What would you do?

[bendovid]

After falling in love with my now wife in 2011, I lived in Thailand for nearly two years. A year was spent having fun and really holidaying in Krabi and other lovely places, the second year I worked in Bangkok for a start up foreign company; selling advertising space to foreign clients for publications the company put together.

Although the job paid quite well for Thailand-around 90-100,000 baht per mth, it was extremely tedious telesales and I have never loved Bangkok as much as the rest of Thailand. We did manage to go away on weekends quite a bit but after a year working hard in Bangkok and also wondering what future I could have there(nearly 40 years old. no pension and not easy to save money every month for the future), my wife and I both decided for me to go back to the UK where I can earn more and not be slaving away in Bangkok forever with no assurance of future security.

So I came back to the UK, managed to find a good sales job paying 50,000 pounds base salary plus commission and I have been here now for over 6 months going back and forth every 6-8 weeks to see my wife, who is staying in rural north with the family, It has not been easy on us to be away from each other for so long but without a job and savings in the bank, we have had to wait to apply for a visa.

We are now finally ready to start the process of applying for a tourist visa for her to come to the UK(we have been advised to apply for tourist first, then settlement next) but this will require her coming here for 6 months, then going back to Thailand for 6 months before applying for a settlement visa. The visa process is not straight forward and the time away from each other is also driving both of us mad..it seems so much dancing around and paperwork must be filled in to even try to bring your thai wife to the UK now. I also worry will she even like it here? London is no garden of dreams and I worry she will get very lonely when I am out every day working in the city.

My dilemma now is what do I do? Go back to Thailand to live together in Bangkok again, where I can go back to that job and be fine financially whilst doing it, but unable to start a business of my own/save for our future or do I pursue the laborious process of visa applications/being away from each other for weeks at a time to bring her here where there is more security financially for me and us but the threat of denied visas or that she won't like it.

If I go back to live in Thailand, I am walking away from a good career here and the ability to save money every month but if I stay here and bring her here, we have another year at least of not being together properly and I really don't know if she will like it in the UK anyway, that's if we get the visas!

What would you do?

[Riley'sLife]

At your age you desperately need to build up your capital. You WILL need it later. Best advice is to work in the UK, or wherever you can work and save the most.

Your need for money in the future should outweigh any other consideration.

Take steps to have your gf with you. If it doesn't work out with her, don't worry...plenty more available. But, remember the law in the UK relating to what happens upon break-up of a relationship can potentially be ruinous to you financially. From that point of view it's better to leave her here and come to visit whenever you want, and/or just get her over on a Visitor visa occasionally.

[enyaw]

This is too obvious this one

[enyaw]

although good conversion i am sure

Edited October 6, 2013 by enyaw

[Richie23]

You mention starting a business, can you not go to thailand and start a business together? I'm in a very similar position and am not quite ready to give in and return to work in the u.k.

[finy]

Go back to Thailand and work.

Start an online business in your spare time. With your sales experience I'd be very surprised if you couldn't build up a sustainable income within 2-3 years.

Once you do that's your retirement sorted.

Edited October 6, 2013 by finy

[CharlieH]

Use the job in the UK to save money, she can come stay 6 months at a time, no problem, so the longest you are apart is 6 months, if thats too much then you go see her in the middle so its only 3 months apart, surely that would work.

She then gets to spend real time in the UK to see how she likes it, you get to earn better and save money to maybe start something of your own together in Thailand.

Edited October 6, 2013 by CharlieH

[tingtong]

Money ( or more like not having it!) is on of the top killer of marriages.

In Thailand it seem to be the case as much as elsewhere.

Since you have a potentially great job ( good base+ bonus) in a difficult economic time, i would suggest to stick to that job, work out to get your wife to UK, even if it means tourist first.

Even in a few years you will be financially well ahead, vs. rural Thailand job and biz. opportunities and as was said, you will indeed need that money later!

