Is Getting Your Partner Out Of Thailand The Key To A Successful Relationship

[473geo]

If you have a good relationship it shouldn't matter. The problem is that too many western men arrive in Thailand with "somebody, anybody, please marry me" plastered across their forehead, and run to the ampho with the first girl who calls them "hansum". Then when it goes wrong they blame Thailand.

Quite frankly you've nailed it..........

Agreed. Most of the problems with relationships of foreigners in Thailand are problems with RELATIONSHIPS, not problems with Thailand. And woe to those who offer advice, because it will be ignored and you will be punished for it- right up to the moment they suddenly see the light, and then start wondering why no one warned them.

But to follow that train of thought indicates, as I have said before, that only the unprepared are victims of their ignorance, I would like to see the evidence that only 'rocky' relationships fail if the man takes his wife overseas. Because if as I suspect, this is not the case, you are trying to find a convenient excuse for the fact that actually many Thai women may be happier to make a home in Thailand than elsewhere.

[theblether]

If you have a good relationship it shouldn't matter. The problem is that too many western men arrive in Thailand with "somebody, anybody, please marry me" plastered across their forehead, and run to the ampho with the first girl who calls them "hansum". Then when it goes wrong they blame Thailand.

Quite frankly you've nailed it..........

Agreed. Most of the problems with relationships of foreigners in Thailand are problems with RELATIONSHIPS, not problems with Thailand. And woe to those who offer advice, because it will be ignored and you will be punished for it- right up to the moment they suddenly see the light, and then start wondering why no one warned them.

But to follow that train of thought indicates, as I have said before, that only the unprepared are victims of their ignorance, I would like to see the evidence that only 'rocky' relationships fail if the man takes his wife overseas. Because if as I suspect, this is not the case, you are trying to find a convenient excuse for the fact that actually many Thai women may be happier to make a home in Thailand than elsewhere.

Luckily trains run on two tracks.......relationships which are badly set from the start are unlikely to survive irrespective of where you settle, and the only thing we can control is ourselves. If we lose all grip on reality when we arrive in Thailand then we are lambs to the slaughter.

Going forward though, to a potential move to your home country, that will bring it's own set of problems to even a good and stable relationship, such as isolation. That type of problem is easier to overcome in a stable and loving relationship than in one that is rocky and tenuous from the start.

Note I said easier to overcome......not certain to be overcome.

[473geo]

We are looking at the root cause, taking your wife to your home country.....how dibilitating to any marriage is this move. How strong the pull of family, the draw of a return to the more relaxed lifestyle in Thailand........there may be contributory factors such as the strength of the relationship before the move, but to make these factors primary, result in a plethora of generalisations......the question to answer....... can solid relationships flounder because the wife moved to the country of the husband....if the answer is yes then it is worthy of second thought before you take your Thai wife 'home' even if you are in a stable solid relationship......the risk factor may be higher given some circumstance......but exactly how high is the risk factor in an otherwise solid relationship?

[theblether]

We are looking at the root cause, taking your wife to your home country.....how dibilitating to any marriage is this move. How strong the pull of family, the draw of a return to the more relaxed lifestyle in Thailand........there may be contributory factors such as the strength of the relationship before the move, but to make these factors primary, result in a plethora of generalisations......the question to answer....... can solid relationships flounder because the wife moved to the country of the husband....if the answer is yes then it is worthy of second thought before you take your Thai wife 'home' even if you are in a stable solid relationship......the risk factor may be higher given some circumstance......but exactly how high is the risk factor in an otherwise solid relationship?

There lies the root of this topic..........

In my own experience I alluded to earlier, my ex-wife felt very isolated when we lived in Germany, ( we're both Scottish ) particularly after giving birth.

I would trace the beginning of the end of my marriage to that isolation, she came home to Scotland a few months after childbirth, and even though the marriage lasted another 10 years it was never the same again.

I was intending bringing my GF over for three months this year, and I had planned on enrolling her on an English language course while she was here. Obviously to improve her English, but also to fill her time and to get her meeting new people.

I'm not that vacant that I feared her taking off with someone else or having friends out with me, I'm a boyfriend, not a jailer.

