Why Some People Need To Get Out More....

[GarryP]

Do they spend their lives on internet forums also ?

I'm resting at the moment ...... after

Overeating at an expats breakfast buffet this morning.

Then met some mates at a coffee bar.

This evening, blokes night out with loads of beer.

Is that spending my life on an Internet forum?

Do YOU think I need to get out more?

You must be huge with all that going on ?

Slow down mate, you'll have an heart attack, find some poor Farangs to out with, it's more healthy.

I hope that wasn't a Freudian slip. Tommo just does not seem to fit the bill.

[Mooner]

I've never found anywhere perfect and never will, it doesn't exist. I don't have any problem with people coming here and complaining about Thailand( maybe they've had a bad day).

In the end we all come here to put forward OUR opinions on people's posts and debate on what we feel is right or wrong. Too many people try to take a higher ground or feel their opinion holds more ground than another's.

A wise man once said "You can't change how people act, only how you react to them"! Not everyone looks, acts or speaks like each other. What a dull world we would live in if that were the case!

[chrisinth]

I was here for two years before I got a couple of good Thai friends (one male, one female) who often helped me out if I needed it. And they were not after money either. They did it because they like me.

We'd go out to pubs and bars and restaurants and have some real good fun. One even asked me along to help him out with the local election - he lost anyway, but it was a good insight into how those things work here.

You and me have very different definitions of a 'real friend'.

Sounds like you had a couple of drinking buddies.

Just because a Thai wants to spend time with you while not asking for money doesn't = a real Thai friend imo.

As a matter of interest, how would you define 'a real friend'?

Just curious

[WebBangkok]

lol, got to love this place, its very entertaining.

People who can not make Thai friends must have something wrong with them, I have no idea how you can not have friends because of a nationality.

I got friends who are greek, chinese, malaw, japs, korean, britist, Americans (yes even yanks) and from all over Europe and Sth America.

[HeavyDrinker]

In my time here I've known plenty of people who have had the Life of Riley but have whined every second of their entire stay here. On the other hand I have also known plenty of 30,000 Baht a month teachers who have partaken in every day life and had a whale of a time (and still are) here.

I say it's down to how the individual reacts to their surroundings more than any external factors like wealth.

To suggest that "poor" expats are all bitter is somewhat a nonsense.

Personally I've found the "in-between" DIY expats the worst. One minute they're lording it over the English teachers in their Fortuners (sorry!), the next they're frothing out in the bars at the real expats who are here with all the trimmings.

[DowntownAl]

I get out as often as I can, there is nothing sadder than an old guy sitting at home alone with bottle in one hand and...his...um...er...remote control in the other. If you live alone like I do, get out as much as you can afford (money and health being standing issues) because that is where the people are, and sitting at home with the aforementioned remote will make you crazier than you already are. Personally, I don't have Thai friends and falang friends, I have friends. Simple semantics maybe but also a truism wherever you are. When you lived in your home country, did you say “I have many <insert nationality name here> as well as many non <insert nationality name here> friends.” Me either. As the old saying goes, a good friend will help you move, a real friend will help you move a body. Where they come from is meaningless.

Edited July 13, 2012 by DowntownAl

[TommoPhysicist]

lol, got to love this place, its very entertaining.

People who can not make Thai friends must have something wrong with them, I have no idea how you can not have friends because of a nationality.

I got friends who are greek, chinese, malaw, japs, korean, britist, Americans (yes even yanks) and from all over Europe and Sth America.

Interesting that you didn't include Thai in your list either.

I don't have any Thai friends. I do have a Thai wife, Thai step-children, and Thai children though.

Thais really don't seem to have friends as I understand the term 'friend', but they do have a substitute called 'family'

Edited July 13, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[F1fanatic]

In my time here I've known plenty of people who have had the Life of Riley but have whined every second of their entire stay here. On the other hand I have also known plenty of 30,000 Baht a month teachers who have partaken in every day life and had a whale of a time (and still are) here.

I say it's down to how the individual reacts to their surroundings more than any external factors like wealth.

To suggest that "poor" expats are all bitter is somewhat a nonsense.

Personally I've found the "in-between" DIY expats the worst. One minute they're lording it over the English teachers in their Fortuners (sorry!), the next they're frothing out in the bars at the real expats who are here with all the trimmings.

