Longbow212 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 I have been in a relationship for more than one year with a girl. We are both 30 year of age. She has a good job and makes about 20K a month, with her expenses and responsibilities she about breaks even each month. Recently she has been dropping hints about me giving her money. I know there are many small things she could do to save money which would add up over time e.g take the bus instead of a taxi. I make a basic salary of around 50k a month and live modestly leaving me with around 20k a month to save for flights home pension/student loan/house deposit etc. I normally pay for everything we do together, this I don't mind being the higher earner. However, I have a strong belief in self-sufficiency and would strongly object to simply giving handouts for the sake of it. If she lost her job I would have no problem helping out. Her ex-boyfriend was Thai with a good job, he simply paid for all the living expenses and went out every night chasing other women , perhaps this could be the reason for her personal expectations as opposed to it being a Thai cultural expectation. Do my financial expectations oppose those of Thai women? or am I just being stingy?......interested in your replies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soutpeel Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 you may as well buy her the house and car now and get it over with, do forget to save up for your sin sot Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HardenedSoul Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Do you live together ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigJohnnyBKK Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 A Thai woman will usually have much higher financial expectations of a farang SO than a Thai. For many of them this is the main reason they're willing to put up with the cross-cultural difficulties in the first place. She most likely has expectations of a long-term relationship with you, and has possibly only been so long-suffering and patient so far in the hope of a later jackpot. If you are sincere and want to be fair, I would try to broach the subject directly, doing your best to keep things as civil and polite as possible while taking straight. I would advise setting aside your "moral principles" about things and realize you two have completely different but just as equally valid points of view about these issues. You may find she'd be happy with as little as 5K per month above and beyond what you're kicking in now. If that's acceptable to you put aside your preconceptions that this makes the relationship any less genuine, and don't think less of her morally, IMO that's just the way things are here. On the other hand, if you're willing to make it clear that you intend to marry her and commit to taking care of her as long as things are OK between you, she may be willing to continue deferring immediate gratification for long-term security, as long as she sees what you're doing as contributing to the security of the family unit. On the third hand, if this is just a temporary arrangement of convenience for you and you've been expecting her to just be an "equal" partner as would be expected of a farang woman back home, not giving her any kind of allowance or spending money as the senior partner, then you need to try to make her understand that POV, but understand she's unlikely to do so, that's completely alien to her, so don't be surprised if she gets very upset and considers that you've been deceiving her and trying to take advantage of her. If she wants to break things off at that point I would say it's only fair and certainly practical to offer her a small severance package. Best of luck. . . 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TommoPhysicist Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Cute young Thai girls expect help with finances, usually from two or three Thai guys at the same time. Up to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soutpeel Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Cute young Thai girls expect help with finances, usually from two or three Thai guys at the same time. Up to you. kinky Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wana Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 If she wants to break things off at that point I would say it's only fair and certainly practical to offer her a small severance package. they have been in a 50/50 relationship which was more like 70/30 since he says he paid for everything for the last year or so why on earth would she deserve a severance package ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robblok Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Refusing is a good way to find out if she likes you or your money. Many won't try because it will bruise their ego if they find out they are not the "handsome man" they think they are. I would not mind paying for a girl that is a coyote girl and normally out of reach ect. But then i know why she is with me. I would not fool myself that paying money to a girl is anything else as renting her time. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisinth Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 you may as well buy her the house and car now and get it over with, do forget to save up for your sin sot Vet fees, family support, fortnightly copy of her favourite magazine, etc, etc, etc................. