Best Way To Resolve Relationship Problem With Thai Wife ?

[scorpio]

hi ladies,

me and wife have been married for just over 6 years, we have a beautifull 3 year old daughter, we are all living in uk at the minute. i split from my wife around a week ago after a very heated argument. i do not want to divorce her, i love her and i want to stay with her and my child. i do not want any other woman. i must admit our sex life is not good at all. i think my wife has post natal depression as she has anger issues and a very volatile temper . i am also to blame for our problems also .

after an argument she usually does not speak to me for 3-4 days , i do not like this and it drives me crazy, she will not sit down with me and work through our problems as a western woman would do, she has never said sorry to me even when the problem was hers to start with, it is allways allways me who has to say sorry even if she was wrong. my wife once told me that in thailand if a man and his wife has an argument then the thai man has to leave the family home untill such times as the thai wife has cooled down and takes him back.

well, i am now out of the house for 7 days allready and i have given her space and time to calm down. should i go round to see her ? or wait untill she calls or sends me an sms ?

im really missing her and my child now.

any advice much appreciated thankyou in advance

[Desi Babe]

I think, you should stay near her and say Sorry to her if you are missing your daughter and wife because a wife can be angry ..specially some Thai girls have hot temper and easy to get angry. However, They soon or later forgets.

[transam]

Why do you both have so many arguments ? Forget the Thai connection, why. ?

[twinpin]

I think you should go back to her and tell her what you have just said on this forum.

At the moment its stalemate nether you or your wife want to give in. You love your wife and child. Swallow your pride. And do it today.

If she loves you she will want to make it work. It's not easy when there are cultural issues but love conquers everything .

Good Luck You know. Sorry is the hardest word

[chris1dna]

hi ladies,

me and wife have been married for just over 6 years, we have a beautifull 3 year old daughter, we are all living in uk at the minute. i split from my wife around a week ago after a very heated argument. i do not want to divorce her, i love her and i want to stay with her and my child. i do not want any other woman. i must admit our sex life is not good at all. i think my wife has post natal depression as she has anger issues and a very volatile temper . i am also to blame for our problems also .

after an argument she usually does not speak to me for 3-4 days , i do not like this and it drives me crazy, she will not sit down with me and work through our problems as a western woman would do, she has never said sorry to me even when the problem was hers to start with, it is allways allways me who has to say sorry even if she was wrong. my wife once told me that in thailand if a man and his wife has an argument then the thai man has to leave the family home untill such times as the thai wife has cooled down and takes him back.

well, i am now out of the house for 7 days allready and i have given her space and time to calm down. should i go round to see her ? or wait untill she calls or sends me an sms ?

im really missing her and my child now.

any advice much appreciated thankyou in advance

I'm no lady but don't hold that against me.

First of all. Don't expect a Thai to say sorry ever. Not part of their culture. A possible solution would be couples counseling. Find a licensed asian practitioner who is western educated and licensed. The understanding of both cultures will do wonders in therapy. The Asian "doctor" will be trusted by the Thai missus. When my wife and I of 11 years now were goin thru the same sort of scenario it helped us a great deal. How are her English skills? This can be a huge disadvantage for both of you. It's complicated but the one thing that will matter most is mutual trust. A new mom in a new country in a relatively new marriage is under a great deal of stress. Does she work? Is she connected with the local Thai temple or community? All of these can help a great deal. New motherhood is going to make all of this even more difficult. Post partum depression after three years? I wouldn't think so but I'm no doctor. Hope some of this helps. Good times ahead if you both work at it. We have a four year old and it's taken most of this time just to get back to something like a normal relationship again. The challenge of child rearing can be a wonderful re-bonding experiance for both of you provided you both put in the effort. Good luck to you. Wish you both the best.

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Edited December 3, 2012 by chris1dna

[scorpio]

transam, no its wrong to say forget the thai connection, thai woman are very different to western woman . also, why do many people argue ? ok my wife has a bad temper, i have a bad temper but to be very honest it is nothing like hers. i drink and go out at weekends, i do not go with other woman, my wifes english is very very bad , this alone causes many arguments. generally she is allways moody and has a built up anger within her, something is making her angry i do not know what . i have asked her to see doctor in past who gave her anti depressants but she only stays on them a week then stops taking them. it could run in her family as her sister is one of the most volatile people i have ever in my life come across ( a very brutal, cruel woman ) i once saw her sister smash her 7 year old daughter across the face with her hand and broke that childs nose , i will never forget that. when i look at her sister i see a bit of my wife in her . my wife has never slapped our daughter but she has cursed at her and raised her vioce an awfull lot, this also causes problems between us.

my wife is about to get her permanent resident visa and she also has money in a thai bank ( joint foreign investment fund ) in both our names, i am starting to get paranoid and think that now she knows she has everything she can drop me because ive done everything for her now ? paranoid maybe ? i just dont know.

wish there were more thai woman to ask for advice .

