Better Sex Please: We're Thai

[soic]

Hi Mark... I've been reading a lot from the sidelines here. I think that you mean well and that you are really trying here... but I think that there are a few issues or kinks that need a little work. If you go back and re-read all of your posts and count all of the "I"s I think that you'll see a little bit of the problem that you seem to be having.

If people take all the "I"s out of a relationship and interject only "We"s they'd be a lot happier. Some men would call it "p" whipped but it's not. It's putting the relationship in it's proper place. I never do anything without asking my "best friend" if she wants to go. Get rid of the I and think we and I believe that you'll find your love life getting better. From my experience you get back exponentially more than you ever give her. Gear your relationship towards making her happy and see what you get in return. I guarantee that it will blow your mind. My wife has done so much more for me when she was able to do it because she wanted too or thought of it, everytime I tried to tell her what I wanted or expected it was like cold water. It's not wrong to let your needs be known, but do it during a conversation not in the bedroom. That's too much like laying down the rules just before a boxing match. Talk when it's time to talk, and love when it's time to love.

Ladies,

Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. I've been known to overstate or make errors in judgement. That's just the way that I've grown to see things. My divorce from the first love of my life, after 14 years of marraige caused me to do a lot of thinking. While it was too late for her and I, it left me with plenty of time to find ways to keep it from happening again. Another story for another time, but the demise didn't come from infidelity, abuse or anger.

[wolf5370]

I definately think there is a problem with the sexual responsiveness of thai women, at least the ones I have known. I am not talking about bar girls and those involved in the sex industry, which is a whole different ball game. It seems many of the women do not like kissing (mouth kissing) and do not really know what foreplay is about. They are lazy or non-participatory when it comes to love making. I assume this is what they are used to with Thai men. There is little opportunity for discussion of sexual matters with these women, because it is not generally an accepted topic for dialogue. I do think the younger women (under 30) are a bit more liberated and responsive, but this depends on many other factors. It also seems that the money ingredient is a great icebreaker as well - more money, more honey (& happiness). I previously had a Malaysian Chinese wife, who was 21 when I met her. She did not have any inhibitions or restrictions, such as I have found to be common in Thai women. Thai women are beautiful in appearance, but in performance it is sometimes a different story.

I don't think its a case of "what they are used to with Thai men". Otherwise the same wopuld be true of inexperienced westerners too. I think it becuase Thai TV shows no no sex and rare kisses. Thai 'photo-love' type mags are 'all talk'. I really think that in the West girls go into it with a fair amount of knowledge. Almost certainly more than the man does first time around; men are just too proud to ask their mates which way up - they have to seem like its all old hat. In Thailand many of the boys get some professional experience first , but the girls go in blind.

If they're never taught, then they never know. Most farangs that start out with an inexperienced Thai lady will find she will lossen up like anyone else in time. People are people the world over.

[socalbro]

Does the 4 minutes take in to consideration the time it takes to pay the bar fine, walk/taxi to room, the compulsary shower-off and towel walk-in, condom confirmation and bottom-line payout negotiations?

Cause if my ol'lady is out till 2am each night saying she had 0 to 1 customers in that time, then I might be getting ripped off somewhere here...

If she brings back 500B a night it's like Xmas again.

But if the figures above are correct she should have closer to like 20 customers a night, each being just 4 minutes.

So maybe she's cheatin' on me, huh???

Does it count about helpin oneself on this issue???

[a2396]

I definately think there is a problem with the sexual responsiveness of thai women, at least the ones I have known. I am not talking about bar girls and those involved in the sex industry, which is a whole different ball game. It seems many of the women do not like kissing (mouth kissing) and do not really know what foreplay is about. They are lazy or non-participatory when it comes to love making. I assume this is what they are used to with Thai men. There is little opportunity for discussion of sexual matters with these women, because it is not generally an accepted topic for dialogue. I do think the younger women (under 30) are a bit more liberated and responsive, but this depends on many other factors. It also seems that the money ingredient is a great icebreaker as well - more money, more honey (& happiness). I previously had a Malaysian Chinese wife, who was 21 when I met her. She did not have any inhibitions or restrictions, such as I have found to be common in Thai women. Thai women are beautiful in appearance, but in performance it is sometimes a different story.

I don't think its a case of "what they are used to with Thai men". Otherwise the same wopuld be true of inexperienced westerners too. I think it becuase Thai TV shows no no sex and rare kisses. Thai 'photo-love' type mags are 'all talk'. I really think that in the West girls go into it with a fair amount of knowledge. Almost certainly more than the man does first time around; men are just too proud to ask their mates which way up - they have to seem like its all old hat. In Thailand many of the boys get some professional experience first , but the girls go in blind.

If they're never taught, then they never know. Most farangs that start out with an inexperienced Thai lady will find she will lossen up like anyone else in time. People are people the world over.

I would agree that there is a low level of knowledge about sex available to Thai women given all the various taboos in the media and other places for making information available. The level of empowerment that Thai women have is also less than what one sees in Europe or USA. Are Thai men satisfied with such passive and uninvolved attitudes from thier women? I doubt it.

