step daughter and logic

[JDGRUEN]

Stick in there OP ... you are right and any 'nay sayers' are wrong.. You were more than generous in your offer ... playing into the hands of peer pressure would become an endless payout.

Learning the value of money is an impossible task for some young people regardless of their nationality.

If it were me - I wouldn't even make any offers in the future on anything outside absolute necessities.. But I'm a hard core old guy--- you're a nice guy OP and you should be proud of it.

[Suradit69]

You are asking about young peoples logic you could include most Thais in that question.

I wonder if she will think about it and change her mind.

You done the right thing under difficult circumstances.

What could you possibly know about "most Thais?"

The topic was about the logic of young people and one child in particular. Why the rush to turn every thread into some childish display of illogical Thai bashing?

[canman]

Two words come to mind; Spoiled Brat

[Cam Khao]

I have a 15 year old step son, when he switched schools last year, he said he wanted a new motorcycle.

When asked why, he said that it was 2km to walk to school, and it was too far, and it was hot.

We gave him our old Honda Wave, he wasn't content with this, he wanted a new one (at the same age I was riding around on an old push bike and perfectly content).

I fired up Google maps in street view mode, and showed him how far I walked to school every day, often in the freezing cold rain or snow. He stopped asking after that.

The same boy was given a 15,000 baht phone by his father around the same time. The father I might add, works as a laborer, it was a lot of money for him.

That phone lasted 3 weeks, 2 weeks before it was turned into junk, and another week before it went missing.

A short time after this, he wanted a pretty expensive laptop. This was during the long summer holidays, when he has an open invitation to go and work with his uncle whenever he wants. So I told him, you go and work with uncle Daga, and when you have half the money for that laptop, I will give you the other half. He never did get it.

My own son who is now 5, want's a tablet PC. When I was 5 I was over the moon to be given a speak and spell!

Where am I going with this? Kids just don't understand the value of money, and because of this, they neither respect or take care of expensive objects. Anyone who spends considerable cash on a high ticket item for a child is throwing money in the garbage can.

[A1Str8]

No this is not common among kids.

This behavior is common among kids that are not raised properly and as a result they learn no discipline and they think they can do whatever they want.

Sent from one of my devices using the internet

[richard_smith237]

Its clear that this topic is not about money or the cost of belongings.

It’s also clear that this topic is about the Ops attempts to help guide a young girl into adulthood by attempting to handle her flawed sense of entitlement thus doing his best to help her become a fine young lady. I imagine everyone wishes for this and in doing so we endeavour to teach those around us true values.

Some including one or two of the posters in this thread will never know more than the ‘cost of everything and value of nothing’.

It also painfully clear that there are those who have missed the point of the Op by a country mile yet continue to argue their case in simplistic financial terms. These people simply do not understand, I fear for the future of their children (if they have them)...

While attempting to bring up balanced and well mannered young adults I fear some instead fail in their responsibilities instead bringing into society individuals who are fundamentally flawed in their outlook and as adults either learn or remain flawed throughout adulthood, again one or two members of this forum fit into this category. The Op however is not one of these people instead trying his hardest against a stubborn young lady, is efforts will be rewarded in the long term if he is patient enough to ride the short term issues.

[Alwyn]

sounds like both of you want to control her fate. I personally admire the kid for knowing what she wants.

I guess you don't have kids of your own then? How can a 14 year old know what she wants? Really? There is so much peer pressure at that age it's incredible. She wants a phone, right? Not so, she wants a fashion accessory so she can keep up with her mates at school. She wants a bike, right? No she want to be seen posing around on a specific bike she can't even ride yet. Kids need parenting and trust me, that never ends! Yhis seems to be the problem with a lot of young ones in Thailand, they have no idea of value because their parents just say yes to everything (maybe because that's the route of least resistance or maybe because they too were spoiled as kids). It's not a matter of controlling her fate - although that IS a parents job until the kid is old enough to make intelligent decisions based on information - not peer pressure (although in Thailnd peer pressure never seems to stop no matter how old a person is!). Years ago we had a similar thing in the UK with trainers - kids would only wear the trendy (expensive) trainers and there other kids mugging them at knife point to get trainers! Nope, I make you wrong, the parents need to be there to guide and nurture and not submit to every irrational demand.

[Alwyn]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

What a ridiculous statement. You condone a parent putting their own child's life in danger? Would you put your own 14 year old incharge of a motor bike with clutch knowing it's against the law? How would you feel when you get the knock on the door to tell your child is dead from a motor bike accident? I'm thinking you're the type who would say "that's okay, at least she dies riding the bike she wanted". I despair of people sometimes..