Is your wife contribute to the family income, or just fully dependent on you?

Of course you will have to talk to the wife, and see what she thinks, how she understands the situation. Ultimately you are in together in this, and also need to be sure your marriage is strong to handle time apart, even if for the right reason.

[A1Str8]

In my opinion you have decided it once already together that the UK is a better choice and you should listen to that. Usually the first decisions are the correct ones, now you just started to over analyze the situation which has led to confusion. You know it already that the UK is a better option, you just miss each other with the wife and on the short run it seems to be an easier solution to come back, get a job and stay together. But you have been in that situation already and both of you agreed on changing it as it was not satisfying. So my advice, think long term. You might need to spend some time away from your wife, and arrange the visa for her which is a pain in the ass but in the end it's all going to worth it. Women look for two things in life: security and happiness. Back in the UK you can provide both with a stable job and once you settle down, you can guarantee happiness too. Meanwhile here, as you have mentioned there would be no assurance of future security, and without being able to provide stability and security how could you make a woman happy.

Is she going to like it? You need to give her some insight about the UK and ask her what she thinks.

[seajae]

mate, whats more important to you, being with the person you love or having more money. What gets me are those that think money equals happiness, it doesnt, when you are with the person you love not having shitloads of money doesnt matter. You have to do what is right for you, if you need to ask others then you are not capable of making any decisions yourself and have a lot of doubts, either you want to be with your wife or you want money and prestige. You said you can make good money here, obviously your wife isnt as important as your finances/ego, especially seeing you want TV to decide for you. When you are with the person that you love then you will be happy, you can earn a good living here so being apart is only feeding your ?

Edited October 6, 2013 by seajae

[ttthailand]

Stay in UK and make money. If she is doing nothing upcountry try to set her up in some small business to keep her out of trouble, give her a reason (something to do) and perhaps make a little extra spending money. Be sure she has high speed internet and get her a smart phone so you can video chat every night. Come to Thailand every 3 to 6 months for a visit. If she loves you she will be a good girl and wait. If she plays around then your decision to stay in UK was for the best. As others have said, money is most important thing in Thailand relationships... Even if they love you they will be pulled by family and face to seek money.

Take another look at your decision in a year or two and do what you think best. By that time hopefully you have some baht in the bank and can perhaps start something on your own back in LOS.

[cgphuket]

The answer to your question is: what do you valuemore? A life you love, or a large bank account. I know of lots of people who died miserable with money in the bank they never got to spend.

[kikoman]

You need to decide what is more important to you, your marriage or your job, and then follow your heart.

A long distance relationship (Marriage) is not a great recipe for future happiness, many things can happen in 6 months.

Decide what is more important to you and do it.

Good Luck

Cheers:

[HeijoshinCool]

Money is not the most important thing in life, far from it.

But it makes all the important things possible.

[bendovid]

You mention starting a business, can you not go to thailand and start a business together? I'm in a very similar position and am not quite ready to give in and return to work in the u.k.

Hi, thanks for your response..I don't have enough savings to start a business there..The only way I could do it would be to sell my flat and get around 6 million baht but that would be very dangerous if it all does not work out..

[bendovid]

Money ( or more like not having it!) is on of the top killer of marriages.

In Thailand it seem to be the case as much as elsewhere.

Since you have a potentially great job ( good base+ bonus) in a difficult economic time, i would suggest to stick to that job, work out to get your wife to UK, even if it means tourist first.

Even in a few years you will be financially well ahead, vs. rural Thailand job and biz. opportunities and as was said, you will indeed need that money later!

Is your wife contribute to the family income, or just fully dependent on you?

Of course you will have to talk to the wife, and see what she thinks, how she understands the situation. Ultimately you are in together in this, and also need to be sure your marriage is strong to handle time apart, even if for the right reason.