The way it turned out, I dumped her last week. It was during the inquest with my pals as to why I had dumped her that the whole notion of the topic of this thread came up. My pals were adamant this was the key, I thought I would ask a wider audience. It's been interesting reading.

[Ijustwannateach]

If you have a good relationship it shouldn't matter. The problem is that too many western men arrive in Thailand with "somebody, anybody, please marry me" plastered across their forehead, and run to the ampho with the first girl who calls them "hansum". Then when it goes wrong they blame Thailand.

Quite frankly you've nailed it..........

Agreed. Most of the problems with relationships of foreigners in Thailand are problems with RELATIONSHIPS, not problems with Thailand. And woe to those who offer advice, because it will be ignored and you will be punished for it- right up to the moment they suddenly see the light, and then start wondering why no one warned them.

But to follow that train of thought indicates, as I have said before, that only the unprepared are victims of their ignorance, I would like to see the evidence that only 'rocky' relationships fail if the man takes his wife overseas. Because if as I suspect, this is not the case, you are trying to find a convenient excuse for the fact that actually many Thai women may be happier to make a home in Thailand than elsewhere.

I'm afraid I have no data on that. The only relationships that I would have judged as sound were between gay guys who were happy to stay here. Some of those broke up, too, but after a very significantly long period of time.

[harrry]

If you have a good relationship it shouldn't matter. The problem is that too many western men arrive in Thailand with "somebody, anybody, please marry me" plastered across their forehead, and run to the ampho with the first girl who calls them "hansum". Then when it goes wrong they blame Thailand.

Quite frankly you've nailed it..........

Probably is part of it but also is the fact that thai girls are obsessed with security and this is gained in general through their family and their husband's perceived status (and money). When they go abroad they lose the security of their family and generally lose the security of the above average family income as it becomes a low income overseas.

Of course in the case oof theblether's country they also have to put up with Braw bright moonlit nichts and low flying cloud.

[David48]

I'm not that vacant that I feared her taking off with someone else or having friends out with me, I'm a boyfriend, not a jailer.

The way it turned out, I dumped her last week. It was during the inquest with my pals as to why I had dumped her that the whole notion of the topic of this thread came up. My pals were adamant this was the key, I thought I would ask a wider audience. It's been interesting reading.

Firstly the quote "I'm a boyfriend, not a jailer" ... brilliant!

Secondly ... any chance, if the emotional angst isn't too much can you enlighten us on just exactly why "you dumped her" If you decide not to I understand because the time taken to manage a thread like this must be enormous, let alone the opening of your personal situation to all and sundry ... but I'd love to know!

David 48

[theblether]

I'm not that vacant that I feared her taking off with someone else or having friends out with me, I'm a boyfriend, not a jailer.

The way it turned out, I dumped her last week. It was during the inquest with my pals as to why I had dumped her that the whole notion of the topic of this thread came up. My pals were adamant this was the key, I thought I would ask a wider audience. It's been interesting reading.

Firstly the quote "I'm a boyfriend, not a jailer" ... brilliant!

Secondly ... any chance, if the emotional angst isn't too much can you enlighten us on just exactly why "you dumped her" If you decide not to I understand because the time taken to manage a thread like this must be enormous, let alone the opening of your personal situation to all and sundry ... but I'd love to know!

David 48

Well the emotional angst aspect is at an all time low........the reason why I dumped her was that she was in possession of a Thai personality.

She managed to disguise it well for a long time, but eventually it forced it's way to the surface.

For those of you that don't have a clue what I'm talking about, my best Thai male pal explained it to me thus........

" The first day you meet your lady she is so sweet you cannot believe, the second day you meet her you cannot believe that she is as sweet as you remember the first day, on the third day you cannot believe the lady you met the first two days can bark like dog "

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Anybody out there recognize that description

By the way, don't worry about my emotional state, I'm back in Glasgow, I went on POF, and by Saturday night I was jumping all over a Zimbabwean nurse. Normally the best cure for Thailand is Thailand, but POF runs it a close second

pps If a female mod sees this I'm a dead man.

[ludditeman]

" The first day you meet your lady she is so sweet you cannot believe, the second day you meet her you cannot believe that she is as sweet as you remember the first day, on the third day you cannot believe the lady you met the first two days can bark like dog "

I like that quote!

