Financial or loving relationship; which do you have?

[amykat]

Glad to hear that Wolf ..a sign of civilization that I respect! I don't think it is really a joke, as I have heard this said several times on TV, I just never commented about it until now.

I guess the best I can say about it, is that it might be a sign of feeling comfortable around the "other person" but there is still no good reason to do it.

Other than if one is deathly ill, and really requires help. I helped my grandfather, when he was dying of cancer, use the toilet. I had to lift him from the bed, put him on the portable toilet, and help him clean himself. It wasn't pretty, but I did it, and tried to think of it, as if I was taking care of a child. I would do it, and could do it, for a spouse, of course (and might even feel better about it, since seeing your grandfather naked is a bit different than seeing your spouse naked), but I think there are better ways to stay attractive looking and sexy, obviously.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

...... seeing your grandfather naked is a bit different than seeing your spouse naked .......

Not in Thailand!

[humbug]

if shes alot younger than you bet you a million she cheats and looks to you for money if shes alit mature or nearer your age it be alot easier to find love

[meom]

Sometimes it takes a while for passion to develop.

Once they take a dump with the bathroom door wide-open you're in the clear though and anything goes.

My wife is 23 years younger than me ,we have a son of 19 in university ,we laugh and joke every day , and as someone earlier said ,when she leaves the bathroom door open ,then its love ,well it must be love

Wow, I really don't understand this one at all! Passion develops once she "takes a dump" or this is a sign of love?? Bathroom door open??

Can anyone here say they ENJOY viewing that? Does that make your lady more feminine in your eyes? Because I am always hearing about how much more "feminine" Thai ladies are. I would think most men could do without knowing anything about that ...I certainly consider it something to do in private, as in WHY NOT do it in private, if you can? I can't think of anything positive that would add to anyone's life, and I can think of how it could look crude, and unattractive, and not sexy, and, and, and ...WHY do it?

Does it make any of you feel better when you see nose picking also?? Maybe I just live on a different planet?

I took it as a joke - my Mrs (after 16 years) would never take a dump with the door open - she'd have a go if I did too . In fact she has got out of the bath and waited dripping in the bedroom (in a robe of course) whilst I have taken a seat on the throne - and has demanded I do the same.

It was a bit of a joke but on the other hand in order for passion to develop there should be a feeling of trust.

Having a dump with the door open has a lot to do with trust, not feeling ashamed of eachother etc.

Ofcourse I don't go out of my way to have a look while she's at it. That's not the point i tried to make.

Edited August 22, 2013 by meom

[amykat]

...and by the way, there are literally....millions of single Thai women in the 30 - 45 year age bracket that are in the hunt for a decent man. In Thai culture, by the age of 30, a woman is considered 'old'. If I were a single man now.....oh yeah...I shouldnt even think about it.

That age group lives in cuckooland....unrealistic expectations to the max...

...and the older they get the worse their demands become.

Someone has to teach those old maids the concept of 'sell-by-date'..

Funny, I was gonna say that a few of the guys could do with understanding the concept too.

'Sell-by-date' is very vaguely defined for men....for women it's well defined and irrevocable......the dreaded 4-0...

Suddenly her 'stock' is worth pennies on the dollar...

I could pick a few more quotes on this pretty short thread ...but this points to an interesting dichotomy re Western men and Thailand. Some of these comments, I can't help but find rather arrogant to be honest ...when 65 + aged men, talk about 40 year olds being too old, or even younger.

One the one hand, you KNOW, your one "sales" point, is your money. You totally depend on that. Okay, maybe also the ability to immigrate to your 1st world country for those of you not living in Thailand. But that revolves around money too. YET, you resolutely, do NOT want a woman, who mostly wants you for your MONEY.

What is the problem with this equation??

