The idea is for you to tell us a tale that's a bit different from the well-worn themes about Isaan village life; things you see or hear about that make you smile for a special and different reason. As an example, I'll start the ball rolling with this little observation.

A neighbour who lives in an extremely ramshackle home made from rusting corrugated iron sheets and ancient wooden stilts, with a wood floor that's sloping at a crazy angle due to subsidence, recently went about some improvements. He borrowed a box of tools including spirit level, wood plane and electric drill and spent three days carefully aligning and installing a handrail and bench seat. On completion the rail and seat look very straight and level, but don't quite match the angle of the floor. I watched in amusement as he stepped back to admire his handiwork, scratching his head in bewilderment as to why his careful measuring produced so many defects. That said, my neighbours are great folk and we laugh together.

There must be hundreds of little gems out there. Yes?

Here is not such a funny tale. Last week was out, with wife checking that a plantations dropped leaves had been cleared up, fire risk, dry as a bone out here at the moment.

Notice smoke coming from near one of our other plantations, so go to check it out. Thai rubber planter had raked his leaves into piles, set them alight and gone home. Lucky we had a phone signal, wife phoned her brother who is like the county clerk. An is the local fire and rescue boss.

Fire truck and locals got the fires under control and it didn't spread to other plantations or the jungle and scrub lands.

Guy who set the fires and wife turn up, tears rolling out looking at all the burnt mature trees. 10 rai man, don't know how many will recover, but willing to bet the nice new twin cab pick up will be going back.

Stupidity on a scale that defies description. Jim

Here is not such a funny tale.

Stupidity on a scale that defies description. Jim

Oh boy! That's a shocker, Jim. Hope it turns out not as bad as you fear.

Here is not such a funny tale.

Stupidity on a scale that defies description. Jim

Oh boy! That's a shocker, Jim. Hope it turns out not as bad as you fear.

Not a problem for me, I'm an Aussie and take bush fire prevention very seriously. I just don't get it at times, local village PAs, as have the 2 local radio stations been, warning about fire dangers, but the locals just lite up anyway. Must have had 3 or 4 wood homes burnt to the ground in the area last month or so.

It's just like when the big rains come, rivers in flood, white water, but 4 kids drowned in them from the 3 village here, last year.

Teach my kids, don't go near the river at the back of the house without an adult, the crocs will get you. Seems to work, same for jungle parts, tigers will eat you.

No real crocodiles and tigers live up in the big green. Grimes fairy tales, but they work.

Jim

Here is not such a funny tale.

Stupidity on a scale that defies description. Jim

Oh boy! That's a shocker, Jim. Hope it turns out not as bad as you fear.

Not a problem for me, I'm an Aussie and take bush fire prevention very seriously. I just don't get it at times, local village PAs, as have the 2 local radio stations been, warning about fire dangers, but the locals just lite up anyway. Must have had 3 or 4 wood homes burnt to the ground in the area last month or so.

It's just like when the big rains come, rivers in flood, white water, but 4 kids drowned in them from the 3 village here, last year.

Teach my kids, don't go near the river at the back of the house without an adult, the crocs will get you. Seems to work, same for jungle parts, tigers will eat you.

No real crocodiles and tigers live up in the big green. Grimes fairy tales, but they work.

Jim

That is something you see here a lot carelessness with life and danger. Maybe we are better educated or think more about the consequences of our actions. Mind you not every Thai has this trait but you see a lot of things that are not well thought out and often just go for the easy way hoping it goes well and often it does go well.. but there is always a chance it won't

Here is not such a funny tale.

Stupidity on a scale that defies description. Jim

Oh boy! That's a shocker, Jim. Hope it turns out not as bad as you fear.

Not a problem for me, I'm an Aussie and take bush fire prevention very seriously. I just don't get it at times, local village PAs, as have the 2 local radio stations been, warning about fire dangers, but the locals just lite up anyway. Must have had 3 or 4 wood homes burnt to the ground in the area last month or so.

It's just like when the big rains come, rivers in flood, white water, but 4 kids drowned in them from the 3 village here, last year.

Teach my kids, don't go near the river at the back of the house without an adult, the crocs will get you. Seems to work, same for jungle parts, tigers will eat you.

No real crocodiles and tigers live up in the big green. Grimes fairy tales, but they work.

Jim

That is something you see here a lot carelessness with life and danger. Maybe we are better educated or think more about the consequences of our actions. Mind you not every Thai has this trait but you see a lot of things that are not well thought out and often just go for the easy way hoping it goes well and often it does go well.. but there is always a chance it won't

Think it is more basic than that, Grimms brothers published 1812, German folk law, so much older than that. We Europeans were not that well educated then.

