Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word.

[smokie36]

Talk about deterioration....

Edit: Excepting the last post.

Edited June 2, 2012 by smokie36

[arthurwait]

Thing is I have never heard of a small plot of gum trees paying for a kids college fees.

9 rai........... 600 trees........... average of 3000 per tree at 6 years old...... total 180,000 baht.

that will easily cover uni fees and other expenses.

These are not rubber trees. please take the time to know what the hell you are talking about before you start hittin the keys.

take care.

1,800,000 Baht would be even better.

[thequietman]

Never heard of a gum tree selling for 3000b...but if you say so.

180k baht for uni ??....how long is the average uni course ?? I thought 3 or 4 years ??

Thats 5000b per month....including schooling and all associated expenses...how long can a bag of sticky rice last if not refrigerated ??

Ratchipat Uni 36,000 per semester. 3 year degree. At any point do you check anything or do you just talk from your arse.

Take care.

[thequietman]

Thing is I have never heard of a small plot of gum trees paying for a kids college fees.

9 rai........... 600 trees........... average of 3000 per tree at 6 years old...... total 180,000 baht.

that will easily cover uni fees and other expenses.

These are not rubber trees. please take the time to know what the hell you are talking about before you start hittin the keys.

take care.

1,800,000 Baht would be even better.

holy shit ! you are right.

got my sums wrong.

so do any more of you muppets think its wrong to plant trees on the ground to prepare for the future for my wifes son ?

"its her culture, its up to her to do what she wants with the ground" <deleted> !

But as one poster said, let it go. and I will. But I wont be payin for his education. same as the son before.

I will look forward to the look of miscomprehension on her face in 6 years when I point out , she would have close to 2,000,000 baht if she would just take the time to Listen for a change.

I love Thailand.

[samsiam]

Never heard of a gum tree selling for 3000b...but if you say so.

180k baht for uni ??....how long is the average uni course ?? I thought 3 or 4 years ??

Thats 5000b per month....including schooling and all associated expenses...how long can a bag of sticky rice last if not refrigerated ??

Ratchipat Uni 36,000 per semester. 3 year degree. At any point do you check anything or do you just talk from your arse.

Take care.

But thats 216k.....over your 180k budget....that is if it is only 2 semesters...if it is 3 semesters...well then you are screwed......plant more trees.

Can he live on cake ??...but even cake costs $$....

Sent from my arse phone.

[samsiam]

Thing is I have never heard of a small plot of gum trees paying for a kids college fees.

9 rai........... 600 trees........... average of 3000 per tree at 6 years old...... total 180,000 baht.

that will easily cover uni fees and other expenses.

These are not rubber trees. please take the time to know what the hell you are talking about before you start hittin the keys.

take care.

1,800,000 Baht would be even better.

holy shit ! you are right.

got my sums wrong.

so do any more of you muppets think its wrong to plant trees on the ground to prepare for the future for my wifes son ?

"its her culture, its up to her to do what she wants with the ground" <deleted> !

But as one poster said, let it go. and I will. But I wont be payin for his education. same as the son before.

I will look forward to the look of miscomprehension on her face in 6 years when I point out , she would have close to 2,000,000 baht if she would just take the time to Listen for a change.

I love Thailand.

So I see you have planned this welll...right down to the last bahts....

[Livinginexile]

Dude I'm in the same boat!

I don't think they are completely ignoring us, they just think they and their family know better.

For example, I am a construction manager...I build mega projects!...and yet building our house her "jack-of-all-trades" dad always has the last say, she will listen to him more than me.

I have learned to manage this, to be patient and also learn from their way of doing things.

My biggest problem is trying to get them to spend money (my money by the way), It seems that paying other Thais to do work is very painfull for them. It's hard to manage when I work in Cambodia.

She loves you dude, hang in there and learn to balance the process.

Edited June 2, 2012 by Livinginexile

[Livinginexile]

I'm sorry to but why use a perfectly song title for this, or could this be a new trend ?? Using song titles as a thread title ?

Some other examples could be

You Were My Friend

I don't wanna die in an air disaster

I'm On My Way

Another one bites the dust....