I've not experienced this. Why would anyone froth "out in the bars at the real expats who are here with all the trimmings."?

[Trembly]

I don't know any Farang that has left Thailand because he didn't like it, they all left because they where broke and near destitute.

You've never lent a friend money ?

More to do with whom you mix.

Not all of us associate with bludgers.

That's a bit cheap. A friend in need is a friend indeed. I hope you never find yourself a bit short.

[Trembly]

lol, got to love this place, its very entertaining.

People who can not make Thai friends must have something wrong with them, I have no idea how you can not have friends because of a nationality.

I got friends who are greek, chinese, malaw, japs, korean, britist, Americans (yes even yanks) and from all over Europe and Sth America.

Interesting that you didn't include Thai in your list either.

I don't have any Thai friends. I do have a Thai wife, Thai step-children, and Thai children though.

Thais really don't seem to have friends as I understand the term 'friend', but they do have a substitute called 'family'

What is your understanding of the term 'friend'?

[TommoPhysicist]

What is your understanding of the term 'friend'?

Someone who likes you for being you, someone who spends time with you without expecting a ROI, not someone who sees you as a potential future resource.

[Trembly]

What is your understanding of the term 'friend'?

Someone who likes you for being you, someone who spends time with you without expecting a ROI, not someone who sees you as a potential future resource.

Well fark my old boots what on earth makes you think that Thais are incapable of same? I suppose it depends on whom you mix with.

Edited July 13, 2012 by Trembly

[pattayadingo]

I was here for two years before I got a couple of good Thai friends (one male, one female) who often helped me out if I needed it. And they were not after money either. They did it because they like me.

We'd go out to pubs and bars and restaurants and have some real good fun. One even asked me along to help him out with the local election - he lost anyway, but it was a good insight into how those things work here.

You and me have very different definitions of a 'real friend'.

Sounds like you had a couple of drinking buddies.

Just because a Thai wants to spend time with you while not asking for money doesn't = a real Thai friend imo.

You obviously skipped over my post without reading it properly you missed the bit where I said, 'who often helped me out if I needed it.'

Doing things like taking me to the airport and taking care of my car while I am away. Helping out with a motoring accident. Acting as an interpreter with the lawyer and me winning my case. Finding good and reliable mechanics. Helping with all sorts of little problems where language is often a barrier to solving them in areas where they speak little or no English. This being just a short list of things these real friends have done for me.

Recently after a bad car accident an old friend who dropped everything at work in Bangkok and dashed to come and help me out. Got a driver to take her from Bangkok and from hospital to hospital until they found me. Took care of everything for me. Came and cleaned the house and tidied up. Did the shopping. Organised anything I needed. Then she went back to work a couple of days later.

Does that also not count as a real friend?

Edited July 13, 2012 by pattayadingo

[TommoPhysicist]

Well fark my old boots what on earth makes you think that Thais are incapable of same? I suppose it depends on whom you mix with.

Some Thais may be capable of same, I just haven't met any like that yet, therefore I have no Thai friends.

Does that also not count as a friend?

I thought that was a former lover, fits in a different category to friend IMHO.

Edited July 13, 2012 by TommoPhysicist

[MAJIC]

We are just guests here, if you don't like it go home.

So by the same Token,those that complain about their own Country,and don't like it any more,should leave their own Country? ..........mm... thought not!

Just keep the Rose Tinted Specticles firmly in place.

[PaullyW]

HeavyDrinker,

Great post! You gotta admit, though, that it IS often terrifying to have to work with Thais to solve something. Not many things scarier (excepting for physical assault/injury).

However, let me just add

Not everyone aims in their lives to be happy or have fun or go out to bars or to have an interesting life. Some are perfectly content sitting at home with beer, reading, watching TV, looking out of the window, etc. I almost never go out, and I love it that way. I had plenty of fun as a younger man, so I am into different things now. Higher order stuff.

Edited July 13, 2012 by PaullyW

[EmptyBasementBin]

As a matter of interest, how would you define 'a real friend'?

Just curious

I'm not sure tbh.

I would consider my real friends as the guys I grew up with from say age 8 - 20.

