Etiquette When Visiting A Thai Family

[JRinPDX]

I agree. It is a matter of giving them respect, within their social structure. And if there are children present, a bag of inexpensive chocolates will be appreciated and hopefully shared. I would ensure each gift is nicely wrapped. Finally, do not expect them to unwrap gifts in front of you, or even immediately. In my experience, it is okay to leave price tags on. Check all of this w/gf.

[andrew]

No, Run dude Run!! Some woman is threatening to get her hooks into you. And I'd say that no matter what country you're in.

Run for the border!!

Great stuff.

Yeah -- if the guy had any sense, he'd now be sitting at the gaming tables in Poipet or he'd be on the overnight sleeper down to Had Yai.

[boggle]

I agree. It is a matter of giving them respect, within their social structure. And if there are children present, a bag of inexpensive chocolates will be appreciated and hopefully shared. I would ensure each gift is nicely wrapped. Finally, do not expect them to unwrap gifts in front of you, or even immediately. In my experience, it is okay to leave price tags on. Check all of this w/gf.

I give the Nieces and Nephews the change that has ended up in my cars console. Love it.

[andrew]

Do you like living in Thailand Andrew?

What I don't understand is why, when I move to LOS next year I suddenly have to stop being a Westerner.

But I have no plans to stop being me.

What I don't understand is why, when I move to LOS next year I suddenly have to stop being a Westerner.

I'm guessing you're a Brit. Probably English.

In truth, you can hang on to your Englishness as much as you want, but you may find that your Englishness will gradually say goodbye to you.

You'll never completely assimilate. You'll never become a Thai. But bit by bit, you'll become less and less English. You may eventually find yourself in a sort of cultural No Man's Land. It's a strange feeling!

But I have no plans to stop being me.

The "me" part will change. The "me" part will no longer be the current "you".

One day, you may even discover the joys of eating ........... fried grasshoppers!

[villagefarang]

I always love the one true self argument. As if we all act the same in front of the boss, a customer, a judge, our mother or grandmother, in a bar, in a locker room, in a library, or in a church. Behavior is determined by circumstances and setting.

I would suggest acting appropriately for any given situation, and for many individuals, that means being anything but who or what they normally are. Being crude and socially inept should not be worn as a badge of honor, especially when you are in someone else’s home.

[Dancealot]

Agreed villagefarang. It is very important to listen to your own feelings and act on them accordingly.

Norms and values may differ from person to person but when getting acquainted with new surroundings i think everybody uses their common sense and apply etiquette behaviour from there.

While staying yourself in this situation you dont have to show how you normally are...

[thaibeachlovers]

Perfume for mum, a real SWISS army knife for papa, chocolates for the rest of the family to share. DO book a room at a local hotel, you will not be allowed to sleep in the same bed as your GF. Yes, eat any food served you, or you insult the cook (MAMA), ask your GF to send some pictures of the family, house, neighborhood, might give you a better idea what to expect when you arrive, also ask her if there's anything she thinks would be appropriate to bring, good luck !!

Eat the food . Don't think so.

I'm with you on that.

I'm rather amused at some of the suggestions being given on this thread.

Did they all give food/ money/ expensive gifts when fronting up at a GF's parents house back home?

For goodness sake, they aren't even sleeping together!

[Bluetongue]

Well there is not really enough info from the OP to give sound and specific advice. For instance we dont know how old they are, what this family business is, what the OP is doing in Thailand etc. Some may say he shouldn't have to provide it and he doesn't. Just maybe get a better answer if he did. So in this case I would say, take nothing, be polite, enjoy yourself, you know basic things. Should the relationship develop you would then be in a better position to answer your own questions next time.

As far as all the do not eat the food, do not wai, keep your shoes on, buy alcohol etc advice goes you probably should pretty much ignore it and go with the flow. Anyway you are probably there by now.