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farang000999 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) If she was in this type of relationship previously it says a lot about her belief system and what she wants and expects. Edited April 30, 2012 by farang000999 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robblok Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Refusing is a good way to find out if she likes you or your money. Many won't try because it will bruise their ego if they find out they are not the "handsome man" they think they are. I would not mind paying for a girl that is a coyote girl and normally out of reach ect. But then i know why she is with me. I would not fool myself that paying money to a girl is anything else as renting her time. thats true rob but thats the way the world goes round everybody knows ,DICK is free ,Pussy has a value and as such must be paid for like any other commodotie ....... I dont pay for it but my gf is not a coyote dancer and is looks wise equal to me a bit younger though. I would never pay for it in a normal relation. A normal relation for me is about mutual attraction. Now if it was a money thing and your money ran out she would be gone. Then you have no money and no gf But if you want some sex with a young sexy girl and your older and ugly (in comparison) you will have to pay. One of my younger friends who lives in Pattaya and is real good looking can go with the girls for free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farang000999 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 that said, at 30 yo she must have really stayed in shape for a thai man to treat her that well. how much older than her was he? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 OP... I think you should ignore the cynics saying she just wants your money... if she is decent looking she could have found another guy (probably older than you) making ten or twenty times more than you who would give her lots of money... on 20k/month she is probably really struggling and anything you can do to help would be appreciated... however, you need to explain to her (if you haven't already) that you are not making big bucks so you don't have much spare cash to share with her (maybe also explain the type of lifestyle you expect to be able to provide for your family in the future if you stay together)... if she really loves you, this will be no problem... if money is important to her, she will be gone pretty fast and you can move on... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DP25 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) Tell her to take a hike. At 30 there is no need to do this and you have a lot of options. No need at all to settle for someone you have to give money, especially since she makes a good salary. 20k per month is more than enough for her to live decently. If she can't control her spending tell her hit the road. You can easily find someone new that is more responsible at your age Edited April 30, 2012 by DP25 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robblok Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 OP... I think you should ignore the cynics saying she just wants your money... if she is decent looking she could have found another guy (probably older than you) making ten or twenty times more than you who would give her lots of money... on 20k/month she is probably really struggling and anything you can do to help would be appreciated... however, you need to explain to her (if you haven't already) that you are not making big bucks so you don't have much spare cash to share with her (maybe also explain the type of lifestyle you expect to be able to provide for your family in the future if you stay together)... if she really loves you, this will be no problem... if money is important to her, she will be gone pretty fast and you can move on... Brit, 20k is a decent salary for a Thai they will not struggle on a salary like that. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heimdallr Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 Tell her to work harder and watch her expenses. 20k per month and not paying for any living expenses - and she breaks even? You don't need to give her anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Longbow212 Posted April 30, 2012 Author Share Posted April 30, 2012 Do you live together ? No we don't live together, but only mainly because we work on opposite sides of Bangkok. I kind of like the space in the week to work on little projects I have. However, if we lived together I would pay the rent in full. You may find she'd be happy with as little as 5K per month above and beyond what you're kicking in now. If that's acceptable to you put aside your preconceptions that this makes the relationship any less genuine, and don't think less of her morally, IMO that's just the way things are here. On the other hand, if you're willing to make it clear that you intend to marry her and commit to taking care of her as long as things are OK between you, she may be willing to continue deferring immediate gratification for long-term security, as long as she sees what you're doing as contributing to the security of the family unit. On the third hand, if this is just a temporary arrangement of convenience for you and you've been expecting her to just be an "equal" partner as would be expected of a farang woman back home, not giving her any kind of allowance or spending money as the senior partner, then you need to try to make her understand that POV, but understand she's unlikely to do so, that's completely alien to her, so don't be surprised if she gets very upset and considers that you've been deceiving her and trying to take advantage of her. If she wants to break things off at that point I would say it's only fair and certainly practical to offer her a small severance package. Best of luck. . . Thanks for your input BigJohnny. I may consider giving her a couple of thousand baht to cover her mortgage, afterall if we do stay together then this would be our home or go towards buying a bigger home. I do have the concern that she may be playing the long game.....eventually I have the potential to earn a nice salary here....and she knows it. Refusing is a good way to find out if she likes you or your money. Many won't try because it will bruise their ego if they find out they are not the "handsome man" they think they are. I very much agree with this and have been practising this for many years with potential girlfriends. The only time I don't is for a few weeks of fun with someone who is obviously not gf material. I think I will sit down with her, talk to her about my cultural expectations and negotiate. Tell her that in