Do We Really Pay For It One Way Or Another?

[HardenedSoul]

If there's one cliche that annoys me more than any other, it's that "men pay for it one way or the other"; "it" being the company of women in general and Thai women in particuar.

Is it used mostly used by men who need, for one reason or another, to rationalize their use of prostitutes?

Is it the case that, for these men, any foreign guy who has sex with a "non-working' Thai girl has paid for it indirectly by way of, perhaps, dinner, cinema, trips or even a box of chocolates?

I accept the fact that older guys who aren't in the best shape may have to "compensate" a much younger woman for the ordeal of enduring the sexual administrations of a man she most likely finds physically repugnant and, if both parties are happy, then that's their business but not all men are in the position where they have to pay for it directly or otherwise so why is the cliche so prevalent?

Having read so many threads where a guy whose liaisons with a woman do NOT involve a monetary element is told, "Either way, you ARE paying for it", I thought I'd gauge the opinions of a demographic that may be at least partly responsible for the proliferation of this myth.

[bendix]

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 . . . .. .

[TommoPhysicist]

For my life the general flow of cash was away from me and towards the woman.

Yep, I did get some for free, but I suspect they were all fishing for the 'big one'.

Now I'm old and undesirable, the flow of money is still away, but at much lower levels.

The biggest outflows were when I was young and attractive ....... which looking back just seems wrong.

[brit1984]

I just feel sorry for the guys who say this as their life circumstances must be pretty awful

[BigJohnnyBKK]

I would argue that those that don't believe it are those that happily shell it out and don't even notice.

Many people would be referring to alimony.

Even without money being involved it certainly involves effort and often emotional stress to deal with the opposite sex, and for many that is far more expensive than just shelling out some dosh.

And finally, those of us that want a high degree of control over the relationship are more likely to feel this way, as it is much cheaper in every way to explicitly pay for services rendered than attempt to be the boss over a modern liberated woman.

I think many would agree that all of the above circumstances are worthy of pity, but as with the rest of life you make your choices and then you live with the consequences.

Personally I'd much rather have my meaningful and intellectually challenging relationships kept completely separate from my sexual ones. I don't pay anything at all for the former group, and get excellent value out of the latter.

[richard_smith237]

Of course we do….

I know I do, It takes time to make a relationship work - so I pay with my time, I buy my Wife presents - so I pay with presents (money), I often pay for dinner - so I pay for it that way too. My wife cooks for me - she pays for it too, she cleans the house - she pays for it that way, she takes me to the cinema or buys me dinner, she's paying for it and she's going to get it !, she tolerates my mood swings and I tolerate hers – we both pay for that....and when I’m away at work, we both pay for it :-(

We all pay for it, men and women.

[zzaa09]

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 . . . .. .

It does get old, doesn't it?

[theblether]

I was in a 17 year marriage and my wife bore me three children. I would guess I spent about £600,000 plus during that time, but that would only be a guess, because I wasn't counting.

The day finance dictates my relationship with the women in my life I'm buying a rope..........it's just unbelievable that people can reduce everything back to money.

[Semper]

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 . . . .. .

It does get old, doesn't it?

Dieo...

[thaibeachlovers]

Yes!

[elliss]

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 . . . .. .

It does get old, doesn't it?

nothing changes,

you only get what you pay for.

[HardenedSoul]

Of course we do….

I know I do, It takes time to make a relationship work - so I pay with my time, I buy my Wife presents - so I pay with presents (money), I often pay for dinner - so I pay for it that way too. My wife cooks for me - she pays for it too, she cleans the house - she pays for it that way, she takes me to the cinema or buys me dinner, she's paying for it and she's going to get it !, she tolerates my mood swings and I tolerate hers – we both pay for that....and when I’m away at work, we both pay for it :-(

We all pay for it, men and women.

I guess it depends on one's definitionof "paying for it".

I've yet to emerge from any relationship or liaison with a non-working woman feeling like I've paid financially.

[Mosha]

A chat with a workmate springs to mind. He said he's never paid for "it". So I said "What you just walk up to a bird in a club, and say lets go outside for a jump?" Answer, "Well no I have to take them out for a while." Second question, "Who pays?" "I do" He said. "Ah so the leg over is like a tip then, don't make me laugh, you still paid for sex." In cave man days men did it by proving they were great hunters.

[TommoPhysicist]

I've yet to emerge from any relationship or liaison with a non-working woman feeling like I've paid financially.

But she might have gained financially by sharing in your 'enhanced lifestyle'

Your expensive condo Vs her cheap condo.

Your air-con Vs her fan

Etc.

[wana]

I've yet to emerge from any relationship or liaison with a non-working woman feeling like I've paid financially.

But she might have gained financially by sharing in your 'enhanced lifestyle'

Your expensive condo Vs her cheap condo.

Your air-con Vs her fan

Etc.

thats a valid point ,if you have a 200 Sqm penthouse overlooking the chayo praya and you let a woman stay there with you

eating the best food and drink and going to restaurants

bars

clubs

using the car that costed a few milion

holidays or short trips around thailand etc

within the course of that relationship ,she will have benefitted (costed ) more than a girl who got shagged for a 1000 thb note

so ,by that definition ,even though a man can say ,hes "never paid for it " etc

he actually HAS paid for it ......in another form

[TravelTeach]

What exactly is the "it" you're paying for?