I am of the opinion, that it wouldn't be so bad, for a (poor 3rd world) lady to marry, mostly for money ...or to be attracted to a man with money (there can be many other underlying reasons that she is attracted to a man with money, but I think this is mostly within her own culture, meaning same cuture, can equal other reasons, but not sure about totally different cutlures), however, I DO think, that a woman who does this, should decide to be a GOOD wife/partner. Just like the rest of us decide to do. I think it is totally RIDICULOUS that she feels entitled to then fool around, have other partners, scam money in various ways, and other bad behavior that seems to be common thinking among some Thai ladies. And maybe other poor ladies, I don't know what they are like, because I live here.

I suppose there are some of you who really just want sex, and want sex with the best partners you can find, as far as that goes. So in Thailand, or PI, or many other places, you can buy that, and not marry that. If you insist on "owning" that, then I guess you need to pay for it, and not pretend otherwise ...although I still think if someone decides to be bought, they should STAY bought and be a good partner. As long as the man is taking care of you and whatever he promised to do of course. I guess if you marry a total bastard, then all bets might be off, and war is war?

But most of you, seem to understand the money is the attraction, but you are really looking for LOVE, true LOVE, real LOVE, passion, etc. Yet, you have also been in LTR and understand that passion fades, it isn't anyone's fault, just the nature of the beast. After that fades, isn't having a great companion the best bet? Someone you have something in common with, like a language, a culture, shared memories (even if they aren't all as a couple, if I mention a favorite espisode of "I Love Lucy" will you know it, or have never heard of the show? And can't understand the humor even if I get the DVD and show you?)

You will be spending so much time with this person you live with, isn't sex a smaller component at some point? I mean, you guys have male friends, I suppose some of you like them quite a lot and spend lots of time with them (not every man, I know) but you never have sex with them, so what is the attraction? How are you able to manage those relationships, without the sex keeping you addicted? Can't a relationship with a female, be as good as well, with great sex, with not such great sex ...as you get older? With affection, with love, with many other things that come into a relationship. And aren't some of you giving up, maybe much too much, just for sex?? I mean, if the balance of your relationship mostly sucks, aren't you still unhappy overall?

I'm starting to think that maybe, having hookers easily available, IS a good solution for men, who are good partners in every respect, but just might need this one area, indulged.

But on another hand, what about women, and what we like? Do we LIKE old men, fat men, ugly men? Or are we just better people? (I say YES) We can be with someone who doesn't look like George Clooney, and still love them, and still be faithful, year after year, decade after decade. We don't panic because you lose your hair (imagine if WE lost our hair), if you get fat, get a bit ugly, get sick. (There are studies that show that a huge percentage of men, as compared to women, will abandon a sick spouse.) I think you men like to think we are only sticking around due to money also, but is that the truth? I think it isn't. Is it just socialization? Maybe. But why aren't there huge websites dedicated to where Western women with money, can get some young guys? It doesn't exist!! And we do have the money to survive in the third world, for sure. Why are we not here, looking for bodies?

[HardenedSoul]

Funny, I was gonna say that a few of the guys could do with understanding the concept too.

'Sell-by-date' is very vaguely defined for men....for women it's well defined and irrevocable......the dreaded 4-0...

Suddenly her 'stock' is worth pennies on the dollar...

Some of these comments, I can't help but find rather arrogant to be honest ...when 65 + aged men, talk about 40 year olds being too old, or even younger.

I agree 100%. These guys sneering at perfectly attractive women saying they're "mutton" or "past it" at 30 or 35+ really need to take a look in the mirror on occasion.

But on another hand, what about women, and what we like? Do we LIKE old men, fat men, ugly men? Or are we just better people? (I say YES) We can be with someone who doesn't look like George Clooney, and still love them, and still be faithful, year after year, decade after decade. We don't panic because you lose your hair (imagine if WE lost our hair), if you get fat, get a bit ugly, get sick. (There are studies that show that a huge percentage of men, as compared to women, will abandon a sick spouse.) I think you men like to think we are only sticking around due to money also, but is that the truth? I think it isn't. Is it just socialization? Maybe. But why aren't there huge websites dedicated to where Western women with money, can get some young guys? It doesn't exist!! And we do have the money to survive in the third world, for sure. Why are we not here, looking for bodies?

