Fiancee Wants Salary

[mikemellow]

Just to add a little...I was planning to bring her to the USA after we got married and help her get her green card and of course pay all expenses...but she has changed her mind recently and now she does not want to go to the USA but wants me to move here and buy a house for "us". One thing is certain at least she was not in the relationship just for the green card.

I am also surprised that there has been no talk on this thread about getting a pre-marriage agreement or pre-nuptial agreement. I took part in a survey here a few years back and was surprised by the wealth of the average expat here.

I had intended to make arrangements for her in a prenuptial but her demands for a salary and our fun trip to the mall put everything on hold for me----and both events have led to me seeking advice from others. I would have bolted already but this time I was trying to take it slow because I have had a tendency in the past to bolt to quickly. thanks for all the replies so far..

MIKE

[rgs2001uk]

Just to add a little...I was planning to bring her to the USA after we got married and help her get her green card and of course pay all expenses...but she has changed her mind recently and now she does not want to go to the USA but wants me to move here and buy a house for "us". One thing is certain at least she was not in the relationship just for the green card.

I am also surprised that there has been no talk on this thread about getting a pre-marriage agreement or pre-nuptial agreement. I took part in a survey here a few years back and was surprised by the wealth of the average expat here.

I had intended to make arrangements for her in a prenuptial but her demands for a salary and our fun trip to the mall put everything on hold for me----and both events have led to me seeking advice from others. I would have bolted already but this time I was trying to take it slow because I have had a tendency in the past to bolt to quickly. thanks for all the replies so far..

MIKE

Whats so great about a "green card" and having to work for a living, pull her weight and bring something to a relationship she gains nothing from?

No face to be gained back in the village.

Hits nail on head, its all about a house for her and security.

What use is a prenup, Thai laws are very clear, what was your before marriage stays yours after marriage.

When you buy the house you sign to say you have no involvement in it,as for trying to recoup money on divorce, how easy do you think it is to sell a "farang mansion" upcountry?

[cheeryble]

I took part in a survey here a few years back and was surprised by the wealth of the average expat here.

I have also been amazed recently at the pensions of a couple of people I know.Could you refer me to the survey or keywords?

BTW I find it quite common for some Thais to be forward in asking for money in a way we don't know at home about asking the ridiculous......or putting the cart way before the horse. Sometimes to the point of vulgarity. It is embarrassing to be put in that position, but I personally have found if I give a very instant and clear NO with no indecision there will be pouting for a day or two then completely accepted and back to normal. Almost like they have tried on a foray and the ridiculous has been decisively rebuffed.

I also note that although I am almost twice my wife's age, it brings considerable cred to her to have me, not to mention I am the backstop for family medical emergencies which I fully accept. At the same time I let my wife earn her own living as she doesn't do any housework. I just have put some modest assets under her control from which she adds about 5k to her salary, and of course a thou or two here or there for bits and pieces. No salary, and I would not countenance nonsense about the latest iPhone upgrade every time......only sober, well thought out things like improvements to the (her) house in which I stay part time.After five or six years she knows where I'm coming from and seems to genuinely adore me despite my non-prolific purse. In return I adore her.

Up to you. If I looked like quasimodo and subject of conversation looked like a glamour model I might adjust as necessary!! BTW to make her feel secure I've been quite clear, she will inherit if I snuff it according to how long we've been together, and she knows that one farang and several Thai friends will inherit also, in a diminishing portion according to time. No big fortune, but property which will give her a secure life if she's a wee bit careful.Good luck

[cheeryble]

Whoops

[eek]

It sounds as if it was it at your insistence that she gave up work? If yes then it is only fair that you provide her with a small amount of pin money every month or week, how else is she supposed to buy her personal items. How does she know that after a period of time you dump her & she is left with nothing more than some travel experiences & a few gifts?

Absolutely agree with Boo and other posters, that if you wish her to give up work so she can spend time with you, then her wanting a small amount of money each month is understandable. Even in the west, housewives would have pin money, or access to funds. It would be humilating to ask for every penny.

You may actually find yourself better off..as in, you could agree with her that she has to budget for some of her own personal things, rather than ask you.

