Being Stared At When With Your Partner.

[Longbow212]

I have recently started to get very frustrated with being stared at - this only really happens when I am with the girlfriend and it's particularly by lower class Thai guys. I am not just talking about someone seeing a farang and being slightly intrigued or surprised either. Btw we are both 30 and have a regular respectable image, my girlfriend although not a front page model is quite attractive.

I am quite accustomed to having people discretely look us both up and down in most places, particularly out of town, perhaps wondering why we don't fit their stereotypical perception of an old farang-bargirl couple or maybe they are just curious. While its not something I appreciate I just accept its part of life here. The staring that bothers me in the prolonged staring at myself and particularly my girlfriend as if she is a piece of meat or lower class because she is with a farang, the staring continues even when it is apparent I have noticed and am wondering why they are staring. Now I appreciate a good looking girl the same as the next guy but any visual appreciating is done very discretely and respectfully and ends immediately should the girl or whoever she is with looks like they are about to notice. I find this staring disrespectful and downright rude and am pretty close to saying something in Thai to the effect of stop staring/you have no manners/do have a problem. My gf being a typical pleasant not confrontational Thai girl will not let me address it or ask them why they are staring. Perhaps I am missing something about Thai culture and how it is OK to stare disrespectfully at people but I somehow doubt they would behave the same if I was Thai.

I would be interested to know if anyone else here shares these experiences and how they handle them. I guess like many things here you should not waste your energy on things you will never change but it has pissed me off to the point I would readily make a scene and a point of out it.

[Johnniey]

I understand your frustation but be careful what you say.

Once I was so pissed off that I said, "mong hee arai" and the guy went totally ballistic.

[yermanee]

Take a deep breath and relax.

I've had exactly the same experience when I was walking with my Thai wife, but......

This was in my home country were people are supposed to be more polite than here in Thailand.

Write it off as jealousy.

Yermanee

[canuckamuck]

It isn't going to end, just treat like a bad smell, something unpleasant that is part of the environment.

[BookMan]

Really, just ignore it.

I have had significant relationships with an Indian woman, a latino/black and a Thai woman. I am as white as white can be.

At first the staring really bugged me. I hated being stared at. Older people were the worst. They would gawk with their mouth open. I found it rude and would challenge people here and there. Embarrassing when I think back about it

I learnt to tune it out. And so should you before it eats away at you and affects your relationship. The more you are bothered by it the more your GF will be. These are people who have no input into your relationship and who you will most likely not see again in your life

In Thailand I/we get it in mainly Thai areas where there are not many foreigners.

Just take it as a compliment. You are interesting enough to be stared at by masses of people. Enjoy it and smile.

[Mirth]

Repeat your story BUT turn a few things around. Like you're in your home country, you're the gal and your partner is male and a foreigner. What would the lower class "people" of your home country do?

I have recently started to get very frustrated with being stared at - this only really happens when I am with the girlfriend and it's particularly by lower class Thai guys. I am not just talking about someone seeing a farang and being slightly intrigued or surprised either. Btw we are both 30 and have a regular respectable image, my girlfriend although not a front page model is quite attractive.

I am quite accustomed to having people discretely look us both up and down in most places, particularly out of town, perhaps wondering why we don't fit their stereotypical perception of an old farang-bargirl couple or maybe they are just curious. While its not something I appreciate I just accept its part of life here. The staring that bothers me in the prolonged staring at myself and particularly my girlfriend as if she is a piece of meat or lower class because she is with a farang, the staring continues even when it is apparent I have noticed and am wondering why they are staring. Now I appreciate a good looking girl the same as the next guy but any visual appreciating is done very discretely and respectfully and ends immediately should the girl or whoever she is with looks like they are about to notice. I find this staring disrespectful and downright rude and am pretty close to saying something in Thai to the effect of stop staring/you have no manners/do have a problem. My gf being a typical pleasant not confrontational Thai girl will not let me address it or ask them why they are staring. Perhaps I am missing something about Thai culture and how it is OK to stare disrespectfully at people but I somehow doubt they would behave the same if I was Thai.

I would be interested to know if anyone else here shares these experiences and how they handle them. I guess like many things here you should not waste your energy on things you will never change but it has pissed me off to the point I would readily make a scene and a point of out it.

