Is This Common? ( My Local Female Friend Has Turned Very Nasty)

[Hermes100]

Well, I will get straight to it. I will be discreet to avoid breaking any house rule's - which I understand should be in place.

I am not a young man who goes out to all those bar's and club's but i am having quite an episode right now that is straight out of one of those cheap Bangkok tales book's one see's at the local bookstore's

My story concern's a local.

A,quite well to do lady of Chinese descent who I met through friend's.

She and I got on quite well and we shared many common interest's.

We were friend's for nearly a year before our relationship stepped up and we went on holiday together- this turned out to be one of the biggest mistake of my life.

Instantly she changed into what I can only describe as a real bitch.

She became unbearable to be around because she made no sense at all and was very rude to staff for no good reason.

The very first thing she said to after our first night was " now we have slept together, my family are powerful ( I would be told that every day) they will want us to get married and not be happy if you do not ask me quickly"

Soon afterwards I was told that I would not be safe if I did not do " the right thing".

When we arrived back to town she had arranged a sort of low key party with her family in which she said to everyone,although she was very drunk that we had been talking about getting married!

,

I played along for a short time until I put my foot down and tried to make a joke of it.

Suggesting she had drank too much and I was far too much of a old man to be doing that at my age.

It ended so badly with her screaming at me and saying she would accuse me of sexual misconduct unless I quickly did the "right thing"

I went home and cut off all contact with her. To cut a long story short I changed everything to get away from her constant attempt's to contact me.

Thank fully I also had to leave Thailand due to other commitment's .

Now,, she has once again managed to find a way to contact me by way of a social network.

I have been informed that I face arrest and possibly the death sentence for being part of an international drug gang! Utter crap!

She sent me this from her normal email account in her real name that am keeping for evidence

My question is this- this accusation is quite absurd I have nothing remotely connected to any of this and hope it is all hot air.

But one thing that does bug me is that the security staff at my old place said "bad looking men" had been in asking after me.

One of these men became quite friendly to me because I assisted one of his children in their educational need's.

He sent a message to me via a friend that he had been offered a "large sum of money" ( which only turned out to be 20'000 baht) to call one of these men when I return ( he left a phone number on a card which now have-surely more evidence)

However it is at this point I really ask if I am not just over-reacting-am I? Please tell me straight.

I have now kept nearly all of her most nasty email's and sms.

All these can be traced back to her.

And I have the name card of that man and his handwriting, although the man who gave said he could not make a statement attesting to this and now always asks me to destroy the card.

Should I forget it and just carry on? What on earth would she stand to really gain?

Some have suggested I contact a lawyer to contact her to warn her of possible police action This I am told can actually be very helpful although others say this would only make matters worse.

advice please

[Beetlejuice]

You quote that this lady is well to do and if this is true, than I doubt she is the type that would sleep around unless she believed or was lead to believe that she was in a strong or probable permanent relationship with a guy.

So my questions to you are:

Prior to bedding this woman, did you lead her on to believe that you and her were an item with intentions of a long term relationship or marriage?

Were you totally honest with her as regards your situation and intentions during the periods of this friendship?

What are your other commitment's outside Thailand? Do you have a girlfriend, wife or family abroad already?

I doubt whether this lady would reacted so strongly for absolutely no reason, that just doesn’t make sense, so there must be a lot more to this than you are letting on?

[garrya]

I don't think the OP should be held accountable after reading his case. The b..ch is crazy for sure.

[CurryAfficionado]

I don't think the OP should be held accountable after reading his case. The b..ch is crazy for sure.

Wow! You said it.

[Jayman]

In thai culture when you have sexual relations with a women you are considered married. Thais are big in keeping face. If it has gotten around that you have slept with her and not making a legal marriage then it looks very bad for her family.

[garrya]

Yes, it is bad if the daughter shares her sex life with her parents and they eventually demand a marriage

Are the parents really get involved with their daughters sex life???

[NomadJoe]

Jesus, I think you were with my ex. I could have written this

Cut all ties. The first thing you should have done is closed your FB. Instruct friends to not provide info to her. Leave no way for her to contact you and never look back. Eventually her FB status will probably change to something other than single and you will breath easier. My experience anyway.

.

Edited July 13, 2012 by NomadJoe

[Jayman]

Many times it's assumed if a man and women spend the night together (ie a trip together) that they had sex. Traditionally, men and women don't spend the night alone together unless they are married. I know this sounds old fashioned but that's the way it is.