Im surprised people are up in arms about this. She is not asking for a huge sum of money, she is asking for a bit of respect. It would be very sad for a partner to feel completely reliant on asking for every small thing. If she wanted to go have a coffee with a friend, or buy herself a treat, or help out a family member, she should have the option to choose. Give her some independance in the form of kitty money, or let her take her job back on.... dont turn her into a child. ...

[TommoPhysicist]

@EEk

10k a month is more than most families in my village earn.

And that 10k would be on top of all her living expenses.

[eek]

The OP said 2-3k a month Tommo, not a week. I think people have read it wrong. 2/3k a month in lost earnings doesnt seem unreasonable imo.

[TommoPhysicist]

The OP said 2-3k a month Tommo, not a week. I think people have read it wrong. 2/3k a month in lost earnings doesnt seem unreasonable imo.

It changed to full expenses + purse full of spending money + 10k in her bank a month.

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/topic/616210-fiancee-wants-salary/?p=6075721

Which is when we all got a bit iffy with our posts.

Loads of my pals in the UK don't have 250UKP free and clear every month after outgoings.

[eek]

^ Ahh ok...
Didnt get through all the pages.
See what you mean now as that paints a whole other picture!

[rgs2001uk]

It sounds as if it was it at your insistence that she gave up work? If yes then it is only fair that you provide her with a small amount of pin money every month or week, how else is she supposed to buy her personal items. How does she know that after a period of time you dump her & she is left with nothing more than some travel experiences & a few gifts?

Absolutely agree with Boo and other posters, that if you wish her to give up work so she can spend time with you, then her wanting a small amount of money each month is understandable. Even in the west, housewives would have pin money, or access to funds. It would be humilating to ask for every penny.

You may actually find yourself better off..as in, you could agree with her that she has to budget for some of her own personal things, rather than ask you.

Im surprised people are up in arms about this. She is not asking for a huge sum of money, she is asking for a bit of respect. It would be very sad for a partner to feel completely reliant on asking for every small thing. If she wanted to go have a coffee with a friend, or buy herself a treat, or help out a family member, she should have the option to choose. Give her some independance in the form of kitty money, or let her take her job back on.... dont turn her into a child. ...

dont turn her into a child.

For some on here thats exactly what they have, a child.

A P6 education at most, no idea of budgeting, no forward planning, no personal responsibility, live like a princess for 3 days and a pauper for the rest of the month, that face costs big money, dont come for free.

Some of them are right spoilt brats, moody, pouting, going off at the deep end.

Is the girl in question an invalid?

My mrs always tells me, I have two hands and a brain.

or help out a family member

Ah, theres the rub.

[bangkokburning]

I "liked" Tommo's post, its funny, but its not reality.

You already pulled her off her job. That is a big loss for her.

Despite you picking up the expenses, she needs pocket money.

When I turn 62, collect social security and take advantage of investments come to fruition I ghroighly expevt to be giving my wige a minimum of 8k a month in todays thb.

This is just for her to spend and enjoy. I would also kick in a few k to her parents. I would personally make financial plans for her for my demise so thst is taken care of.

I would expect out of that money that if she were going by 7 and I needed something, it would be purchased wo the tboight of it being "her" money.

Of course, <deleted> the woman needs a life out of your control. You take her job away and then deny her money?? Sounds controlling even though I am sute the question is innocent.

Biggest mistakevwas letting her quit her job unless she is +50. Told my wife aint no chance of her stopping work pre-45 unless I hit the lottery (neither of us play lottery).

For the gods sake man, unless you need caring for - gets her out of the house!

[bangkokburning]

OK I have found the post from OP stating 10k, plus blah blah...

Nope, Id be done with this one perhaps.It doesn't feel right

Her prior income +1k per month increase per year or a base of 8k for start.

Anything more and Im calling bullshit, after all you are it sounds picking up.loads of her expenses, plus luxuries.

If you choose to walk - you cant go back, the relationshio is de facto finished and she will.screw you if you weaken and return Then it really will br for the money!

WHY IN THE HELL WOULD YOU SHOW HER ANYTHING ON THAI VISA!

[cheeryble]

Her prior income +1k per month increase per year or a base of 8k for start.

!

This brings a point about "allowances".

Seems to me there's a whole lot of difference in having a missus who

1. does everything for you as with a very unfit aged friend his missus is there constantly

2. kinda looks after the house and kinda cooks

3. maybe has a job of her own and does things for you about as much as you do things for her.