Think it comes down to two different philosophies of life, we Greek. Thai Tao and Buddha. If you believe that an individual makes their own life. Western. If you believe that karma dictates your life's out come Asian.

I believe in neither and both at the same time. Out here it's just Karma and

I will teach my kids both. You make your own life, but do good if you can for good Karma.

Hopefully they will grow up to be well adjusted people and take responsibility for their own lives, when bad things happen, that's karma.

You can't control it all, bad things happen to good people. Jim

At the moment,a "red shirt" thing is going on.Not the usual red shirt thing,but a prevention of "pii"(spirit) to enter the house.Almost every house has put a red shirt outside their house and nailed a paper on it,saying "In this house lives no male person" (in Thai,of course)The idea is,that the female pii,who is looking for a husband,who must also be a pii (die),will belive the note and go on to some other house....I almost decided to put a green shirt out there and make a note,saying that "in this house lives a farang,if that`s what you want".Well,better not,don`t know how angry people perhaps would be.....

A couple years ago, I had woken up to a massive hangover and downed a big bowl of soup that my neighbors from Isaan had brought over the day before and then went for a run in the jungle to clear my head. A few hours later my wife calls and asks if I'm feeling alright. I told her I was fine except for a slight headache andI asked her why. She then asks if I had the soup the neighbors brought over. I said yes I did. why? She asked if I noticed anything unusual about it. No honey, I was too hungover to even bother to look. Just tell me why. She said that the soup is full of maggots. What? Yeah, they're all floating around in the soup. Knowing my neighbors are from Isaan, I asked her if she thought they were put in there on purpose. She said she doesn't think even Issan people would purposely put maggots in soup, so she threw it out. I never got sick and I never did bother to ask the neighbors if they meant to add them in. Now we always check the food out when they bring some over.

I have lived in the village for 9 years in between working. But I never ceased to be amazed at the excuses they use to have a party.I was invited to one last week because a 3 month old baby was having his first haircut.

But one of the funniest things happened after i had been in the village just a few months.Obviously when i first arrived i treated a few people to some beers, no problem cost was nothing. One day we were walking past someones land, and they had just bagged all the rice, i was shouted over, and they asked me right away to buy some beer, as i didn't fancy a drink i said no, i don't want a drink. The guy who asked me to buy, said something in thai to my wife, and they both burst out laughing. I asked her what he had said, her reply was a classic"He said you don't have to drink, just buy it" what could i say to that so i bought some beer, and ended up getting piss#d.

This week we had a funeral. I asked my wife, how did she die. She died in a car accident with her son. I asked if she was anyone I would know, My wife says "No, she died 10 years ago". "What, they are just getting around to a funeral now?" It seems when two family members die at the same time, they can't be "done" at the same time. So the family had the funeral for the son first. Put the old woman in a box and sealed it in cement. They just broke open the box, cleaned her up, laid in state for a week and then had the funeral. Three days of party. Rest in Peace

Three days of party. Rest in Peace

Yep, when my time comes I want everyone to party. No 6 foot under cold and wet soil in the UK for me!

Three days of party. Rest in Peace

Yep, when my time comes I want everyone to party. No 6 foot under cold and wet soil in the UK for me!

relax you wont feel the cold

Three days of party. Rest in Peace

Yep, when my time comes I want everyone to party. No 6 foot under cold and wet soil in the UK for me!

relax you wont feel the cold

And to think it's your party but nobody expects you to pay for the beer and whiskey!

Real conversation yesterday:

Wife: Tak (her 15 year old cousin who has been unoficially adopted within the wider family since 3 months old and is now ours to look after) have exams next week for next Step at school.

Me: Are they important?

Wife: yes - if she not pass we have to pay big money so she can stay at Amphur school. If she not stay there she has to go to poor school (a school with very denuded resources in a neigbouring village

Me Corruption?

Wife: Yes, corruption darling. School boss have big money

Me: So nobody will pass then?

Wife: not many people pass darling!

TIT

There was this foreign guy who decided to buy a microwave oven and a tabletop convector (conventional) oven as a surprise for his Isaan G.F. on his recent visit to her village. The two appliances sat side by side on the work surface in her kitchen.

Days after her boyfriend went home he got a phone call saying the microwave had blown up and the other oven kept smoking and smelling funny.

“What were you cooking in the microwave?” the boyfriend asked.

“Just a small metal pot with some rice in it,” she told him.

“Hmm. And what were you cooking in the other oven?” He asked nervously.

“A frozen ready meal in a sort of paper tray,” she explained. “What happen? Why they no good now?”