[farang000999]

how much does each tree cost to plant?

[NanLaew]

...

I will look forward to the look of miscomprehension on her face in 6 years when I point out , she would have close to 2,000,000 baht if she would just take the time to Listen for a change.

...

Huh? You would hang around like fart at a wedding for 6 more years just to see her face? You say this when you already know that she can easily blank you with her genetically wired in 'face' ?

I learned only after about a year here that if you offered a Thai, any Thai, 500 baht today or 5000 baht tomorrow, they will take todays offer.

Maybe she does have a point.

[Chonburiram]

Thing is I have never heard of a small plot of gum trees paying for a kids college fees.

Hey, tqm also have a small plot of Teak trees for his retirement plan...

[NanLaew]

Dude I'm in the same boat!

I don't think they are completely ignoring us, they just think they and their family know better.

For example, I am a construction manager...I build mega projects!...and yet building our house her "jack-of-all-trades" dad always has the last say, she will listen to him more than me.

I have learned to manage this, to be patient and also learn from their way of doing things.

My biggest problem is trying to get them to spend money (my money by the way), It seems that paying other Thais to do work is very painfull for them. It's hard to manage when I work in Cambodia.

She loves you dude, hang in there and learn to balance the process.

Uh oh.... It's the 'falang rue mahk' statement. The clever dick foreigner or whatever interpretation you chose. As you say, you build mega projects but that means bugger all to any Thai and especially to the father in law. By nature of where you come from, ie. non-Thai, you don't have a dog in this fight and never will. Don't even consider yourself as even on-par with father in law when it comes to your familial pecking order. There's dad at the top, mum who puts up with more of dads sh!t than you will ever know, your wife who has to contend with both of the above, then her siblings and then their offspring. If there's a dog or two in the household, you may fit in there between the oldest mutt and the dumbest. The oldest dog kicks off, you just may move up the pecking order.

Oh yes, don't waste your money on this, your first house (I assume it's the first). Save your money, expertise and knowledge for when you build the REAL house for you and your wife and your offspring. You can safely write-off the first newbuild to the family.

[pipo1000]

Dude I'm in the same boat!

I don't think they are completely ignoring us, they just think they and their family know better.

For example, I am a construction manager...I build mega projects!...and yet building our house her "jack-of-all-trades" dad always has the last say, she will listen to him more than me.

I have learned to manage this, to be patient and also learn from their way of doing things.

My biggest problem is trying to get them to spend money (my money by the way), It seems that paying other Thais to do work is very painfull for them. It's hard to manage when I work in Cambodia.

She loves you dude, hang in there and learn to balance the process.

Uh oh.... It's the 'falang rue mahk' statement. The clever dick foreigner or whatever interpretation you chose. As you say, you build mega projects but that means bugger all to any Thai and especially to the father in law. By nature of where you come from, ie. non-Thai, you don't have a dog in this fight and never will. Don't even consider yourself as even on-par with father in law when it comes to your familial pecking order. There's dad at the top, mum who puts up with more of dads sh!t than you will ever know, your wife who has to contend with both of the above, then her siblings and then their offspring. If there's a dog or two in the household, you may fit in there between the oldest mutt and the dumbest. The oldest dog kicks off, you just may move up the pecking order.

Oh yes, don't waste your money on this, your first house (I assume it's the first). Save your money, expertise and knowledge for when you build the REAL house for you and your wife and your offspring. You can safely write-off the first newbuild to the family.

No it isn't his first house,some time ago He bought one from a foreigner who wasn't aware of it himself.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/381311-im-about-to-buy-a-property-and-the-farang-owner-doesnt-even-know-its-being-sold/

Oh and by the way,from his previous posts I think he builds mega projects at Nana.

[h90]

You need to have a word with your wife......Sensitive as well.

Tell you that you have looked at things with a lot patience long enough, but waiting does not help.

Things you tell that have to be done have to be done immediately, because you it is an order.

Anyway it is ordered for the better of everyone, and you absolutely don't care who loose face beside yourself.

And if it is not going that way you have to leave her (because you loose face).

