There Asking Me For Money !

[henleyd]

My Thai wife asked me if i would loan 30,000 bt to her mum and she will pay me back after the next rice harvest !

i have given alot of money to her family over the years I gave a 100,000 gift when we got maried and I give about 30,000 a year to help them out usualy I send about 7,000 every 3 months. I think thats enough I dont make good money and i am saving for a house deposit.

Its really pissed me off !

They say that due to flooding the rice harvest failed and they cant make the payments to the bank to pay for the tractor !

30,000 is alot of money for me you know and i just dont want to dip into my savings! I suspect maybe maybe its a con ! not sure they never have asked for a cent before any money i gave in the past i was happy to give as a gift.! They are nice people I cant believe they would con me or use me, but I do suspect !

The mum has a lot of land shes old and has promised to leave the farm and house for my wife.

We live in Australia and dont realy want to live in Thailand untill we are old.

I sugested they sell the land and tractor so the mum can live off the money she wont sell she says its to be left for us !

I just dont know what to do I want to say no ! So I said OK I will give you 30,000 but dont ask me for money again and I wont be sending any again unless its paid back or if you cant pay it back i will not send any money for a year and a half. I know they cant pay it back there battlers just like me!

I just dont know if its the right thing to do , and now I feel like a ass hole for being tough on them.

My wifes not keen on sending money too, we have worked hard and saved hard trying to get ahead!

The wife says its up to me to give or dont give, I worry that she wont get the inheritence that was promised if we dont help !

What do I do ????????????????

[richard_smith237]

Ask yourself, would they give you the loan if you needed it and they had it?

Give them the loan, their excuse seems valid enough, they might pay you back you never know. Or if they don't pay you back you could be more justified in refusing any future loan.

[henleyd]

Ask yourself, would they give you the loan if you needed it and they had it?

Give them the loan, their excuse seems valid enough, they might pay you back you never know. Or if they don't pay you back you could be more justified in refusing any future loan.

I think they would give me anything they could afford to give if i needed it !

But i feel there just waisting there time, they never make a cent from rice there going backwards, they just work work work work 7 days just to pay the bank pay for fuel and put a bowl of rice on the table at night!

Whats the point, its not so much the money, but a bad investment that really pisses me off ! they have more land than one can dream about. But talk about selling it and its out of the question. Rice is all they know! They chased the rainbow and thought the answer was to buy a bigger better faster tractor! And who do they think is gunna pay the bank why ME that who the ATM man ! Stuff the tractor is my feeling.

Its a big shock to me, Im just a young man working hard trying to save and get ahead living in the most expensive city in world Sydney. Its hard for me to rub a few pennys together working 6 days a week 12 hours a day to pay for rent electricity and food to provide for my family. Stressin out every day wondering how the hell am i gunna survive and provide! yes. You think Issan life is tough try living in Sydney and raise a family on a basic wage!

Im my world people dont ask for a loan, family dont ask for a loan, they sink or swim theres no safety net! If your bussines fails ya dont expect anyone to bail you out, you cop it on the chin and move on. Cause you got too much pride your standing on your own two feet.

No ones ever asked me for a loan before I am shocked and angry!

[poanoi]

I've lent out money here and lost, if i were ever to do that again i would pick up the local healthy habit

of taking a guarantee. But rest assured i won't do it again

[necronx99]

Tractor is going to be repo'd = buffalo is sick for the 21st Century?

Tough call, if it gets hard they will start getting notes on the land and you will end up with nothing.

Buy a few rai off them, the better stuff out of what they have.

If you are struggling in a low paid job, the Sydney property market is probably out of your reach anyway.

[poanoi]

Not a bad idea, seeing as he is anyway paying for the land in the form of hand-outs,

why not transfer ownership simultaneously ?

The old folks can still use the land, and next time they ask for money he can just refer to the fact he is already lending them, land

[David006]

It is not unusual in Thailand to transfer land title to a lender until loan is repaid...SIL has got a few rai of land that way .

Maybe try that on for size?

[jvs]

Give them the money but tell them you will not be giving them your usual contribution for the next nine months,you will still be helping them but are also making a statement at the same time.You can just say you do not have anymore and money is tight,they will have to understand.

You can also give them the money but cut the other money in half for the next year and a half,you have to show them you are willing to help but your funds are also limited.

[transam]

If they can't manage their finances from their efforts and your handouts how will they manage in the future when pay back time comes. If you were not around they would manage.

[TexasRanger]

I have been bitten by this at home, when I was younger. Now I figure i never loan more than i am prepared to write off and people get one chance, don't pay me back and that's your lot. As far as family goes though, they are family so what can you do, it's hard to refuse unless you just flat out say you can't afford it.

[beano2274]

Money for land, give them some money, but get some land signed over to your wife.