Not all the people I was friends with during that period, but about 8-10 different ones. We know each other inside out and back to front. We grew up together, and will always have that pact, so to speak.

I'm not saying that it's not possible to make a 'real friend' after that period but looking back on my college friends and then those I've made while traveling around the World, and half a decade in Thailand, I wouldn't consider any of my friends from that/this period on that sort of level.

I cannot really see how one can make a 'real friend', as a Western adult, with another adult who has grown up, been educated, and completely 'culturalized' (if such a word exists) in a culture as completely alien as Thai culture.

For one thing Thais don't even seem to have 'real friends' as we would call them, but a large group of people they know and socialize with without ever getting too close or letting themselves go.

TBH I think that anyone who considers themselves as having a 'real Thai friend' (who was born, raised, and educated in Thailand) doesn't really understanding Thais and Thai culture all that well.

Though I'm sure plenty of people disagree and have lots and lots of real Thai friends and I'm obviously just a bitter farang or something.

Edited July 13, 2012 by EmptyBasementBin

[Trembly]

As a matter of interest, how would you define 'a real friend'?

Just curious

I'm not sure tbh.

I would consider my real friends as the guys I grew up with from say age 8 - 20.

Not all the people I was friends with during that period, but about 8-10 different ones. We know each other inside out and back to front. We grew up together, and will always have that pact, so to speak.

I'm not saying that it's not possible to make a 'real friend' after that period but looking back on my college friends and then those I've made while traveling around the World, and half a decade in Thailand, I wouldn't consider any of my friends from that/this period on that sort of level.

I cannot really see how one can make a 'real friend', as a Western adult, with another adult who has grown up, been educated, and completely 'culturalized' (if such a word exists) in a culture as completely alien as Thai culture.

For one thing Thais don't even seem to have 'real friends' as we would call them, but a large group of people they know and socialize with without ever getting too close or letting themselves go.

TBH I think that anyone who considers themselves as having a 'real Thai friend' (who was born, raised, and educated in Thailand) doesn't really understanding Thais and Thai culture all that well.

Though I'm sure plenty of people disagree and have lots and lots of real Thai friends and I'm obviously just a bitter farang or something.

Take it from a half-Thai who has spent most of his life in Thailand : Thais do have real friends in the fullest sense of the term.

Preposterous doesn't even begin to describe this notion that something as natural as platonic friendship doesn't exist among Thais. I suppose I'll just have to put it down to lack of ability to truly comprehend what is going on (cultural / language barrier). It's a bit like coming out with "Jews don't actually get horny, they just reproduce because the Torah told them to and maybe also because they know that they'll die out if they don't".

Edited July 13, 2012 by Trembly

[EmptyBasementBin]

Take it from a half-Thai who has spent most of his life in Thailand : Thais do have real friends in the fullest sense of the term.

Fair enough if that's your opinion mate. I'm yet to really see it in over half a decade here and is also what I've been told by Thais while studying Thai government authorized language and culture courses, and certainly don't see it as you would in the West. It's just a different culture, I'm not saying one is better than the other.

Perhaps being half Thai you grew up with the cultures mixed, so you cannot really see the differences as well as we can.

Preposterous doesn't even begin to describe this notion that something as natural as platonic friendship doesn't exist among Thais.

I presume you're replying to someone else, and not me.

Edited July 13, 2012 by EmptyBasementBin

[Trembly]

Take it from a half-Thai who has spent most of his life in Thailand : Thais do have real friends in the fullest sense of the term.

Fair enough if that's your opinion mate. I'm yet to really see it in over half a decade here, and certainly don't see it as you would in the West. It's just a different culture, I'm not saying one is better than the other. Perhaps being half Thai you grew up with the cultures mixed, so you cannot really see the differences as well as we can.

Preposterous doesn't even begin to describe this notion that something as natural as platonic friendship doesn't exist among Thais.

I presume you're replying to someone else, and not me.

Right you are mate.

[EmptyBasementBin]

Interesting that you're showing the traits I'd expect from a Thai when 'confronted' with a debate or view that they don't like or agree with.

It's a pity really, and really holds the country back.

How 'Thai' was your cultural upbringing?

Edited July 13, 2012 by EmptyBasementBin

[ripstanley]

HeavyDrinker,

Great post! You gotta admit, though, that it IS often terrifying to have to work with Thais to solve something. Not many things scarier (excepting for physical assault/injury).