4. The wife who hires all the help and looks upon herself as a commander (I put this last for good reason)

[oliver80]

Dude

If you support her and give her pocket money and she wants to build her account up as well for futre, what does this mean?

Let me tell you, future is maybe another guy, maybe just going home to mom and dissappearing, but nothing positive in that.

Marraige and partnership are building together and not trying to boost individual bank accounts, the amount she ask my be little in western standards but actually its just the president she is setting now, these girls are smart and this is oly the beginning, next will be i need 50 0000 baht in my account to earn best interest, then it will go from there, if she has your support and pocket money then thats enough trust me!

[krisb]

Without reading the whole thread, I bet you have been given a few upper cuts by members yeah?

[thaibeachlovers]

Sorry, but not going to read 6 pages, so apologies if already said.

Of course she's worried about her future- wouldn't you be if your breadwinner could die and leave you with nothing? Seems like a completely reasonable ask.

If you don't want her to work, are you providing for her with death insurance etc?

2 to 3 thousand is small beer- be happy with that. Some pay over 25,000 ( according to what they write on TV ).

I don't pay my wife a "salary", but if she didn't work because I wanted her not to, I'd have to compensate her for what she currently earns. If she CHOOSES not to work, I don't "pay" her anything.

[cheeryble]

Is the girl in question an invalid?

My mrs always tells me, I have two hands and a brain.

Mine goes as far as I have two hands.....

[bostonboy]

If she wants only spending money.

Let her go back to work and earn it.

Same as most other peple have to do.

but the thing is, depending on her education

a job in Thailand might be a waste for both of you

we live in Canada, my wife works 2 jobs and makes about 75k baht/mo

i am a big proponent of wife's working more so they get out of the house and have their own life and money

but if we move to Thailand and she can only get a job making 15k baht/mo and has to work 6 days a week, it is pointless to have her work

[mesquite]

I am flabbergasted that anyone would look down on her request for 2-3k per month. Jesus F**ing H Christ, that's $100 USD!! You can't pay a parking ticket in a major US city for that!

I would bet she's like most Thai women: loving, caring, pretty, younger than the man, etc etc.

Go back to your home country, Moneybags, and see if you'd be willing to part with that precious "extra" $100 every month for the kind of treatment you get from a woman here.

Unbelievable.

[bostonboy]

I am flabbergasted that anyone would look down on her request for 2-3k per month. Jesus F**ing H Christ, that's $100 USD!! You can't pay a parking ticket in a major US city for that!

I would bet she's like most Thai women: loving, caring, pretty, younger than the man, etc etc.

Go back to your home country, Moneybags, and see if you'd be willing to part with that precious "extra" $100 every month for the kind of treatment you get from a woman here.

Unbelievable.

if we were in Thailand i wouldn't have an issue with the pocket money. i don't want my wife to have to ask me for money every time she needs it

even in Canada, i didn't have an issue

BUT.......now that she works and has her own money, it certainly make our relationship better

she feels better about not having to ask for money and having her own money

but i agree with your post. it seems guys want to put a limit on how much their tg gets, to make them feel secure

before my wife started working, and she 'd be back in Thailand, i gave her about 30k/mo that supported her, her mom and stepson.

that paid for her townhouse(9k all in w/ utilities), son's daily school money( about 100baht/day)

i could have sent less by why do i want my wife walking around limited to what she can do. worrying she ca't go to a movie, beauty or grab a decent meal besides sitting on the street

now, she just went back to Thailand for a month. paid for plane ticket herself,and asked for no spending money

[rgs2001uk]

I am flabbergasted that anyone would look down on her request for 2-3k per month. Jesus F**ing H Christ, that's $100 USD!! You can't pay a parking ticket in a major US city for that!

I would bet she's like most Thai women: loving, caring, pretty, younger than the man, etc etc.

Go back to your home country, Moneybags, and see if you'd be willing to part with that precious "extra" $100 every month for the kind of treatment you get from a woman here.

Unbelievable.

Only problem with your logic, we aint in America we are in Thailand.

Why people get involved with girls from the peasant class that are either unwilling or unable to get off their ass and support themelves is beyond me, still each to their own.