Hi, thanks for your advice. No, my wife is totally dependent on me. We tried starting a few business ideas for her in the village, from a small restaurant to a small clothes shop but each time they were hardly making a dime and in fact in danger of losing money so we decided to stop..She lives in a very remote village where opportunity to make enough money for even a decent day's food are sparse..I agree with you money or not having it can be a right stress which Is why I came back here as we were starting to argue a lot with the strain of me slaving away in Bangkok without earning enough to save too much..I am not sure the marriage is strong enough or rather she is to go through all the time apart..she is crying every other day recently how bored and lonely she is..she has been very good to wait for several months but I worry that the more it goes on, the more stress our relationship is under...that it what tempts me to go back and forget the whole visa thing..

[bendovid]

mate, whats more important to you, being with the person you love or having more money. What gets me are those that think money equals happiness, it doesnt, when you are with the person you love not having shitloads of money doesnt matter. You have to do what is right for you, if you need to ask others then you are not capable of making any decisions yourself and have a lot of doubts, either you want to be with your wife or you want money and prestige. You said you can make good money here, obviously your wife isnt as important as your finances/ego, especially seeing you want TV to decide for you. When you are with the person that you love then you will be happy, you can earn a good living here so being apart is only feeding your ?

Hi, thanks for your response..of course being with the person I love is more important than having more money or I would not even be debating it on here. I don't want money and prestige but I do want and need for us to have security and working a job that may end any day without the capacity to save much from the job leaves our security exposed. You are right that being with the person you love makes one happy, but if in the background there are money worries, it does not make for a good relationship..with stress and often arguments. I am not asking TV to decide for me..I am just seeking alternative opinions/ views on what others would do in my situation..Ultimately of course I will make my mind up but many of the people on here have gone through what I am going through and so are well qualified to advise me. My wife is very important to me and I could not care less about ego or again would not be on here posting these details of my life and seeking advice on what to do. I can earn a living there but not a good one..with no real opportunity to progress my career and earn more in the future. Money does not equal happiness but a relationship with money worries..doesn't matter how much you love each other..is also not the route to long term happiness..

[bendovid]

The answer to your question is: what do you valuemore? A life you love, or a large bank account. I know of lots of people who died miserable with money in the bank they never got to spend.

I value a life I love more than a large bank account but it is hard to love life when you are always worrying about money and future security for both of us..The reason I left the UK originally was just what you said..I found I was making good money but miserable so I left to speand my hard earned money on enjoying life..When the holiday ended after around a year, I decided to give it a go working in Bangkok on less money than I used to earn in the UK to stay with the woman I love but we were not so happy living in Bangkok(we much prefer being away from the big city) and I also started to think it was a dead end career wise and for our future so I came back.. It is one thing earning enough to live but with no ability to save for when we have children etc etc it was starting to seem the wrong decision to stay..I have no intention now of leaving my wife so I can earn loads and dies miserable..i really wan to earn well and be with her at the same time..

[bendovid]

You mention starting a business, can you not go to thailand and start a business together? I'm in a very similar position and am not quite ready to give in and return to work in the u.k.

Hi, thanks for your response..I don't have enough savings to start a business there..The only way I could do it would be to sell my flat and get around 6 million baht but that would be very dangerous if it all does not work out..

and by the way, what are you doing currently? Do you work in Bangkok with your wife?

[bendovid]

This is too obvious this one

obvious how? does that mean you would go back to Thailand to work without the security or career path or stay in the UK and continue with trying to get a visa sorted/long periods away from each other? Pray tell?

[bendovid]

Go back to Thailand and work.

Start an online business in your spare time. With your sales experience I'd be very surprised if you couldn't build up a sustainable income within 2-3 years.

Once you do that's your retirement sorted.

I like your optimism and I must admit the online business idea in spare time has crossed my mind..

[bendovid]

interesting story .

it doesn't feel very interesting..i guess that's because it's my real life and not just a story..it is a v stressful situation to be in in! Worth thinking about implications first of falling in love in Thailand unlike I did as the rest can be very tough indeed. Thank you for reading though

[shaggy1969]

What are your living costs in London? I can't imagine that they are cheap.

