Is It Cultural Or A Personal Trait ?

[CharlieH]

First off, I am not Thai bashing, picking on Thai women or anything of the sort. I am seeking understanding and enlightenment

Right, now that's out the way, How is your Thai wife with situations, does she stand up for herself ? does she stand up for you and will she fight her corner so to speak.

I know generally the Thai way is one of calmness and "mai pen rai" etc and keep it in heart and dont make a fuss or a scene.

My wife could think of 100 reasons not to do something but struggles to find one to do something in some situations and it drives me nuts sometimes.

Yes, we all know it depends on the actual situation etc but generally how does your wife respond, meek and mild or ?

What's your experience ?

Edited October 21, 2012 by CharlieH

[stoneyboy]

As a rule they hate confrontation and avoid it at all costs,this is very evident with my girlfriend and it gets right up my nose to,wont speak up when the food order is wrong,won't confront when she knows as well as I do that we are trying to be ripped off for 20 baht because she has a Farang in tow,it goes on and on through a wide spectrum of situations,but gradually she is starting to see it from my perspective and accept that where I come from things are done differently and mai pen rai isn't the only answer.

[CharlieH]

As a rule they hate confrontation and avoid it at all costs,this is very evident with my girlfriend and it gets right up my nose to,wont speak up when the food order is wrong,won't confront when she knows as well as I do that we are trying to be ripped off for 20 baht because she has a Farang in tow,it goes on and on through a wide spectrum of situations,but gradually she is starting to see it from my perspective and accept that where I come from things are done differently and mai pen rai isn't the only answer.

Thanks for that, nice to know I'm not on my own in this, what you describe has mirrored my own experience.

[mauGR1]

After living in Thailand for 8 years, i have quite absorbed the " Mai pen rai attitude ".

My girl friend surprises me quite often though with her confrontational attitude..I am not sure if i should consider myself lucky, as she's very critical about my wrongdoings too..

Times are changing.

[uptheos]

My wife sorts things out her way, it's not necessarily my way, but I can assure you she gets much better end results than me.

[transam]

99% of LOS ladies will not confront anything, in fact when l am trying to sort something out my mrs seems to think I am in the wrong.

My pal has recently met a ''new'' Thai lady and she is the ''nuts'', nobody gets away with anything .

I wish him luck this time around.

[mogandave]

The only time my wife gets confrontational is with me.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

90% of my Thai women have been all to willing to confront me, but few anyone else.

[somtumlion]

90% of my Thai women have been all to willing to confront me, but few anyone else.

How many women do you have - that you have to divide them into percentages lol.

[BigJohnnyBKK]

90% of my Thai women have been all to willing to confront me, but few anyone else.

How many women do you have - that you have to divide them into percentages lol.

I meant historically of course, over the past fourteen years. Have never had more than a handful of meaningful relationships contemporaneously, but including the more explicitly transactional bumps in the night I had some years where I averaged more than 20 per month.

Some flying in-and-out visits have been more than that in a few days, when you do 4-6 at a time it adds up. . .

Why?

[DrTuner]

We are both the same. No direct confrontation, but a very long memory and appetite for a cold revenge. So we don't piss each other off .. I hope

[MAJIC]

It seems all too easy to confront the Husband or Boyfriend,and blame them,than to deal with the real issue,that might mean a case of a Thai being in the wrong. But it can reach ridiculous lengths when you have obviously been cut up on the road,and it's still your fault.

[Kipperthai]

My wife's a stubburn tw@t .her ma's the same ,her sister (married to a thai) is the same and got turfed out ...

She will dwell on things for months/years ...I could happilly kill her if I was that way inclined.

[Kipperthai]

99% of LOS ladies will not confront anything, in fact when l am trying to sort something out my mrs seems to think I am in the wrong.

My pal has recently met a ''new'' Thai lady and she is the ''nuts'', nobody gets away with anything .

I wish him luck this time around.

you got a source to this 99% figure?

[chiangmaikelly]

I am the man in our family. My wife expects me to set prices, pay bills and sort things out. She backs my decisions. She asks my advice and my help when she needs it. When we go out to eat I order for both of us. When the cashier tries to hand my wife change she gets the, "looks could kill look." She speaks very good Thai better than the current PM. So when she speaks to other Thais they listen. Thais are a lot like Brits. They judge people by accent. There is a big difference between the Queen and a cockney.