[Livinginexile]

Dude I'm in the same boat!

I don't think they are completely ignoring us, they just think they and their family know better.

For example, I am a construction manager...I build mega projects!...and yet building our house her "jack-of-all-trades" dad always has the last say, she will listen to him more than me.

I have learned to manage this, to be patient and also learn from their way of doing things.

My biggest problem is trying to get them to spend money (my money by the way), It seems that paying other Thais to do work is very painfull for them. It's hard to manage when I work in Cambodia.

She loves you dude, hang in there and learn to balance the process.

Uh oh.... It's the 'falang rue mahk' statement. The clever dick foreigner or whatever interpretation you chose. As you say, you build mega projects but that means bugger all to any Thai and especially to the father in law. By nature of where you come from, ie. non-Thai, you don't have a dog in this fight and never will. Don't even consider yourself as even on-par with father in law when it comes to your familial pecking order. There's dad at the top, mum who puts up with more of dads sh!t than you will ever know, your wife who has to contend with both of the above, then her siblings and then their offspring. If there's a dog or two in the household, you may fit in there between the oldest mutt and the dumbest. The oldest dog kicks off, you just may move up the pecking order.

Oh yes, don't waste your money on this, your first house (I assume it's the first). Save your money, expertise and knowledge for when you build the REAL house for you and your wife and your offspring. You can safely write-off the first newbuild to the family.

I love this, thanks for making me laugh!

Clearly you have never ventured up the Thai social ladder further than say...soi 7/1....left of the yellow line?

and,,,,,oh what's the point

[Livinginexile]

Dude I'm in the same boat!

I don't think they are completely ignoring us, they just think they and their family know better.

For example, I am a construction manager...I build mega projects!...and yet building our house her "jack-of-all-trades" dad always has the last say, she will listen to him more than me.

I have learned to manage this, to be patient and also learn from their way of doing things.

My biggest problem is trying to get them to spend money (my money by the way), It seems that paying other Thais to do work is very painfull for them. It's hard to manage when I work in Cambodia.

She loves you dude, hang in there and learn to balance the process.

Uh oh.... It's the 'falang rue mahk' statement. The clever dick foreigner or whatever interpretation you chose. As you say, you build mega projects but that means bugger all to any Thai and especially to the father in law. By nature of where you come from, ie. non-Thai, you don't have a dog in this fight and never will. Don't even consider yourself as even on-par with father in law when it comes to your familial pecking order. There's dad at the top, mum who puts up with more of dads sh!t than you will ever know, your wife who has to contend with both of the above, then her siblings and then their offspring. If there's a dog or two in the household, you may fit in there between the oldest mutt and the dumbest. The oldest dog kicks off, you just may move up the pecking order.

Oh yes, don't waste your money on this, your first house (I assume it's the first). Save your money, expertise and knowledge for when you build the REAL house for you and your wife and your offspring. You can safely write-off the first newbuild to the family.

No it isn't his first house,some time ago He bought one from a foreigner who wasn't aware of it himself.

http://www.thaivisa....its-being-sold/

Oh and by the way,from his previous posts I think he builds mega projects at Nana.

Pipo....what post is that?

[phuturatica]

Follow your instincts. If you own the land, plant the trees as its YOUR land. As for preparing for someone who is not even your son's future... I think that is very generous of you.

As for the wife, I would try and talk to her one last time but if she does not see your point and your reason then I would move on. - That's what I would do anyways. I wish you all the best on whatever the outcome is.

[Chonburiram]

The solution for your problem,tqm, is:

Tell the family that for the next buddhist lent ( pansa ) you will become a monk at the local temple.

You will still see them daily, at the morning, collecting the alms and their respects ... maybe the atmosphere

in a male dominating community will do some healing to your abused soul and you can get new

impressions about your life/future.

Chok Dee

[thequietman]

...

I will look forward to the look of miscomprehension on her face in 6 years when I point out , she would have close to 2,000,000 baht if she would just take the time to Listen for a change.

...

Huh? You would hang around like fart at a wedding for 6 more years just to see her face? You say this when you already know that she can easily blank you with her genetically wired in 'face' ?