[transam]

transam, no its wrong to say forget the thai connection, thai woman are very different to western woman . also, why do many people argue ? ok my wife has a bad temper, i have a bad temper but to be very honest it is nothing like hers. i drink and go out at weekends, i do not go with other woman, my wifes english is very very bad , this alone causes many arguments. generally she is allways moody and has a built up anger within her, something is making her angry i do not know what . i have asked her to see doctor in past who gave her anti depressants but she only stays on them a week then stops taking them. it could run in her family as her sister is one of the most volatile people i have ever in my life come across ( a very brutal, cruel woman ) i once saw her sister smash her 7 year old daughter across the face with her hand and broke that childs nose , i will never forget that. when i look at her sister i see a bit of my wife in her . my wife has never slapped our daughter but she has cursed at her and raised her vioce an awfull lot, this also causes problems between us.

my wife is about to get her permanent resident visa and she also has money in a thai bank ( joint foreign investment fund ) in both our names, i am starting to get paranoid and think that now she knows she has everything she can drop me because ive done everything for her now ? paranoid maybe ? i just dont know.

wish there were more thai woman to ask for advice .

Had a similar outcome with my ex UK wife as she got older. In court shit hit the fan and she was threatened with imprisonment. I could not believe what her Barrister was saying on her behalf, but luckily l did my homework to save the day FOR ME. PLEASE save the day for YOU, if you do not you will suffer. .

[TommoPhysicist]

Avoid confrontation at all costs.

Not the western way, but a way you must learn.

[chris1dna]

transam, no its wrong to say forget the thai connection, thai woman are very different to western woman . also, why do many people argue ? ok my wife has a bad temper, i have a bad temper but to be very honest it is nothing like hers. i drink and go out at weekends, i do not go with other woman, my wifes english is very very bad , this alone causes many arguments. generally she is allways moody and has a built up anger within her, something is making her angry i do not know what . i have asked her to see doctor in past who gave her anti depressants but she only stays on them a week then stops taking them. it could run in her family as her sister is one of the most volatile people i have ever in my life come across ( a very brutal, cruel woman ) i once saw her sister smash her 7 year old daughter across the face with her hand and broke that childs nose , i will never forget that. when i look at her sister i see a bit of my wife in her . my wife has never slapped our daughter but she has cursed at her and raised her vioce an awfull lot, this also causes problems between us.

my wife is about to get her permanent resident visa and she also has money in a thai bank ( joint foreign investment fund ) in both our names, i am starting to get paranoid and think that now she knows she has everything she can drop me because ive done everything for her now ? paranoid maybe ? i just dont know.

wish there were more thai woman to ask for advice .

Now I see. Dayum Scorpio. Your going out nights and weekends could be a very large part I why she is so pissed. You have a three year old child now. Sorry ta break it to ya but that not what daddy is supposed to do. A far as that sister in law. I would steer clear an far from that. You in a sticky Nasty ugly situation and it sounds like you don't know what u want here. Comfy incites from Asian women to help u understand Asian women. How would that help? Sorry bro but if your lookin for justification to break it off, that's a personal choice. Made all the more difficult with a three year old child. If you don't mind tellin, how old are the both of you? Life is full of choices and crossroads. More so when your younger. Good luck man.

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[transam]

Agree, what is your age difference, it really does come into the equation. ?

[g00dgirl]

Anger and volatile temper could be caused by hormonal imbalance, PMS. If you notice it being worse the week before her menstruation every month, that could be it. Another indication for this, is she also more impatient than usual with your daughter around the same time? In that case, don't take any anger outbursts personal, don't fight back, don't get drawn into arguments, ignore any comments and nagging, just don't reply anything, leave her alone, don't irritate her and try to avoid anything she usually hates (coming home late, any noise or light that stops mother and baby from sleeping) as to not give any reason for anger. If you can't avoid those things, try to get out of the way.

Good nutrition, sun (direct sunlight without sunscreen or windows) and exercise help with depression, PMS and general well-being, so you could help by making sure healthy food is always within easy reach of your wife and child, help to play with and look after your child so your wife can go to the gym or outside for walks or any exercise for an hour a day.