[noise]

No one mentioned their wives' ages and life experiences. I realize that is impractical and imprudent for Thai Visa. But self confidence and assertiveness are learned behaviors. Of course the personality trait has to be there in the first place, but it can be beaten down as well as nourished by life. So today's meek, mild mannered 20 something can turn into the family matriarch in her 40s and 50s and become very assertive when dealing with others socially and professionally.

Just think of the female immigration officers fighting unruly farang every day. Can you imagine them leaving work and meekly accept poor service, poor treatment anywhere?

[farang000999]

they might avoid confrontation but they make sure to save up all the hate and resentment for a later date... when it all boils over in a fit of uncontrollable rage and fury.

[jvs]

Everyday little things are met with mai pen rai,cold food,late for appointments etc.People wrong us on purpose makes the tiger come out and i have to calm her down.I had to pull her away from a situation two days ago,she was going to attack a guy who was cutting a tree on our land.I sorted it out.

[chrisinth]

My missus has no problem with confronting uniform or authority, an area which I have seen a lot of others falter. But this stems from a life where interaction with people has always been there whether it be hotel management to her own restaurant. She will sort her own problems out every time.

But, she will normally never complain over trivial matters, especially if she is out with me. Her explaination of this is that she doesn't want to be labelled a "Mere Falang" (which she technically is anyway). She says that too many women married to foreigners think they are Hi-so when they aren't (and never will be), show off in public and give the rest a bad reputation. They have already forgotten where their roots are!

I think she has a very valid point and would never change that attitude. Even if I could

[McMagus]

My missus is from a poor working family and she watches the pennies mercilessly; (for the age thing... I am 63 and she is 52) God help anybody trying to rip me off because I am a farang... they are dead; and she will stand toe to toe with anybody in the village doing her wrong too.. However, her social insecurity comes to the fore when in BKK and we may go out somewhere flash... she won't challenge and even tells me to jai yen yen. I think the Thai have not really learned how to modulate their anger, every thing is suppressed then it's zero to 150% in a flash. It irritates me that they put up with being taken advantage of in the public domain. I am self confessed noise hater which is why I don't like BKK so much. Thais will put up with 90db of advertising noise (yes I have measured it) on skytrain stations and in malls etc. etc. I know they like noise to scare away pi lor but stand up and be counted eh? Gotta stop I'm rambling.

[krisb]

As a rule they hate confrontation and avoid it at all costs,this is very evident with my girlfriend and it gets right up my nose to,wont speak up when the food order is wrong,won't confront when she knows as well as I do that we are trying to be ripped off for 20 baht because she has a Farang in tow,it goes on and on through a wide spectrum of situations,but gradually she is starting to see it from my perspective and accept that where I come from things are done differently and mai pen rai isn't the only answer.

Sorry but thats wrong. Maybe some GF's and wifes are but to say 'generally', is wrong.

Its the same for all nations, some will stand up and confront some wont.

Nothing to do with being Thai OP, its about personalities not nationalities.

OP your wife would be quiet whatever nationality she was. Nothing to do with 'being Thai'.

My wife has grabbed me by the hand and stormed out of a wedding before because there wasnt enough food and drink.

She would say something whenever she feels its not right or getting charged to much.

Take my Dad for example, he wouldnt say anything to save confrontation, but hand it over to me and I will for sure speak up, just like my wife would.

Personality not nationality.

Kow jai mai?

Edited October 22, 2012 by krisb

[WebBangkok]

My wife is like the totally opposite, she is a lot like her father.

If she is pissed, she will let you know and I personally think she likes to argue (not with me).

She was a manager at an IT company in Sydney for a number of years, I think she learned a lot there as she had to stick up for her and her staff a lot because they had a bad senior manager who was a complete idiot.

Maybe if he didnt have that experience and live in Sydney for 10 plus years, she might be more like her sister.

I believe it's what experiences ones go through.

[krisb]

My wife is like the totally opposite, she is a lot like her father.

If she is pissed, she will let you know and I personally think she likes to argue (not with me).