Back in my home countrty I didnt have to pay girls to stay with me, or me with them, why should I do so here?

[cheeryble]

I am flabbergasted that anyone would look down on her request for 2-3k per month. Jesus F**ing H Christ, that's $100 USD!! You can't pay a parking ticket in a major US city for that!

I would bet she's like most Thai women: loving, caring, pretty, younger than the man, etc etc.

Go back to your home country, Moneybags, and see if you'd be willing to part with that precious "extra" $100 every month for the kind of treatment you get from a woman here.

Unbelievable.

Only problem with your logic, we aint in America we are in Thailand.

Why people get involved with girls from the peasant class that are either unwilling or unable to get off their ass and support themelves is beyond me, still each to their own.

My

would sometimes play the Moonlight Sonata on a Bechstein grand from the sitting room as I lay in her bed with a book and a last cup of tea.

Back in my home country I didnt have to pay girls to stay with me, or me with them, why should I do so here?

Because we can?

[bostonboy]

I am flabbergasted that anyone would look down on her request for 2-3k per month. Jesus F**ing H Christ, that's $100 USD!! You can't pay a parking ticket in a major US city for that!

I would bet she's like most Thai women: loving, caring, pretty, younger than the man, etc etc.

Go back to your home country, Moneybags, and see if you'd be willing to part with that precious "extra" $100 every month for the kind of treatment you get from a woman here.

Unbelievable.

Only problem with your logic, we aint in America we are in Thailand.

Why people get involved with girls from the peasant class that are either unwilling or unable to get off their ass and support themelves is beyond me, still each to their own.

Back in my home countrty I didnt have to pay girls to stay with me, or me with them, why should I do so here?

i am not one of those guys that hates western woman or say being with a western woman is the same as paying for p4p

BUT...........all the married guys in work spend a ton on their wives. so just because your wife is Thai, she should be limited?

my thai wife works more hours than i do

some days, wakes up at 6am and gets home at 11pm

but if we were in a situation( and we have been) where she is not working, i am going to make sure she is comfortable, as i would with any wife of any nationality

[rgs2001uk]

I am flabbergasted that anyone would look down on her request for 2-3k per month. Jesus F**ing H Christ, that's $100 USD!! You can't pay a parking ticket in a major US city for that!

I would bet she's like most Thai women: loving, caring, pretty, younger than the man, etc etc.

Go back to your home country, Moneybags, and see if you'd be willing to part with that precious "extra" $100 every month for the kind of treatment you get from a woman here.

Unbelievable.

Only problem with your logic, we aint in America we are in Thailand.

Why people get involved with girls from the peasant class that are either unwilling or unable to get off their ass and support themelves is beyond me, still each to their own.

My

would sometimes play the Moonlight Sonata on a Bechstein grand from the sitting room as I lay in her bed with a book and a last cup of tea.

>Back in my home country I didnt have to pay girls to stay with me, or me with them, why should I do so here?

Because we can?

Because we can?

Be thankful you at least have a choice, many dont.

[rgs2001uk]

I am flabbergasted that anyone would look down on her request for 2-3k per month. Jesus F**ing H Christ, that's $100 USD!! You can't pay a parking ticket in a major US city for that!

I would bet she's like most Thai women: loving, caring, pretty, younger than the man, etc etc.

Go back to your home country, Moneybags, and see if you'd be willing to part with that precious "extra" $100 every month for the kind of treatment you get from a woman here.

Unbelievable.

Only problem with your logic, we aint in America we are in Thailand.

Why people get involved with girls from the peasant class that are either unwilling or unable to get off their ass and support themelves is beyond me, still each to their own.

Back in my home countrty I didnt have to pay girls to stay with me, or me with them, why should I do so here?

i am not one of those guys that hates western woman or say being with a western woman is the same as paying for p4p

BUT...........all the married guys in work spend a ton on their wives. so just because your wife is Thai, she should be limited?

my thai wife works more hours than i do

some days, wakes up at 6am and gets home at 11pm

but if we were in a situation( and we have been) where she is not working, i am going to make sure she is comfortable, as i would with any wife of any nationality

BUT...........all the married guys in work spend a ton on their wives.

Sorry, you have lost me, I dont know what you mean.

The last 3 women I was involved with in the west before coming to Asia, all had their own house, jobs and cars.

