Thai Wife Has Thai Boy Friend

lost in space 2 · June 22, 2012

Not a new problem I am sure. But need some help.

Expat with Thai wife and two young kids (mine).

Find out she has Thai boyfriend.

Want to get a divorce, not told her yet.

Want to keep the kids.

What are my options?

TheWalkingMan · June 22, 2012

Move all the assets you can into your name.

Get DNA checks on the kids.

Find a lawyer not near your town.

If she has access to any credit cards under your name, keep the numbers handy and be ready to cancel them.

beano2274 · June 22, 2012

Sue him for sleeping with your wife, or tell him you will unless you get a quick divorce and custody of the kids, it is a serious offence in Thailand to sleep with another persons spouse, although not many people care about it.

Look into Thai Family Law, you will find it in there, get a lawyer to help find it, and then give them an ultimatum, kids or court action against him.

givenall · June 22, 2012

Sue him for sleeping with your wife, or tell him you will unless you get a quick divorce and custody of the kids, it is a serious offence in Thailand to sleep with another persons spouse, although not many people care about it.
Look into Thai Family Law, you will find it in there, get a lawyer to help find it, and then give them an ultimatum, kids or court action against him.

everything will. Be easier for you if has. No money

Sent from my ST18a using Thaivisa Connect App

Pseudolus · June 22, 2012

Well, if you own a car and property in her name, there is a high chance that they will have already worked out how to end the marriage the traditional Thai way. Avoid going on bikes, when you enter your house do so like a cop entering a drugs den (carefully), make her taste your food first.... run is another option.

dingdang · June 22, 2012

it is a serious offence in Thailand to sleep with another persons spouse

hear hear...

you might need evidence - photos etc?

ripstanley · June 22, 2012

How did you find out?

Mosha · June 22, 2012

Assuming it's true. Your name is on birth certificates

, Visit embassy - get passports and go "home"

7by7 · June 22, 2012

Off topic posts have been deleted. Please treat the OP as genuine unless proven otherwise.

I am moving this to the Marriage and Divorce forum, where hopefully he will get some sensible and useful replies.

MJP · June 22, 2012

Same as that. Been here a few years back.

Yes, adultery is a criminal offense in Thailand, but I'd advise you don't go down that route, especially threatening the guy with legal action. It's likely you're in a particularly unsafe situation right now. I have been here to and narrowly avoided death by tuna jacket potato (with added poison).

Best off get hold of a good lawyer (Issan Lawyers if Sebastian is still about) if there's a lot a stake but get ready to write most of it off, okay all of it in reality. You could look at putting real estate (chanote land title) in your children's names, there's no minimum age a Thai national can own freehold (unless this has changed). At least then it goes to the kids, but there's a legal procedure for this I believe in the family court and can be fraught with problems. Legal 'Trusts' do not exist in Thai law. (Stop laughing at the back!)

You seem calm enough. This is the best way to deal with this. You're number one priority is to have the mindset that everything should be in the best interests of the children. As well it should. Because without you fighting their corner, the future could be bleak. It's no joke that country.

I was lucky in that mother-in-law and the rest of the family are salt of the earth types and all ended well enough, considering. Mum sorted it all out and I'm happy the kids will have a good future. I pop back when I can and Mum keeps "my" house for me so I have somewhere to go. Apparently she's very worried about me back in the UK. Who knows??? The whole thing's utterly potty, but I still regard that kind little village as home and miss the kids terribly.

Good luck.

meatboy · June 22, 2012

are you sure its not her brother? but tread carefully you could be paying for his lifestyle as well as her's,you might need to buy your way out of this.as mentioned contact sebastian of isaan lawyers[korat] good luck.

MJP · June 22, 2012

are you sure its not her brother? but tread carefully you could be paying for his lifestyle as well as her's,you might need to buy your way out of this.as mentioned contact sebastian of isaan lawyers[korat] good luck.

He's got a hard road ahead on this one. Again, call Sebastian to go through the options. The toughest bit is getting the evidence of adultery, especially if your spoken Thai is limited. My wife got knocked up by her boyfriend and Muggins' here ended up looking after the baby for the first 18 months.

It's going to be very tricky getting the kids into the UK (if you're from Blighty obviously) as a single parent. You need mother-in-law on your side. She will be key to all of this working out. The older generation are very conservative and honest in my experience and if you've done nothing wrong and show you have the children's best interests as your sole priority old Ma will sort it out.

This doesn't have to end that badly. But it's up to you OP to control the situation as a cool headed adult. When the three sisters and Ma told me she had a boyfriend they were shocked when I didn't react with fury, rather said after a brief pause 'Right, let's get everything stable for the children and make sure they're future is bright, never mind the rest, it doesn't matter'.