[Semper]

Welcome to Thailand. (emoticons doesn't work)

Edited May 28, 2012 by Semper

[richard_smith237]

It happens, I think most are just curious about the dynamics, what, how, where etc… people are naturally a little nosey.

I sometimes see the ‘girl-half’ of other mixed couples checking us out, again probably for the same reasons of natural curiosity in others, sometimes perhaps for comparison…

When I feel another guy staring in what I interpret as a lecherous manner, or what could easily be interpreted as rude or makes us feel uncomfortable I simply stare back, sometimes that’s enough.

Sometimes the offending ‘starer ‘is so lost in their own ignorance they are there, staring, oblivious of anyone else to such a degree they are up to their 2^nd knuckle in a bogey hunt !!....

I caught a guy out the other day – having a great old stare. Each time I looked at him he looked away, then when I’d turned and turned back, there he was staring again, and looked away. Something must have compelled him so much that he couldn’t help himself…

It’s not ok in Thailand to stare. No amount of cultural difference can explain simple impoliteness. Those who stare to the point of making someone feel uncomfortable are simply ignorant.

In India the staring was taken to another level, they group together and stare in crowds… … and people (mostly young Indian girls) were actually coming up to my wife to have their photo taken with her… very strange!!

[HardenedSoul]

Thai people stare. How you choose to interpret those stares depends on you.

You say it's the prolonged staring at your girlfriend "as if she is a piece of meat or lower class because she is with a farang" but that's just how you perceive it. The women may very well be thinking how elegantly dressed she is while the guys may be fantasizing about sleeping with her.

Often, when encountering behavior toward us that we can't readily explain, we fill in the blanks with our own insecurities.

I'm not slating you; we all have our hang ups but it may be that you don't feel worthy of your woman.

[TommoPhysicist]

I expect they are all wondering why an attractive girl couldn't hook a guy a lot older with a pension.

Just kiddin ........ you should see the way foreign women look at me when I'm out with my step-daughter and my new baby, SD is 14 and likes to sit on my lap, I am nearly 60. The shock, horror and outrage just makes me laugh!

Edited May 28, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[chrisboyo]

I have felt the same way when I first started noticing people staring at the two of us in public, but this is something I can live with and just let these people stare.

The last time it happened and I gave a dam was when a child in Tesco Lotus couldn’t stop staring at me, so we had our self's a stare off and the little bugger won as well.

That’s when I realised I should just ignore it and get on with my life and maybe do the same and try not to let it affect your enjoyment with your partner.

Chris.

[GuestHouse]

Only last week I was considering starting a topic on the subject of being stared at.

Not along the exact same lines as the OP's, rather just my observation that no matter one goes in Thailand someone will be staring at you.

Just try stopping your car on any road where ere are Thais around and you become the momentary main attraction of the day - I swear it would be impossible to pass through any public space without dozens of Thais having stared you out, scanned every aspect of your attire, behaviour and any other minute detail that catches their eyes.

[aneliane]

In Japan it's worse, each barmaid, waitress, does everything to seduce your boyfriend right in front of you.

They consider it as a challenge/duty to take the guy back in the national compound,or they figure out the guy must be an easy catch if he settle for a gaijin.

It's very embarrassing.

[473geo]

"Being Stared At When With Your Partner"

Love it....

[transam]

OP, forget it. I have,

but now I am known in town I get cuddles and hand shakes.

Cuddles from the guys and hand shakes from the ladies.

[samsiam]

Depends on the reason for the stare.

[NanLaew]

In Japan it's worse, each barmaid, waitress, does everything to seduce your boyfriend right in front of you.

They consider it as a challenge/duty to take the guy back in the national compound,or they figure out the guy must be an easy catch if he settle for a gaijin.

It's very embarrassing.

That's it! I am taking the wife to Japan!

Thanks!

[Naam]

since years i am getting these dirty looks, not only in Thailand, from people when i'm out with my wife. they just don't comprehend that elderly gentlemen prefer young ladies.

err... did i mention that my wife is 61?

[WebBKK123]

I understand your frustation but be careful what you say.

Once I was so pissed off that I said, "mong hee arai" and the guy went totally ballistic.

What else did you expect? "mong hee arai" is as low as it gets. Lucky for you he didnt kick your ass.