Erm . . .yeah sorry but that's <deleted>.

You're most certainly not better people; your just a little more pragmatic

Yeah sure, women can be with with someone who doesn't look like George Clooney and still love them but most (NOT all) women ONLY discover that ability once their looks are floating around in the toilet and they can't attract the handsome or high-flying men they used to.

At that stage, if/when they find themselves on their own, they've got no choice but to adjust their criteria for a man downwards.

[Nuna]

Find someone your own age. Are your ex 20 y younger than you?

I am early 30 and I am not into guys old enough to be my father...It' weird.

What happening to you is not new nor surprising. As a woman, I have to say this.

There were a few old western guys trying to approach me since they saw many old men with young Thai women and they were over-confident that all Thai women will agree with the relationship. I didn't want to hurt anyone but I couldn't deceive myself. Would you like your girl to deceive herself?

[andrewrooney]

Well, I don't have any money...

so I can only assume it's true love

[amykat]

Some of these comments, I can't help but find rather arrogant to be honest ...when 65 + aged men, talk about 40 year olds being too old, or even younger.

I agree 100%. These guys sneering at perfectly attractive women saying they're "mutton" or "past it" at 30 or 35+ really need to take a look in the mirror on occasion.

But on another hand, what about women, and what we like? Do we LIKE old men, fat men, ugly men? Or are we just better people? (I say YES) We can be with someone who doesn't look like George Clooney, and still love them, and still be faithful, year after year, decade after decade. We don't panic because you lose your hair (imagine if WE lost our hair), if you get fat, get a bit ugly, get sick. (There are studies that show that a huge percentage of men, as compared to women, will abandon a sick spouse.) I think you men like to think we are only sticking around due to money also, but is that the truth? I think it isn't. Is it just socialization? Maybe. But why aren't there huge websites dedicated to where Western women with money, can get some young guys? It doesn't exist!! And we do have the money to survive in the third world, for sure. Why are we not here, looking for bodies?

Erm . . .yeah sorry but that's <deleted>.

You're most certainly not better people; your just a little more pragmatic

Yeah sure, women can be with with someone who doesn't look like George Clooney and still love them but most (NOT all) women ONLY discover that ability once their looks are floating around in the toilet and they can't attract the handsome or high-flying men they used to.

At that stage, if/when they find themselves on their own, they've got no choice but to adjust their criteria for a man downwards.

Okay HD, if you disagree, then there should be just as many foreign women, hunting the 3rd world for sex partners, spouses, etc?? Do you really think that there are not an equal amount of women in the West, with enough money to do the same thing as Western men do here?

Why do women " have no choice" but men do?

[amykat]

Oh, I forgot to say ...someday, you will be 60, 65, HD, so will you think about yourself, that your partner "adjusted their criteria" downwards ??

Or will you still think you are worth it? YOU are different too. Women need to step down, for other men, but not for you ...you are still a step up??

[amykat]

HD,

Let me put this a different way, more clearly than I just said. Let's say you and I are the same age (which I think we might be actually), we have the same professional background, the same money saved/income. We are now both 60, or 65 or 70. And retired.

What makes you more valuable than me?

[Khunmanoun]

Right at the beginning of our relationship, some 18 years ago, I made things clear concerning money :

1- OK to give some limited amount of money to the parents / family but within a given annual budget (see it as charity).

2- OK to help to a certain point in case of sudden problems such as accidents, health worries etc.

3- No way we would give money to help in case of misconduct such as illegal activities, gambling losses, loans etc.

4- No loans to thai people (avoid at all cost).

>> Point 3 is really important since the situation can quickly become a mess in Thailand. Brother does stupid things, cannot pay, has to sell some plot of land etc. This happens all the time and people rely on the family to help, which I think is not fair. Each person has to be responsible about his own decisions.

>> Point 4 : if you lend money to thai people, better consider it a gift ... And it can be dangerous. To clean the debt, you can be killed. The price for a hitman can be as low as 10,000B.

