never heard anyone say anything like this before, as of course in Thailand, no matter what anyone thinks, they would keep it to themselves. In any case, large age differences in Asia, are pretty much accepted - not only amongst farang/Thai couples, but also with Thai/Thai marriages. It is not at all uncommon for a rich Thai man to marry a Thai woman a third of his age - as indeed was the case in Europe a hundred years ago.

The point of this anecdote is that if I had taken this particular wife to the UK, she would have become more aware that such an age difference is frowned upon in the west and this would have undoubtedly made her feel more uncomfortable s time went on. It may have eventually contributed to a break down into the marriage.

Well, it broke down anyway... but that's another story..

Personally, I have always thought that it would be a mistake to take a very young Thai wife to live with me in England for this very reason. The only one I did take was many years ago, when I was much younger and the difference in our ages was only 10 years!.....

[hotandhumid]

Depends on the age difference if the Thai lady is 15 years plus younger than her farang partner then she will almost certainly have affairs behind his back (seen this happen so often)

Why is it more likely to happen outside Thailand than inside Thailand?

Why do you keep asking stupid questions?

So when you take a girl to a Western country she will cheat because of all the young men yet this won't happen in Thailand because............... ?

I wouldn't have said that it's necessarily an age thing. If you are saying that you don't know the difference between the majority of western men here and the majority of western men in the UK then you are a bit naive to say the least. Also, she will be in more daily contact with western men therefore increasing the likelihood of it happening, and they won't all be arrogant losers like the majority of western blokes here. Pretty simple really.

[Ijustwannateach]

I'd just like to say, as a mod this time, that I agree completely with UG and Mobi. We don't need that kind of inflammatory material here or elsewhere on TV.

[Berkshire]

Why is it more likely to happen outside Thailand than inside Thailand?

Why do you keep asking stupid questions?

So when you take a girl to a Western country she will cheat because of all the young men yet this won't happen in Thailand because............... ?

I wouldn't have said that it's necessarily an age thing. If you are saying that you don't know the difference between the majority of western men here and the majority of western men in the UK then you are a bit naive to say the least. Also, she will be in more daily contact with western men therefore increasing the likelihood of it happening, and they won't all be arrogant losers like the majority of western blokes here. Pretty simple really.

You summed it up pretty well, H&H. Let me explain it another way to our naive, young (?) grasshopper. Firstly, he should recognize that Thai girls who date/marry farangs are not typical Thai girls. Most (not all) are in it for financial reasons or have a farang fetish of sorts. Secondly, and as H&H pointed out, most (not all) farang guys who come to Thailand searching for a Thai wife are not, shall we say, top tier guys. So when these girls are brought to the west, they will see that there are many more well-to-do farang guys (for the money-girls) and attractive and desirable farang guys (for the farang fetish girls). And she will find out pretty quick (if she's young and even mildly attractive) that she's in demand. If she has any sense at all, she will jump ship. As H&H suggested, pretty simple really.

[Ulysses G.]

Depends on the age difference if the Thai lady is 15 years plus younger than her farang partner then she will almost certainly have affairs behind his back (seen this happen so often)

Why is it more likely to happen outside Thailand than inside Thailand?

Why do you keep asking stupid questions?

So when you take a girl to a Western country she will cheat because of all the young men yet this won't happen in Thailand because............... ?

Because the great majority of young, Westerm men in Thailand are not exactly the cream of the crop.

Edited February 14, 2012 by Ulysses G.

[ludditeman]

I am of the opinion that taking your wife out of Thailand will likely have disastrous results. One of two things will likely happen. The first is that she could hate where you took her, miss Thailand and be miserable. The second and far worse thing is that she may like it and soon become westernized.

What does it mean to be "westernized"?

Becomes aware her pussy is worth than 1.000bht a night ????

(can I say that?)

Thinks she should/could have a younger man?

Thinks she can have your house, your pension, and a younger man?

Thinks you aren't as rich as you appeared on holiday in Thailand?

"because she's worth it" ??

Just a few random suggestions, take your pick!

Edited February 14, 2012 by ludditeman

[theblether]

Slagging nobody off at all - just stating (if you care to read) that anybody/any poster who has that number of posts spends ... again, IN MY OPINION, an extortionate amount of time in cyberland. That's one good thing about the www. everyone can have their voice. I only used UG's name because it was there within the thread, could have been anybody.

What exactly is the difference between disagreeing and slagging off then? What exactly are you doing? Does it make you feel good?

So, tell me; what part of ….

“As to responses from folks like Ulysses. G .....Well, anyone with 27,000+ posts obviously has no life whatsoever and therefore has no experience of how life is”

….is you disagreeing with something UG said, and not just ‘slagging him off’?

Pray show me which part of UG’s post that you have disagreed with in your above diatribe. ...and why?

I’ll tell you what I am doing - I am taking issue with anyone who comes on this forum, and instead of making an intelligent contribution to an interesting discussion, merely ruins the discussion for everyone by making snide, personal attacks against another poster.

I can tell you that I am sick and tired of people who are only using Thai Visa to take vicarious pleasure by insulting and upsetting other members, and it’s high time that us regular folk called them out whenever they appear in threads with their odious little posts. It is people like this who make many folk so many reluctant to post anything at all, and also forces many to leave Thai Visa and go elsewhere.

Yes “everyone can have their voice on the www”, but if you wish to join a community that engages in civilised discussion then you have to follow the rules of that community.

Thai Visa rule 4 states, in part: …Not to flame fellow members….'Flaming' is defined as posting or responding to a message in a way clearly intended to incite useless arguments, to launch personal attacks, to insult, or to be hateful towards other members

Rule 5, states, in part… Not to post inflammatory messages… or trolling…Trolling can be defined as the act of purposefully antagonizing other people on the internet by posting controversial, inflammatory, irrelevant or off-topic messages with the primary intent of provoking other users into an emotional response or to generally disrupt normal on-topic discussion.

If you do not wish to follow the rules, you can always start your own forum where you can hide behind your computer screen and slag people off with malicious, unsubstantiated slurs to your heart’s content, notwithstanding the fact that personal attacks are tantamount to ‘cyber bullying’ which , in extreme cases, can lead to tragic consequences.

Rant over…my apologies to the OP. Let the debate continue….

No apology required Mobi..........we had a real set to on another subject a couple of months ago and things became quite heated. Over the course of time many of us have heated debates with other members.

It's the mark of a man that you can agree, disagree, disagree vehemently, and agree to disagree then move on without malice. I am as capable as any of rising to the bait but I would like to think I'm just as capable of apologizing when I get it wrong.

The quality of your posts, and your searing honesty on this topic have been an eye opener. There have been many excellent contributions on this topic, thank you very much and let's continue and see how much more we can learn.