BigJohnnyBKK · June 23, 2012

Assuming it's true. Your name is on birth certificates, Visit embassy - get passports and go "home"

Giving out misinformation is worse than just remaining quiet.

Only if you already married at the time of birth is having your name on the BC legally significant.

If when you are legally acknowledged as the birth father you don't have the right to remove the children from the country under Thai law without the mother's written permission, and doing so could also expose you to kidnapping charges back home (but not in Thailand) and the children being forcibly repatriated to their mother at your expense.

The comment about your mother-in-law is very pertinent, as are warnings about your life being in danger.

I am the sole parent of two very young Thai children, and was able to persuade their mother to sign away all of her legal rights over them in recognition that I would give them a better life than she could, and my promise to grant her access for visits. However she was psychotically desperate to get out in search of a richer husband and I refused to grant her her freedom until she agreed to that condition.

If you have sufficient money to smooth the way things become a lot easier. I would recommend gathering hard evidence in such a way that no one knows you have it, and don't play that card except as a last resort and only when you're physically safe in an unknown location.

Your first approach should certainly be done in a non-confrontational way, with the stance that you want her to be happy in her new life, but the focus obviously on what's best for the children.

You will most likely be able to simply buy her signature on the divorce decree at the amphur/kaet office, the official there can simply hand-write what's needed, no lawyers need be involved at all.

Best of luck!

chang35baht · June 23, 2012

Same as that. Been here a few years back.

Yes, adultery is a criminal offense in Thailand, but I'd advise you don't go down that route, especially threatening the guy with legal action. It's likely you're in a particularly unsafe situation right now. I have been here to and narrowly avoided death by tuna jacket potato (with added poison).

Best off get hold of a good lawyer (Issan Lawyers if Sebastian is still about) if there's a lot a stake but get ready to write most of it off, okay all of it in reality. You could look at putting real estate (chanote land title) in your children's names, there's no minimum age a Thai national can own freehold (unless this has changed). At least then it goes to the kids, but there's a legal procedure for this I believe in the family court and can be fraught with problems. Legal 'Trusts' do not exist in Thai law. (Stop laughing at the back!)

You seem calm enough. This is the best way to deal with this. You're number one priority is to have the mindset that everything should be in the best interests of the children. As well it should. Because without you fighting their corner, the future could be bleak. It's no joke that country.

I was lucky in that mother-in-law and the rest of the family are salt of the earth types and all ended well enough, considering. Mum sorted it all out and I'm happy the kids will have a good future. I pop back when I can and Mum keeps "my" house for me so I have somewhere to go. Apparently she's very worried about me back in the UK. Who knows??? The whole thing's utterly potty, but I still regard that kind little village as home and miss the kids terribly.

Good luck.

Wow. Death by tuna jacket potato. The depths to which some people will go. A horrific thought indeed.

Mario2008 · June 23, 2012

Op is married and he is the legal father of the children.

Under Thai law, you will have joined custody over the children with the mother. The only question is who will get the children most of the time and be prime caretaker. Sole parental rights you will only get if the mother is incapable or even a danger to the children.

You can negotiate with the mother about the custody of the children, she can even sign her rights to custody over the children away.

lost in space 2 · June 23, 2012

Thanks guys for all the replies.

We were married before the children were born, my name is on the birth certificates and there is no doubt in my mind that they are mine.

I found out by accident, she told me she was going to get her hair done, by chance I was driving along the road in the opposite direction to were she was meant to be going and spotted here car at a roadside café, when I went in I found her with another man. Not conclusive of course but after confronting her she admitted that she had been “seeing” him for the last four months. Then on asking around where we live it seems everyone knows about it but me. The man is also married and has a reputation of doing this sort of thing.

I had had suspicion before when she started coming home at 4AM, from playing cards, so she told me. At first one or two times a month then up to one or two times a week. I confronted her at the time and she promised that she did not have a boyfriend. And of course I believed her.

After being caught and the admission I told her I was leaving and taking the kids with me. She begged for forgiveness even to the extent of cutting her hair off, it was long before. She asked for a second chance. I, with a lot of uncertainty gave it her on condition she moves down to where I work (other end of Thailand) and has no more contact with him.

So right now she is staying with me where I work. However after some weeks I find out she has been sending SMS messages to this guy just about every day. I have not confronted her with that yet. But have come to the conclusion that I can no longer trust her.

Or am I wrong? Is this a normal Thai woman behavior? Maybe I have become paranoid and should not be too concerned.

My wish would be for us all to stay together, kids especially, they love their Mother and me and any break up would be difficult. But at the same time, if she is lying to me then it has to end.

TommoPhysicist · June 23, 2012

If when you are legally acknowledged as the birth father you don't have the right to remove the children from the country under Thai law without the mother's written permission, and doing so could also expose you to kidnapping charges back home (but not in Thailand) and the children being forcibly repatriated to their mother at your expense.