The 50,000 in London compared to the 30.000 in BKK could soon even themselves out if your overheads are high in London.

If the difference wasn't that great then I would go for being with the Missus in Thailand.

Just a thought

Best of luck to you which ever way you decide (meant in a sincere way)

[cpofc]

Recently I was reading a quote from Anthony Hopkins where he reckoned we all think too much.

The answer to this question is the same as to the others. What is your gut telling you to do?

When we arrived back in Aust after getting married in Bangkok in Sept 85, I had $500 left in my bank account, and that was it, all up. Nowhere to live as yet, I had to borrow money from the Navy to pay the bond and deposit on my flat. I had a 10 YO Step Daughter, and a son came along about 18 months later.

In the beginning Navy Welfare sent round a young 3rd Year Uni Student to help my wife settle in to her new country and show her the ropes, teach her how to catch a train, go shopping etc. After a few days she baled out as my wife ended up showing her around and sorting things out for the two of them. LOL.

It wasn't easy. But we managed.

We were just reminscing about those days last night.

Edited October 6, 2013 by cpofc

[bifftastic]

There is no need to apply for a visit visa first. You can go straight for the settlement if you want to, and if you already meet the current income requirements.

Also, if you do decide to go for a visit visa first, and your wife likes the idea of settlement in the UK, there is no need to wait 6 months before applying for a settlement on her return to Thailand.

As for whether or not you both will be happier in Thailand, or the UK, that's for you both to decide. Which, in fairness should mean that you postpone that decision until your wife has a chance to comment on her life in the UK, which would be best done if she could work and play a full part in your life there. And that in turn would point to a settlement visa which allows her to work from day one of her arrival.

It does take longer to process, but is more valuable once approved.

I wish you luck in whatever you both choose to do.

[thaibeachlovers]

If you have enough income to stay in Thailand, stay. If you take her to the UK, you risk her becoming just like the women some of us come here to get away from.

Also, is she a family oriented person? If so, not even a starter for relocating. Everytime one of them gets sick, she'll be on a plane back, or driving you crazy.

[farang000999]

My first reaction to this topic is that it must be somewhat scary for pensioners to see how expensive Thailand is getting and that a guy can just walk into a telephone sales job and make 100,000 a month. When I first came to Thailand in 2004 it seemed teachers made 30k baht a month now many seem to claim to make multiples of that. At this rates, the pensioners are going to have a very hard time maintaining themselves in Thailand on a fixed income.

[farang000999]

If you have enough income to stay in Thailand, stay. If you take her to the UK, you risk her becoming just like the women some of us come here to get away from.

Can you extrapolate further on this? While moving to the UK from Thailand will be no cake walk I don't have a clue which characteristics you believe she may inherit.

[Beetlejuice]

My questions to the OP is:

What sort of accommodation does he have in the UK?

Does his Thai wife have a good command of the English language, both verbal and written?

Is the OP`s employment in the UK permanent and secure?

Does he belong to any pension of insurance schemes, have assets and any savings in the UK?

These are some of the questions that will be asked by the FCO as regards to their decision to allow his wife into the UK, because they have to ensure that foreigners will not need to make claims for welfare benefits later on.

My advice to the OP is; not to get his wife pregnant at this time, and sorry to say, that I cannot see much of a future for this relationship, because I have seen all this before, where a farang falls in love with a Thai girl, wants to take her back home with him, but has no or little collateral assets and mostly lives month by month on a pay packet.

As for the question; what would you do? I would just be realistic, that`s all.

[Skint]

Stay in uk for work, bring her over for 3 month visits, so 3 months uk then she goes back for 3 months in those 3 months she is back you go there for 2-3 weeks this will make it easier until you get the residence visa.

If you make more in the uk then stay in uk, keep your eyes open for better opportunities in Thailand.