[TheGhostWithin]

first is your gf mother living in chiangrai city or in the country? if she lives in the country then my advice would be stay in a hotel, because if you stay in the house then the neighbours will " GOSSIP" her and family and then this will make them lose face, because in my cultule when a man come to visit woman family it is like a promise of marriage ( engagement ).

talk with your gf first and know exactly what you are geting into, if it is going to be an engagement meeting then yes you will need to give your gf some gold and some money for parent as a deposit to show you intend to marry also you shoud pay for food and drink.

if it is NOT going to be engagement meeting then there is no need for any gift or money but you shoud be prepired to pay for food and drink

Agree with you Wildorchid,

I really wonder thouh sometimes why we are expected to follow Thai culture to the tee, when often no regard is given to our culture as westerners.

My girlfriend told me a year ago that she wanted marriage, I asked about sin sot and was told her mother would want 1 million baht. I smiled and said that was great, because it is custom in my culture for the father to pay for the wedding, and I estimated the wedding may cost about 1 million. I was happy nobody would gain and nobody would lose. I have now been told the sin sot could be a lot less. It does not matter to me. It is about mutual respect and openness about what is culture, and what is invented culture to profit from. Even good families have one or two whom will attempt to spoil a great thing, don't let them :-)

Buy products from your home country if you can find them, and but small individual gifts for any children. Good thai families treasure their children, so win them and you are halfway there.

Ask them to take you to buy some local crafts to bond you to the mmory of the trip - I dressed in traditional Manora dress on my last trip to Yala.

Best of luck :-)

[TheGhostWithin]

When I lived in the village, the neighbours used to come to visit the MIL and would gossip about me while I was there.

On my first visit to Yala (out in the village mostly, not even in the city center) there had not been a Farang visitor into the village in living memory. It is a Buddhist village, but not Buddhist as you would imagine it in the north or central Thailand, very conservative and Thainess is important.

Children would stare at me as their mothers and fathers stared and pointed me out to their children, and in the main street of Yala cars were actually stopping to get a look at me. In Pattani, the monks were slowly following me from a distance, baffled at why and how a Farang would come to Wat Chang Hai - it was an important place for my gfs family so I felt I should go there. It is the only place in the south I am aware of which has a Chinese temple inside (they have partial Chinese heritage).

After the Ching Bplet festival, the entire extended family (about 30 people or so) came to my gfs house to stare at me and openly gossip about me in front of me. It is normal and OK, Thais do everything together. If they call you fat (I was a bit chubby back then), don't get upset, it does not have the bad connotations it has in the west.

Understanding them can be fun, eventually when they stop being afraid of what you are, they will hopefully find fun in learning about your culture too. I am known as Whisker (after Dr. Albert Whisker of Resident Evil) because if my look. The sister asked me to find her a white BF, and considering I am the only white guy she has ever known that I am aware of, I guess it is a thumbs up vote for me considering the request.

[pattayadingo]

When I went up to Issan a couple of months ago, we called in to see her parents and family a couple of times and i had no problems about doing so. I've done this with other g/f's.

All the g/f wanted us to take was coffee. That 3in 1 stuff. Took two largish packs that cost me 4 / 500 Baht. The parents were over the moon. Genuinely pleased.

Yes, I took my shoes off before entering thew house. If someone kept their shoes on when entering my place they would be asked to leave immediately as it is ver disrespectful. In the same way that someone not wiping their shoes on the doormat back home would get short shrift for their ignorance.

Wai? No. That was not expected.

Hells Bells, why can some people simply not be pleasant and go with the flow a bit?

[andrew]

Children would stare at me as their mothers and fathers stared and pointed me out to their children, and in the main street of Yala cars were actually stopping to get a look at me. In Pattani, the monks were slowly following me from a distance, baffled at why and how a Farang would come to Wat Chang Hai - it was an important place for my gfs family so I felt I should go there. It is the only place in the south I am aware of which has a Chinese temple inside (they have partial Chinese heritage).

It is the only place in the south I am aware of which has a Chinese temple inside

-----------------------------------

Your post doesn't add up. It's completely wrong. Any Pattani Malay of Chinese descent would know about the temple complex in Soi Anoru in central Pattani.

Chao Mae Lim Ko Niao Chinese Shrine or Leng Chu Kiang Shrine

Google it.

