The Folly Of Trying To Help A Local Girl

[cheynewalk]

A friend of mine recently related a tale of woe after he tried to help out a young lady who worked in his regular massage shop. There was no funny business involved with the girl and he only went there for his regular foot massages.

He had been going there regularly for the past 6 months or so and developed a friendship with this girl who usually provided his foot massages. She seemed to be hard working, with a bright, friendly personality and he used to tip her generously as he knew she sent money back to her family in Issan.

Over the past couple of weeks he noticed this girl hadn't been there very often and upon inquiring, the other girls explained she had been sick lately. The next time he saw her for his massage she didn't look well at all and he asked her what was wrong. She said that there was something wrong with her blood (he couldn't figure out what) and the doctor said she needs medicine and complete rest for a month. Of course she couldn't afford to do that and my mate, after a short chat with her about finances, gave her 5,000 baht for her rent, food and medicine so she could take off the month and have a complete rest. He liked the girl and thought it a good opportunity to help someone less fortunate.

Anyway, this was last week and just today he went to his usual shop for his regular foot massage and after he finished, the girl he had lent the money to was waiting for him. He realised a bit later of course one of the girls in the shop must have phoned her and told him he was back at the shop. She needed to speak with him urgently, so they went off for a coffee and she asked him if he would buy her mobile phone off her for 4,000 baht. He said he already had one and didn't need any more, but she explained she needed the money to pay the rent. The penny dropped then of course and she reluctantly admitted using the money he had given her to buy this new phone and didn't have any money left. He was pissed off to say the least and despite her entreaties refused to buy the phone back from her. Her attitude changed at this point and she then accused him of not helping, he was a bad man and now she would have to sell the phone for less than this at a phone shop. She then told him she would tell all the other girls how badly he had treated her and not to come back to the salon. With that she stomped off leaving him infuriated, flabbergasted and confused.

So now, through an act of kindness, he is not only out of pocket 5,000 baht, but he has lost a friend and is reluctant to return to his favourite massage place for fear of the other girls reactions! I think I know how he will react in future when another Thai asks him for financial assistance.

[kaspercat]

No good deeds goes unpunished!

[kaorop]

Maybe the phone had a placebo effect and she got well after buying it?

[orchis]

the white man's burden.

[villagefarang]

Some might read this and say what a terrible girl. I read it and see a very naive punter who has learned little in his short stay in Thailand. No one to blame but himself.

[jaiyenyen]

A perfect example of 'Thai Logic'

Your friend should not feel too bad about what has happened. He knows in his heart, he did what many decent,caring people would have done. He helped someone in ( What he believed to be ) their time of need.

[wana]

more than likely she has a dozen guys and pulling the same shit with all of them

every idiot thinks he the first and only guy for these girls and they tell the same story to 5-10 new guys per day

i met a gorgeous girl once ,we got on great for a few weeks and then she asked me if i would stop seeing other women

and stay with her only bla bla bla because she had been single for 3 years since divorce

i am not that big of an idiot ,i made a fake account ,on the same internet site i met her on and contacted her online

she told the fake acount as well she hadnt been with anyone for 3 years when we had been fXXking daily for 2 months

(AND STILL WERE )

Later i found out her divorce was only 14 months earlier (not 3 years ) and she had at least 1 farang BF imediately after ( that i now about )

oho and 2 kids ,not 1 like she said

and all through this time she had ANOTHER 3rd guy on reserve,as a back up plan if things didnt work out with me (she forgot to sign out of skype so i could read what she said and when she said it to him

needless ,to say ,she got som nom na in the end ........but im sure she is somewhere ,doing it to some other guys now

its just how it works

[h90]

rofl

[bendejo]

Anyone else remember old cartoons where the clever character looks at another and sees a big, walking lollipop (aka 'sucker')?

Caring for others may be considered virtuous in Western culture, in this part of the world it makes you a chump.

Live and learn,

Yeah. your friend needs to find a new massage place. He now has a 5k baht story to tell.

[IanForbes]

It's a bit of a sad story, but very little was really lost. Some people learn from their mistakes and others don't, and I'm not talking about the guy doing the charity. I've helped lots of local girls and expected nothing in return. Some used the money wisely and others were stupid and burnt their bridges. But, somewhere down the chain a person in need benefited from the help.

