Please Help Me With Thai Mother

[sunshine13]

i am a thai female born in thailand. my boyfriend is a farang. each month we give my mother a lot of money. she does not try to save any money. she just spends all. then she wants me to give her more money. she also gives money to her cousins and family until she has none. when i do not want to give her more money she says that i am bad. in thai culture, you can not talk bad about mom.

my mom adopted baby a from her friend who has 5 babies and 5 fathers. she spends my money on this baby and does not make her mother spend money.

when i was younger no one took care of me. my mom made me live in the north while she stayed in bangkok.

i try to teach my mom that i have two hands. does anyone have any idea on how i can teach her? i would like to learn from the west about your idea.

thank you very much.

Edited March 20, 2006 by sunshine13

[jdinasia]

hmmmmmmm (send up?)

first 3 paragraphs just too good .... the answer just too obvious ....

edit: Could be a Troll.

Edited March 20, 2006 by jdinasia

[udon]

What does your farang boyfriend say about this?

How much do you give your "mom" every month?

[fanta rood]

Ok what do you want to know? I can help you. I am confused what are you doing at this hour

[sunshine13]

i do not want to give number because it is private but it is enough for my mom to be able to save instead of always spending like i take it from a tree.

my boyfriend thinks i am right but i am very shy with about my mother. i am also scared that he thinks i am bad because thai culture idea of mom.

my boyfriend showed me this website.

[sunshine13]

if i give my mom 2 she wants 4. if i give her 4 she wants 8. do you understand? she does not know what is enough.

[fanta rood]

Ok ok where are you now

Edited March 20, 2006 by fanta rood

[LaoPo]

if i give my mom 2 she wants 4. if i give her 4 she wants 8. do you understand? she does not know what is enough.

OK, let's give Shunshine12 the benefit of the doubt...

Start going DOWN with giving her money and instead 2...give her 1 and stay away for a few weeks (if you don't live at home with her of course).

See what happens

LaoPo

[udon]

If the money you give is from your own work, just say NO.

If it's money from your boyfriend, what's wrong with him?, he should say no, enough is enough.

Get as far away from your greedy mother as you can and change your mobile phone number.

[Sing_Sling]

When does the sick buffalo come into it, or the sick close relative.

Wind-up alert!!!! WooooooooooooooWoooooooooooo

(Udon, I simply cannot take you seriously with that avatar )

edit: I just don't care !

Edited March 21, 2006 by udon

[RamdomChances]

i am a thai female born in thailand. my boyfriend is a farang. each month we give my mother a lot of money. she does not try to save any money. she just spends all. then she wants me to give her more money. she also gives money to her cousins and family until she has none. when i do not want to give her more money she says that i am bad. in thai culture, you can not talk bad about mom.

You GIVE your mum money, so once you give it it's not yours but her's so what does it matter on what she spends it on. You should only give gifts if you want to give them. If your unhappy giving it just dont, but it's no use winging about how your mum spends her money.

[zzap]

Tell your mom that your bf and you have just adopted 10 children whose parents don't care for them, and you can only afford to help your mother with 1.000 Bt/month towards her expenses.

She'll have to support herself in the same way she did before you met Mr. Nice-ATM.

[richard10365]

I like Thai culture and taking care of your parents is one aspect of Thai culture that I admire most.

However, I think there is a limit to taking care of your parents especially when they ignored you growing up. She abandoned you as a child. You did not have a mom growing up. She left you in a small village in the north working in rice fields and longan farms while she partied her ass off in Bangkok.

Some people in Thailand think children exist to provide them with wealth when they are older. That seems to be the case with the mom in this situation. The mom does not seem to be a nice person and I would hate to have a mother in law like that around my kids as they grow older.

I would cut her off completly for a while. Let her get out in the fields with her neighbors and earn money like everyone else. I live in a small village in north Thailand. I see the older women working in the fields all the time.

If she has enough energy to raise someone elses baby then she can work in the field. Too bad she didn't feel it important enough to raise you but instead is willing to raise someone elses baby. What does that say about her love for you?

When she wants money she can ask for it from the people she is giving your money to. When she sees they have no money to give her she will understand the importance of saving money and not give her money to them anymore.

Then when you think she has learned her lesson, start giving her money again. I think by this time she will have learned to spend this money wisely.

Tough love.

[otherstuff1957]

Sunshine, I know that respect for your parents is deeply engrained in Thai culture, but you are going to have to have a serious talk with your mother. First, as Random C pointed out, once you give her the money, it's hers. So, don't worry about how she spends the money, that's her problem. Your problem is setting limits on the money that you give to her and making her understand that you are going to stay within those limits.

Good luck.

[Patex]

Stop any contact to your mother but send every month 1000- 2000฿, so you are still a good daughter providing her mother and it fits perfectly to the "thai culture idea of mom".

You think you can not stop the contact? No problem, promise her amounts of money in the muen/saen/lan- area and speak with her what nice things she can do with this money every time you telephone with her. This shows her that you are trying/wishing hard she can have money like this and she always have something to hope for . But don't forget to send the 1000- 2000฿.