[TheGhostWithin]

Children would stare at me as their mothers and fathers stared and pointed me out to their children, and in the main street of Yala cars were actually stopping to get a look at me. In Pattani, the monks were slowly following me from a distance, baffled at why and how a Farang would come to Wat Chang Hai - it was an important place for my gfs family so I felt I should go there. It is the only place in the south I am aware of which has a Chinese temple inside (they have partial Chinese heritage).

It is the only place in the south I am aware of which has a Chinese temple inside

-----------------------------------

Your post doesn't add up. It's completely wrong. Any Pattani Malay of Chinese descent would know about the temple complex in Soi Anoru in central Pattani.

Chao Mae Lim Ko Niao Chinese Shrine or Leng Chu Kiang Shrine

Google it.

Thank you for proving me wrong, another place to add when I am next in the South. My partner is Thai Buddhist (Mueng Thai), so not of Malay descent, of which most make up the 90% of the Muslim population in the south. But thanks so much for correcting me. Hopefully the essence of my post, which was to pay attention to the things which are important to the family will not go unnoticed by the OP. Happy New Year Andrew.

Edited January 1, 2013 by TheGhostWithin

[andrew]

Children would stare at me as their mothers and fathers stared and pointed me out to their children, and in the main street of Yala cars were actually stopping to get a look at me. In Pattani, the monks were slowly following me from a distance, baffled at why and how a Farang would come to Wat Chang Hai - it was an important place for my gfs family so I felt I should go there. It is the only place in the south I am aware of which has a Chinese temple inside (they have partial Chinese heritage).

It is the only place in the south I am aware of which has a Chinese temple inside

-----------------------------------

Your post doesn't add up. It's completely wrong. Any Pattani Malay of Chinese descent would know about the temple complex in Soi Anoru in central Pattani.

Chao Mae Lim Ko Niao Chinese Shrine or Leng Chu Kiang Shrine

Google it.

Thank you for proving me wrong, another place to add when I am next in the South. My partner is Thai Buddhist (Mueng Thai), so not of Malay descent, of which most make up the 90% of the Muslim population in the south. But thanks so much for correcting me. Hopefully the essence of my post, which was to pay attention to the things which are important to the family will not go unnoticed by the OP. Happy New Year Andrew.

Happy New Year to you, too.

Great to read that you've got yourself a Thai-Chinese girl from Yala.

I started hearing stories a long time ago which claimed that southern women (from the border provinces) were the best in Thailand.

You've done well.

Stay cool.

Edited January 1, 2013 by andrew

[scorecard]

I agree with Dave48 and i have something to add:

I do not know everything about your situation but you are free to choose to sleep in a hotel. But if you really feel comfortable with her, if i was you, i would spend the night in their house. Be sure you mention this before your arrival. Talk about it first with her and get a feel of what she thinks about this. Do not ask this directly.

Etiquette way i could be considered an offence if you slept in a hotel.

Presents is a whole other ballpark...

Take care of your personal representation first. You have to show yourself first and this first meeting will be important.

Good luck

Re staying at her house, here's some points which might be in the thoughts of her parents:

- Maybe never had a farang in the house at all before, and not sure how to cater for farang sleeping / bathing needs, breakfast / meals etc. Maybe needs more time for them to get to know you and understand what food you eat etc.

- Maybe never had a farang in the house at all before, maybe a bit concerned what the neighbors will think if on first apearance the farang stays at the house.

- Maybe they are very security conscious and want to get to know you better and be assured there's no risk in having a stranger / farang sleeping in the house.

In any event make sure you wai nicely when you meet the mother and father. If you enter the house and notice there's a grandparent in the room, go immedialey to the older person, lower your body and wai deeply, then quickly wai to the parents.

Knowing the correct speed / pronunciation of ' sawasdee khrup ' also important.

[David48]

Around these parts the local Farms have had a lot of visitors over the New Year Holiday period and today is a return to work for many.

I wonder if the OP advancebooking had his fabled visit north to Chiang Mai and met the parents?

What were your thoughts and impressions?

.