However, let me just add

Not everyone aims in their lives to be happy or have fun or go out to bars or to have an interesting life. Some are perfectly content sitting at home with beer, reading, watching TV, looking out of the window, etc. I almost never go out, and I love it that way. I had plenty of fun as a younger man, so I am into different things now. Higher order stuff.

As you previously stated You profit here. There is a word I would use but it may be interpreted as trolling

[Banzai99]

We are just guests here, if you don't like it go home.

So by the same Token,those that complain about their own Country,and don't like it any more,should leave their own Country? ..........mm... thought not!

Just keep the Rose Tinted Specticles firmly in place.

Yes. if they don't like their own country they should leave if they can. many do and come to Thailand, then they do nothing but whine that things are not the same as where they come from.

Catch 22.

Rose tinted spectacles has nothing to do with it, you are either happy in Thailand or not, the guys that are not happy in Thailand should leave, it can't be that difficult.

The guys that have a good life and are happy in Thailand are all delusional are they, they are all Thai apologists ?

The guys that continually whine and moan know the real score, they know it all ?....................................&lt;deleted&gt;, give me a break.

Hey, and guess what, if I didn't like Thailand guess what I would do, yep you have guessed right, I would leave Thailand, it ain't rocket science.

I thought England was &lt;deleted&gt;, guess what I done 22 years ago, I left England.

I &lt;deleted&gt; hate Bangkok, so guess what, I don't live in Bangkok.

I like Toyota cars , so guess what , I drive a Toyota.

You have a lot of choices guys, but don't blame Thailand when you make the wrong flucking one !!!!

Thai people live in Thailand, 99% don't have a choice, they are stuck here, you Farangs that CHOOSE to come to Thailand then do nothing but complain are a different case altogether, you can easily leave, but you choose to stay, why ?

You think Thailand is gonna change to suit everything that you like, and banish everything you don't like ?

Many Farangs are totally delusional, not about the way Thailand is, but about what they would like Thailand to be, as long as it suits them.

They bitch and whine about corruption, but are so happy when they can give a cop a bribe when they are Drink Driving, selective corruption that suits Farangs is acceptable, god forsake the Thai guy that benefits from the same system, he's a bad man, throw the book at him etc etc....

Edited July 13, 2012 by Banzai99

[Trembly]

Interesting that you're showing the traits I'd expect from a Thai when 'confronted' with a debate or view that they don't like or agree with.

It's a pity really, and really holds the country back.

How 'Thai' was your upbringing in terms of culture?

I really thought that I could just laugh it off but if you insist . . .

You've been here for less than ten years, might I assume that your knowledge of the Thai language and thus by default Thai culture is not yet advanced (for culture and language are implicit within each other)?

My upbringing was bi (arguably tri)-cultural. I went to Bangkok Pattana and Harrow, watched the Pipes & Drums of the Scots Guards parade up and down the football field every year, drink tea, made model Spitfires and Lysanders and grew up on a diet of Roald Dahl, Rupert Bear & The Frog Song (or whatever it was called), CS Lewis, Harry Enfield, Benny Hill, Biggles and much more. . . But I can also go as native as native gets if I want to. I speak fluent Isan and Kam-Mueang as well as Thai. If you've read Kim by Rudyard Kipling you might have an idea.

I find your claim that the Thais on the Thai government authorised culture and language course told you that Thais do not have real friends like westerners do seriously suspect. Either the instructors were bullshit artists who decided that it would much easier to just tell the farang what they seem to want to hear or something crucial must have been lost in translation.

I suppose there is always a chance that one could go through one's entire time in Thailand without ever encountering a single example of true friendship between a Thai and farang, but statistically I think that says more about one's circle of association or cultural/linguistic acuity than anything else.

[EmptyBasementBin]

Great post! You gotta admit, though, that it IS often terrifying to have to work with Thais to solve something. Not many things scarier (excepting for physical assault/injury).

Interesting, as many businesses, foreign and Thai, opt not to deal with locals due to the culture. Too many headaches involved at almost every level.

[PaullyW]

HeavyDrinker,

Great post! You gotta admit, though, that it IS often terrifying to have to work with Thais to solve something. Not many things scarier (excepting for physical assault/injury).