Because if it's just sex, then many men can truthfully say they've had women directly come on to them and initiate the sex. In that sense, you are paying only with your time.

However, most men and women do a little dance, and possibly some money might be spent on drinks or other commerce.

If it's companionship, then there's a big difference between hiring a woman for an hour, and developing yourself into a human being that can attract a woman.

But ultimately the men who say you pay one way or the other don't understand much about themselves or the world.

[cardholder]

5, 4, 3, 2, 1 . . . .. .

It does get old, doesn't it?

nothing changes,

you only get what you pay for.

Might as well post whilst we still can.......

A few years ago an acquaintance in the UK asked "How much did your Thai bird cost?"

It was quite easy to answer - "An awful lot less than your two English wives cost you".

[DP25]

A chat with a workmate springs to mind. He said he's never paid for "it". So I said "What you just walk up to a bird in a club, and say lets go outside for a jump?" Answer, "Well no I have to take them out for a while." Second question, "Who pays?" "I do" He said. "Ah so the leg over is like a tip then, don't make me laugh, you still paid for sex." In cave man days men did it by proving they were great hunters.

I really don't think paying for a movie and dinner is remotely the same. But either way, lots of people share the cost when they go out. Or take turns paying. And some girls will straight up pay. Most guys expect their girlfriend to contribute somewhat. Although specifically with farang males in Thailand I don't think that is the case for most.

[HardenedSoul]

I've yet to emerge from any relationship or liaison with a non-working woman feeling like I've paid financially.

But she might have gained financially by sharing in your 'enhanced lifestyle'

Your expensive condo Vs her cheap condo.

Your air-con Vs her fan

Etc.

But you're making the assumption that all Thai girls are skint and that's really not the case is it? Haven't any of you guys been with TGs with some money?

[TommoPhysicist]

But ultimately the men who say you pay one way or the other don't understand much about themselves or the world.

You haven't been divorced yet, have you?

But you're making the assumption that all Thai girls are skint and that's really not the case is it? Haven't any of you guys been with TGs with some money?

Not the sort of money we have to play with.

I don't think I know many foreigners who couldn't lay their hands on 5 million baht cash, or more, if they really wanted to.

[Naam]

A chat with a workmate springs to mind. He said he's never paid for "it". So I said "What you just walk up to a bird in a club, and say lets go outside for a jump?" Answer, "Well no I have to take them out for a while." Second question, "Who pays?" "I do" He said. "Ah so the leg over is like a tip then, don't make me laugh, you still paid for sex." In cave man days men did it by proving they were great hunters.

[brit1984]

This might shock some members but not all single women are peasants

[StreetCowboy]

I can't believe so many of you guys are all so obsessed with money.

And that so many seem to so much resent looking after those you love. If you're not going to spend your money looking after those you love, what;s the point of the money?

SC

[aussiebebe]

You're not going to get your wife of 10 years, be her Thai or any other nationality, to give you an hour-long massage the same as you could easily buy for a few hundred baht. If you could, would it be worth it? The asking, bargaining, pleading, or guilty sinking feeling of getting your wife to do something she doesn't want to - does it all add up to a memorable experience? I would suggest not. Replace 'massage' in the above scenario with any other sexual act and the same is true; some things are better paid for whether you are married or not...

...especially blow-jobs.

[TommoPhysicist]

I can't believe so many of you guys are all so obsessed with money.

And that so many seem to so much resent looking after those you love. If you're not going to spend your money looking after those you love, what;s the point of the money?

SC

I'm only obsessed with money to the extent that I need enough for looking after my 'loved one' throughout the next twenty years. The 'loved one' may change, but the money has to last. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to pay, but not too much and not in advance.

[loong]

Having been with my lady for more than 5 years now I can tell you that if it was just about the horizontal rumba then yes I've been paying for it.

If I had lived alone and just looked after myself and perhaps paid for a bit of company say twice a week, I would have spent a lot less money.

But there's a lot more to a relationship than just a bit of grapple and grunting. A lot of things in life, you can't put a price on.

[apetley]

I do not work in Thailand but have considerable more money than my wife who is self employed. We both contribute what we can to living costs. I for one don't consider that as 'paying for it'.

Back in the UK maybe 15 years ago I had a girlfriend who would do the business for a trip to the cinema or a deep pan pizza. Remarkably cheap but still 'paying for it' and worth every penny!

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[Kananga]

If you don't pay for it financially, you pay for it emotionally.

[brit1984]

My (Thai) wife is from a wealthier family than my (British) family. She (and her family) have contributed more (financially) to me and my family (financially) than vice versa, but even if she contributed zero (financially) I would still love her.

While money is very important, there are more important things in life. My wife has been through pregnancy (and labour) and given us a daughter, and she is now pregnant again with our son (who will be a famous cricketer by the way).

My wife's (non-financial) contribution to the relationship is worth more to me than all the money in the world.

[jackinbkk]

Even wiki can answer this one:

Origin and etymology

The term husband refers to Middle English huseband, from Old English hūsbōnda, from Old Norse hūsbōndi (hūs, "house" + bōndi, būandi, present participle of būa, "to dwell", so, etymologically, "a householder").^[1]

Yes we all pay for it one way of another.