- The important point here is long term planning and responsibility, two things which are missing in Thailand, the second point not in women but very much in men.

It has worked a charm. Everybody understands. Many times this frame has been tested but I stood firm and I did well ...

No discussion about money !

Note : the most "funny" case of testing my frame happened when a family member had build a house on a rented plot of land (yes !) and was in trouble because the owner suddenly wanted to sell the land. For a very hefty price of course, since there was a nice house on it. What a joke ! Not my problem. No money. If the family member was stupid enough to do that, why have the burden fall on somebody else shoulders ? Tell me ?

[Waterloo]

But on another hand, what about women, and what we like? Do we LIKE old men, fat men, ugly men? Or are we just better people? (I say YES) We can be with someone who doesn't look like George Clooney, and still love them, and still be faithful, year after year, decade after decade. We don't panic because you lose your hair (imagine if WE lost our hair), if you get fat, get a bit ugly, get sick. (There are studies that show that a huge percentage of men, as compared to women, will abandon a sick spouse.) I think you men like to think we are only sticking around due to money also, but is that the truth? I think it isn't. Is it just socialization? Maybe. But why aren't there huge websites dedicated to where Western women with money, can get some young guys? It doesn't exist!! And we do have the money to survive in the third world, for sure. Why are we not here, looking for bodies?

Hi Amykat

Whilst I can accept a lot of what you say I do believe your last point is largely wrong, try typing cougar sites into google & tell me you get no results?

[inthepink]

Just date somebody who isn't poor, it's not that difficult. I don't understand why any men think it's normal to start supporting their GF, let alone her family, as soon as they get together.

[HardenedSoul]

Okay HD, if you disagree, then there should be just as many foreign women, hunting the 3rd world for sex partners, spouses, etc?? Do you really think that there are not an equal amount of women in the West, with enough money to do the same thing as Western men do here?

Why do women " have no choice" but men do?

Well there are lots of older women with money who travel to places like Jamaica or parts of Africa looking to get their cobwebs cleaned out. Nothing wrong with that.

They have to pay in the same way the older, more decrepit men have to pay here in Thailand.

It's not that women have no choice; it's just not in the average woman's make up

As for your other question, nothing makes me more valuable than you as we age but many women say that men improve with age.

That's not generally the case with women, is it?

[Southerndrawl]

Thanks for all the valuable stories and information.

From what I gather from some other peoples experiences (yes I am that dumb to not be able to figure it out for myself after countless attempts), I might be able to find passion with a lady more near my age group. Some (not all) younger girls will just date me and stay with me for the money. If I continue to date younger women, I run the risk of continually getting my heart broken when they cheat on me with a younger man. Not to mention the fact that they will bolt out the door when my money runs out.

Older Thai ladies might be more youthful in spirit and intellect than some of their western counterparts, as someone had mentioned, and that is a turn-on for me.

I will try to date some older ladies, less than 10 years my junior, and see how it works out. My hope would be that they are more financially secure than younger girls, so that everything will not have to come out of my pocket such as family expenses, allowance, etc. And I hope their tendency for sexual cheating would be more diminished as they age. I would hate to get cheated on again, since I have been 100% faithful to my last gf despite her repeated indiscretions.

[wolf5370]

Some of these comments, I can't help but find rather arrogant to be honest ...when 65 + aged men, talk about 40 year olds being too old, or even younger.

I agree 100%. These guys sneering at perfectly attractive women saying they're "mutton" or "past it" at 30 or 35+ really need to take a look in the mirror on occasion.

But on another hand, what about women, and what we like? Do we LIKE old men, fat men, ugly men? Or are we just better people? (I say YES) We can be with someone who doesn't look like George Clooney, and still love them, and still be faithful, year after year, decade after decade. We don't panic because you lose your hair (imagine if WE lost our hair), if you get fat, get a bit ugly, get sick. (There are studies that show that a huge percentage of men, as compared to women, will abandon a sick spouse.) I think you men like to think we are only sticking around due to money also, but is that the truth? I think it isn't. Is it just socialization? Maybe. But why aren't there huge websites dedicated to where Western women with money, can get some young guys? It doesn't exist!! And we do have the money to survive in the third world, for sure. Why are we not here, looking for bodies?