[henleyd]

Yes great advice , I never thought of that . They have a large vacant residential block in town I dont know what a rai is but it looks to be about 2 acres to me . Ten minutes drive from Nong Khai City! thats the one i got my eye on. We allways planned to build a holiday house on it and retire there in years to come. Better get it in my wifes name ASAP before mum dies and her brothers fight over it ! I guess I have allready paid for it ! 30k should secure the deal and they dont have to pay me back !

We are going there for a holiday in a few weeks! I hope that her mum dont think i dont trust her by asking for the land ! I dont care about the rice farms and the house anyway! ]

Thanks guys for the great advice ! now i feel better i hope they go along with it.

[transam]

Yes great advice , I never thought of that . They have a large vacant residential block in town I dont know what a rai is but it looks to be about 2 acres to me . Ten minutes drive from Nong Khai City! thats the one i got my eye on. We allways planned to build a holiday house on it and retire there in years to come. Better get it in my wifes name ASAP before mum dies and her brothers fight over it ! I guess I have allready paid for it ! 30k should secure the deal and they dont have to pay me back !

We are going there for a holiday in a few weeks! I hope that her mum dont think i dont trust her by asking for the land ! I dont care about the rice farms and the house anyway! ]

Thanks guys for the great advice ! now i feel better i hope they go along with it.

Please, please keep your eyes and head open, l have learned that the ''family'' comes weeeeeeell before you, what ever help you have given.

[smokie36]

Once bitten, twice shy. Never lend anyone more than 100 Baht ever again.

[strollling]

Give nothing.

Ask for nothing.

[BookMan]

If they can't manage their finances from their efforts and your handouts how will they manage in the future when pay back time comes. If you were not around they would manage.

+1

[henleyd]

Give nothing.

Ask for nothing.

Thats how I feel too Ive never asked for nothin in my life ! what gives themk the right to ?

[FWIW]

I have been asked a few times for a loan over the last decade by the missus sister and her husband. Each time it has been paid back on time and in full.

However, YMMV. Its far from uncommon here for family to ask for help from other family members in times of need - and if this is the first time, well - one thing for sure is you would know a lot more about the family whether it was paid back or not.

[473geo]

I have been asked a few times for a loan over the last decade by the missus sister and her husband. Each time it has been paid back on time and in full.

However, YMMV. Its far from uncommon here for family to ask for help from other family members in times of need - and if this is the first time, well - one thing for sure is you would know a lot more about the family whether it was paid back or not.

I have enjoyed the same experience with immediate kin, I tell my wife quite simply it 'our' money she wants to lend she can, I have learnt over the years that if she asks me on behalf of somebody she expects me to say no.......

My advice as others is to help out, they are immediate family, and as said you need never loan again if not repaid. Do not be fooled by the lifestyle of the 'poor' rice farmers, I was involved in farming for years and farmers always plead broke and penniless, there is a reasonable profit if they have a lot of land.

Yes they could probably get by with a loan from somewhere else, but try to look at this as a one off act of kindness on the part of you and your wife, you wouldn't really want them to suffer the indignity of having the tractor reposessed would you?......and for sure they would never forget such a thing

Edited March 17, 2012 by 473geo

[silsburyhill]

Yes great advice , I never thought of that . They have a large vacant residential block in town I dont know what a rai is but it looks to be about 2 acres to me . Ten minutes drive from Nong Khai City! thats the one i got my eye on. We allways planned to build a holiday house on it and retire there in years to come. Better get it in my wifes name ASAP before mum dies and her brothers fight over it ! I guess I have allready paid for it ! 30k should secure the deal and they dont have to pay me back !

We are going there for a holiday in a few weeks! I hope that her mum dont think i dont trust her by asking for the land ! I dont care about the rice farms and the house anyway! ]

Thanks guys for the great advice ! now i feel better i hope they go along with it.

Yes great advice , I never thought of that . They have a large vacant residential block in town I dont know what a rai is but it looks to be about 2 acres to me . Ten minutes drive from Nong Khai City! thats the one i got my eye on. We allways planned to build a holiday house on it and retire there in years to come. Better get it in my wifes name ASAP before mum dies and her brothers fight over it ! I guess I have allready paid for it ! 30k should secure the deal and they dont have to pay me back !

We are going there for a holiday in a few weeks! I hope that her mum dont think i dont trust her by asking for the land ! I dont care about the rice farms and the house anyway! ]

Thanks guys for the great advice ! now i feel better i hope they go along with it.

You might want to reverse your idea of the land size - 1 acre = 2.471 rai or 43,560 sq. ft.