As for my situation, my present lady is 36 and I have been with her for 18 months and find her basically "untrainable". I think she does not like sex, men, or me. I am not sure which is really the problem. I do not consider myself that fat, ugly or otherwise unappealing. She has no concept of spontaneity and does not like sex in the daytime or morning. No interest in passionate kissing. Any attempt to discuss these matters turns into an argument, sometimes potentially violent. I have really had enough of it, but I not found a better alternative so far. If and when I do she will be finished.

[Sing_Sling]

Sounds like marital bliss, Mark

Totally off topic, but, Sing_Sling, I have just noticed you are from the same place as me (same trip every month)...

It's like going from the present to the past and back, time and again. I'm on weekly trips now with our new business venture . . .

soinunwise: let's see - - - where's the common factor? You and your family are related?

[soic]

As for my situation, my present lady is 36 and I have been with her for 18 months and find her basically "untrainable". I think she does not like sex, men, or me. I am not sure which is really the problem. I do not consider myself that fat, ugly or otherwise unappealing. She has no concept of spontaneity and does not like sex in the daytime or morning. No interest in passionate kissing. Any attempt to discuss these matters turns into an argument, sometimes potentially violent. I have really had enough of it, but I not found a better alternative so far. If and when I do she will be finished.

"Untrainable"? and doesn't like sex, men or you? I'm having a difficult time following. How did you ever connect with someone like that? I'm sure that you're generalizing to a huge degree, but given the comments before me, I don't see any foundation that you could have built a relationship on. There doesn't appear to be anything... It sounds like masturbation would be a viable alternative to a destructive relationship. Once again... there must have been something. 18 months with someone says that supposedly hates, sex, men and you wouldn't have been tolerable by anyone. Maybe you shouldn't look at it as "training"... It's called loving... and it goes both ways, or it goes no way... "If you don't show it, you can't grow it" that's my motto.

[kat]

... My divorce from the first love of my life, after 14 years of marraige caused me to do a lot of thinking. While it was too late for her and I, it left me with plenty of time to find ways to keep it from happening again. Another story for another time, but the demise didn't come from infidelity, abuse or anger.

Sounds like you did a lot of thinking, and learned a lot

I definately think there is a problem with the sexual responsiveness of thai women, at least the ones I have known. I am not talking about bar girls and those involved in the sex industry, which is a whole different ball game. It seems many of the women do not like kissing (mouth kissing) and do not really know what foreplay is about. They are lazy or non-participatory when it comes to love making. I assume this is what they are used to with Thai men. There is little opportunity for discussion of sexual matters with these women, because it is not generally an accepted topic for dialogue. I do think the younger women (under 30) are a bit more liberated and responsive, but this depends on many other factors. It also seems that the money ingredient is a great icebreaker as well - more money, more honey (& happiness). I previously had a Malaysian Chinese wife, who was 21 when I met her. She did not have any inhibitions or restrictions, such as I have found to be common in Thai women. Thai women are beautiful in appearance, but in performance it is sometimes a different story.

I don't think its a case of "what they are used to with Thai men". Otherwise the same wopuld be true of inexperienced westerners too. I think it becuase Thai TV shows no no sex and rare kisses. Thai 'photo-love' type mags are 'all talk'. I really think that in the West girls go into it with a fair amount of knowledge. Almost certainly more than the man does first time around; men are just too proud to ask their mates which way up - they have to seem like its all old hat. In Thailand many of the boys get some professional experience first , but the girls go in blind.

If they're never taught, then they never know. Most farangs that start out with an inexperienced Thai lady will find she will lossen up like anyone else in time. People are people the world over.

I would agree that there is a low level of knowledge about sex available to Thai women given all the various taboos in the media and other places for making information available. The level of empowerment that Thai women have is also less than what one sees in Europe or USA. Are Thai men satisfied with such passive and uninvolved attitudes from thier women? I doubt it.

As for my situation, my present lady is 36 and I have been with her for 18 months and find her basically "untrainable". I think she does not like sex, men, or me. I am not sure which is really the problem. I do not consider myself that fat, ugly or otherwise unappealing. She has no concept of spontaneity and does not like sex in the daytime or morning. No interest in passionate kissing. Any attempt to discuss these matters turns into an argument, sometimes potentially violent. I have really had enough of it, but I not found a better alternative so far. If and when I do she will be finished.

Wolf: I agree with most of what you state here. However, the "people are people" is too simplified for me. Of course we are all people, but our customs, beliefs, and values are very different. If we are not able to really look at those differences, we will continue to make the meaningless statements that we are all the same. We are not.

I think you are right about the influence of information. Thailand is not an informational or knowledge-based society. Beliefs and traditions are more important, although they are changing. However, they will always form a different base underneath modern changes that seem the same. There is a cultural belief here about women, sex, attachment/non-attachement, and cleanliness. That will not ever really change unless women confront it, and confrontation of that nature is not likely without huge negative repurcussions for her.

A2396, I agree with your first statement about knowledge and empowerment very much. In terms of the Thai men, it's hard to tell. We are speaking generally here, but I would think that they are as much a part of the present scenario.