Sometimes I lived with them sometimes they lived with me, other times we split the time.

Never once have I had a western woman ask me for money.

Would I choose to help a wife who was made unemployed, of course I would, would I carry on paying her money to sit on her ass and not bother looking for a job, of course not.

my thai wife works more hours than i do

Good man, sounds like you got yourself a good one, one who works and contributes to make a marriage work.

[bostonboy]

I am flabbergasted that anyone would look down on her request for 2-3k per month. Jesus F**ing H Christ, that's $100 USD!! You can't pay a parking ticket in a major US city for that!

I would bet she's like most Thai women: loving, caring, pretty, younger than the man, etc etc.

Go back to your home country, Moneybags, and see if you'd be willing to part with that precious "extra" $100 every month for the kind of treatment you get from a woman here.

Unbelievable.

Only problem with your logic, we aint in America we are in Thailand.

Why people get involved with girls from the peasant class that are either unwilling or unable to get off their ass and support themelves is beyond me, still each to their own.

Back in my home countrty I didnt have to pay girls to stay with me, or me with them, why should I do so here?

i am not one of those guys that hates western woman or say being with a western woman is the same as paying for p4p

BUT...........all the married guys in work spend a ton on their wives. so just because your wife is Thai, she should be limited?

my thai wife works more hours than i do

some days, wakes up at 6am and gets home at 11pm

but if we were in a situation( and we have been) where she is not working, i am going to make sure she is comfortable, as i would with any wife of any nationality

BUT...........all the married guys in work spend a ton on their wives.

Sorry, you have lost me, I dont know what you mean.

The last 3 women I was involved with in the west before coming to Asia, all had their own house, jobs and cars.

Sometimes I lived with them sometimes they lived with me, other times we split the time.

Never once have I had a western woman ask me for money.

Would I choose to help a wife who was made unemployed, of course I would, would I carry on paying her money to sit on her ass and not bother looking for a job, of course not.

my thai wife works more hours than i do

Good man, sounds like you got yourself a good one, one who works and contributes to make a marriage work.

it sounds like they are getting married so not just a gf situation

as i said, i don't want my wife sitting around doing nothing also. I think you see way too many situations in Thailand where a perfectly capable 30yr old tg is sitting around doing nothing. wastes their brain. but i think it is hard when your in a situation like the OP( and mine would be similar in Thailand) where the only job your wife could get is working as a waitress or something for 15k/mo and working 6 days a week

me personally, i would look serious into starting a business for us/her that will be worthwhile for the hours put into it

[wellred]

Agreeing to such demands shows that she is only interested in her own well being. If she wants more on top of the essentials you already pick up tell her to get a job!

It may only be a small amount of money but its the principle and caving would open the situation up to other equally silly requests in the future.

There is a difference between spending money on your wife of your own free will and being asked for a salary. Thai or no Thai it's cheeky and if you intend to spend the rest of your life with her I think she needs a reality check. This isn't a free for all, it's a marriage.

[rubberduck]

It's a bit double, one the one hand a decent lady with selfrespect and loyalty does not ask for money, on the other hand if she asking only 2.000 a month this a very modest request. Some girls expect 20.000 or more...

[bostonboy]

Agreeing to such demands shows that she is only interested in her own well being. If she wants more on top of the essentials you already pick up tell her to get a job! It may only be a small amount of money but its the principle and caving would open the situation up to other equally silly requests in the future. There is a difference between spending money on your wife of your own free will and being asked for a salary. Thai or no Thai it's cheeky and if you intend to spend the rest of your life with her I think she needs a reality check. This isn't a free for all, it's a marriage.

i think the crux of the matter is if your wife works or not, and the reason why she doesn't work

if my wife didn't work for a legitmate reaosn, i woild give her her "own money"

and i guess you could call that a salary for taking care of the house and children??

i think i see the other way a lot in Thailand where guys want to keep control of their tg, make them have to ask for money

makes them feel important

[deesamui]

salary no, allowance absolutely yes,

if she is good looking, does her job like shopping, cleaning, laundry, cooking etc and is amazing in the horizontals, and you like her,

mine complies with that and I give her 10 k per month , I have a happy girl, no nagging , happy life and it is cheaper than a maid not even talking about barfining and st or lt or bj or special massages