There's something magical in the village after unseasonably high temperatures are relieved by the gathering of storm clouds, heavy gusts of wind followed by a torrential downpour. Who cares that the freshly-washed car, left outside, is be-speckled in grime? Who cares nobody thinks to bring in the washing airing on a bamboo pole outside? Who cares that the electricity might go off? I do. My beer could go warm.

A while back, I planted 4 little mango-trees. 2 in front of the house, 2 in the back.

At that time, I had nothing else planted, just weeds all over the place. So I invited my neighbors teenage-boy to come over and bring along his herd of goats so they may attack the weeds.

Next day he came over including his goats. Had to leave for town, so I coulden't stick around, but upon leaving I told him "keep a good eye on the goats and the mango-trees". = OK Boss, no problem.

Upon my return, I discovered that the 2 trees in the back had no leaves left. With no further delay, I interrogated the heardsmen as to 'how come' the trees in the back are "leaveless"?

Answer: " Can not look trees in front of house and back of house same same." In detail: While chasing away goats away from the trees in the back, others would have gotten the ones in front and vice-versa. So, while fipping back and fourth, all 4 trees would have been lost. By just guarding the trees in front, he avoided a comlete loss, he explained.

I was thunderstruck by so much stratigic thingking and I already had visions of him becoming a general in the Thai-Army someday. He must have though along those lines also, because he indicated,

that such brilliant handling of an extremely difficult situation must be classified as "above and beyond the call of duty" and therefore deserves an additional "bonus". Of course, I was in full agreement and so he got his 20 Bht bonus. While collecting his weed-eating brigade and getting ready to leave, he had a big grin on his face. I wonder why?

Cheers.

PS: As it turns out, goats are picky and don't really like to eat weeds. (at least not mine). So the whole operation was of limited success.

As with the incidents described by Jezz at #15 above, I had a few kitchen incidents until I finally figured out reason: Although she was a very good Isaan cook, she had never cooked on anything other than charcoal while still living at her family home in the sugar fields.

This story was related to me in a bar by a friend of a friend so can not vouch for it's veracity but it did ring true.

This friend was building a modest house somewhere north of city life. He well understood and accepted that he needed to monitor every aspect of the build to make sure the house was built to the standard he was paying for. Things were going along fine until the plumbing installation started. They were attempting to install a hole in the floor type of squat toilet even though he had specified a western style toilet. Off he goes to Bnakok and returns with a western toilet. Before the installation could go ahead he was called away to work. When he returned he found that his western toilet had indeed been installed. They had managed to bury it flush with the floor such that he still ended up with a Thai style long drop.

A couple years ago, I had woken up to a massive hangover and downed a big bowl of soup that my neighbors from Isaan had brought over the day before and then went for a run in the jungle to clear my head. A few hours later my wife calls and asks if I'm feeling alright. I told her I was fine except for a slight headache andI asked her why. She then asks if I had the soup the neighbors brought over. I said yes I did. why? She asked if I noticed anything unusual about it. No honey, I was too hungover to even bother to look. Just tell me why. She said that the soup is full of maggots. What? Yeah, they're all floating around in the soup. Knowing my neighbors are from Isaan, I asked her if she thought they were put in there on purpose. She said she doesn't think even Issan people would purposely put maggots in soup, so she threw it out. I never got sick and I never did bother to ask the neighbors if they meant to add them in. Now we always check the food out when they bring some over.

Maybe the maggot soup is a Folk Hangover Cure.

By all means, keep those stories coming. Down to earth stuff, better than any "official Newswire".

Cheers.

I read this story somewhere (maybe here) 4 years ago and loved it so much that I copied it to email to a friend. Still gives me a chuckle so here it is:

A German friend of ours, who lives with his Thai wife in Germany often sends us messages or scanned documents by email to pass on to the inlaws. Great service the MIL must have thought when she came to our house the other day to ask if my wife could send an email back to her daughter in Germany. So far so good!!!!
In a plastic bag she brought 2 papaya. My wife said she would send the email and thanked her for the papaya she brought for rendered services.
Wrong, wrong, wrong!!!!
MIL said her daughter loves to eat papaya and wanted to send the 2 papaya along with the email, so they would be there fast enough to eat som tam in the evening

Refreshing as usually here at the issaan forum.so I will contribute my last stunning experience with my lovely issaan wife.yesterday she asked me for a copy of my passport.me in doubt asked why.her reply: darling I got a great offer for a life insurance for us. Me(all alarm bells ringing): pls explain in greater depth. She( totally excited and convinced ) that's a great deal we will get triple the money as usually!me( even more concerned): how ? And here finally it comes: if you or me dying on a public Holliday we will get 1 million baht.....I believe the end of this story you can imagine.....wifey a bit grumpy about the missed opportunity,me in a deeper conversation with Mr Leo and after one hour we were happy with each other than always....