As for your situation, I would have to agree with SOIC. There doesn't seem to be a lot in it for you at all. Why stay in a realtionship like that?

Edited April 23, 2006 by kat

[a2396]

As for my situation, my present lady is 36 and I have been with her for 18 months and find her basically "untrainable". I think she does not like sex, men, or me. I am not sure which is really the problem. I do not consider myself that fat, ugly or otherwise unappealing. She has no concept of spontaneity and does not like sex in the daytime or morning. No interest in passionate kissing. Any attempt to discuss these matters turns into an argument, sometimes potentially violent. I have really had enough of it, but I not found a better alternative so far. If and when I do she will be finished.

"Untrainable"? and doesn't like sex, men or you? I'm having a difficult time following. How did you ever connect with someone like that? I'm sure that you're generalizing to a huge degree, but given the comments before me, I don't see any foundation that you could have built a relationship on. There doesn't appear to be anything... It sounds like masturbation would be a viable alternative to a destructive relationship. Once again... there must have been something. 18 months with someone says that supposedly hates, sex, men and you wouldn't have been tolerable by anyone. Maybe you shouldn't look at it as "training"... It's called loving... and it goes both ways, or it goes no way... "If you don't show it, you can't grow it" that's my motto.

Thank you for your observations. My situation is complicated and a story to lengthy to go into here. My lady is a very nice, considerate and caring person in many ways. She takes excellent care of the house, food, laundry, etc, etc. She is just not connected when it comes to sex. I think she views it as a bit of a chore, to be put up with to keep the relationship together. Her sister, who is married to a Thai man, seems to have the same aloof and indifferent manner towards her husband. I have shown considerable affection and understanding to my lady, but it does not matter when it comes to sex. Where the problem really lies, I will probably never know.

I can also say that I am not the only Farang man who has had similar experiences. A number of my friends have voiced similar complaints to me. And I do not think that the fault is all with Thai women. This similar indifference (take it or leave it attitude) of women toward sex can likely be found worldwide. It is unfortunately much to common.

[kat]

Well, I'm sorry about your experience, but no you're wrong, it's not worldwide.

[kat]

Don't tell me this thread has died out that fast already. Why no takers?

[mark45y]

Don't tell me this thread has died out that fast already. Why no takers?

OK Kat, I’ll bite.

His lady is having an affair.

This is probably obvious to you but you are too nice to say it.

Thai women are horny critters and given a little space will normally be all over a guy. He is a Farang who has bought that Western frigid goddess role.

Brunhilde from the North country might be cold as ice but Da and Pan and Nok are hot as firecracker.

Stop beating around the bush.

So I will tell him.

Your Thai woman is doing a Thai guy and she thinks you are Farang Keenuk.

They are not all like that.

There are many good and true and faithful Thai women who clean as well as the boom boom.

Do a runner. Don’t mess with the niceties of Farang break ups.

Get your bottom out of the place when she is gone and don’t look back.

She has violated the universal contract between man and woman. You pay the money you get the honey.

What you have now is a high priced maid.

[kat]

I knew I could count on you, Mark.

But I disagree with your analysis: "He is a Farang who has bought that Western frigid goddess role.

Brunhilde from the North country might be cold as ice but Da and Pan and Nok are hot as firecracker."

[mark45y]

My post was entirely too harsh and I sure wish the edit function worked for longer. After sleeping off the effects of last nights party I did come up with an idea. Wat Pa Kao (sp?) in Bangkok. There is an 8 foot tall monk there who holds audiences in a room with a very large penis tree. The monk also speaks a little English. I was having problems with my gf’s drinking so I took her there and asked the monk to pray for her to moderate her drinking. He was very understanding about it and blessed her and prayed for her. It didn’t help but while she was there she started playing with the penis tree and we had a very interesting week. Maybe it would work for a2396

[wolf5370]

When I said people are people the world over I was talking in a biological sence really. That is, once we get past our indoctorined 'obsticles' we are just men and women who have the right biological bits and pieces and hormones to determine our enjoyment levels. Serious sexual problems that are insummountable will still be an issue, but are also universal.

I wouldn't say that his Mrs is having an affair because she doesn't 'seem' to like sex (and is too embarrassed perhaps to discuss it). Of course I don't know her, but I would hazzard one of three guesses:

1- She is simply inexperienced (even after 18 months with you) and is embarrassed to seem to interested in sex. 'Would you think she was a hussy if she was too eager?' - maybe the question running through her mind.

2- As a tangent to '1': Maybe she thinks nice girls are not interested in sex, so to be a good girl for you, she resists the urge and just plays dead. When you bring it up, she losses face as you are saying her intentional cadaver act (put on especially for you) isn't good enough. To her, she can't win. You are also talking of the taboo and she's too good a girl to discuss this openly with a MAN!

3- Something has happened to her previously that makes sex a negative experience (rape, child abuse, her boyfriend telling her breasts are too small, whatever). So, she tries for your sake to bear it, and lays back and tries to think of nice things like SomTam with her mates etc. Then you finish your business and moan about her, because she is just not good enough.