the future assuming we get married and have a family I will provide for everything. See how she responds, then a month or two down the line I will give her a few thousand towards her mortgage each month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 OP... I think you should ignore the cynics saying she just wants your money... if she is decent looking she could have found another guy (probably older than you) making ten or twenty times more than you who would give her lots of money... on 20k/month she is probably really struggling and anything you can do to help would be appreciated... however, you need to explain to her (if you haven't already) that you are not making big bucks so you don't have much spare cash to share with her (maybe also explain the type of lifestyle you expect to be able to provide for your family in the future if you stay together)... if she really loves you, this will be no problem... if money is important to her, she will be gone pretty fast and you can move on... Brit, 20k is a decent salary for a Thai they will not struggle on a salary like that. What do you mean by "for a Thai"?... surely the cost of living is the same for everyone (except a few places with dual-pricing) The major costs are the same regardless of whether you are Thai or foreign... a half-decent apartment rent is +30k baht/month... a half-decent car costs +500k THB... food isn't free... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard_smith237 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) An ex of mine, a smart and switched on lady from a wealthy background, the sheer size of her families home astonished me, she also worked for an international company and I'd guess her salary was in excess of 100,000 Baht. She expected me to pay for everything (we never lived together BTW) - Thats every meal, every drink, every shopping spree. Meals and drinks etc I was ok with, I laughed at the handbags etc and just refused. For example, she never once expected to buy me dinner. The issue is, she was well off, from a very wealthy family but expected me to pay for everything. When we discussed this she was open in her expectations that men pay. I was open in my expectations that I can then find someone with a better attitude and kicked her into touch. The simple point is that you shouldn't have to pay for another lady if you are in a mutually respectful relationship. But, there are normal and healthy exceptions, i.e. thats if you earn a lot more, pay for more meals and more of the house stuff etc. My wife still takes me out for dinner, but I pay for the flight tickets etc... When we have children and she has to stop work I'll have to be more financially supportive, as normal couples do in the UK. If the expectation is to much it can be discussed and often solved, its not culture that causes these issues, its greed. Edited April 30, 2012 by richard_smith237 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
robblok Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 OP... I think you should ignore the cynics saying she just wants your money... if she is decent looking she could have found another guy (probably older than you) making ten or twenty times more than you who would give her lots of money... on 20k/month she is probably really struggling and anything you can do to help would be appreciated... however, you need to explain to her (if you haven't already) that you are not making big bucks so you don't have much spare cash to share with her (maybe also explain the type of lifestyle you expect to be able to provide for your family in the future if you stay together)... if she really loves you, this will be no problem... if money is important to her, she will be gone pretty fast and you can move on... Brit, 20k is a decent salary for a Thai they will not struggle on a salary like that. What do you mean by "for a Thai"?... surely the cost of living is the same for everyone (except a few places with dual-pricing) The major costs are the same regardless of whether you are Thai or foreign... a half-decent apartment rent is +30k baht/month... a half-decent car costs +500k THB... food isn't free... What i mean is that Thais have different standards from us. Ask anyone, and Thais can always live cheaper as foreigners. You just proved my point by stating those crazy rent prices. Most Thais wont go for that. Hell even i would not go for that and i can afford it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HardenedSoul Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 OP... I think you should ignore the cynics saying she just wants your money... if she is decent looking she could have found another guy (probably older than you) making ten or twenty times more than you who would give her lots of money... on 20k/month she is probably really struggling and anything you can do to help would be appreciated... however, you need to explain to her (if you haven't already) that you are not making big bucks so you don't have much spare cash to share with her (maybe also explain the type of lifestyle you expect to be able to provide for your family in the future if you stay together)... if she really loves you, this will be no problem... if money is important to her, she will be gone pretty fast and you can move on... Brit, 20k is a decent salary for a Thai they will not struggle on a salary like that. What do you mean by "for a Thai"?... surely the cost of living is the same for everyone (except a few places with dual-pricing) The major costs are the same regardless of whether you are Thai or foreign... a half-decent apartment rent is +30k baht/month... a half-decent car costs +500k THB... food isn't free... Oh come on, Brit. A half decent apartment for a Westerner is 30K a month. A Thai is accustomed to less in the way of opulence and can find accommodation in the region of around 8-10K a month. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farang000999 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) dp25, a 30 yo is not going to easily find a man making 500-1m/month... well maybe a farang but even that is not an easy task. Edited April 30, 2012 by farang000999 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