She was a manager at an IT company in Sydney for a number of years, I think she learned a lot there as she had to stick up for her and her staff a lot because they had a bad senior manager who was a complete idiot.

Maybe if he didnt have that experience and live in Sydney for 10 plus years, she might be more like her sister.

I believe it's what experiences ones go through.

Yeah I agree.

So another for personality not nationality.

[Neeranam]

As a rule they hate confrontation and avoid it at all costs,this is very evident with my girlfriend and it gets right up my nose to,wont speak up when the food order is wrong,won't confront when she knows as well as I do that we are trying to be ripped off for 20 baht because she has a Farang in tow,it goes on and on through a wide spectrum of situations,but gradually she is starting to see it from my perspective and accept that where I come from things are done differently and mai pen rai isn't the only answer.

I really pity you if you end up getting married and she continues to be like this - totally unacceptable behaviour. It says a lot of what level of respect she has for you.

Edited October 22, 2012 by Neeranam

[Semper]

As a rule they hate confrontation and avoid it at all costs,this is very evident with my girlfriend and it gets right up my nose to,wont speak up when the food order is wrong,won't confront when she knows as well as I do that we are trying to be ripped off for 20 baht because she has a Farang in tow,it goes on and on through a wide spectrum of situations,but gradually she is starting to see it from my perspective and accept that where I come from things are done differently and mai pen rai isn't the only answer.

I guess, she's starting to understand who is paying the bills.

[stoneyboy]

As a rule they hate confrontation and avoid it at all costs,this is very evident with my girlfriend and it gets right up my nose to,wont speak up when the food order is wrong,won't confront when she knows as well as I do that we are trying to be ripped off for 20 baht because she has a Farang in tow,it goes on and on through a wide spectrum of situations,but gradually she is starting to see it from my perspective and accept that where I come from things are done differently and mai pen rai isn't the only answer.

I really pity you if you end up getting married and she continues to be like this - totally unacceptable behaviour. It says a lot of what level of respect she has for you.

I pity the poor immigrant

Who wishes he would've stayed home

Who uses all his power to do evil

But in the end is always left so alone.

That man who with his fingers cheats,

And who lies with every breath

Who passionately hates his life,

And likewise fears his death.

I pity the poor immigrant,

Who's strength is spend in vain,

Who's heaven is like ironsides,

Who's tears are like rain.

Who eats but is not satisfied,

Who hears but does not see.

Who falls in love with wealth itself,

And turns his back on me.

I pity the poor immigrant,

Who tramples through the mud

Who fills his mouth with laughing

And who builds his town with blood.

Who's visions in the final end

Must shatter like the glass,

I pity the poor immigrant

When his gladness comes to pass.

[stoneyboy]

As a rule they hate confrontation and avoid it at all costs,this is very evident with my girlfriend and it gets right up my nose to,wont speak up when the food order is wrong,won't confront when she knows as well as I do that we are trying to be ripped off for 20 baht because she has a Farang in tow,it goes on and on through a wide spectrum of situations,but gradually she is starting to see it from my perspective and accept that where I come from things are done differently and mai pen rai isn't the only answer.

I guess, she's starting to understand who is paying the bills.

She knew from day one who was paying the bills it started with one in a bar old mate.

[Semper]

As a rule they hate confrontation and avoid it at all costs,this is very evident with my girlfriend and it gets right up my nose to,wont speak up when the food order is wrong,won't confront when she knows as well as I do that we are trying to be ripped off for 20 baht because she has a Farang in tow,it goes on and on through a wide spectrum of situations,but gradually she is starting to see it from my perspective and accept that where I come from things are done differently and mai pen rai isn't the only answer.

I guess, she's starting to understand who is paying the bills.

She knew from day one who was paying the bills it started with one in a bar old mate.

Wow, I would never have guessed.

[Gary A]

My wife is not the submissive docile type. She blows up and lets it fly. Once it is out of her system, she is quickly back to her normal smiling self. I, on the other hand will pout for a couple of days. After eight years with her, she is able to make me very angry but unfortunately, she is too often right,

[TommoPhysicist]

Mine is fairly confrontational. Will have a go at anyone if given reason.