There are probably a thousand more possible reasons too. Has she told you she hates you? Maybe she's ding her most to please you. Maybe you will destroy her with your final decision 'when something better comes along'.

Take things slowly - I mean each time, not 'its been two weeks now, so get your laughing gear round this'. Let her feel comfortable with experimenting (for her - maybe the norm for you). It will take time, especially if trust is an issue (see possibilitiy 3 above), but you may end up with the best of all worlds. Worth it? Only you know for sure.

Chok Dee

[rainman]

this may not be related but ...does anyone know why i'm always so tired in the morning?

I don’t about you but I am tired because of Ghosts. She wakes me up in the middle of the night because she has a dream about Ghosts and grabs me because she is afraid. I tell her to have a glass of water. She says nooooo. I tell her to have a beer and peppers and garlic or hot sausage. She says noooo. I suggest we may have some whisky left. Nooooo. Then of course I have to take a shower. I say I don’t need a shower I just want to sleep. She says sternly, by ab nam.

So by the time I get to sleep my rest has been broken up into two nights. I really like to sleep uninterrupted for about 8 hours.

I know since she is Thai she doesn’t like sex. The only thing I can think of is she wants to keep trying until she figures out how to enjoy it.

It could be worse at least with the amount of garlic she eats we never get bothered by vampires.

sounds like you wouldn't mind a vampire in your bed every once in a while

[kat]

When I said people are people the world over I was talking in a biological sence really. That is, once we get past our indoctorined 'obsticles' we are just men and women who have the right biological bits and pieces and hormones to determine our enjoyment levels. Serious sexual problems that are insummountable will still be an issue, but are also universal.

I wouldn't say that his Mrs is having an affair because she doesn't 'seem' to like sex (and is too embarrassed perhaps to discuss it). Of course I don't know her, but I would hazzard one of three guesses:

1- She is simply inexperienced (even after 18 months with you) and is embarrassed to seem to interested in sex. 'Would you think she was a hussy if she was too eager?' - maybe the question running through her mind.

2- As a tangent to '1': Maybe she thinks nice girls are not interested in sex, so to be a good girl for you, she resists the urge and just plays dead. When you bring it up, she losses face as you are saying her intentional cadaver act (put on especially for you) isn't good enough. To her, she can't win. You are also talking of the taboo and she's too good a girl to discuss this openly with a MAN!

3- Something has happened to her previously that makes sex a negative experience (rape, child abuse, her boyfriend telling her breasts are too small, whatever). So, she tries for your sake to bear it, and lays back and tries to think of nice things like SomTam with her mates etc. Then you finish your business and moan about her, because she is just not good enough.

There are probably a thousand more possible reasons too. Has she told you she hates you? Maybe she's ding her most to please you. Maybe you will destroy her with your final decision 'when something better comes along'.

Take things slowly - I mean each time, not 'its been two weeks now, so get your laughing gear round this'. Let her feel comfortable with experimenting (for her - maybe the norm for you). It will take time, especially if trust is an issue (see possibilitiy 3 above), but you may end up with the best of all worlds. Worth it? Only you know for sure.

Chok Dee

Yeah, this sounds more spot on.

[rainman]

It seems many of the women do not like kissing (mouth kissing) and do not really know what foreplay is about. They are lazy or non-participatory when it comes to love making. I assume this is what they are used to with Thai men. There is little opportunity for discussion of sexual matters with these women, because it is not generally an accepted topic for dialogue.

maybe its time to play some teacher and student (no, not with outfits ...you get it)? i know what you mean, my then-girlfriend (now-wife) didn't kiss until about 6 months after we first met and started 'going out' and now she can't get enough of it. i mean you can't expect to go to bed with a virgin and then wake up with a fully experienced woman.

[BambinA]

maybe its time to play some teacher and student (no, not with outfits ...you get it)?

how about to play as doc and patient?? i have plenty gowns for it.

Better Sex Please: We're Thai

i have no idea ... but i have got many dates from married farangs who work in thai ..

what's wrong with them???

better sex???

no i dont do any sex with em yet!!

[rainman]

maybe its time to play some teacher and student (no, not with outfits ...you get it)?

how about to play as doc and patient?? i have plenty gowns for it.

reminds me at the 6 days i spent in bumrungrad hospital for my appendix surgery. those nurse outfits look quite hot

Better Sex Please: We're Thai

i have no idea ... but i have got many dates from married farangs who work in thai ..

what's wrong with them???

better sex???

no i dont do any sex with em yet!!

yet....yet..

[BambinA]

reminds me at the 6 days i spent in bumrungrad hospital for my appendix surgery. those nurse outfits look quite hot

should i say sympaty or not..seem you were happy !!

yet....yet..

naughty you ... i know what the" yet" mean ..hahahahhaha PUN

[rainman]

i would have stayed a couple of days more if i could have ..actually i did. the doctor said i could go home after 3 days but i stayed 6 because i wasn't feeling too well yet. what more do you want than a nice room (if you can get over the hospital smell), cute nurses taking care of you 24/7 and good food ..all paid by my insurance.

anyways, dont want to take this thread off topic.