[thaibeachlovers]

I agree with Dave48 and i have something to add:

I do not know everything about your situation but you are free to choose to sleep in a hotel. But if you really feel comfortable with her, if i was you, i would spend the night in their house. Be sure you mention this before your arrival. Talk about it first with her and get a feel of what she thinks about this. Do not ask this directly.

Etiquette way i could be considered an offence if you slept in a hotel.

Presents is a whole other ballpark...

Take care of your personal representation first. You have to show yourself first and this first meeting will be important.

Good luck

Re staying at her house, here's some points which might be in the thoughts of her parents:

- Maybe never had a farang in the house at all before, and not sure how to cater for farang sleeping / bathing needs, breakfast / meals etc. Maybe needs more time for them to get to know you and understand what food you eat etc.

- Maybe never had a farang in the house at all before, maybe a bit concerned what the neighbors will think if on first apearance the farang stays at the house.

- Maybe they are very security conscious and want to get to know you better and be assured there's no risk in having a stranger / farang sleeping in the house.

In any event make sure you wai nicely when you meet the mother and father. If you enter the house and notice there's a grandparent in the room, go immedialey to the older person, lower your body and wai deeply, then quickly wai to the parents.

Knowing the correct speed / pronunciation of ' sawasdee khrup ' also important.

Seriously- do you think that the OP has a clue as to how to wai or pronounce any Thai words properly?

Farangs shouldn't wai, nor is it expected of them, unless they know what they are doing, and newbie farang pronunciation is at best a guess.

If all that was essential, I'd never have bothered to go meet the in laws before getting married, and I never did any of that the first time I entered the house- still don't.

[transam]

I agree with Dave48 and i have something to add:

I do not know everything about your situation but you are free to choose to sleep in a hotel. But if you really feel comfortable with her, if i was you, i would spend the night in their house. Be sure you mention this before your arrival. Talk about it first with her and get a feel of what she thinks about this. Do not ask this directly.

Etiquette way i could be considered an offence if you slept in a hotel.

Presents is a whole other ballpark...

Take care of your personal representation first. You have to show yourself first and this first meeting will be important.

Good luck

Re staying at her house, here's some points which might be in the thoughts of her parents:

- Maybe never had a farang in the house at all before, and not sure how to cater for farang sleeping / bathing needs, breakfast / meals etc. Maybe needs more time for them to get to know you and understand what food you eat etc.

- Maybe never had a farang in the house at all before, maybe a bit concerned what the neighbors will think if on first apearance the farang stays at the house.

- Maybe they are very security conscious and want to get to know you better and be assured there's no risk in having a stranger / farang sleeping in the house.

In any event make sure you wai nicely when you meet the mother and father. If you enter the house and notice there's a grandparent in the room, go immedialey to the older person, lower your body and wai deeply, then quickly wai to the parents.

Knowing the correct speed / pronunciation of ' sawasdee khrup ' also important.

Seriously- do you think that the OP has a clue as to how to wai or pronounce any Thai words properly?

Farangs shouldn't wai, nor is it expected of them, unless they know what they are doing, and newbie farang pronunciation is at best a guess.

If all that was essential, I'd never have bothered to go meet the in laws before getting married, and I never did any of that the first time I entered the house- still don't.

So the natives just tolerate you, you must understand that, that you are just of financial benefit to perhaps many.

[richard_smith237]

Seriously- do you think that the OP has a clue as to how to wai or pronounce any Thai words properly?

Farangs shouldn't wai, nor is it expected of them, unless they know what they are doing, and newbie farang pronunciation is at best a guess.

If all that was essential, I'd never have bothered to go meet the in laws before getting married, and I never did any of that the first time I entered the house- still don't.

Simply making the effort to show respect is all that is needed, this also works both ways. Of course minor mistakes will be made, but when compared with making the mistake of making no effort at all the slapdash pronunciation and flawed Wai's become insignificant.

I suspect you are welcome in very few places.

[thaibeachlovers]

Seriously- do you think that the OP has a clue as to how to wai or pronounce any Thai words properly?

Farangs shouldn't wai, nor is it expected of them, unless they know what they are doing, and newbie farang pronunciation is at best a guess.