I learned only after about a year here that if you offered a Thai, any Thai, 500 baht today or 5000 baht tomorrow, they will take todays offer.

Maybe she does have a point.

For gods sake man, it was a term of speech. same when you say to someone, " I would love to see his face in 20 years when he finds out his investment was bad." You are not gonna hang around for 20 years, are you ?

[thequietman]

Thing is I have never heard of a small plot of gum trees paying for a kids college fees.

Hey, tqm also have a small plot of Teak trees for his retirement plan...

Correct. Took a while to get this going also. nearly 6 years to convince her of the benefits in 20 years. didnt seem to understand the fairly large expenditure now for the rewards later. as one poster said before, offer 100,000 baht now or 20,000 baht over 2 years and a thai will take the 100,000 now.

[pipo1000]

Thing is I have never heard of a small plot of gum trees paying for a kids college fees.

Hey, tqm also have a small plot of Teak trees for his retirement plan...

Correct. Took a while to get this going also. nearly 6 years to convince her of the benefits in 20 years. didnt seem to understand the fairly large expenditure now for the rewards later. as one poster said before, offer 100,000 baht now or 20,000 baht over 2 years and a thai will take the 100,000 now.

I think the offer will have been just the opposite,but never mind the honest mistake.

Now you're talking about trying to convince a Thai to look down the road 20 years?If you can succeed to have them look forward more than a week ahead, you deserve a notification inn the Guiness book of records.

[NanLaew]

...

I will look forward to the look of miscomprehension on her face in 6 years when I point out , she would have close to 2,000,000 baht if she would just take the time to Listen for a change.

...

Huh? You would hang around like fart at a wedding for 6 more years just to see her face? You say this when you already know that she can easily blank you with her genetically wired in 'face' ?

I learned only after about a year here that if you offered a Thai, any Thai, 500 baht today or 5000 baht tomorrow, they will take todays offer.

Maybe she does have a point.

For gods sake man, it was a term of speech. same when you say to someone, " I would love to see his face in 20 years when he finds out his investment was bad." You are not gonna hang around for 20 years, are you ?

Back pedal.... You said, "I will look forward to the look of miscomprehension on her face in 6 years..." and not, "I would love to see the look of miscomprehension on her face in 6 years..."

You will still be there. You're a keeper in her eyes.

[robblok]

Dude I'm in the same boat!

I don't think they are completely ignoring us, they just think they and their family know better.

For example, I am a construction manager...I build mega projects!...and yet building our house her "jack-of-all-trades" dad always has the last say, she will listen to him more than me.

I have learned to manage this, to be patient and also learn from their way of doing things.

My biggest problem is trying to get them to spend money (my money by the way), It seems that paying other Thais to do work is very painfull for them. It's hard to manage when I work in Cambodia.

She loves you dude, hang in there and learn to balance the process.

Uh oh.... It's the 'falang rue mahk' statement. The clever dick foreigner or whatever interpretation you chose. As you say, you build mega projects but that means bugger all to any Thai and especially to the father in law. By nature of where you come from, ie. non-Thai, you don't have a dog in this fight and never will. Don't even consider yourself as even on-par with father in law when it comes to your familial pecking order. There's dad at the top, mum who puts up with more of dads sh!t than you will ever know, your wife who has to contend with both of the above, then her siblings and then their offspring. If there's a dog or two in the household, you may fit in there between the oldest mutt and the dumbest. The oldest dog kicks off, you just may move up the pecking order.

Oh yes, don't waste your money on this, your first house (I assume it's the first). Save your money, expertise and knowledge for when you build the REAL house for you and your wife and your offspring. You can safely write-off the first newbuild to the family.

Jezus, some crazy people around here maybe you guys all married old fashioned girls. I am not bragging and my gf / wife is not Thai Chinese. But she listens to what i say before anything her om or step dad say. She puts the money that she makes in our family not theirs and has no strange attitude like that.

Maybe its a generation thing or a location thing. But some of her friends (not all) are the same. But the shit that you come below the family dog and accept it is just plain crazy. Anyone who can accept something like that must have a serious masochistic streak and no self confidence.