[tcris52]

sounds like both of you want to control her fate. I personally admire the kid for knowing what she wants.

May you have children like you are/were. (It's called Karma)

[playbgnow]

It seems to me that you posted this because you wanted constructive criticism to your policy thus far.

While letting anyone of any age 'bully' or pressure you into something you don't want to do is unpleasant (and to be avoided, if possible) perhaps an examination of whether or not to give your charge top of the line gear is not the question.

For example, if she was a straight A student who conversed and used logic with you to pursue her ambitions and being the 'apple of your eye' do you think you would not purchase top of the line gear for her/him?

Maybe a closer examination of your relationship with your charge is in order.

Maybe you simply don't want to (or can't) give more and your approach could be, "Hey look, sorry but, this is all I can afford, etc" rather than pit yourself at odds by saying "You can't have a phone more than 10,000... because I said so..." If you can spring for 10k why not spend 16k?

[EyesWideOpen]

My oldest stepdaughter wanted a phone, she got one, about 1100 baht if I recall.

The younger stepdaughter also got one because her big sister had one. Again about 1100 baht.

Two months later, one is broken and the other was 'stolen'. Both because some 'friends' did it.

That was about 2 years ago, no phones (out of my pocket) since and nobody is complaining.

If you give kids expensive shit, you are a mug. Grown up's expectation of having iPhone's and iPad's and all that other techy <deleted> that 'friends' can't live without is bad enough without starting the kids on that track.

My wife's daughter kept having phones stolen , her father kept replacing them. Turned out she was selling them to get a later model.

Wow I thought that was a trick that bar girls learned from other bar girls. Had no idea it was coded into

Thai girl DNA....... Anyway I think the OP is being a bit too generous. A simple Samsung smart phone

would be fine at 5000 baht. And giving a 14 year a motorcycle is insanity. He will feel really bad when she

crashes it and has two broken legs..

[Jobiwankenobi]

OP, you are a kind and generous step-dad and most kids whose biological father left the home would be more than grateful to have a man like you around to raise them and provide for them. I'm sure you already know this, but pay absolutely no mind to morons like "GirlDrinkDrunk" and the so-called "TheRealDeal" they're opinions are meaningless dogshit

[Jobiwankenobi]

Oh and I feel bad for you that you're trying your best but your step-daughter is clearly an ungrateful little <deleted>

[EyesWideOpen]

ABCers last comment is spot on as far as I'm concerned - the daughter already has an attitude because 'second best' is not good enough for her *sigh* I think OP is absolutely doing the right thing.

Mr RealDeal obviously only ever buys the 'real deal' ie prefers to spend more than is necessary in the circumstances. Possibly foolish, probably misguided. :-)

Giving money away to other men's children seems a little bit daft to me.

I agree. At a basic crocodile brain level, if one man creates a child, and another man devotes all his resources

and time to raise that child, then the first man has won big time at a genetic level by furthering his DNA. However in Thailand, a majority of girls that work in a bar in fact have children from a Thai man who abandoned her long ago. So for many farang men who wish to be involved with a Thai woman, it becomes a package deal. But in this instance, cannot see any logic in spoiling the child, any more than you would spoil a child of your own. Maybe it is trying to hard to win love as a stepfather ??

Edited August 30, 2013 by EyesWideOpen

[Krataiboy]

Spoilt brats are made, not born.

[drdoom6996]

I have a daughter in America and a daughter here. I have been through the same stuff all of you describe. And with the same advice from non parents that are on this thread. No one understands what it's like to be a parent. Both my kids thinks I was born 45 years old and was never a kid their age. Been that way for hundreds of years, not going to change because of this thread.

[PaulHamon]

sounds like both of you want to control her fate. I personally admire the kid for knowing what she wants.

agree it's great she knows what she wants...

of course she should get a job (like I did at 14) to buy what I wanted.

[goltec]

I live in the Isaan and this is what I see around me:

Children are used to get what they want.

This starts from the moment they are born.

They just need to cry a lot to get it sometimes but if they manage to cry loud enough they just get it...no matter what.

In my opinion this is because the parents really don't want to have any problems with their children, afraid not being taken care of by their children when the parents grow old.

Therefor it is true that children are very spoiled and don't have a clue about the value of money or how hard their parents have to work for it.

I see groups of 13 years olds having lunch in restaurants and noodle shops while I know their parents are working in the rice fields and eating frogs and snails.