[robblok]

Yes all Thai girls are bad and all foreigners are good. I seen so many guys screwing multiple girls at a time and feel bad when the girls do the same thing.

If this case is true and i assume it is the guy was right and the girl was wrong. Anyway many guys here use the girls too, so its only natural that there will be girls who are bad too.

In between you got good guys and good girls.

[4evermaat]

It's a bit of a sad story, but very little was really lost. Some people learn from their mistakes and others don't, and I'm not talking about the guy doing the charity. I've helped lots of local girls and expected nothing in return. Some used the money wisely and others were stupid and burnt their bridges. But, somewhere down the chain a person in need benefited from the help.

As usual ian, you are on top of things.

"2nd best time to plant a tree is today." Sent from TV android app.

[Ijustwannateach]

The OP's friend took a risk and it didn't work out. Doesn't mean he was stupid to try, though I think I would have waited until I knew someone a bit better- 2-3 years or more, and already have a phone number, for instance. I have offered help and/or gifts to people who were potentially 'friends' that i have met in service positions, and usually I do not regret it- though I'd have to say that a massage worker is probably a bit riskier than, say, a waiter or an office worker.

[wana]

The OP's friend took a risk and it didn't work out. Doesn't mean he was stupid to try, though I think I would have waited until I knew someone a bit better- 2-3 years or more, and already have a phone number, for instance. I have offered help and/or gifts to people who were potentially 'friends' that i have met in service positions, and usually I do not regret it- though I'd have to say that a massage worker is probably a bit riskier than, say, a waiter or an office worker.

some of the waitresses in beer bars get more cock than the bargirls themselves ....i have seen them getting tapped every night of the week sometimes ,i think its that more guys think shes cute + innocent rather than the "slutty" girls dancing naked around a pole with their hips gtrating to the music

[villagefarang]

The OP's friend took a risk and it didn't work out. Doesn't mean he was stupid to try, though I think I would have waited until I knew someone a bit better- 2-3 years or more, and already have a phone number, for instance. I have offered help and/or gifts to people who were potentially 'friends' that i have met in service positions, and usually I do not regret it- though I'd have to say that a massage worker is probably a bit riskier than, say, a waiter or an office worker.

some of the waitresses in beer bars get more cock than the bargirls themselves ....i have seen them getting tapped every night of the week sometimes ,i think its that more guys think shes cute + innocent rather than the "slutty" girls dancing naked around a pole with their hips gtrating to the music

Its called marketing.

[Bakeman]

Live and learn.

[IanForbes]

The problem that I see is those who are offering help expect something in return. I never expect anything in return... other than my own pleasure in helping others. Now, if someone abuses my trust then it's THEIR problem, not mine. I've lost nothing.

[manarak]

The problem that I see is those who are offering help expect something in return. I never expect anything in return... other than my own pleasure in helping others. Now, if someone abuses my trust then it's THEIR problem, not mine. I've lost nothing.

this is a quite buddhist and a good way to see things.

I would have advised the girl to tell the story to a monk at her next visit at the Wat.

[David48]

but he has lost a friend

don't really think so ... maybe it was friendship in your friends eyes, but obviously not hers.

<snip>

Caring for others may be considered virtuous in Western culture, in this part of the world it makes you a chump.

Actually 'caring' is an integral part of the Thai Culture and should be admired as such ... the trick is to know who to take care and how.

The OP has provided a good example of who not to take care of and how not to.

.

Edited March 12, 2012 by David48

[eek]

Ow, too bad, but well, it was still a nice thing your friend did. :/

Yes all Thai girls are bad and all foreigners are good. I seen so many guys screwing multiple girls at a time and feel bad when the girls do the same thing.

...aint that the truth! Ive known quite a few guys that have been exactly that way. Complaining about the Thai girls theyve been with not being faithful blah blah, and i turn it back by saying "well, neither are you"..and their reply: "but thats not the same". Yehh...

[StreetCowboy]

It's a bit of a sad story, but very little was really lost. Some people learn from their mistakes and others don't, and I'm not talking about the guy doing the charity. I've helped lots of local girls and expected nothing in return. Some used the money wisely and others were stupid and burnt their bridges. But, somewhere down the chain a person in need benefited from the help.