I am pretty sure what you say does happen but i think its more a farm girl / outback kinda thing. Then why take a girl like that. (unless of course its the only thing you can get)

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Follow your instincts. If you own the land, plant the trees as its YOUR land. As for preparing for someone who is not even your son's future... I think that is very generous of you.

As for the wife, I would try and talk to her one last time but if she does not see your point and your reason then I would move on. - That's what I would do anyways. I wish you all the best on whatever the outcome is.

Phuturatica, by definition the land cannot be his land, physically impossible. He may have donated the money for it, but no one thinks it's actually his. What his wife chooses to do with that land is none of his business unless she chooses to humor him.

Jezus, some crazy people around here maybe you guys all married old fashioned girls. I am not bragging and my gf / wife is not Thai Chinese. But she listens to what i say before anything her om or step dad say. She puts the money that she makes in our family not theirs and has no strange attitude like that.

Maybe its a generation thing or a location thing. But some of her friends (not all) are the same. But the shit that you come below the family dog and accept it is just plain crazy. Anyone who can accept something like that must have a serious masochistic streak and no self confidence.

I am pretty sure what you say does happen but i think its more a farm girl / outback kinda thing. Then why take a girl like that. (unless of course its the only thing you can get)

I know most people don't agree with the below, don't feel you need to waste time expressing your shock or outrage if you feel such, just putting it out there FFR for anyone that might want to know how to avoid these problems. The context is young dirt-poor uneducated peasant girl straight off the rice farm no English never left home no direct experience with farang, IMO best way to start.

The true traditional Thai culture dictates that when you marry the man pays the sin sot as compensation for removing her from her family unit, the girl becomes part of the husband's family network now, and she should listen to the husband - and especially the husband's mother if she's around - your family unit now overrides hers.

However in practice they know most farang are incapable of maintaining the pants and many families with experience and knowledge of farang ways take advantage of this, get to keep the girl within the orbit of her original family, treating him as a minor appendage often a financial resource without much say at all, keep him happy in the sack and smile at him and feed him but otherwise ignore him.

IMO the solution is to take her far away from her family, make sure to be a strong patriarchal leader of the new family unit and keep her on a short leash without "investing" any further large sums, just a reasonable monthly allowance that she can spend on herself, or if she's smart save from or send her family as she likes up to her but that's it no more.

To the extent in the early stages if she delivers good value compared to what you're spending, give her further bonus payments, random gifts to show your love etc but not on any predictable pattern that she'd start to take for granted. After six months or so increase the allowance if she's been using it well, if she's actually been saving make it a large increase, conditional on her continuing to save most of the new increment.

On the other hand as the senior it's your responsibility to do your best to be considerate make her happy, anticipate don't make her ask for anything you should be able to guess, show her your love with real hard work and consideration as to what's best for her future.

Any attempts from her to extort more money from you - including family emergencies, even sister or papa going to die etc - met with simple no's, beyond reasonable tactics (short-term pouting, tantrums witholding services etc), be ready to let her know in no uncertain terms you're ready to cut her loose and walk away. This is most important in the early phases to establish the ground rules and healthy patterns.

And no bluffing - if she calls you on it, phone her folks to let them know she's on her way, pack her off back to the rice farm with bus fare and a thousand baht, then no contact at all for at least a week.

Then show up at her home unannounced, ask if she's ready to come back and behave, if not drive off, let her know she's got one more chance. A few weeks later try again, no phone communications in the meantime, show up last chance, if it's no, let everyone know it's over and that's it write her off.

If you got a good one to start with none of this should be necessary, having to use extreme tactics is already showing 90% sure you won't want to keep going long-term.

Any business project, investment of large amounts of money (beyond a few months' income) should not involve her or her family in any way. Set up your businesses and legal structures without her knowing about them or knowing the people involved, construction of your house, even repairs to a rental etc keep her out of it, don't rely on her or be dependent on her in any practical matters.

If you get a few good years then you're ahead of the averages, don't expect it to last a lifetime of happiness together.

But who know it might just. . .

[bendix]

so many bizarrely personal revelations.