Erm . . .yeah sorry but that's <deleted>.

You're most certainly not better people; your just a little more pragmatic

Yeah sure, women can be with with someone who doesn't look like George Clooney and still love them but most (NOT all) women ONLY discover that ability once their looks are floating around in the toilet and they can't attract the handsome or high-flying men they used to.

At that stage, if/when they find themselves on their own, they've got no choice but to adjust their criteria for a man downwards.

Okay HD, if you disagree, then there should be just as many foreign women, hunting the 3rd world for sex partners, spouses, etc?? Do you really think that there are not an equal amount of women in the West, with enough money to do the same thing as Western men do here?

Why do women " have no choice" but men do?

This isn't true of course. Firstly, there are plenty of older women in places like Turkey, Greece, the Caribbean doing just that - they are just not interested in Thai men - any more than the men are hunting for Turkish women.

Second, women's sex drive changes drastically when they reach menopause - men's does not - so there is not the same "animal" desire either.

Male mammals of all species will prefer younger females of breeding age - this is a fact that only society and rules and morals therein. Female on the other hand look for strength. Our closest comparables sees the older and stronger of the males getting the most and best mates. Not saying these social norms are not correct - just that there is a certain freeing of convention whilst in a foreign culture and it is easy to be able to revert somewhat. It is normal for a male to want to breed for as long as it can - it has a lesser job of just providing seed - women would not last long if they bred throughout their life, so they stop so biologically they can concentrate on bringing up their offspring to maturity - whilst the male moves on.

You just can't compare as if both genders only have cookie cutter differences - evolution and biology tells this is not the case however PC we want to be.

[kannot]

<snip>

===========================

The obvious solution, then, is not to be a bummer.

... on that point, I agree with you 100%

Take care of yourself and, in turn, you (might be) taken care of.

Yep. To me, it's all so obvious.

If you're fat or ugly or badly dressed (or a combination of the above), of course no girl will want you.

Sure, if you are a bummer then you may get "something", but she'll be a pig. She'll either be desperate (because she's got no cash), or she'll be a decade or two past her sell by date.

And she just won't like you.

WOMEN HATE FAT, BADLY DRESSED SLOBS WHO REEK OF BOOZE.

Most Asian women would marry a chair if the price was right..

a fat ugly bald unvarnished chair?

[David48]

^^ Bald apparently is not to much of a disincentive.

Obese, badly dressed and low standards of personal hygiene are harder to overcome.

But that's probably true of most nations and not exclusive to Thailand.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Okay HD, if you disagree, then there should be just as many foreign women, hunting the 3rd world for sex partners, spouses, etc?? Do you really think that there are not an equal amount of women in the West, with enough money to do the same thing as Western men do here?

Why do women " have no choice" but men do?

Biological differences,

Many women have finished with sex after they have produced babies.

Most women have finished with sex by age 40.

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Thanks for all the valuable stories and information.

From what I gather from some other peoples experiences (yes I am that dumb to not be able to figure it out for myself after countless attempts), I might be able to find passion with a lady more near my age group. Some (not all) younger girls will just date me and stay with me for the money. If I continue to date younger women, I run the risk of continually getting my heart broken when they cheat on me with a younger man. Not to mention the fact that they will bolt out the door when my money runs out.

Older Thai ladies might be more youthful in spirit and intellect than some of their western counterparts, as someone had mentioned, and that is a turn-on for me.

I will try to date some older ladies, less than 10 years my junior, and see how it works out. My hope would be that they are more financially secure than younger girls, so that everything will not have to come out of my pocket such as family expenses, allowance, etc. And I hope their tendency for sexual cheating would be more diminished as they age. I would hate to get cheated on again, since I have been 100% faithful to my last gf despite her repeated indiscretions.