If all that was essential, I'd never have bothered to go meet the in laws before getting married, and I never did any of that the first time I entered the house- still don't.

Simply making the effort to show respect is all that is needed, this also works both ways. Of course minor mistakes will be made, but when compared with making the mistake of making no effort at all the slapdash pronunciation and flawed Wai's become insignificant.

I suspect you are welcome in very few places.

You know nothing about how I behave in the company of Thais, so perhaps you should keep your suspicions to yourself.

There is a difference between being polite and making cultural faux pas in a desire to toady up to people with whom you have nothing in common.

<this also works both ways>

Very true, but you wouldn't know it from the vast majority of posts on this thread.

Why should I eat some horrible muck just to be polite, when the hosts should have ascertained if I can in fact eat it first?

[TommoPhysicist]

Seriously- do you think that the OP has a clue as to how to wai or pronounce any Thai words properly?

Farangs shouldn't wai, nor is it expected of them, unless they know what they are doing, and newbie farang pronunciation is at best a guess.

If all that was essential, I'd never have bothered to go meet the in laws before getting married, and I never did any of that the first time I entered the house- still don't.

Simply making the effort to show respect is all that is needed, this also works both ways. Of course minor mistakes will be made, but when compared with making the mistake of making no effort at all the slapdash pronunciation and flawed Wai's become insignificant.

I suspect you are welcome in very few places.

You know nothing about how I behave in the company of Thais, so perhaps you should keep your suspicions to yourself.

There is a difference between being polite and making cultural faux pas in a desire to toady up to people with whom you have nothing in common.

<this also works both ways>

Very true, but you wouldn't know it from the vast majority of posts on this thread.

Why should I eat some horrible muck just to be polite, when the hosts should have ascertained if I can in fact eat it first?

I find it hard to respect people who call me 'the farang'.

[transam]

I agree with Dave48 and i have something to add:

I do not know everything about your situation but you are free to choose to sleep in a hotel. But if you really feel comfortable with her, if i was you, i would spend the night in their house. Be sure you mention this before your arrival. Talk about it first with her and get a feel of what she thinks about this. Do not ask this directly.

Etiquette way i could be considered an offence if you slept in a hotel.

Presents is a whole other ballpark...

Take care of your personal representation first. You have to show yourself first and this first meeting will be important.

Good luck

Re staying at her house, here's some points which might be in the thoughts of her parents:

- Maybe never had a farang in the house at all before, and not sure how to cater for farang sleeping / bathing needs, breakfast / meals etc. Maybe needs more time for them to get to know you and understand what food you eat etc.

- Maybe never had a farang in the house at all before, maybe a bit concerned what the neighbors will think if on first apearance the farang stays at the house.

- Maybe they are very security conscious and want to get to know you better and be assured there's no risk in having a stranger / farang sleeping in the house.

In any event make sure you wai nicely when you meet the mother and father. If you enter the house and notice there's a grandparent in the room, go immedialey to the older person, lower your body and wai deeply, then quickly wai to the parents.

Knowing the correct speed / pronunciation of ' sawasdee khrup ' also important.

Seriously- do you think that the OP has a clue as to how to wai or pronounce any Thai words properly?

Farangs shouldn't wai, nor is it expected of them, unless they know what they are doing, and newbie farang pronunciation is at best a guess.

If all that was essential, I'd never have bothered to go meet the in laws before getting married, and I never did any of that the first time I entered the house- still don't.

Turning it around, what if you met a Thai in your country, you put out your hand for a hand shake and it was ignored. ?

[loong]

Turning it around, what if you met a Thai in your country, you put out your hand for a hand shake and it was ignored. ?

That's a very good point.

The only things that farangs need to know about waiing.

NEVER wai children. Children should wai you, but a simple minimal nod of your head is enough of an aknowledgement.

Whoever you wai, putting your hands together and touching your chin with your finger tips is a one size fits all.

Whenever I see farang wai with their fingers touching their forehead, especially when they do it to children, I cringe. It looks comical to Thais and that is why they will smile so much when they see a farang doing this. It's not because they appreciate the farang trying Thai culture.