..

When I see half a dozen members opening up in a quasi Oprah Winfrey way about

Sounds like you think it's inappropriate for people to express their innermost feelings to complete strangers.

Actually perfectly normal and very healthy; being in a relatively anonymous environment makes it that much easier.

In an ideal world we'd all have people we could be completely open with in real life as well, but sadly enough that's often not the case.

Not inappropriate at all: just another sympton of the disconnected world we live in where some people feel more comfortable expressing deeply personal problems to strangers rather than addressing it to the proper person - his wife.

Let's face it: the OP has previous form with this type of thread. Wasn't it thequietman who was complaining he can't find a friend recently?

[bendix]

I picture Bendix in a dark room, no light besides the dim glare of Thai Visa opened on his web browser, pants around his ankles and only one hand on the keyboard.

left or right ??

So.......... Basically, you are calling him a spanker. letter added so as not to cause offense. I may make a point of coming to the next TV night out just to meet this fountain of wisdom.

very likely he will be short, fat, small knob and really fat fingers from typing.......... or maybe from something else.

oh yes........... and very, very angry.

Not angry at all - I'm just prepared to cut through the crap and call a spade a spade. It might not be popular, but who gives a dam_n about popular.

As for your physical description of me, I'm 6foot 4 tall and weight 89kg, as several members who have met me will testify. Good try though.

[metisdead]

A series of nonsense trolling posts have been removed.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

Not inappropriate at all: just another sympton of the disconnected world we live in where some people feel more comfortable expressing deeply personal problems to strangers rather than addressing it to the proper person - his wife.

Let's face it: the OP has previous form with this type of thread. Wasn't it thequietman who was complaining he can't find a friend recently?

While I have many friends with whom I can reveal my innermost secrets, and completely agree that everyone should, the very last person I'd do that with would be my SO. I do make a very strong effort to be clear and open about those parts of my life that are relevant for her to know, but certainly not about things like my income or where I keep my mia noi.

Don't assume or make judgements based on what you or the mainstream of your culture define as a "proper" relationship.

[BookMan]

Ten years is a long time to have invested in a relationship thequietman. If you love your wife still and want to be with her, ten years is too long a time to just walk away without giving it 100% effort.

Even if you don't agree with some of the posters point of view in this thread, or perhaps the way some of the posters express their point of view, the underlying sentiments of a few of them hold true.

Setting boundaries.

Respect in your relationship.

Communication with your partner.

From your past posts I believe you might be a fairly mild mannered type of guy, maybe not very assertive and who likes to avoid confrontation where necessary? I apologise If I have misread things.

It seems like you really need to push the boundaries. Why would you walk away unless you have really had the issue out with her? The land might be in her name but the circumstances where you funded the land and fund her lifestyle should entitle you to have equal say in what happens on the land. Forget about all the face thing and put yourself first. Not your wife, or her son, or the village etcetera, just yourself.

If your wife cant or wont respect your wishes and things don't work out then then the old addage about plenty of fish in the sea holds true.

I hope it works out okay for you.

[robblok]

Ten years is a long time to have invested in a relationship thequietman. If you love your wife still and want to be with her, ten years is too long a time to just walk away without giving it 100% effort.

Even if you don't agree with some of the posters point of view in this thread, or perhaps the way some of the posters express their point of view, the underlying sentiments of a few of them hold true.

Setting boundaries.

Respect in your relationship.

Communication with your partner.

From your past posts I believe you might be a fairly mild mannered type of guy, maybe not very assertive and who likes to avoid confrontation where necessary? I apologise If I have misread things.

It seems like you really need to push the boundaries. Why would you walk away unless you have really had the issue out with her? The land might be in her name but the circumstances where you funded the land and fund her lifestyle should entitle you to have equal say in what happens on the land. Forget about all the face thing and put yourself first. Not your wife, or her son, or the village etcetera, just yourself.

If your wife cant or wont respect your wishes and things don't work out then then the old addage about plenty of fish in the sea holds true.

I hope it works out okay for you.

You are totally right of course you should first try to mend bridges. But if that is not possible then leaving is a valid option.