I got into the life of my stepdaughter when she was only 3 years old and through the years I brought presents for her like dvd's and barbies.

All of it I always found outside the house on the floor in the sand not more than a couple of days later.

Dvd's scratched, Barbies decapitated .

This still happened even when she was already 6 or 7 years old despite my efforts to explain her that she should take care of it.

Nowadays she goes to a private school and every day she gets 30 baht to spend on candy and cookies in school.

There are classmates that get even 100 baht per day to spent in the school.

A lot of money daily for a 10 year old. I don't see that happening in the west.

I saw children being "pulled" out of the school by their parents because the parents couldn't afford any more to send their child to a private school.

Some of these children were the same ones that got 100bht per day from their parents to spend on candy.

As said before my stepdaughter gets 30 baht per day to school of which she has to bring home at least 5 baht to put in her piggy bank.

So she does.... sometimes even more.

I went with her to bring her savings to the bank sometimes and explained her what a bank is and she doesn't lose her money.

Lately she asked if she could have a tablet (playpad).

I told her that this was not the right time for that since she just got presents for her birthday.

"But" I said, "you saved money in the bank so why don't you buy a tablet with that money".

Together we went to pick up the money and she bought her tablet.

She was very happy.......

And you know what...... she takes very good care of it.

[ABCer]

When I was 14 (in America), I wanted these pair of sneakers that all the other kids had (Converse All-Stars). My parents refused and bought me a cheapo pair of K-mart specials. Didn't go over well with the other kids at all. That really, really pissed me off. It's amazing how we remember these things.

been in similar shoes (pun intended)

only that parents wouldnt even consider a Nike/Adidas shoes, and i had to accept that we cant afford it.

did some summer jobs, and end of summer i could afford it, everyone happy.

recent times:

we have some mushrooms, and a 11 yrs old son.

have a deal in place: he bicycle around the near by villages ( we live out on the sticks) to sell the mushroom, and he can keep 10%-15%. works for him, works for us. some good day he makes 40-50thb, and most importantly be outside, move some, and not the least importantly learns some basics of business!

he says that some of his classmate make more cutting sugarcane (11yrs old!) in the season than he does. now, call now competitive thinking!!

told he to hold on, next march we have some sugarcane ready, he can give a hand

i think you do great, set a budget for the kid(stepdaughter), she can either love it or leave it. you need to stick to your ground, and just send her to the garden to check up on the money tree...oh, there isnt one?

tough life, kiddo.

today's world just so materialistic, and for what? i dont own a phone that half the functions i wouldnt care, and that would feed my family for a month, so shouldnt have the 14 yrs old stepdaugher of yours!

Respects, tingtong!

I did contribute to this OP. But now I feel the whole issue is blown out of all proportions. 10 - 12 - 14 - 16 y o girl wants a mobile! Hugely important problem. Did you have a mobile at this age? Methinks not. I didn't.

99% of people here will say they need it to keep in touch with parents just in case. Can't see it in real life.

First, check the money put in the phone and the calls you got from them. Maybe you'll start seeing it from my position.

Second, if they are at school or at their friends place - in emergency they can use school or friends phone. Mobile is a non essential luxury.

Third, a mobile for calls is between 900 - 1500 bt. This is for your own peace of mind. Anything above this, all these Apples, Samsungs, Berries etc. is VANITY!.

Here are some examples from my personal experiences:

I live in a multi M bt condo, I drive a modern car bought new, I have two large screen LED Samsung Smart TVs, a modern large touch screen Sony computer. This I say not to boast but in case some idiot turns up and calls me 'Cheap Charlie'.

All things above are functional - I use them and I enjoy them.

On the other hand, my mobile is a 9 years old Sony-Ericsson. Small, strictly a phone. I use it 3 - 5 times a week. It is very good and reliable. And I refuse to spend 25,000 bt on a modern monstrosity with all its trendy Apps.

My wife has an iPad cum mobile. It is Samsung for 15,000 bt. Point is - she is using it as a mobile 10 - 20 times a week. The 99% time the bloody machine is used for playing games! From my point - a kind of mental and physical jerking off.

Of course she had to have it because it is trendy! And is still regretting it wasn't Apple! VANITY!

I hope more people read this and think: WANTS vs NEEDS, what is important to you? FUNCTIONALITY vs TRENDINESS, what is important to you? Is your self-esteem so low that you need Apple to confirm it?