[Huayrat]

I get it all the time.. Being sat in a sports wheelchair which they never ever see in a lifetime and married to a beautiful 21 year old Lady doesnt help too but i ignore them as if im not arsed about them and go on with my buisness... I drive a car also which looks insane to them coz of the wheelchair.. Just ignore them and dont even look at them...

[canuckamuck]

I live in a remote village, people stop on the street and stare at me on my balcony or working in the yard. If I had a baht for every slack-jawed beam I receive... I'd have a big bag of baht, or I would buy something nice with it. Maybe.

[transam]

I get it all the time.. Being sat in a sports wheelchair which they never ever see in a lifetime and married to a beautiful 21 year old Lady doesnt help too but i ignore them as if im not arsed about them and go on with my buisness... I drive a car also which looks insane to them coz of the wheelchair.. Just ignore them and dont even look at them...

Good for you, in farang land white girls hook up with black folk, nobody now gives a shit. You/we have one life and YOU/WE must make the best of it eh.

[transam]

I live in a remote village, people stop on the street and stare at me on my balcony or working in the yard. If I had a baht for every slack-jawed beam I receive... I'd have a big bag of baht, or I would buy something nice with it. Maybe.

At this moment in time you can buy me.

[SimonD]

...<snip>...

In India the staring was taken to another level, they group together and stare in crowds… … and people (mostly young Indian girls) were actually coming up to my wife to have their photo taken with her… very strange!!

This comment brings back some uncomfortable memories. In rural India the men follow foreigners around in groups, and not always at a respectful distance either.

When one dives into a shop to escape they congregate around the doorway or windows and gawk and wait for one to re-emerge.

Feels like being the star attraction in a zoo...

[canuckamuck]

I live in a remote village, people stop on the street and stare at me on my balcony or working in the yard. If I had a baht for every slack-jawed beam I receive... I'd have a big bag of baht, or I would buy something nice with it. Maybe.

At this moment in time you can buy me.

I haven't figured out how to get them to give me the baht though. But just the same send me a CV and I'll get back to you.

[transam]

I live in a remote village, people stop on the street and stare at me on my balcony or working in the yard. If I had a baht for every slack-jawed beam I receive... I'd have a big bag of baht, or I would buy something nice with it. Maybe.

At this moment in time you can buy me.

I haven't figured out how to get them to give me the baht though. But just the same send me a CV and I'll get back to you.

What, my cars CV joint, l need the ride, snooker tomorrow. .

[aneliane]

...<snip>...

In India the staring was taken to another level, they group together and stare in crowds… … and people (mostly young Indian girls) were actually coming up to my wife to have their photo taken with her… very strange!!

This comment brings back some uncomfortable memories. In rural India the men follow foreigners around in groups, and not always at a respectful distance either.

When one dives into a shop to escape they congregate around the doorway or windows and gawk and wait for one to re-emerge.

Feels like being the star attraction in a zoo...

Once I went to bihar for a wedding a region were terrorist still operated so tourism was not recommended.

From the moment I got of the train I have been surrounded by 10 to 20 people.

At first, It was funny to sign books and notebooks like a celebrity.

But the place where we stayed was very basic and toilet were just a spot in a wood.

Every time I attempted to reach the zone I was followed by a bunch of giggling kids who obviously wanted to check if we did "it" like they did

I just could do it in public

In 3 days I never managed a number 2 ...

Edited May 28, 2012 by aneliane

[edwinclapham]

since years i am getting these dirty looks, not only in Thailand, from people when i'm out with my wife. they just don't comprehend that elderly gentlemen prefer young ladies.

err... did i mention that my wife is 61?

EdwinClapham.. LIKES (Apologies but quote expired for the day lol)

[Rhiwfawr]

I live rural "the only Farang around" people stop and stare{no problem}

The Same school bus that has passed me for the last Seven years that I have lived in this location always give Whoops and Cheers when they pass{again no problem!!}

Actually I feel quite proud as I would not get this attention where Im from!!!

So live with it and Smile

[SimonD]

since years i am getting these dirty looks, not only in Thailand, from people when i'm out with my wife. they just don't comprehend that elderly gentlemen prefer young ladies.

err... did i mention that my wife is 61?

EdwinClapham.. LIKES (Apologies but quote expired for the day lol)

@ EdwinClapham, I've 'liked' Naam on your behalf. I know how Klingons hate to be kept waiting. You can pay me back another time.

@aneliane,

TMI!

Merde...