[jamman]

I just wrote this to someone else, but thought it might also be fit to post on this thread.

What do we find alluring and exciting about the Thai women? I want to broaden that out a bit, as I'm in Bali now, was in the Philippines the last year, Thailand for the two prior, and Bali again before that. I see enough cultural similarites in the whole region to think in terms of SE Asian women. For instance the more traditional roles of women, the emphasis of face and appearance, indirectness and even slipperyness of speech, the focus on whatever leads to or is related to family. Some have suggested there is something cultural that sparks our passions.

I'll tell what about some western women does not spark my passions. Being expected to chop vegetables. On a scale of disliked chores where 1 is getting up to answer the phone and 10 is balancing the checkbook, vegetable chopping gets a six. I just don't like to do it. I relate simply and practically to food. I am happy to boil up my world famous ramen dishes and glop them into a big bowl and chow. I buy frozen vegetables, and pour them out, mix them right in with the noodles. No fuss, no regular shopping, no scrubbing or peeling, no chopping. I do what I want, I'm happy, I'm healthy. But when I married a western girl (sorry, Woman!) in order to avoid being an oppressor I had to chop vegetables.

No Asian woman would make me chop vegetables. Not one. In fact, if you touch a broom or pick up a plate, they will feel that you are slighting their devotion to you.

I was also expected to treat my wife as the favored equal by putting in equal diaper changing and vacuuming hours. Oh, and earn the majority of the money. There were all sorts of life sucking expections, few of which had anything to do with what I ever expected out of my life.

In Asia, a man isn't expected to sublimate all his desires and natural interests and put all his energies towards earning the bulk of funds for the nest for the woman and shopping and cleaning and cooking and tending to baby, all the while being faithful. No. Never. Not one man, out of billions has those expectations on him. They all get to oppress their women. Thank heavens! A man can be a man, put his interests and energies where they benefit, and as reciprocation the woman will be a woman, and they together will piece together a whole that they are not apart. It is the very differences and separteness that makes the coming together so fruitful - it is not a fight over who washed the dishes last.

My theory is that passion is basically equal to electricity, and is measured by voltage and amperage. Voltage is how much separateness, how much difference there is between man and woman, and amperage is how much raw power they have that can flow between them.

Let me talk about Sarah. I've never had more sexual passion for a woman in my life, and probably never will again. She is the tiniest little girl - freakishly short. And she is often mistaken to be only 13 years old, even by the locals. But her features all in ample sexual proportions - a perfect little ass, perfect legs, dainty womans hands. Just all so small as to make me seem huge. I am only 5'8, but I am huge to her. Long hair. She's got all my buttons contantly pushed, so physically, she owns my ass. That's the voltage - she is as hyper girly girl as a girl can get.

Then there is this: she is sex. Britanney Speers can dance a choreographed number, but Sarah only needs to stand there. Sarah is the power of sex - she doesn't play pretend sexiness. When Sarah dances, all the sexiest girls are magnetized to her and want to dance with her, to take in some of her sex emanations, to be around the sex magnet in case some other guys are looking. What a treat that was every time we went to the disco! She is a volcano girl, and she owns all the magma in the earth. The earth reveres her sex, and offers up mushrooms at night in devotions. Volcanoes erupt in the day as tribute. I swear to god - she has had more than one orgasm that lasted a full 5 minutes. Can you imagine that? So that's the amperage. The woman is powerful.

As men we know how to increase our voltage. We go to the gym, get buffed, which also increases our overall health and power. Dress sharp. Keep some financial power. Look the part of man.

And there are ways to increase our amperage. Being fit, as mentioned, at the body level, but also at the levels of emotional sexual energy we can practice chi-kung, and at the heart level we can open up in romantic love, and at the mind level we can sharpen our acuity with intellectual persuits, and at the spirit level we can meditate, and at the transpersonal love level we can try to recognize divinity as our repect and what we see in others. We can be powerful people. One way that I have discovered to own a feeling of power, is to identify with archetype. This may sound floo foo or wacked out or chauvenist, but this works for me. My archetype of powerful male love is... Daddy. And it works. I can't help but to say this when I make love, in the more exstatic moments: "Daddy loves you". A western girl might take major offense. But the next morning, with nearly all Asian girls, I have a new nickname. I am Daddy. God, talk about voltage. Difference. Daddy loves and cares for his little girl. Very, very powerful archetype. Empowering to be handed over such power, to be fatherly, and by being given authority I can fully invest all my care. But it isn't a game, and not an archetype to be toyed with. If a woman becomes daughter, it can be very real.

Which brings up again social and sexual roles. This would never happen to me in the west, but I can't imagine a better free flowing of love than some ways Sarah and I took care of each other. In the morning, she would usually wake first. Once I was up and ready, she would bring me food. How simple is that? She would use my money, walk down the street a few yards, purchase prepared food, put it on a plate, come upstairs and offer it to me. She didn't just lay it down and walk out, no, we performed our morning ritual. I accepted her devoted offering, we ate together in silence, and then I thanked her and thanked her many times for taking such good care of her Daddy. Every day, for a year. Then we'd have sex. Then we were ready for the day. And when she prepared food she offered as much glow to the room as our 40 watt lightbulbs in our little love hovel. She chopped with devotion - each chop was devotion. She never felt put upon for her devotions.