[theblether]

" The first day you meet your lady she is so sweet you cannot believe, the second day you meet her you cannot believe that she is as sweet as you remember the first day, on the third day you cannot believe the lady you met the first two days can bark like dog "

I like that quote!

It's very accurate in my experience.........I've met some of the most demure, gentle, delicate ladies in the World here in Thailand. However they can flick a switch and go into Tasmanian Devil mode in a heartbeat.

To be honest with you I find it fascinating, although I do prefer it when the Tasmanian wrath is not aimed at me.

[cdnvic]

Removed one insulting post and the reply to it.

[tlusername]

This thread is quite hilarious, especially the blokes on here summing up a whole countries female populace based on their failed relationships with a prostitute.

[saxpirant]

The problem with that if ones moves to a Western country she is going to meet a lot of handsome, young, successful guys and might decide that she can do better in life with very little effort on her part.

Maybe bring her to the Phillipines where there are enough seedy Western losers hanging around to make an average fellow seem a little more attractive and it might even be cheaper to live than here.

isnt this an admission that you have nothing to offer a woman but money?

YES!!

[saxpirant]

And there's probably not much more they're looking for than money and a more secure future?

[theblether]

This thread is quite hilarious, especially the blokes on here summing up a whole countries female populace based on their failed relationships with a prostitute.

Lets be hearing your views on the topic then.........

[StreetCowboy]

This thread is quite hilarious, especially the blokes on here summing up a whole countries female populace based on their failed relationships with a prostitute.

Lets be hearing your views on the topic then.........

I don't feel qualified to comment since I don't have a failed relationship with a bar girl yet...

Just kidding, of course I have!

(don't want to look like a newbie, do I?)

SC

[rotary]

Recipe for failure in most cases taking them out of country long term in many instances I have seen in last 20 plus years. Also defeats the purpose of marriage to a Thai so you can have a cheap retirement in my opinion. You might as well marry a person from the country you intend to stay in.....less problems long term.

[tlusername]

This thread is quite hilarious, especially the blokes on here summing up a whole countries female populace based on their failed relationships with a prostitute.

Lets be hearing your views on the topic then.........

First off I was not having a pop at you OP. Its more at the posters who really think they have the whole Thai female populations inner psyche sussed out. These expert views are all to often founded on a very small view they have collated over the years, which tends to be rooted on inner resentment of whole their own life has played out.

Anyway my views are that if you are with the right person then it really does not matter where you live, its going to be failure or success should you live in either Surrey or Surit Thani.

So to put it on the line, if an individual is thinking they perhaps need to move countries to make a relationship work, then its not off to a good start.

Edited February 19, 2012 by tlusername

[RichBKK]

Nah, isnt necessary

My fiance and I live with her family over here, have done for 3 years now. She likes the UK and is a [nearly] fluent English speaker but suits both of us living out here as her mother is about to retire and her dad had a stroke not so long ago. Also here I can make some cash as a freelance writer/editor without at this point having to work for an employer while in the UK the job market is completely dead

in my case we are of similar age, similar interests, backgrounds [middle-class] and can communicate easily enough. My Thai is bad but her family have picked up English pretty well. Having things in common is the most important thing i find. Our main shared interest is football actually, we both get up in the middle of the night to watch matches and stuff

[IsaanUSA]

I started a very similar thread a few months ago but did not recieve many replies.

This thread has done well. Good information / opinions in here.

My thread was more regarding the English-speaking Thai lady moving to her husband's country where the language is not English. The Thai lady has to learn a new language meanwhile the husband and wife communicate in English, their second languages.

Personally I feel it would be much easier for an English-as-a-second-language Thai to live in a country where English is spoken. Moving to Germany or Sweden may sound fun, but I think the additional language strain increases the feeling of isolation.

What are your experiences involving the Thai lady having a baby in their new foreign country? At least they won't be stuck at home with nothing to do. Now they will be stuck at home taking care of their baby that will likely never speak Thai. How sad is it that grandma can't even speak with her grand children when she sees them once every few years?

[Orac]

I started a very similar thread a few months ago but did not recieve many replies.

This thread has done well. Good information / opinions in here.