Edited December 3, 2012 by g00dgirl

[sbk]

And yes, Thais do say sorry. At least my husband does.

Could be hormonal, could be she is lonely and depressed living far from home in a cold wet miserable place with a husband who goes out with his mates and leaves her alone to take care of the baby. Just sayin.

[transam]

And yes, Thais do say sorry. At least my husband does.

Could be hormonal, could be she is lonely and depressed living far from home in a cold wet miserable place with a husband who goes out with his mates and leaves her alone to take care of the baby. Just sayin.

A very upfront post that reading between the lines of the topic l find l must agree.

[Zooheekock]

First of all. Don't expect a Thai to say sorry ever. Not part of their culture.

Except when they say ขอโทษ, eh.

I'm not a marriage guidance counsellor but don't treat your wife as some kind of cardboard cutout. She's a person, not a walking embodiment of some weird 'Thai culture' and if you want to have a successful relationship, at a minimum, you need to appreciate that fact.

[Pormax]

And yes, Thais do say sorry. At least my husband does.

Could be hormonal, could be she is lonely and depressed living far from home in a cold wet miserable place with a husband who goes out with his mates and leaves her alone to take care of the baby. Just sayin.

Tend to agree with 'Tommy'. Think you should try and make some changes to your lifestyle.

You said in your original post that some of the blame was your fault.

Motherhood not easy especially away from family support which is what happens in a big way in Thailand.

Call her and tell her you are sorry and want to talk things through to see how things can be better for you your wife and child.

Best of luck.

[scorpio]

thanks guys,

i went and collected the child from school today, then brought her round to my wife, i apologised to her and went to leave but child did not want me to go ( god bless her ) i then threw my arms around my wife apologised again and told her i did not want to leave her and that i loved her, she told me she missed me too much and i even got an apology so today i am a very happy man.

seems i need to learn to walk away when she is moody, cut out my drinking at weekends, and generally be a better husband and father and dont take her for granted anymore.

THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR HELP AND ADVICE

[Pormax]

thanks guys,

i went and collected the child from school today, then brought her round to my wife, i apologised to her and went to leave but child did not want me to go ( god bless her ) i then threw my arms around my wife apologised again and told her i did not want to leave her and that i loved her, she told me she missed me too much and i even got an apology so today i am a very happy man.

seems i need to learn to walk away when she is moody, cut out my drinking at weekends, and generally be a better husband and father and dont take her for granted anymore.

THANKS EVERYONE FOR YOUR HELP AND ADVICE

Good for you. Well done and thanks for the update.Remember 'It takes two to tango'

[chris1dna]

First of all. Don't expect a Thai to say sorry ever. Not part of their culture.

Except when they say ขอโทษ, eh.

I'm not a marriage guidance counsellor but don't treat your wife as some kind of cardboard cutout. She's a person, not a walking embodiment of some weird 'Thai culture' and if you want to have a successful relationship, at a minimum, you need to appreciate that fact.

Not one helpful comment for the op but jump right in to criticize a remark eh? It's been my experience that the sentiment of sorry is not a common trait shared by many Thais. As has been my experience. Further explained by my Thai spouse. An apology and sayin one is sorry is not necessarily the same action. As it was explained to me, to say one is sorry is akin to discounting ones actions which were intentional. If one had the right intent then the transgression would not have occurred in the first place. In other words, why say sorry for something you meant to do. Of course this is just my opinion and experience. I am trying to offer some of my experience and actually positively contribute to the subject at hand. You supposition that I might need your advice is funny. You offer little to the op. how in the heck did you extrapolate from my statement regarding the sorry in Thai culture all those things. Lol!

To the op. glad your in your way to mending your relationship. It's a challenge in the best I circumstances. Add to that a new child and new culture and it's bound to have its many challenges. Good luck to you and you family.

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[sbk]

Everyone has different experiences, something we all need to remember when making broad based generalizations about a nation of over 65 million people.

[twinpin]

Glad to read it worked out for you Scorpio. Don't forget it wont be the last argument no one can go on forever without disagreements.

Remember your the man and you are wrong even if your right, Accept that and your half way there.

Good Luck and don't forget to tell her you love her at least once a week. works wonders.

[chris1dna]

Everyone has different experiences, something we all need to remember when making broad based generalizations about a nation of over 65 million people.

Perhaps I could have worded it with the leader of in my experience. Thank you sbk.

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[chris1dna]

Avoid confrontation at all costs.