The older ladies are just better at pretending to love you.

You will still have to pay for everything.

Stick to the young ones, learn to share.

[rene123]

I have both. It's quite simple really. I love having money.

[Kudel]

Okay HD, if you disagree, then there should be just as many foreign women, hunting the 3rd world for sex partners, spouses, etc?? Do you really think that there are not an equal amount of women in the West, with enough money to do the same thing as Western men do here?

Why do women " have no choice" but men do?

Biological differences,

Many women have finished with sex after they have produced babies.

Most women have finished with sex by age 40.

I remember when i was about 22 i had a short ahum stint with a 43 year old divorced woman she was horny like hell and very good looking for her age she liked young guys apparently she almost ripped me to pieces in the sack ,menopause my ass.I think i never had a sexual experience like that after her ,talk about fifty shades of gray........ Edited August 23, 2013 by Kudel

[transam]

Okay HD, if you disagree, then there should be just as many foreign women, hunting the 3rd world for sex partners, spouses, etc?? Do you really think that there are not an equal amount of women in the West, with enough money to do the same thing as Western men do here?

Why do women " have no choice" but men do?

Biological differences,

Many women have finished with sex after they have produced babies.

Most women have finished with sex by age 40.

I remember when i was about 22 i had a short ahum stint with a 43 year old divorced woman she was horny like hell and very good looking for her age she liked young guys apparently she almost ripped me to pieces in the sack ,menopause my ass.I think i never had a sexual experience like that after her ,talk about fifty shades of gray........

I know a 47 year old who is the same, not that I have been there , but she openly talks about her wants to me and the mrs.

[simple1]

I remember when I was in my mid twenties having a few sexual relationships with women in their late 30s/early forties and they had very strong sex drives.

From a study "women in their 30s and early 40s are significantly more sexual than younger women. Women ages 27 through 45 report not only having more sexual fantasies (and more intense sexual fantasies) than women ages 18 through 26 but also having more sex, period. And they are more willing than younger women to have casual sex, even one-night stands"

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2007422,00.html

[Aussieroaming]

What is a loving relationship?

Maybe the girl you bought flowers for showed you her true worth by telling you the truth! Flowers do only last a week and there are plenty of other ways that you can show affection without having to buy flowers. She was probably stoked that you bought her flowers and she didn't want to see you waste money on something that didn't value add to you both.

[HardenedSoul]

What is a loving relationship?

Maybe the girl you bought flowers for showed you her true worth by telling you the truth! Flowers do only last a week and there are plenty of other ways that you can show affection without having to buy flowers. She was probably stoked that you bought her flowers and she didn't want to see you waste money on something that didn't value add to you both.

Like something she can use at the pawn shop

[AnotherOneAmerican]

Okay HD, if you disagree, then there should be just as many foreign women, hunting the 3rd world for sex partners, spouses, etc?? Do you really think that there are not an equal amount of women in the West, with enough money to do the same thing as Western men do here?

Why do women " have no choice" but men do?

Biological differences,

Many women have finished with sex after they have produced babies.

Most women have finished with sex by age 40.

I remember when i was about 22 i had a short ahum stint with a 43 year old divorced woman she was horny like hell and very good looking for her age she liked young guys apparently she almost ripped me to pieces in the sack ,menopause my ass.I think i never had a sexual experience like that after her ,talk about fifty shades of gray........

Menopause usually happens after 50, your story irrelevant.

For every 1 example of a woman you can show that wants sex after 40, my friends and I can produce 99 wives that didn't want sex (with us anyway).

Edited August 29, 2013 by AnotherOneAmerican

[MrRealDeal]

You were with girls 20 years younger than you and wonder why they wanted to vomit instead of having passion ? I have a simple solution for you ....... try having sex with a girl 20 years older than you just because she has a bit of money and see how long the "passion" lasts. LOL

[Billy The Kid]

I have numerous of relationship failures in the past. Last three years i have been alone. Felt great. I only take "a take away" for a night . Easy and effective.