Of course, if you happen to meet a member of the Royal Family, that type of wai is perfectly ok.

[richard_smith237]

Turning it around, what if you met a Thai in your country, you put out your hand for a hand shake and it was ignored. ?

That's a very good point.

The only things that farangs need to know about waiing.

NEVER wai children. Children should wai you, but a simple minimal nod of your head is enough of an aknowledgement.

Whoever you wai, putting your hands together and touching your chin with your finger tips is a one size fits all.

Whenever I see farang wai with their fingers touching their forehead, especially when they do it to children, I cringe. It looks comical to Thais and that is why they will smile so much when they see a farang doing this. It's not because they appreciate the farang trying Thai culture.

Of course, if you happen to meet a member of the Royal Family, that type of wai is perfectly ok.

I like the 'freestyle Wai'... If I'm carrying something, shopping etc in one hand and I see my Father In Law or Mother in Law... I go 'freestyle' and Wai with one hand !!!...

Again - the faux pas is simply not making any effort at all. Amongst educated and reasonable people making the effort is good enough, exactly as it would be back in our respective countries of origin for anyone visiting us.

Taking the shoes off when entering into someones house also matters, no explanation covers that, you enter someone else's house and respect their rules. Only an arrogant fool will expect his hosts to honour his rules in their house.

IMO the most respectful thing to do is to simply relax, enjoy yourself and be yourself. BUT, IF relaxing and enjoying yourself and being yourself involves refusing to make any effort, refusing to Wai the parents, refusing to take off your shoes when entering the house and refusing to attempt to communicate then I suspect it will take an extreme level of pertinence on behalf of your hosts or an anterior motive to tolerate your behaviour and see you welcomed back.

[TommoPhysicist]

IMO the most respectful thing to do is to simply relax, enjoy yourself and be yourself. BUT, IF relaxing and enjoying yourself and being yourself involves refusing to make any effort, refusing to Wai the parents, refusing to take off your shoes when entering the house and refusing to attempt to communicate then I suspect it will take an extreme level of pertinence on behalf of your hosts or an anterior motive to tolerate your behaviour and see you welcomed back.

You don't really mean that, if I were to visit your house, you really wouldn't want me to be myself .............

Trust me on this one.

Edited January 3, 2013 by TommoPhysicist

[thaibeachlovers]

I agree with Dave48 and i have something to add:

I do not know everything about your situation but you are free to choose to sleep in a hotel. But if you really feel comfortable with her, if i was you, i would spend the night in their house. Be sure you mention this before your arrival. Talk about it first with her and get a feel of what she thinks about this. Do not ask this directly.

Etiquette way i could be considered an offence if you slept in a hotel.

Presents is a whole other ballpark...

Take care of your personal representation first. You have to show yourself first and this first meeting will be important.

Good luck

Re staying at her house, here's some points which might be in the thoughts of her parents:

- Maybe never had a farang in the house at all before, and not sure how to cater for farang sleeping / bathing needs, breakfast / meals etc. Maybe needs more time for them to get to know you and understand what food you eat etc.

- Maybe never had a farang in the house at all before, maybe a bit concerned what the neighbors will think if on first apearance the farang stays at the house.

- Maybe they are very security conscious and want to get to know you better and be assured there's no risk in having a stranger / farang sleeping in the house.

In any event make sure you wai nicely when you meet the mother and father. If you enter the house and notice there's a grandparent in the room, go immedialey to the older person, lower your body and wai deeply, then quickly wai to the parents.

Knowing the correct speed / pronunciation of ' sawasdee khrup ' also important.

Seriously- do you think that the OP has a clue as to how to wai or pronounce any Thai words properly?

Farangs shouldn't wai, nor is it expected of them, unless they know what they are doing, and newbie farang pronunciation is at best a guess.

If all that was essential, I'd never have bothered to go meet the in laws before getting married, and I never did any of that the first time I entered the house- still don't.

Turning it around, what if you met a Thai in your country, you put out your hand for a hand shake and it was ignored. ?