Not the western way, but a way you must learn.

So true but so mysterious mr Tommo. Have you found this way that we must learn?

I have noticed over the years that acting as if nothing's wrong is merely maintaining face while working on a subtle solution now. As opposed to my old way of stomping out in frustration to cool off. Me and my western temper have been greatly influenced by this new tactic of dealing with discord. It's not easy to get used to and I can't always do it. At first I just thought she was being smart and giving me the silent treatment. But now it seems to work for both of us. We sort of come back at different angles to compromise and aggrement by a series of allowing the other to move forward in their own way. (mostly hers lol!) My western male backround had me wanting to find absolute truth. Define problem and solution and fix it. Don't work to good for me in relationships though. Lol!

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Edited December 3, 2012 by chris1dna

[Dancealot]

Chris yo are right, and mr Tommo is right as well.

[farangme]

Glad to read it worked out for you Scorpio. Don't forget it wont be the last argument no one can go on forever without disagreements.

Remember your the man and you are wrong even if your right, Accept that and your half way there.

Good Luck and don't forget to tell her you love her at least once a week. works wonders.

And make a point to compliment her on something each day. Makes one feel loved and appreciated, and let's her know the things you like in a positive way.

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[farangme]

Avoid confrontation at all costs.

Not the western way, but a way you must learn.

So true but so mysterious mr Tommo. Have you found this way that we must learn?

I have noticed over the years that acting as if nothing's wrong is merely maintaining face while working on a subtle solution now. As opposed to my old way of stomping out in frustration to cool off. Me and my western temper have been greatly influenced by this new tactic of dealing with discord. It's not easy to get used to and I can't always do it. At first I just thought she was being smart and giving me the silent treatment. But now it seems to work for both of us. We sort of come back at different angles to compromise and aggrement by a series of allowing the other to move forward in their own way. (mostly hers lol!) My western male backround had me wanting to find absolute truth. Define problem and solution and fix it. Don't work to good for me in relationships though. Lol!

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Completely agree. The harder you push the western approach, the more they withdraw. I've taken to learning her approach and behaviors, and learned to respond in kind. It levels the playing field and can be very effective.

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[chris1dna]

Avoid confrontation at all costs.

Not the western way, but a way you must learn.

So true but so mysterious mr Tommo. Have you found this way that we must learn?

I have noticed over the years that acting as if nothing's wrong is merely maintaining face while working on a subtle solution now. As opposed to my old way of stomping out in frustration to cool off. Me and my western temper have been greatly influenced by this new tactic of dealing with discord. It's not easy to get used to and I can't always do it. At first I just thought she was being smart and giving me the silent treatment. But now it seems to work for both of us. We sort of come back at different angles to compromise and aggrement by a series of allowing the other to move forward in their own way. (mostly hers lol!) My western male backround had me wanting to find absolute truth. Define problem and solution and fix it. Don't work to good for me in relationships though. Lol!

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Completely agree. The harder you push the western approach, the more they withdraw. I've taken to learning her approach and behaviors, and learned to respond in kind. It levels the playing field and can be very effective.

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Reminds me of something my dad always tells me regarding marriage. "one has two choices, one can either be right, or one can be happy". Man is he right! Must be a universal truth or something. Lol!

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[simple1]

At one time I was experiencing a lot of discord with my Thai partner, we were not married, when were living outside of Thailand. We sat down one day and I said if we cannot work this out we need to go our separate way as life is to short for us to live in misery. Much to my amazement she disclosed she had a child living in Thailand and she missed him. She had not told me as she had been concerned I would not wish to marry her or support the child. As you know some Thai parents will arrange for their child to live with their family whilst they are away, even for years. Eventually we did marry & her son joined us.

Not suggesting this is the the root cause in your case, but recommend you gentle ascertain if their are any underlying reason/s for her conflict with you, other than you leaving her to go out drinking, loneliness, your bad temper etc You may just come across the unexpected that needs to be addressed for the sake of ongoing household peace & happiness.

[sbk]

off topic bickering removed. and lets drop the painting entire swathes of people with broad brush strokes, everyone is different and derogatory generalizations just don't cut it in the ladies forum

[chris1dna]

off topic bickering removed. and lets drop the painting entire swathes of people with broad brush strokes, everyone is different and derogatory generalizations just don't cut it in the ladies forum

Thanks SBK

Yeah. I thought I addressed that. sorry. Er ahh I mean apologies. My particular wording about that could have been better. I'll certainly try better from now on.

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[Yamz]

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