And I paid for everything. I earned our money. And I breathed many lives into her that she had never known. She was safe and loved and taken care of.

That is how partners love and take care - they don't have to dole out their equal portions of chores. I never felt put upon to pay for our expenses, and she never felt put upon to bring me food. We made our life together, into a unit, from our very separate proclivities. We were the perfect example of Voltage and Power, and were so loud and frequent and long lasting in our lovemaking that people thought we were insane, and everywhere we walked we would hear sniggers and sex sounds. We were proud of it. We had the whole town beat - no one was more passionate than us. Some say we should have been more thoughtful and respectful of other's feelings, but the way I look on it is that we were performing a public service - informing the world that sex is not a pleasant 10 minute release - it is an opportunity for profound communion with powerful love so immediate and overwhelming as to make a real man and a real woman out of you. That was our form of the Muslim prayers that are elsewhere broadcast over loudspeakers.

That's all my thoughts on that for now. Except that if you need an answer as to why I'm not with Sarah, it is simply that she has a serious incurable personality disorder that includes halucinations, mood swings, serious suicidal thoughts, chronic lying, lack of trust and empathy, hurtful emotional manipulations when she felt vulnerable, and at times dangerously aggressive actions, called Borderline Personality Disorder. That's a tough one, but I think people can see why I stayed with her for as long as I did. Still miss her sometimes.

Edited April 24, 2006 by jamman

[kat]

..., it is simply that she has a serious incurable personality disorder that includes halucinations, mood swings, serious suicidal thoughts, chronic lying, lack of trust and empathy, hurtful emotional manipulations when she felt vulnerable, and at times dangerously aggressive actions, called Borderline Personality Disorder.

Yeah, and I wonder why.

[chuchok]

..., it is simply that she has a serious incurable personality disorder that includes halucinations, mood swings, serious suicidal thoughts, chronic lying, lack of trust and empathy, hurtful emotional manipulations when she felt vulnerable, and at times dangerously aggressive actions, called Borderline Personality Disorder.

Yeah, and I wonder why.

That boy jamman really rates himself.

[soic]

Which brings up again social and sexual roles. This would never happen to me in the west, but I can't imagine a better free flowing of love than some ways Sarah and I took care of each other. In the morning, she would usually wake first. Once I was up and ready, she would bring me food. How simple is that? She would use my money, walk down the street a few yards, purchase prepared food, put it on a plate, come upstairs and offer it to me. She didn't just lay it down and walk out, no, we performed our morning ritual. I accepted her devoted offering, we ate together in silence, and then I thanked her and thanked her many times for taking such good care of her Daddy. Every day, for a year. Then we'd have sex. Then we were ready for the day. And when she prepared food she offered as much glow to the room as our 40 watt lightbulbs in our little love hovel. She chopped with devotion - each chop was devotion. She never felt put upon for her devotions.

And I paid for everything. I earned our money. And I breathed many lives into her that she had never known. She was safe and loved and taken care of.

All I can say is WOW!!! I'm not sure but there may be some issues... "Daddy" and "I breathed many lives into her". I'll keep my opinions to myself, but he might want to read what he wrote as an interested bystander instead of as a proud author. WOW!!!

Edited April 25, 2006 by soic

[markuk]

Which brings up again social and sexual roles. This would never happen to me in the west, but I can't imagine a better free flowing of love than some ways Sarah and I took care of each other. In the morning, she would usually wake first. Once I was up and ready, she would bring me food. How simple is that? She would use my money, walk down the street a few yards, purchase prepared food, put it on a plate, come upstairs and offer it to me. She didn't just lay it down and walk out, no, we performed our morning ritual. I accepted her devoted offering, we ate together in silence, and then I thanked her and thanked her many times for taking such good care of her Daddy. Every day, for a year. Then we'd have sex. Then we were ready for the day. And when she prepared food she offered as much glow to the room as our 40 watt lightbulbs in our little love hovel. She chopped with devotion - each chop was devotion. She never felt put upon for her devotions.

And I paid for everything. I earned our money. And I breathed many lives into her that she had never known. She was safe and loved and taken care of.

All I can say is WOW!!! I'm not sure but there may be some issues... "Daddy" and "I breathed many lives into her". I'll keep my opinions to myself, but he might want to read what he wrote as an interested bystander instead of as a proud author. WOW!!!

I agree i think there is something amiss with this author - his reference to her age (looks) and the term daddy is not normal, maybe needs to be deleted..... could be taken very easily the wrong way.

[rainman]

I just wrote this to someone else, but thought it might also be fit to post on this thread.

What do we find alluring and exciting about the Thai women? I want to broaden that out a bit, as I'm in Bali now, was in the Philippines the last year, Thailand for the two prior, and Bali again before that. I see enough cultural similarites in the whole region to think in terms of SE Asian women. For instance the more traditional roles of women, the emphasis of face and appearance, indirectness and even slipperyness of speech, the focus on whatever leads to or is related to family. Some have suggested there is something cultural that sparks our passions.