Personally, I'd think that perhaps he didn't like to shake hands, but I wouldn't get all bitter and twisted about it. It's not a big deal.

[thaibeachlovers]

Turning it around, what if you met a Thai in your country, you put out your hand for a hand shake and it was ignored. ?

That's a very good point.

The only things that farangs need to know about waiing.

NEVER wai children. Children should wai you, but a simple minimal nod of your head is enough of an aknowledgement.

Whoever you wai, putting your hands together and touching your chin with your finger tips is a one size fits all.

Whenever I see farang wai with their fingers touching their forehead, especially when they do it to children, I cringe. It looks comical to Thais and that is why they will smile so much when they see a farang doing this. It's not because they appreciate the farang trying Thai culture.

Of course, if you happen to meet a member of the Royal Family, that type of wai is perfectly ok.

I like the 'freestyle Wai'... If I'm carrying something, shopping etc in one hand and I see my Father In Law or Mother in Law... I go 'freestyle' and Wai with one hand !!!...

Again - the faux pas is simply not making any effort at all. Amongst educated and reasonable people making the effort is good enough, exactly as it would be back in our respective countries of origin for anyone visiting us.

Taking the shoes off when entering into someones house also matters, no explanation covers that, you enter someone else's house and respect their rules. Only an arrogant fool will expect his hosts to honour his rules in their house.

IMO the most respectful thing to do is to simply relax, enjoy yourself and be yourself. BUT, IF relaxing and enjoying yourself and being yourself involves refusing to make any effort, refusing to Wai the parents, refusing to take off your shoes when entering the house and refusing to attempt to communicate then I suspect it will take an extreme level of pertinence on behalf of your hosts or an anterior motive to tolerate your behaviour and see you welcomed back.

I keep refusing to make an effort, wai and communicate with the in laws, but they keep turning up. What more can I do to make them stay away?

[cdnvic]

The OP has not doubt already completed his visit. Maybe he waied his lady friend's mother and got laughed at, or tossled her fathers hair and got shot. I hope he comes back here with a trip report so we can find out how it all went.

In the mean time I'm going to close this topic to spare the rest of the viewers the sight of people arguing ad-nauseam to other stubborn people with nobody ever changing their mind.

[rct99q]

I live with my wifes family and we always get a kick out of these threads. She reads them and tries to explain to the family what it all means. I jump in and try to explain that not all of us are like the people on this forum......keep the comments coming. Entertains us for hours.

Be yourself. This girlfriend of yours will have already discussed you up one side and down the other with the family. You will not be walking into this house without everyone knowing everything your girlfriend knows. I never brought money when meeting the in laws the first time. But I did nearly everything one should NOT do when meeting the parents.

Drunk, driving a motorcycle, tried kissing her in front of everybody, etc etc....seems like a million years ago and yet she still married me.

Be polite (but not overly so), learn some Thai (hello, thank you, yes, no, that's delicious), Thai's usually fill your drink for you once it gets to one third empty (usually done by the youngest adult male) if you are drinking alcohol drink slowly as then the glass never gets refilled quicker then you can drink it.

Try and eat as much of the food as you can. As my wife said we are all human if does not kill me it won't kill you. Thais know most farang do not like spicy food so if it is too hot for you say it. They will get a good laugh and try and find you something without too many chilis.

And lastly for me....if you have not had sex with this lady and you think it might happen....do not do it in the parents house. Trust me. As soon as the bedroom door closes there will be 100 ears pressed to it listening. How do I know? The family did this with me and in turn everybody now does it with the sister in law who happens to be dating a farang as well? But by the sounds of it she is not so keen on him...

[TommoPhysicist]

And lastly for me....if you have not had sex with this lady and you think it might happen....do not do it in the parents house. Trust me. As soon as the bedroom door closes there will be 100 ears pressed to it listening. How do I know? The family did this with me and in turn everybody now does it with the sister in law who happens to be dating a farang as well? But by the sounds of it she is not so keen on him...

Bedroom Door?

Luxury, in most village houses, one mattress or sleeping mat in the middle of the only room with everyone on it.

Edited January 3, 2013 by TommoPhysicist