[SimonD]

She sounds like a <snip>.

Stay out of her orbit and get on with your life - it's all front (I'm assuming you're British and know what that means)?

Posters 2 and 5 above really need to get a sense of perspective, or maybe they are joking?

Edit; add post 8 to the list...

Edited July 13, 2012 by SimonD

[KeyserSoze01]

You have evidence that she has threatened and defamed you. Get a lawyer to spell it out for her, either she leaves you alone or you sue her for defamation. Serious business in Thailand.

[DP25]

There is a reason some Thai women go after foreigners, because they are crazy and no Thai man will put up with them. She sounds extremely desperate. Cut off all contact and never allow her to find out where you live. If she does manage to find out get the police involved.

[gregb]

You have evidence that she has threatened and defamed you. Get a lawyer to spell it out for her, either she leaves you alone or you sue her for defamation. Serious business in Thailand.

Defamation only works if you have proof she sent the offending message to someone else. If she only sent it to you, it is not defamation. If she posted it on her FB page or CC'ed someone in an email, then you can bring the law into the picture.

Threatening is not really against the law unless it hits another statute (like extortion) or she actually acts on the threat. There is likely nothing the police could do otherwise.

A lawyer could advise you on what legal basis you may have to go after her in a Thai court.

[MidoriApple]

Is she over 18?

Yes, admit decent Thais remain strong tradition that we cannot have sex before marriage which means woman must be virgin if single. I am curious if she is virgin? If so, then this can be problem, her family may try hard to put you into the legal relationship.

She is too crazy really, if she is not virgin, I don't see the way she can have reason to force you.

Agree, best way is cut all the connections, no going back to the addresses she can trace.

To answer your question, this can be common in Thai society but not 100%,

Some like me, am little bit more open, I accept for physical "in relationship", not one night stand.

if you will hope for only casual friend, safest way is to go with bargirl.

[Beetlejuice]

I have known many Thai women who had took up with farangs in Thailand, being lead to believe that these guys were single, had no other commitments, were sincere and committed to these women. Then after a period of having a free girlfriend and bed partner during their stay in Thailand, held together by deceit and lies, the guys suddenly disappeared off the scene leaving these women emotionally hurt and bewildered.

Lies, cheating and deceit can work both ways. Perhaps she was just a decent lady that has been scorned and hurt? And has good cause to be angry.

So far we have only heard a brief account of one side of the story, as our herpes100 seems to have taken a powder and gone silent.

[smokie36]

The "of Chinese descent" part is all part of the scent in my opinion....

[SimonD]

It's this bit that is keeping me awake...

I have been informed that I face arrest and possibly the death sentence for being part of an international drug gang!

Surely there must be more to it than just that. I mean, who hasn't?

Intergalactic drug gang, now that I can believe might cause problems, but only international? Pah!

Edited July 13, 2012 by SimonD

[fish fingers]

Sound very similar to an experience I had. What is her name just making sure it isn't my ex!

The first rule is for chinese thai women is everything you have ever learnt from your relationships with other nationalities.... unlearn! Its a different breed with different ideals. The saving face thing is foe real, but they won't waste time making you look bad if you do anything they deem as "ugly"

No point in relying on police, you are a foreigner in her country. Do worry about her friends, they could mess you up for sure. Chinese thai girls are a law unto themselves, especially the older ones who have baggage.

[CarlBkk]

You've just met a dodgy backward rich bitch. There are so many out there it's not surprising. No doubt insecure and close to her marriage sell-by date, she wants her own way (as that's what she's used to getting). True colours came out pretty quickly luckily, and I've met many like this. Best avoided ASAP by going silent as you did. A sure sign is bragging about powerful or rich people they or their family know, and then the stories and examples of immoral or exaggerated reprisals occur.

Sleeping with her means nothing in this age - nothing she can do apart from scare you, which is what she's trying to do. The frustration will turn to hate, which is fuelled if you try to reason with her. So don't, just keep silent and she'll lose interest and move onto another. Many years ago I had the same thing happen with probable bipolar middle class girls going crazy after I wished to end a brief relationship after their giant personality flaws appeared. Death threats, strangers contacting me, constant calls, my immigration/flight/hotel info being found out through inside contacts etc. I fought back for a while but in the end it was all hot air and it went quiet. Take your time before getting serious.