Edited August 30, 2013 by ABCer

[mallyrd]

My step-daughter is 26 years old and she still asks my advice when she wants to buy something new, including her newly bought car. She was brought up to appreciate the value of money and I am proud of her.

[Kananga]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

Your a dick.

I totally agree with the Op about making sure teenagers understand the value of things. Thailand and the world in general is getting f@#ked up by people who are ignorant and think money is the be all and end all of happiness.

Sent from my i-mobile i-STYLE Q6

People who tell it like it is are always called dicks ....it's you're not your btw .... it's not about money it's about quality and nice things , it's just that quality and nice things cost more and the op and I guess you and other posters are to cheap to care about that when it comes to your Thai step kids ..... if that makes you sleep better at night fine by me.

It's you're not your?

You must be amazing http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/society/people-who-highlight-minor-grammar-points-are-amazing-2013082378916

[johnlandy]

sounds like both of you want to control her fate. I personally admire the kid for knowing what she wants.

14 year old's know what they want and if they stick it out they will get it.

Thats logic

Before you know it she will be hooking to get the fancy fone and larger bike. No worries that it will be illegal for her to ride it, after all who gives a shyt about the law anyway.

[angrybird]

My mum (drilled Spitfire piston rings all the war years), bought me a pushbike for passing the 11+. My father sold it.

When I was 18 I broke his jaw and hospitalised him, proudest moment of my life.

When the ambulance arrived the neighbours were certain it was for my mother.

.

Edited August 30, 2013 by angrybird

[StefanBBK]

OK, I have to participate....

Number one, you should not treat your stepdaughter any different than your own child, not saying you do!

Number two, cellphone, find out what her friends have. Make sure she gets something in the same range.

Number three, for bike, stay with what is legal and please do not bend on that.

Number four, teach value of money. If the cellphone is beyond buffet, make her pay part of it from her pocket money. If need be over some months. Or ask her to earn the difference by doing some household shores you "pay" her for.

Most importantly make her feel that you are working with her on getting her what she wants.

Explain her why not buying the bike. Teach her to respect the law, even though others may disregard it.

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[NoshowJones]

She would be driving illegally at 14. At 15 can drive a 110 cc bike until 18, 125 after. If she had an accident you would be in deep doo doo.

My wife gave her son her Honda Airblade, nice bike. He would not use it cos someone had a trendy bike . She bought him a trendy bike of which l am not happy about.

I am assuming the OP is a Farang, here we have a father, OK stepfather, who is following the Thai mentality by going to buy his stepdaughter, who is underage, a motorbike. If she had taken the bike out on the road, she would have been risking the life and well being of other road users as well as herself. Shame on you OP.

[steelepulse]

Op's 14 year old that wants these things needs to learn the value of a baht. Any particular reason she can't work on weekends and school holidays to appreciate the value of things? If these non necessary face saving/showing are freely given, the value of work and money will never be known.

[Nip]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

Here is clear evidence of the kind of person you end up with if you roll over and concede to a 14 year old child making unfair and selfish demands.

[transam]

A 14 year old should have 1500 baht cell phone, if any, and should not be allowed to drive. I would say she is helping you out, with her attitude.

You are the Farang and she sees you as ATM

More like her ''friends'' see you as an ATM.

[retell]

When I was 14 (in America), I wanted these pair of sneakers that all the other kids had (Converse All-Stars). My parents refused and bought me a cheapo pair of K-mart specials. Didn't go over well with the other kids at all. That really, really pissed me off. It's amazing how we remember these things.

When I was 14, I worked for them, and paid for them. and I wore them.

same sneekers

same with me when i was 14 my parents were doing good business money enough if i wnted something special had to earn it myself , when got 16 saved up money to buy a moped wanted a nice new honda mtx but just had enough for a puch maxi second hand

kids are easily spoiled

[transam]

You are the cheap Charlie who would rather see your step kid have no phone or transportation to save a few bucks you don't even need and since your friends and neighbors know it's nonsense have to try and gain sympathy on the internet from random strangers ........ who is the one cutting the nose off ? her ? or you ? ........... you are the one who is refusing to give your step kid a decent product you can easily afford so you look like a cheap Charlie douchebag ..... and you are ....... It's you who is cutting your own nose off to spite your own face because you are wanting to save a couple of bucks you don't need to look like and be a douchebag parent instead and the only hope in hell of getting anyone to side with you is on the internet.

Here is clear evidence of the kind of person you end up with if you roll over and concede to a 14 year old child making unfair and selfish demands.

Weeeeeell, could be folk are fed up with her ''stamping of feet routine'' eh. ......