[henleyd]

Yes great advice , I never thought of that . They have a large vacant residential block in town I dont know what a rai is but it looks to be about 2 acres to me . Ten minutes drive from Nong Khai City! thats the one i got my eye on. We allways planned to build a holiday house on it and retire there in years to come. Better get it in my wifes name ASAP before mum dies and her brothers fight over it ! I guess I have allready paid for it ! 30k should secure the deal and they dont have to pay me back !

We are going there for a holiday in a few weeks! I hope that her mum dont think i dont trust her by asking for the land ! I dont care about the rice farms and the house anyway! ]

Thanks guys for the great advice ! now i feel better i hope they go along with it.

Yes great advice , I never thought of that . They have a large vacant residential block in town I dont know what a rai is but it looks to be about 2 acres to me . Ten minutes drive from Nong Khai City! thats the one i got my eye on. We allways planned to build a holiday house on it and retire there in years to come. Better get it in my wifes name ASAP before mum dies and her brothers fight over it ! I guess I have allready paid for it ! 30k should secure the deal and they dont have to pay me back !

We are going there for a holiday in a few weeks! I hope that her mum dont think i dont trust her by asking for the land ! I dont care about the rice farms and the house anyway! ]

Thanks guys for the great advice ! now i feel better i hope they go along with it.

You might want to reverse your idea of the land size - 1 acre = 2.471 rai or 43,560 sq. ft.

What I meant was the block of land looks like about 2 acres .Oh thats great thanks mate so that means the land would be about 5 rai yes ?

[strollling]

As far as family goes though, they are family so what can you do, it's hard to refuse unless you just flat out say you can't afford it.

Utter nonsense.

From day one I have given nothing and they know not to ask as they know what the answer would be.

So many farang are easy marks.

[strollling]

but try to look at this as a one off act of kindness on the part of you and your wife,

One off?

He's giving them a monthly allowance already!

Edited March 17, 2012 by strollling

[strollling]

It really does amaze me that Westerners come here and think they owe Thais things because they're poor.

[marstons]

i would not give a single baht, of course your wife is saying dont give it, dont give it see what happens. Sell the land would be the anwer from me, i just told my inlaws pretend i do not exist and survive the way you would if i were not on the seen. are there brother and sisters? are they being tapped up for money. anyway 100% you will not see a baht back.

Why is your wife saying its upto you, she should be her dealing with it, sell the tractor, rent as required or sell the land, or are you going to be held to ransom with the might not get the inheritance.

better still OK heres the money allocate your wifes share to her now!! and make a Chanote in your wifes name. let them work it and keep the harvest but the inheritance is secure.

they got land can take the Chanote to the bank and borrow money at favourable rates.

[strollling]

i would not give a single baht, of course your wife is saying dont give it, dont give it see what happens. Sell the land would be the anwer from me, i just told my inlaws pretend i do not exist and survive the way you would if i were not on the seen. are there brother and sisters? are they being tapped up for money. anyway 100% you will not see a baht back.

Why is your wife saying its upto you, she should be her dealing with it, sell the tractor, rent as required or sell the land, or are you going to be held to ransom with the might not get the inheritance.

But they'll be mad at him.

The amount he gives them isn't enough so they'll be angry at him as it will be all his fault.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Obviously its up to you, but in my experience and from what you're saying you're much better off NOT making a loan.

Either give it freely as a gift, or lump-sum pre-payment of your usual monthly contributions.

Or buy the land off them, which in reality means for your wife, their daughter.

You can even ask them which they prefer, I would suspect the latter.

[rotary]

Yes great advice , I never thought of that . They have a large vacant residential block in town I dont know what a rai is but it looks to be about 2 acres to me . Ten minutes drive from Nong Khai City! thats the one i got my eye on. We allways planned to build a holiday house on it and retire there in years to come. Better get it in my wifes name ASAP before mum dies and her brothers fight over it ! I guess I have allready paid for it ! 30k should secure the deal and they dont have to pay me back !

We are going there for a holiday in a few weeks! I hope that her mum dont think i dont trust her by asking for the land ! I dont care about the rice farms and the house anyway! ]

Thanks guys for the great advice ! now i feel better i hope they go along with it.

2.5 rai equal 1 acre

[147SAG]

Alot of rice crops failed due to the heavy rains and flooding this year,so lending the family money maybe a good idea.

But if your wife thinks it is a bad idea trust her judgement.It sounds like she is looking after yours and her best interests.Never lend money you can't effort to lose,maybe have your wife draft up papers saying that if money isn't paid back she gets a few Rai in her name and that she wants to hang onto the land title papers.Or if it isn't paid back that you will not send anymore funds their way ever again.Alot of people here had a very hard year.I was lucky to be out of the flood zone area.

[harrry]

The return on thai land may be much less than you could get on the money but no Thai will voluntarily sell the land. I would say that the money is the next years 30,000 baht contribution. I think your wife is worth more to you than this and it will stop your relationship being affected by this.