[barefoot1988]

pictures, videos or it did not happen

[simon43]

She is quite clearly a total nut job. I have lots of experience of dealing with women like this. Tell her that a gang of Filipino drug gangsters forced you to bed her in their efforts to gain access to her bank account. Tell her that in truth, you are actually in a very happy relationship with a garage mechanic called Rodney, and would she be so kind as to deal directly with the Filipinos if you could give them her telephone number...

[aneliane]

Legally I don't think you can do much, her family having money they would probably bribe the cops and you will end up worse.

Despite it's image abroad, Thailand IS a very conservative country regarding sex. What you witness otherwise (prostitution/promiscuous women) is mainly distorted because of poverty / desperation, "normal" middle class people, or people who keep their moral values despite their hardship are super conservative.

[Berkshire]

I have known many Thai women who had took up with farangs in Thailand, being lead to believe that these guys were single, had no other commitments, were sincere and committed to these women. Then after a period of having a free girlfriend and bed partner during their stay in Thailand, held together by deceit and lies, the guys suddenly disappeared off the scene leaving these women emotionally hurt and bewildered.

Lies, cheating and deceit can work both ways. Perhaps she was just a decent lady that has been scorned and hurt? And has good cause to be angry.

So far we have only heard a brief account of one side of the story, as our herpes100 seems to have taken a powder and gone silent.

Agree. Would love to hear the other side.

[Sharp]

Well, I will get straight to it. I will be discreet to avoid breaking any house rule's - which I understand should be in place.

I am not a young man who goes out to all those bar's and club's but i am having quite an episode right now that is straight out of one of those cheap Bangkok tales book's one see's at the local bookstore's

My story concern's a local.

A,quite well to do lady of Chinese descent who I met through friend's.

She and I got on quite well and we shared many common interest's.

We were friend's for nearly a year before our relationship stepped up and we went on holiday together- this turned out to be one of the biggest mistake of my life.

Instantly she changed into what I can only describe as a real bitch.

She became unbearable to be around because she made no sense at all and was very rude to staff for no good reason.

The very first thing she said to after our first night was " now we have slept together, my family are powerful ( I would be told that every day) they will want us to get married and not be happy if you do not ask me quickly"

Soon afterwards I was told that I would not be safe if I did not do " the right thing".

When we arrived back to town she had arranged a sort of low key party with her family in which she said to everyone,although she was very drunk that we had been talking about getting married!

,

I played along for a short time until I put my foot down and tried to make a joke of it.

Suggesting she had drank too much and I was far too much of a old man to be doing that at my age.

It ended so badly with her screaming at me and saying she would accuse me of sexual misconduct unless I quickly did the "right thing"

I went home and cut off all contact with her. To cut a long story short I changed everything to get away from her constant attempt's to contact me.

Thank fully I also had to leave Thailand due to other commitment's .

Now,, she has once again managed to find a way to contact me by way of a social network.

I have been informed that I face arrest and possibly the death sentence for being part of an international drug gang! Utter crap!

She sent me this from her normal email account in her real name that am keeping for evidence

My question is this- this accusation is quite absurd I have nothing remotely connected to any of this and hope it is all hot air.

But one thing that does bug me is that the security staff at my old place said "bad looking men" had been in asking after me.

One of these men became quite friendly to me because I assisted one of his children in their educational need's.

He sent a message to me via a friend that he had been offered a "large sum of money" ( which only turned out to be 20'000 baht) to call one of these men when I return ( he left a phone number on a card which now have-surely more evidence)

However it is at this point I really ask if I am not just over-reacting-am I? Please tell me straight.

I have now kept nearly all of her most nasty email's and sms.

All these can be traced back to her.

And I have the name card of that man and his handwriting, although the man who gave said he could not make a statement attesting to this and now always asks me to destroy the card.

Should I forget it and just carry on? What on earth would she stand to really gain?

Some have suggested I contact a lawyer to contact her to warn her of possible police action This I am told can actually be very helpful although others say this would only make matters worse.

advice please

Well she surely is a crazy bitch ,I have the contact details of a Lawyer he is based in Phuket but I am sure he will draft something for you and help with the reports to police so as to keep it all up front and above bored ,please take this seriously as they can cause you major problems if you let it fester .

Sent from my iPad using ThaiVisa app

[meatboy]

could be part of scaming group,sex leads to marriage,by christ there's a few who dont know this in patts.