I'll tell what about some western women does not spark my passions. Being expected to chop vegetables. On a scale of disliked chores where 1 is getting up to answer the phone and 10 is balancing the checkbook, vegetable chopping gets a six. I just don't like to do it. I relate simply and practically to food. I am happy to boil up my world famous ramen dishes and glop them into a big bowl and chow. I buy frozen vegetables, and pour them out, mix them right in with the noodles. No fuss, no regular shopping, no scrubbing or peeling, no chopping. I do what I want, I'm happy, I'm healthy. But when I married a western girl (sorry, Woman!) in order to avoid being an oppressor I had to chop vegetables.

No Asian woman would make me chop vegetables. Not one. In fact, if you touch a broom or pick up a plate, they will feel that you are slighting their devotion to you.

I was also expected to treat my wife as the favored equal by putting in equal diaper changing and vacuuming hours. Oh, and earn the majority of the money. There were all sorts of life sucking expections, few of which had anything to do with what I ever expected out of my life.

In Asia, a man isn't expected to sublimate all his desires and natural interests and put all his energies towards earning the bulk of funds for the nest for the woman and shopping and cleaning and cooking and tending to baby, all the while being faithful. No. Never. Not one man, out of billions has those expectations on him. They all get to oppress their women. Thank heavens! A man can be a man, put his interests and energies where they benefit, and as reciprocation the woman will be a woman, and they together will piece together a whole that they are not apart. It is the very differences and separteness that makes the coming together so fruitful - it is not a fight over who washed the dishes last.

My theory is that passion is basically equal to electricity, and is measured by voltage and amperage. Voltage is how much separateness, how much difference there is between man and woman, and amperage is how much raw power they have that can flow between them.

Let me talk about Sarah. I've never had more sexual passion for a woman in my life, and probably never will again. She is the tiniest little girl - freakishly short. And she is often mistaken to be only 13 years old, even by the locals. But her features all in ample sexual proportions - a perfect little ass, perfect legs, dainty womans hands. Just all so small as to make me seem huge. I am only 5'8, but I am huge to her. Long hair. She's got all my buttons contantly pushed, so physically, she owns my ass. That's the voltage - she is as hyper girly girl as a girl can get.

Then there is this: she is sex. Britanney Speers can dance a choreographed number, but Sarah only needs to stand there. Sarah is the power of sex - she doesn't play pretend sexiness. When Sarah dances, all the sexiest girls are magnetized to her and want to dance with her, to take in some of her sex emanations, to be around the sex magnet in case some other guys are looking. What a treat that was every time we went to the disco! She is a volcano girl, and she owns all the magma in the earth. The earth reveres her sex, and offers up mushrooms at night in devotions. Volcanoes erupt in the day as tribute. I swear to god - she has had more than one orgasm that lasted a full 5 minutes. Can you imagine that? So that's the amperage. The woman is powerful.

As men we know how to increase our voltage. We go to the gym, get buffed, which also increases our overall health and power. Dress sharp. Keep some financial power. Look the part of man.

And there are ways to increase our amperage. Being fit, as mentioned, at the body level, but also at the levels of emotional sexual energy we can practice chi-kung, and at the heart level we can open up in romantic love, and at the mind level we can sharpen our acuity with intellectual persuits, and at the spirit level we can meditate, and at the transpersonal love level we can try to recognize divinity as our repect and what we see in others. We can be powerful people. One way that I have discovered to own a feeling of power, is to identify with archetype. This may sound floo foo or wacked out or chauvenist, but this works for me. My archetype of powerful male love is... Daddy. And it works. I can't help but to say this when I make love, in the more exstatic moments: "Daddy loves you". A western girl might take major offense. But the next morning, with nearly all Asian girls, I have a new nickname. I am Daddy. God, talk about voltage. Difference. Daddy loves and cares for his little girl. Very, very powerful archetype. Empowering to be handed over such power, to be fatherly, and by being given authority I can fully invest all my care. But it isn't a game, and not an archetype to be toyed with. If a woman becomes daughter, it can be very real.

Which brings up again social and sexual roles. This would never happen to me in the west, but I can't imagine a better free flowing of love than some ways Sarah and I took care of each other. In the morning, she would usually wake first. Once I was up and ready, she would bring me food. How simple is that? She would use my money, walk down the street a few yards, purchase prepared food, put it on a plate, come upstairs and offer it to me. She didn't just lay it down and walk out, no, we performed our morning ritual. I accepted her devoted offering, we ate together in silence, and then I thanked her and thanked her many times for taking such good care of her Daddy. Every day, for a year. Then we'd have sex. Then we were ready for the day. And when she prepared food she offered as much glow to the room as our 40 watt lightbulbs in our little love hovel. She chopped with devotion - each chop was devotion. She never felt put upon for her devotions.

And I paid for everything. I earned our money. And I breathed many lives into her that she had never known. She was safe and loved and taken care of.