This is just not true, while married in Thailand, either parent can take the kids and go wherever they like with them.

What the home country will do depends on the home country, UK does nothing, unless Thai parent has right of residence in UK.

My wish would be for us all to stay together, kids especially, they love their Mother and me and any break up would be difficult. But at the same time, if she is lying to me then it has to end.

As the man appears to have no intention of breaking up either marriage, and if your wife is a good mother. You could, just put up with the situation and enjoy a bit more marital freedom yourself.

Edited June 23, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

lost in space 2 · June 23, 2012

Not totally true.

I have no interest in staying in a marriage that is not working

Chivas · June 23, 2012

Op is married and he is the legal father of the children.

Under Thai law, you will have joined custody over the children with the mother. The only question is who will get the children most of the time and be prime caretaker. Sole parental rights you will only get if the mother is incapable or even a danger to the children.

You can negotiate with the mother about the custody of the children, she can even sign her rights to custody over the children away.

Mario I appreciate your knowledge in matrimonial matters are far far greater than mine but if the mother completely refuses to negotiate/talk (as in my case) you end up cracking your own head in frustration against the wall.......

I have a rather expensive lawyer battling my current corner but if the woman refuses to acknowledge/discuss/deal with the situation what exactly can you do.......??

She can move in your absence and nothing you can do about it...??

Mario2008 · June 23, 2012

That is not the situation of the OP. But yes, the law is one thing and real life another. As in any country, a court can give one access to the children but if theother spouse has prime custody and doesn't want to cooperate there is little one can do. In countries all over the world people, and the courts as well, stuggle with that issue and it is sad that what begon in love ends in so much hate and is being fought out over the head of the children.

If one can't get prime custody themselves, sometimes the best thing in the interest of the children is to let things be and hope that someday the children will become courious about their father and seek contact.

In Thailand one might even have a little better chance, as one can try the grand mother of the child or a respected community elder to negotiate a deal.

krisb · June 23, 2012

Same as that. Been here a few years back.

Yes, adultery is a criminal offense in Thailand, but I'd advise you don't go down that route, especially threatening the guy with legal action. It's likely you're in a particularly unsafe situation right now. I have been here to and narrowly avoided death by tuna jacket potato (with added poison).

Best off get hold of a good lawyer (Issan Lawyers if Sebastian is still about) if there's a lot a stake but get ready to write most of it off, okay all of it in reality. You could look at putting real estate (chanote land title) in your children's names, there's no minimum age a Thai national can own freehold (unless this has changed). At least then it goes to the kids, but there's a legal procedure for this I believe in the family court and can be fraught with problems. Legal 'Trusts' do not exist in Thai law. (Stop laughing at the back!)

You seem calm enough. This is the best way to deal with this. You're number one priority is to have the mindset that everything should be in the best interests of the children. As well it should. Because without you fighting their corner, the future could be bleak. It's no joke that country.

I was lucky in that mother-in-law and the rest of the family are salt of the earth types and all ended well enough, considering. Mum sorted it all out and I'm happy the kids will have a good future. I pop back when I can and Mum keeps "my" house for me so I have somewhere to go. Apparently she's very worried about me back in the UK. Who knows??? The whole thing's utterly potty, but I still regard that kind little village as home and miss the kids terribly.

Good luck.

tell us bout the poison potato, id like to hear that story please mate

mouse · June 23, 2012

Call me on my skype address. Presently having similar problems and can give good advise FREE for you.

MJP · June 23, 2012

Same as that. Been here a few years back.

Yes, adultery is a criminal offense in Thailand, but I'd advise you don't go down that route, especially threatening the guy with legal action. It's likely you're in a particularly unsafe situation right now. I have been here to and narrowly avoided death by tuna jacket potato (with added poison).

Best off get hold of a good lawyer (Issan Lawyers if Sebastian is still about) if there's a lot a stake but get ready to write most of it off, okay all of it in reality. You could look at putting real estate (chanote land title) in your children's names, there's no minimum age a Thai national can own freehold (unless this has changed). At least then it goes to the kids, but there's a legal procedure for this I believe in the family court and can be fraught with problems. Legal 'Trusts' do not exist in Thai law. (Stop laughing at the back!)

You seem calm enough. This is the best way to deal with this. You're number one priority is to have the mindset that everything should be in the best interests of the children. As well it should. Because without you fighting their corner, the future could be bleak. It's no joke that country.

I was lucky in that mother-in-law and the rest of the family are salt of the earth types and all ended well enough, considering. Mum sorted it all out and I'm happy the kids will have a good future. I pop back when I can and Mum keeps "my" house for me so I have somewhere to go. Apparently she's very worried about me back in the UK. Who knows??? The whole thing's utterly potty, but I still regard that kind little village as home and miss the kids terribly.

