Ten Things You Will Never Hear In Thailand.........

[pauljones]

Thai Newspaper:

Tomorrow we publish the Wikileaks.

[Payboy]

Let's not cross this 5-lane highway on foot right under the shade of that pedestrian bridge.

[macksview]

thai bowling alley staff " lets not turn the crappy music on full volume while there is only 2 farangs in here"

[mrjohndub]

any Thai person: You hot? I'm gonna take my shirt off.

[balo]

Thai Truck driver involved in an accident :

I will stay here until the police arrives so we can sort this out.

[beerchang]

Thai parent to 8 year old offspring.... "NO! You can't watch an 18 rated, ultra violent, gory, scary movie"

[connda]

Average Thai: Oooouii. Food and gas so cheap now!

Thai government: We really shouldn't factor Food and Energy out of the CPI calculations. That artificially skews the statistics to make it look as though there is no inflation affecting the average Thai citizen.

[beerchang]

Thai planning a wedding... "Okay, remember the most important thing people...no alcohol allowed"

[connda]

Thai parent to 20 year old grown child: Well Somchai. We've put you through school and raised you the best we could. Now its time for you to leave the house, get a job, and make it on your own. Good luck!

[connda]

Duplicate

[connda]

Thai party host: Sure! Just leave your car keys here and you can drink all you want.

[theblether]

I tell you what, there's no drop off in the quality, and some real insights to our wonderful hosts, keep them coming!!

[Dekchaimong]

Here is your 90 Baht change from the bottle of Krating Deng I bought for you with the 100 Baht note you gave me

[Dekchaimong]

Sorry, it was my fault!

[lovelaos]

Yes, I do feel embarrased that you caught me squeezing my spots and picking my nose in your motorbike mirror. However, I have adjusted your mirror to the correct position for you.

[Dekchaimong]

Of course I won't put Pom Sharrot or sugar in your food!

[macksview]

farang to tattooed wife "dont worry dear, the principal of this hiso school wont even see the tattoos on you hand"

[canuckamuck]

Thai lady to the mirror:

Why can't I get a decent tan?

[balo]

When I poop I always sit on a public toilet seat.

[canuckamuck]

Thai waiter:

"I'll be your waiter this evening, just let me know when you are ready to order"

"Just checking to see if everything is OK, would you like anything else"

" Oh no need for me to go over what you ate, the bill was already worked out at the till when when I rang up your order"

[inthepink]

Western man to guy next to him in the bar:

Well, I was a complete failure back home and everybody used to look down on me. Then somebody told me that the average wage in Thailand was about 5k baht a month. So I thought I'd come over here and look down on the locals. Unfortunately I soon realised that the ability to earn more money than a Thai factory worker still put me at the bottom of the pile as an ex-pat (and among many Thais as well). So now I bitch and moan on the Internet and deride everything Thai in a vain attempt to retain some sense of self worth.

[maidu]

Thai taxi driver: "I see you're putting on your safety belt. Smart move, as you never know when an accident might happen."

Thai cop: "It doesn't matter that you're one of the Chalerm boys, if we catch you getting drunk and threatening others in a bar, we're going to take you down to the police station and book you."

Thai woman planning a party: "let's not let the music get too awfully loud, as it may annoy the neighbors."

Thai musician: "Let's play a song without amplification."

Male singer: "I'm going to try to sing a song without sounding as if I'm singing to my grandparents before they go to bed."

Female singer: "I'm going to try singing a song without trying to sound like a 7 year old baby doll."

Thai driver: "Oh look, there are some monks and elderly folks waiting to cross the street. I'm going to stop and let them cross safely."

[maidu]

"garuna" (please)

note: even though it's usually one of the first 20 words a farang is taught, when trying to learn Thai, it seems rare in Thai conversation.

[brit1984]

Thai taxi driver: "I see you're putting on your safety belt. Smart move, as you never know when an accident might happen."

Thai taxi driver: "I decided it was worth installing safety belts for the back seat passengers, as their lives are worth more than a few hundred baht."

[maidu]

Western man to guy next to him in the bar:

Well, I was a complete failure back home and everybody used to look down on me. Then somebody told me that the average wage in Thailand was about 5k baht a month. So I thought I'd come over here and look down on the locals. Unfortunately I soon realised that the ability to earn more money than a Thai factory worker still put me at the bottom of the pile as an ex-pat (and among many Thais as well). So now I bitch and moan on the Internet and deride everything Thai in a vain attempt to retain some sense of self worth.

Sounds like you've been looking in the mirror too much. None of the things you mentioned remotely describe me. Drink some carrot juice and do some deep breathing - you might feel better.

[maidu]

Thai taxi driver: "I see you're putting on your safety belt. Smart move, as you never know when an accident might happen."

Thai taxi driver: "I decided it was worth installing safety belts for the back seat passengers, as their lives are worth more than a few hundred baht."

I was just in Laos for a few days. Three out of three taxis I rode in had safety belts, but guess how many actually worked? That's right, zero. They all buckled directly against the seat. So, unless you had a chest the size of a chipmunk, you couldn't fit in to them - and I'm a skinny guy.

[inthepink]

"garuna" (please)

note: even though it's usually one of the first 20 words a farang is taught, when trying to learn Thai, it seems rare in Thai conversation.

That's because it's a formal word that's used in announcements at airports / train stations etcetera and in official notices. It's rarely used in informal conversation. Instead, Thai speakers will start a sentence with "chuay" or put "noi" at the end (or both) when asking somebody to do something. When asking to use something or for you to give them something they will use "kor". "Garuna" would sound silly in informal conversation.

[inthepink]

Western man to guy next to him in the bar:

Well, I was a complete failure back home and everybody used to look down on me. Then somebody told me that the average wage in Thailand was about 5k baht a month. So I thought I'd come over here and look down on the locals. Unfortunately I soon realised that the ability to earn more money than a Thai factory worker still put me at the bottom of the pile as an ex-pat (and among many Thais as well). So now I bitch and moan on the Internet and deride everything Thai in a vain attempt to retain some sense of self worth.

Sounds like you've been looking in the mirror too much. None of the things you mentioned remotely describe me. Drink some carrot juice and do some deep breathing - you might feel better.

I don't think I directed that post at you did I? It was just an example of something you would never hear in Thailand. I thought that was the point of this thread?

[Mosha]

Thai doctor to patient. "I am sorry my misdiagnosis almost killed you" (Actually the stupid cow laughed)

[maidu]

Chinese-Thai employer to mid-teen employee: "90 baht for a 14 hour work day is too low. I'm going to pay you 400 baht and reduce your hours to 10 per day, as you work so well. Plus you get Sundays off."

Red Shirt: "I know Thaksin cheated on his taxes, but I'm going to pay mine regardless, as I think it's helps pay for schools and roads."

Red Shirt: "Did Thaksin actually declare many times that he is quitting politics? But how is that possible, as he is still very political."

Red Shirt: "Did Thaksin actually promise to return to Thailand right after the Beijing Olympics? If that's true, then he lied."

Thai bar girl to farang returning to his home country: "Please send me 10,000 baht per month while you're away, but don't expect that money to keep me from working at the bar each night."