[meatboy]

thinking about this,how many of us has had a simular experiance,you meet this bird,she tells you she loves you and you make her so happy but inside i am so sad i have to do this work my papa he cannot walk so my mar has to look after him.i dont care about myself only them,so being with you makes me happy not like other men you not the same,i dont want money only you,one week later i have to go home mar has fallen down the stairs and got to go to hospital i think she break her leg,could you help me with some money not tooo much about 20,000bht,then you say i have not much,wait for it,ba-tad,you no good,you smell,you come to bar i kill you,my brother he police man,you f---ing farang.i think this so called high and mighty lady could be same same.

[GuestHouse]

She's threatening you with what she fears most - exposure.

Next time you come to Thailand go somewhere different, hire a lawyer in the week you are leaving - so you are not around to be traced by her when she gets the notification.

Make sure your lawyer gets the message that you will press charges against her for her criminal libel against you (threats of drugs charges), and her criminal threats against your person (hiring thugs).

Give a sworn statement of events to your lawyer and make sure he notifies your assailant that in the event of any attacks on you this statement will be given to the police.

You also need to accept that your days visiting your old haunts are probably over.

[geriatrickid]

The poor woman. Seduced, and then tossed aside like a used plaything. Her virtue has been stolen by a smooth talking farang bounder. I've heard about these things. A good Thai woman is no match for a foreigner wearing nice sandals, tight fitting shorts that accentuate his manly machinery, and a clean singlet. The women are overcome with lust, such that they are incapable of restraint and seekout the warm embrace of the foreigner. The aroma of the farang is an aphrodisiac that no Thai woman can resist. No doubt your nights of romantic cuddling and amazing ability to pleasure this woman caused her to fall madly in love with you. I understand. Women cannot resist me either. I see it and hear it all the time. Walking on the street, the massage ladys go nuts grabbing me. Walk by a bar and the women are uncontrollable screaming out hansum man come here. It is to be expected, for we are farang and no Thai woman can resist.

I can understand why this delicate flower of the nation is so distraught. You took her virginity and led her to believe that she would be welled cared for. It is the desire of every well connected wealthy Thai lady to marry an older farang.

Umm, on the off chance that this woman wasn't a delciate virgin and isn't really wealthy or well connected, there is a possibility she's a nutter. In which case, your current strategy of avoidance is wise. Not much one can do, although I have found that a few doughnuts work wonders with angry women. However, a word of caution, don't mention that doughnuts are fattening, Thai ladies don't want to know.

Best of luck old boy, and a hardy cheerio.

[chrisinth]

I think before you do anything here, you need to know the family. She has told you repeatedly that “my family are powerful” and that they are a family of Chinese descent. What is their business, what are they into? If you have known the lady for a year before jumping into bed I would assume that you know something of her background.

What I am trying to point you at is the severity of the threats against you. Yes, loss of face is big in Thailand, but that is true throughout Asia. Chino/Thai raises the level of this to the next tier and truely powerful families will protect their good (?) names by any means.

The threats of sexual misconduct accusations (assuming she is of legal age, after being described as a well-to-do lady I would think she was) and arrest for being a member of an international drug gang (assuming that you aren’t) I would take with a pinch of salt, but not rule out completely, as anything is possibly here. Again, this comes back to the family; how powerful are they, what contacts do they have, etc.

The last part of your story is the bit I would be most concerned about , and that is the visit of “bad looking men” offering 20,000 baht just to be contacted about your return. That is a large amount of money to be offered to a security guard here just for a phone call, and if true, then the security guard has a pair of balls passing on this information as he will know the consequencies of that call. How much do you trust the security staff and the friend that the information was passed to?

Before anyone can offer advice as to what you can/should do, find out about “the family”. Don't get paranoid over what has happened, but be very aware of what you are seeing as you have described it.

Edited July 14, 2012 by chrisinth

[villagefarang]

May not be what you want to hear but I knew a guy who got too close to the wrong “nice girl” who eventually shot and killed him while waiting in line at the bank after stalking him for some time. The subsequent news stories were about evil western men not crazy girls.

Assuming the best about people just because they don’t work in a bar is crazy. The crazy bug bites as many rich people as it does poor. If one is not interested in getting married it might be advisable to stay away from “good girls” who also sleep with foreigners.

[kerryk]

May not be what you want to hear but I knew a guy who got too close to the wrong “nice girl” who eventually shot and killed him while waiting in line at the bank after stalking him for some time. The subsequent news stories were about evil western men not crazy girls.

Assuming the best about people just because they don’t work in a bar is crazy. The crazy bug bites as many rich people as it does poor. If one is not interested in getting married it might be advisable to stay away from “good girls” who also sleep with foreigners.

Of course this did not happen in Thailand?