However, let me just add

Not everyone aims in their lives to be happy or have fun or go out to bars or to have an interesting life. Some are perfectly content sitting at home with beer, reading, watching TV, looking out of the window, etc. I almost never go out, and I love it that way. I had plenty of fun as a younger man, so I am into different things now. Higher order stuff.

As you previously stated You profit here. There is a word I would use but it may be interpreted as trolling

Is the word "opportunist"?

[EmptyBasementBin]

I suppose there is always a chance that one could go through one's entire time in Thailand without ever encountering a single example of true friendship between a Thai and farang, but statistically I think that says more about one's circle of association or cultural/linguistic acuity than anything else.

'True friendship' between a Thai and Thai, not a Thai and a farang.

My upbringing was bi (arguably tri)-cultural. I went to Bangkok Pattana and Harrow, watched the Pipes & Drums of the Scots Guards parade up and down the football field every year, drink tea, made model Spitfires and Lysanders and grew up on a diet of Roald Dahl, Rupert Bear & The Frog Song (or whatever it was called), CS Lewis, Harry Enfield, Benny Hill, Biggles and much more. . . But I can also go as native as native gets if I want to. I speak fluent Isan and Kam-Mueang as well as Thai. If you've read Kim by Rudyard Kipling you might have an idea.

Being so mixed (culturally) you seem to see things as gray, where we can see them as black and white. Never mind, but use it as an opportunity to learn.

Edited July 13, 2012 by EmptyBasementBin

[Trembly]

I suppose there is always a chance that one could go through one's entire time in Thailand without ever encountering a single example of true friendship between a Thai and farang, but statistically I think that says more about one's circle of association or cultural/linguistic acuity than anything else.

'True friendship' between a Thai and Thai, not a Thai and a farang.

My upbringing was bi (arguably tri)-cultural. I went to Bangkok Pattana and Harrow, watched the Pipes & Drums of the Scots Guards parade up and down the football field every year, drink tea, made model Spitfires and Lysanders and grew up on a diet of Roald Dahl, Rupert Bear & The Frog Song (or whatever it was called), CS Lewis, Harry Enfield, Benny Hill, Biggles and much more. . . But I can also go as native as native gets if I want to. I speak fluent Isan and Kam-Mueang as well as Thai. If you've read Kim by Rudyard Kipling you might have an idea.

Being so mixed (culturally) you seem to see things as gray, where we can see them as black and white. Never mind, but use it as an opportunity to learn.

They told you that Thais don't have true friendships with each other? That's even more bloody ridiculous.

If this is a troll then it's a bloody good one I must admit. I'm &lt;deleted&gt; biting like Gareth from The Office.

You can see things as black or white whereas I can see things in HD colour mate. I've even got Dolby Digital Surround Sound, and I don't need subtitles (or go on a course where someone who doesn't speak English as a native tongue is being paid to give you some idea as to what tends to go on) because I can understand all of what's going on unless I'm in the deep south or in a tribal minority village, to extend the analogy.

Edited July 13, 2012 by Trembly

[Banzai99]

The best people I've ever met = Thai

The most loyal people I've ever met = Thai

The biggest &lt;deleted&gt; I've ever met = Farang

The most disloyal people I've ever met = Farang

I think there is a pattern developing ...................................

[EmptyBasementBin]

^^ Sorry, there is no language barrier, and hasn't been for a few years.

Apologies for your confusion.

tbh I think you're the first person who should have a knowledge of Thai culture who doesn't view the culture of friendship as different!

I just pulled down 'Culture Shock Thailand' off the shelf as the book case is within arm's reach, and they even have a capter dedicated to it.

If I may quote the opening paragraph:

Mr. (name not printed by me), a Western social scientist who spent six years in Thailand, spoke and read Thai and was in daily interaction with Thais, concludes his book 'Everyday life in Thailand' with the words 'I shall leave without ever having developed a single, deep friendship'. Most visitors if they are equally honest, would say the same at the end of their stay.

Before they delve into the cultural differences of friendships.

As I said earlier, it seems people need to psychologically sedate their inner being via basic untruths about themselves, their culture and their social being.

Edited July 13, 2012 by EmptyBasementBin