That is how partners love and take care - they don't have to dole out their equal portions of chores. I never felt put upon to pay for our expenses, and she never felt put upon to bring me food. We made our life together, into a unit, from our very separate proclivities. We were the perfect example of Voltage and Power, and were so loud and frequent and long lasting in our lovemaking that people thought we were insane, and everywhere we walked we would hear sniggers and sex sounds. We were proud of it. We had the whole town beat - no one was more passionate than us. Some say we should have been more thoughtful and respectful of other's feelings, but the way I look on it is that we were performing a public service - informing the world that sex is not a pleasant 10 minute release - it is an opportunity for profound communion with powerful love so immediate and overwhelming as to make a real man and a real woman out of you. That was our form of the Muslim prayers that are elsewhere broadcast over loudspeakers.

That's all my thoughts on that for now. Except that if you need an answer as to why I'm not with Sarah, it is simply that she has a serious incurable personality disorder that includes halucinations, mood swings, serious suicidal thoughts, chronic lying, lack of trust and empathy, hurtful emotional manipulations when she felt vulnerable, and at times dangerously aggressive actions, called Borderline Personality Disorder. That's a tough one, but I think people can see why I stayed with her for as long as I did. Still miss her sometimes.

i actually read the first few lines but then flew all the way to the bottom. you used to write novels, right?

[Rose Apple]

I am a Thai girl and my society never expected to sit back and cook vegetables, prepare food, wash clothes and have sex with my husband every morning.I studied in the west and their value never told me to too.

My mother never teached me to wear a student or nurse outfit to make my husband have the feeling for sex.

I lived in the west and Thailand and had both Thai and foriegn boyfriends and about sexual performance i cant say there are a many difference but foriegn guys like to ask in the morning about "How was the sex last night was it good for you?"

I dont want to answer such a private question, the foriegner doesnt understand about how Thai girls feel about such things. Almost the forienger doesnt know about Thai girls and they can only explain thier feeling after have a bar girl.

[soic]

I am a Thai girl and my society never expected to sit back and cook vegetables, prepare food, wash clothes and have sex with my husband every morning.I studied in the west and their value never told me to too.

My mother never teached me to wear a student or nurse outfit to make my husband have the feeling for sex.

I lived in the west and Thailand and had both Thai and foriegn boyfriends and about sexual performance i cant say there are a many difference but foriegn guys like to ask in the morning about "How was the sex last night was it good for you?"

I dont want to answer such a private question, the foriegner doesnt understand about how Thai girls feel about such things. Almost the forienger doesnt know about Thai girls and they can only explain thier feeling after have a bar girl.

Hi Rose,

It's not accepted practice in Western society to put those demands and expectations on women either. You shouldn't accept that either. All of that is part of a relationship and it's all shared duty and should be offered in love and not demanded as duty.

As far as the sexy clothes...that may be a western thing. We westerners tend to look at sex for entertainment and fun, not only as an expression of love and for reproduction. It shouldn't be a requirement to always dress like that to turn your husband on, but to do something spontaneous like that, occasionally, keeps the relationship alive and fun.

When a Farang asks you if the sex was good for you last night; he's asking if he was adequate or if he performed the sex ok. That is the case in most instances. They don't consider it as a bad thing to ask... they want to make sure that they're doing the right things to please you and make you feel good. Now in some cases, those guys are asking because of what I call the "Tarzan Syndrome". They think that they're like Lions or Gods in bed and ask you, because they want to hear that they're the best. Regardless, the question not so much about "you", it's about them and how the performed.

When someone loves you, they should be in tune with your feelings and be able to tell how you feel and be able to anticipate your needs. They would also tend to be more careful in how they ask how you feel. In this case and truthfully, in almost any instance, there are a couple of questions that you can ask everyday of your life, and the answers usually will surprise you.

When someone asks you something, anything, anytime or anyplace; you should immediately ask yourself... "Why are they asking me this? and Why do they want to know?" If you mentally answer those questions before you speak, you'll be surprised by a lot of things.

[jamman]

..., it is simply that she has a serious incurable personality disorder that includes halucinations, mood swings, serious suicidal thoughts, chronic lying, lack of trust and empathy, hurtful emotional manipulations when she felt vulnerable, and at times dangerously aggressive actions, called Borderline Personality Disorder.

Yeah, and I wonder why.

You mean to imply, I am meant to assume, that her personality disorder was a reaction to bad personality traits or behaviour on my part?

Or you mean to imply that there really is not such thing as borderline personality disorder?

BPD is thought to be partly genetic but also triggered in early years by environmental factors, notably parental neglect, rape, and physical abuse. Some consider it partly a developmental disorder, with large affective or emotional disregulation disruption. Some medications can help lessen the extreme over sensitivities to being overwhelmed by emotions. Many believe there is no real cure, and people with BPD often have difficulty maintaining a job or relationship. They affect people in their lives very strongly.

Personality disorders are no laughing matter, and I can't find humor in trying to blame the aquantances of people with BPD for their having BPD.

I read an article the other day about another personality disorder - phsychopathy. If you were to ever date a psychopath, I hope I would not be so callous as to blame you for his indifference and cruelty towards you.

I usually appreciate your posts most of all. I had expected more than offhand insult that offered nothing of substance.