He was lucky to find out what she was like when he did. Imagine if he had gone to the same shop for years...

THB 5,000 to get rid of fake friends is not a heavy price.

SC

[theblether]

Welcome to the Grapevine of Greed, the School of Suckerology.

These girls are not born greedy, the closer to tourists they get the easier it is for the grapevine to get a grip of them.

You are the crop, the wise girl cherry picks todays fruit, the greedy girl uses a scythe.

All the while there are snakes hanging off the grapevine whispering poisonous lessons.

Think of it like one big Nigerian scam, but Nigerian scammers dream

of the success rate.

This post looks cynical, but the real cynics are the snakes hanging off the grapevine. It's breathtaking how they perceive you, you are a wallet, an ATM to be emptied, and the trick is is to hit you at your most vulnerable and defenceless. That being for most people when they are on holiday. Every tourist spot in the world has scammers operating. From Las Vegas to the Pyramids, Bangkok to Blackpool, the crop is being picked every day.

This corruptive grapevine is on a separate dynamic from normal Thai family needs/ wants / desires. It is a different animal.

Recognize it for what it is, it's an industry, the crop is you, the technique is the sob story, and the fertilizer is your good heart.

Personally, the one I hate most in Thailand is the flower selling kids scam. After midmight, 4 year old kids, a flower, and every farang woman falls for it, guaranteeing that child a lifetime of neglect as they will never see the inside of a school. They are now children of the night.

This industry will never change, there will always be a new crop of good hearted people, there will always be snakes hanging off the grapevine, and there will always be girls being taught the rules.

What can change though is your understanding of what is going on, so in future the OP's friend should just get the massage, give a tip and get out......as simple as that.

[David48]

<snip>

the wise girl cherry,

<snip>

I kinda of keen of a wise girl's cherry

[WarpSpeed]

A perfect example of 'Thai Logic'

Your friend should not feel too bad about what has happened. He knows in his heart, he did what many decent,caring people would have done. He helped someone in ( What he believed to be ) their time of need.

Yes I'd say he didn't lose a friend either as a true "friend" would never react that way, so no worries and plenty of equally qualified massage parlors around who'd be happy to take his money..

[theblether]

If anyone wants a quick lesson on the road from naivete to cynicism, and to see the grapevine in action, go watch the Girlfriend for Sale series on Youtube. Note the professional letter writer, the naivete of the Isaan girl, the cynicism of the mamasam at Nana Plaza, the hardness and desparation of the girls at Nana Plaza, and if you can bear to watch, go to episode 5/6.

The Husband of the Year contest is car crash tv. It is so bad that I am prepared to accept it was a set up. Have any TV members actually taken part of witnessed one of these competitions? Please god say no.

Edited March 12, 2012 by theblether

[Loz]

long con, short con. Its just a con.

Golden rule remains, don't spend anything you are not prepared to write off.

people here have different values in relation to things and personal relationships. It is very clear that they favor the former over the latter. If you are happy to empty your wallet to maintain a "relationship" you'll be happy here. If you are looking for some kind of reciprocity in a relationship, you will be disappointed.

Thailand for beginners 1:01

The love of money is the root of all evil.

Anyone argue with that?

[Ijustwannateach]

^I think that that's reflecting the kind of people you are spending your time with, more than anything else. I have some going-out-to-party friends in a group where I'm more of a giver than a taker, for sure- but as you say it's with my eyes wide open and clear boundaries set- but I also have Thai friends who buy ME things, take ME to dinner, and lend ME money when I need it, too. Perhaps you need more middle-class friends.

[BookMan]

The problem that I see is those who are offering help expect something in return. I never expect anything in return... other than my own pleasure in helping others. Now, if someone abuses my trust then it's THEIR problem, not mine. I've lost nothing.

I wish I could feel the same way. When I help someone 'financially' I do expect that the financial help will be used for the intended purpose. I have been burnt a few times with family and friends over monetary help and I now have a blanket policy of no financial assistance.

I do agree with your point that if someone abuses my trust it is their problem, but I still feel I lose a little when it happens.

[Kilgore Trout]

I think I know how he will react in future when another Thai asks him for financial assistance.

If thats the case then the outcome is positive; he learned his lesson and for only 4k baht!

[vtjforyou]

Give 5000 to each girl and they will be fine !