When mom becomes angry say sorry and cry a little and promise more money in the future. But don't forget to send the 1000- 2000฿...

[Misplaced]

Sunshine, I know that respect for your parents is deeply engrained in Thai culture, but you are going to have to have a serious talk with your mother. First, as Random C pointed out, once you give her the money, it's hers. So, don't worry about how she spends the money, that's her problem. Your problem is setting limits on the money that you give to her and making her understand that you are going to stay within those limits.

Good luck.

Very sound advice! The key is to set limit.

1) Asses her financial needs

2) Make sure she's confortable and not struggled through daily expenditures

3) Stick to your budget for her and donot give anymore unless for medical emergency

[wamberal]

Some mothers are selfish, or have mental problems. For example, some years ago I was involved with a Thai girl from a poor family. She was not a prostitute, but looking back I can see that if I had not come along she would have been sooner rather than later.

Her mother had a bad gambling habit. A lot of the money that I gave the family to help them ended up fueling the mother's gambling.

At the end of it all, I left Thailand, and the girl and her family were no better off, although she did get married eventually. The mother died of cancer.

[BKK90210]

I agree some mothers are very selfish.

I know a thai girl who married a farang (he's a head chef at the xxxxhotel....still is) - met her husband when she was 15. She would give her mom every months (10000 baths) but always never enough. Most of the money went into the drinking and gambling habits. The land and house in BKK that she bought for her mom gone too, because her mom mortgaged everything and then used the money for gambling.

She is from family of 11, a very pretty girl , but unfortunately her mom didn't have to take care any of her 11 kids at all, because all relatives felt sorry and took them in, fed and raised all the kids.

Any way she (the thai girl) died from cancer couple yrs ago, so I don't know what happen to the mom now.

Edited March 21, 2006 by udon

[bkkjosh]

It certainly is an integral part of the culture over here. Parents expect to be looked after in their old age because their parents expected the same thing and so on. The strange thing is that sometimes they aren't even that old... maybe just old enough for their offspring to be earning a living before the expectations of monthly funding start. So they could well be in their early 40's... which is the only part that bothers me. This new income encourages them to stop working (even if they are still relatively young) ....

I agree with many of the comments written here. Set a monthly amount that isn't flexible, after all, the money is coming out of your pockets. If there are extra costs your mother has to endure she will need to learn the value of saving and preparing for unexpected costs... like the rest of us. Most working adults put away money in case of serious illness or loss of job etc. Try to be firm but nice. Good luck.

[astral]

Managing on a budget is not something that many Thais can do.

They have always lived from hand to mouth. Just look at the business the pawn shops do........

Most Thais have never had "spare" money to save, so starting later in life is difficult.

My wife is Thai and so are her children, they all seem to have holes in their pockets.........

I agree with other posters who have suggested a regular monthly amount, with no extras, except for medical emergencies.

Just explain you have to live on a fixed amount as well and money does not grow in trees.

[GuestHouse]

How much are other family members paying into the pot?

[LaoPo]

Sunshine.....what do you say..I see you are online now...????

Or are you trolling? If not....answer please, oherwise we better stop guys!

LaoPo

[ben01]

Managing on a budget is not something that many Thais can do.

Most Thais have never had "spare" money to save, so starting later in life is difficult.

My wife is Thai and so are her children, they all seem to have holes in their pockets.........

I agree with other posters who have suggested a regular monthly amount, with no extras, except for medical emergencies.

Just explain you have to live on a fixed amount as well and money does not grow in trees.

i have to disagree with the first comment regarding saving, my tw and a few friends really save hard when they have been working and sometimes want to work ridiculous shifts in order to save money, the point being is you have to teach them ( my missus now has more money banked than me )

but it also a headbanging exercise when it comes to their mothers who think we are all millionaires, who have a bottomless pit of cash..

just an example...............my missus who's 7 months pregnant phoned her mum back home for a natter and explained we dont have alot of spare cash now due to her giving up work for the baby and for the foreseeable future..........her mums answer was to ' pop over and give HER our newborn to look after so my wife could go back to work to earn some more cash....................glad i'm not seeing her for a while

[LaoPo]

Sunshine13 is a TROLL

LaoPo

[Simmo]

1) Asses her financial needs

But wait .. it's Sunshine's financial needs that are getting assed.

Oh wait .. you meant assess .. ....right.

[Sing_Sling]

Clearly wind-up.

Udon, what are you doing editing my posts and blocking them then? Nice method of abusing your moderator status.

Seems you took my compliment about your clever avatar the wrong way.

[britmaveric]

If you have to give dosh, (dont think one should unless an emergency) set an amount per month and stick to it. Make it clear the alternative is zero, so I'm sure she will understand the message when you make the point clear enough.

[sunshine13]

my mom is 42 years old. when i started university she was mad because she said i should get a job to give her money after high school. so in university i work 3 jobs. i talk to her everything you say, but she says that i need to give her more money because i am her daughter.

[sunshine13]

i am my moms only child.

[sunshine13]

many of my friends parents are poor but they work hard to become rich. my mom is too shy to work hard so she stays poor.