I read this story somewhere (maybe here) 4 years ago and loved it so much that I copied it to email to a friend. Still gives me a chuckle so here it is:

A German friend of ours, who lives with his Thai wife in Germany often sends us messages or scanned documents by email to pass on to the inlaws. Great service the MIL must have thought when she came to our house the other day to ask if my wife could send an email back to her daughter in Germany. So far so good!!!!

In a plastic bag she brought 2 papaya. My wife said she would send the email and thanked her for the papaya she brought for rendered services.

Wrong, wrong, wrong!!!!

MIL said her daughter loves to eat papaya and wanted to send the 2 papaya along with the email, so they would be there fast enough to eat som tam in the evening

Love it and entirely believable.

Roll on remote computerrised materials printing. Maybe she's just 10 years ahead of her time

Refreshing as usually here at the issaan forum.so I will contribute my last stunning experience with my lovely issaan wife.yesterday she asked me for a copy of my passport.me in doubt asked why.her reply: darling I got a great offer for a life insurance for us. Me(all alarm bells ringing): pls explain in greater depth. She( totally excited and convinced ) that's a great deal we will get triple the money as usually!me( even more concerned): how ? And here finally it comes: if you or me dying on a public Holliday we will get 1 million baht.....I believe the end of this story you can imagine.....wifey a bit grumpy about the missed opportunity,me in a deeper conversation with Mr Leo and after one hour we were happy with each other than always....

I was irritated with my wife when she told me she had taken out life insurance. 'Why spend all that money pouring it down the throats of insurance companies I said - you'll get plenty of money when I die and that million baht will disappear in the roundings'. It took at least half an hour of us talking past each other (as usual) until I finally understood that she had in fact insured her own life. 'Why'? 'It pays out money to my mum; I can't trust you to look after her if I die first!'

[she's right there ]

Came back from the market the other day to find 18 "hands" of bananas on the veranda. I did some quick-thingking: Must be a present from my Thai-neighbor. How nice!

At the same time I realized that I can not eat all these bananas in time. So I kept 2 hands and dragged the rest back to the neighbor, saying thank you very much for banana-present, but way too much. = Blank stares for a moment, then laughter:

(Translation, as best as I can): "These are YOUR bananas from YOUR banana-tree behind YOUR house and not a gift from us!" "You are lousy farmer". I just had to agree.

The ensuing lenghty discussion as to "what's with all those bananas now" was excruciating and could only be concluded sucessfully with the consumption of liberal amounts of chang-beer by all the participants. (and there were many paricipiants!)

The settlement reached is this:

- I, as the owner of the bananas, will turn over full ownership of said banans to my neighbor. At his free will he may eat them himself, pass them along as a gift to this mother in law, sell them on the free market or feed them to his pigs.

- In return, he will lend me a hand, when it comes to plant some vetiver-grass, to keep a small part of my land from erosion. (Only provision: This only, if his tight time-schedule will allow for it, otherwise the deal is off.) Something tells me that his tight time-schedule will not allow for it.

After that, I stumbled home, proud of my advanced negotiating skills, that would have turned Henry Kissingers face green with envy.

The next day I realised, that this banana-marathon has cost me the equivalent of 18 bottles of chang-beer. The value of the bananas in question is somewhat less.

This leads me to believe, that my negotiating skills need improvement.

Cheers.

A classic description, Swissie. Thanks. There have been some wonderful stories in this thread. Thanks to all posters. Keep 'em coming!

My wife has taken the kids round to the family house (normal visit, not impending marital breakdown). Just took a call:

"Teelak, you want to come round here to eat tonight? Dad wants to make some Tom Kha Gai" (aromatic chicken soup - no cocout milk of course in the Isaan version)"

"Yes love, your father's Tom Kha Ghai is delicious" (he was a Thai army cook when he met my MIL)

"OK - can you wait an hour teelak before you come round, Dad wants to wait until the chickens are sleeping"

Helpless laughter from me Is my FIL getting so old that he needs to sneak up on dinner, or is it just a moment of respect for his flock that he doesn't want them to know that one of their number is about to be soup?!

I still scratch my head about what happened about a year ago.

My wife rushes in to interrupt my essential afternoon drunken slumber. 'Man take my ID card, not give back'. I stagger out down to the main road and there sits a young guy with a pile of ID cards. 'What's this?" "He do lottery with ID cards, win Jacket". Looked like a ฿20 T-shirt to me. I may have stood on his foot. My wife got her card back. A crowd of about 40 ladies then queued up to get their cards back, the guy disappeared in 10 minutes.

I never worked out what the scam was, nor why people would give their cards to a total stranger. I never heard another word about it.

Weird stuff happens in Buffalo Ban.