Good luck.

tell us bout the poison potato, id like to hear that story please mate

Was violently ill about 3 mins after having food she'd prepared. Vomitting etc. Stayed sick for a week. Remember something the wife said at the time and sister in law said something a couple of years later and all fell into place.

A frenzied potato attack.

MJP · June 23, 2012

That is not the situation of the OP. But yes, the law is one thing and real life another. As in any country, a court can give one access to the children but if theother spouse has prime custody and doesn't want to cooperate there is little one can do. In countries all over the world people, and the courts as well, stuggle with that issue and it is sad that what begon in love ends in so much hate and is being fought out over the head of the children.

If one can't get prime custody themselves, sometimes the best thing in the interest of the children is to let things be and hope that someday the children will become courious about their father and seek contact.

In Thailand one might even have a little better chance, as one can try the grand mother of the child or a respected community elder to negotiate a deal.

I don't know the unfortunate OP's circumstances, but trying to get custody of the kids, then back to Blighty and set up again from scratch and make all that work . . . Yikes!!!!

Work with mother-in-law on this, if that's possible.

Bender · June 23, 2012

If when you are legally acknowledged as the birth father you don't have the right to remove the children from the country under Thai law without the mother's written permission, and doing so could also expose you to kidnapping charges back home (but not in Thailand) and the children being forcibly repatriated to their mother at your expense.

This is just not true, while married in Thailand, either parent can take the kids and go wherever they like with them.

What the home country will do depends on the home country, UK does nothing, unless Thai parent has right of residence in UK.

I might be totally wrong, but some good thai friends told me once, that in Thailand only the mother has the administrative autority

on their children. The father doesnt have the same "weight"/importance than the mother.

Edited June 23, 2012 by Bender

meatboy · June 24, 2012

if you want to sleep at night get rid of her,in los there's always a way out its called [you pay me money]

TommoPhysicist · June 24, 2012

I might be totally wrong, but some good thai friends told me once, that in Thailand only the mother has the administrative autority

on their children. The father doesnt have the same "weight"/importance than the mother.

You are totally wrong, don't listen to what Thais tell you they are either

1)Totally ignorant about Thai law

2) Have their own agenda

Mario2008 · June 24, 2012

I might be totally wrong, but some good thai friends told me once, that in Thailand only the mother has the administrative autority

on their children. The father doesnt have the same "weight"/importance than the mother.

Nonsense. And Thai courts aren't biased to worths foreigners either. Many people have otten sole custody when the situation justifies that, foreigner or not. A Thai judge takes the interest of the children at hearth.

Bender · June 24, 2012

I might be totally wrong, but some good thai friends told me once, that in Thailand only the mother has the administrative autority

on their children. The father doesnt have the same "weight"/importance than the mother.

Nonsense. And Thai courts aren't biased to worths foreigners either. Many people have otten sole custody when the situation justifies that, foreigner or not. A Thai judge takes the interest of the children at hearth.

Luckily that i said i might totally wrong. So here my experience:

Few years ago a thai friend of mine wanted to travel to Sweeden for hollidays, at this time hes was only 19 yo. His mother died few years ago.

Under 20 yo you cannot leave Thailand without the consent of the thai parent. So during the process of making a passport he bring his father.

At the counter They said that they need to see the death certificate of his mother! The father was there, and it was not enough( i was there also).

Maybe i did lose something during the translation, dont ask me for more details as the story was 6 years ago.

2 years ago again, a foreign friend work as a teacher at university, his witnes: They make some little fuss about a girl for her inscription who doesnt have either his mom ...

Sorry if i did confuse some people here...

So 10 minutes later... i did a search on internet and i do understand my mistake:

Certainly in the case of my thai friend, their parents were not married!!!

In most Western countries, the Mother and Father of the child get equal rights and obligations. Under Thai Law, this isn't the case. According to section 1546 of CCCT, when a child is born and the mother is NOT married to the father, the father has no LEGAL RIGHTS over the child. Only the mother has rights (and obligations) over the child.

A person could be named on the birth certificate as the father, but his rights are NOT legalized under Thai law. Even with a DNA test, he could be the father on the birth certificate and be the biological father, but he won't be the LEGALIZED FATHER.

-->Here all the full article about child custody and its quite complete: http://www.thailawon...d-thailand.html

MODS you should make a sticky post of my msg

Cheers

Edited June 24, 2012 by Bender

Bender · June 24, 2012

I might be totally wrong, but some good thai friends told me once, that in Thailand only the mother has the administrative autority

on their children. The father doesnt have the same "weight"/importance than the mother.

Nonsense. And Thai courts aren't biased to worths foreigners either. Many people have otten sole custody when the situation justifies that, foreigner or not. A Thai judge takes the interest of the children at hearth.

Chill out in my mistake msg i did never mention the father as a foreigner either a thai. Foreigner and thai are on the same level...

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