My thread was more regarding the English-speaking Thai lady moving to her husband's country where the language is not English. The Thai lady has to learn a new language meanwhile the husband and wife communicate in English, their second languages.

Personally I feel it would be much easier for an English-as-a-second-language Thai to live in a country where English is spoken. Moving to Germany or Sweden may sound fun, but I think the additional language strain increases the feeling of isolation.

What are your experiences involving the Thai lady having a baby in their new foreign country? At least they won't be stuck at home with nothing to do. Now they will be stuck at home taking care of their baby that will likely never speak Thai. How sad is it that grandma can't even speak with her grand children when she sees them once every few years?

I can't answer your question about a Thai lady having a baby in a foreign country but it does raise an issue as I think I pointed out earlier in this thread. When my wife became pregnant in the UK it was the catalyst for us moving to Thailand as, although the NHS care in the UK was impressive up to the point we left, there is no way that my wife would have received the family support and help in the UK from my family that she would get from being back in her Isaan village.

[IsaanUSA]

I started a very similar thread a few months ago but did not recieve many replies.

This thread has done well. Good information / opinions in here.

My thread was more regarding the English-speaking Thai lady moving to her husband's country where the language is not English. The Thai lady has to learn a new language meanwhile the husband and wife communicate in English, their second languages.

Personally I feel it would be much easier for an English-as-a-second-language Thai to live in a country where English is spoken. Moving to Germany or Sweden may sound fun, but I think the additional language strain increases the feeling of isolation.

What are your experiences involving the Thai lady having a baby in their new foreign country? At least they won't be stuck at home with nothing to do. Now they will be stuck at home taking care of their baby that will likely never speak Thai. How sad is it that grandma can't even speak with her grand children when she sees them once every few years?

I can't answer your question about a Thai lady having a baby in a foreign country but it does raise an issue as I think I pointed out earlier in this thread. When my wife became pregnant in the UK it was the catalyst for us moving to Thailand as, although the NHS care in the UK was impressive up to the point we left, there is no way that my wife would have received the family support and help in the UK from my family that she would get from being back in her Isaan village.

And do you personally believe that decision to move has helped your relationship to grow and continue with your wife? I would assume it has.

[Orac]

I started a very similar thread a few months ago but did not recieve many replies.

This thread has done well. Good information / opinions in here.

My thread was more regarding the English-speaking Thai lady moving to her husband's country where the language is not English. The Thai lady has to learn a new language meanwhile the husband and wife communicate in English, their second languages.

Personally I feel it would be much easier for an English-as-a-second-language Thai to live in a country where English is spoken. Moving to Germany or Sweden may sound fun, but I think the additional language strain increases the feeling of isolation.

What are your experiences involving the Thai lady having a baby in their new foreign country? At least they won't be stuck at home with nothing to do. Now they will be stuck at home taking care of their baby that will likely never speak Thai. How sad is it that grandma can't even speak with her grand children when she sees them once every few years?

I can't answer your question about a Thai lady having a baby in a foreign country but it does raise an issue as I think I pointed out earlier in this thread. When my wife became pregnant in the UK it was the catalyst for us moving to Thailand as, although the NHS care in the UK was impressive up to the point we left, there is no way that my wife would have received the family support and help in the UK from my family that she would get from being back in her Isaan village.

And do you personally believe that decision to move has helped your relationship to grow and continue with your wife? I would assume it has.

A very difficult question to answer as we have no way of really knowing what might have happenned had we decided to stay in the UK. I think the situation would have been very stressful for my wife had we stayed and that would clearly have put a strain on things, however, the decision to move to Thailand also posed its own problems. I was not keen to leave my wife in Thailand whilst I stayed in the UK working so I cut down on the amount of work I did in the UK and moved to her village near Nong Khai which I found very difficult to deal with even with the frequent trips back to the UK. We relocated to Pattaya about 18 months ago now to get my daughter near a decent school and I am much happier with the surroundings and our relationship seems to be as strong as ever (as far as I know anyway!) though the financial situation in the UK could give us serious problems in the future and force me to return to full time work there.

Bottom line is there is no straight forward answer to the OPs question since there are so many variables in play and everyones circumstances will be different.

Edited February 24, 2012 by Orac

[IsaanUSA]

Orac I commend you for the fine dedication you have to your family. Very nice