farang000999 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 8-10k a month in bkk is a tiny rat hole. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jake829 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 You either pay up and shut up or walk away from a farang/Thai relationship because a farang it's EXPECTED you pay even if your brad Pitt and hung like a Chang noi..amazing Thailand!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wana Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 (edited) theres only a handful of thais that would or even could pay upwards to 30,000+ thb a month for a renting a condo (thais that rich would just buy it and forget about renting ) and why does she need to be bought a "half decent car for 500,000+ " etc also ,i dont know many farangs and ceratinly not many thais that are making a million a month the kind of thai people making a million a month ,are probably not going to be interested in a girl whos 30 odd and been around the block a bit either ........esp with farangs Edited April 30, 2012 by wana 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 dp25, a 30 yo is not going to easily find a man making 500-1m/month... well maybe a farang but even that is not an easy task. of course they can... they just need to get a tourist or student visa to uk, usa or australia... go to live in london, new york or australia... they will find an old-guy making at least that in no time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cooked Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 My personal solution has been to open a joint account into which I pay 10 000 a month for household expenses. She has up until now, been very sensible using this, at the same time I can keep things in control. No sick buffalo fund, if somebody or something needs funding, no cash, we decide together and go get whatever it is in the truck. Maybe. Being the cynical person that I am, I may lend a few thousand to the next relative that asks for a 'loan' and then refer future requests to this person Way to go for me, maybe not for everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DP25 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 dp25, a 30 yo is not going to easily find a man making 500-1m/month... well maybe a farang but even that is not an easy task. What? I'm talking about him, not her. He's 30. He has all the power in a relationship. He's young, foreign, and has a good job. He can find some other girl with a decent job that can control her spending. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brit1984 Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 OP... I think you should ignore the cynics saying she just wants your money... if she is decent looking she could have found another guy (probably older than you) making ten or twenty times more than you who would give her lots of money... on 20k/month she is probably really struggling and anything you can do to help would be appreciated... however, you need to explain to her (if you haven't already) that you are not making big bucks so you don't have much spare cash to share with her (maybe also explain the type of lifestyle you expect to be able to provide for your family in the future if you stay together)... if she really loves you, this will be no problem... if money is important to her, she will be gone pretty fast and you can move on... Brit, 20k is a decent salary for a Thai they will not struggle on a salary like that. What do you mean by "for a Thai"?... surely the cost of living is the same for everyone (except a few places with dual-pricing) The major costs are the same regardless of whether you are Thai or foreign... a half-decent apartment rent is +30k baht/month... a half-decent car costs +500k THB... food isn't free... What i mean is that Thais have different standards from us. Ask anyone, and Thais can always live cheaper as foreigners. You just proved my point by stating those crazy rent prices. Most Thais wont go for that. Hell even i would not go for that and i can afford it. In my opinion, standards are set by your upbringing, not your nationality Of course, there are many poor Thais living in wooden huts in the countryside who have come accustomed to a simple way of life... but, in case you hadn't noticed, Thailand now has a large middle-class who live mostly in the cities and live just the same as middle-class people anywhere Most Thais I know would struggle on a salary of 20k baht per month (if they were not getting financial help from their partner or parents) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soutpeel Posted April 30, 2012 Share Posted April 30, 2012 theres only a handful of thais that would or even could pay upwards to 30,000+ thb a month for a renting a condo (thais that rich would just buy it and forget about renting ) and why does she need to be bought a "half decent car for 500,000+ " etc also ,i dont know many farangs and ceratinly not many thais that are making a million a month the kind of thai people making a million a month ,are probably not going to be interested in a girl whos 30 odd and been around the block a bit either ........esp with farangs Something I have always wondered about posts like this...every time I get in the car and drive to Pattaya or BKK...I see many, many Merc's BMW's big Audi etc etc...seeing our resident experts are of the opinion Thai's are "poor" and wouldnt pay 30k/m for a condo...who exactly are these people driving these cars ? As far as I can see...dont see many farangs driving these sort of vehicles. further the serviced apartment I stay in when I have to go the office in BKK is always full, but typically there are only 3-4 Farangs living there, the rest are Thai...Starting price per month 42k/m I guess you guys must be living in a different reality THB 20,000/m to live on is a pittance irrespective of your nationality 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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