Outlaws ... do you really give a Throw?

[David48]

Outlaws (the In-Laws actually) ... do you really give a Toss?

I'm not married, but I know one day I will marry the current gf ... we are expecting kids in the

near future and our lives are destined to be intertwined.

So, knowing where my future lays, I sometimes sit back and reflect on what I'm inheriting?

You've heard the old expression ... marry the (Thai) girl ... marry her Family.

So I sit in the shadows with a quiet Beer and observe ... sisters, nieces, nephews, aunts

and uncles and importantly, her Parents.

What's your thoughts and feelings on the Outlaws?

Good,

Indifferent

... or wouldn't turn the hose on them if they were on fire?

Just for the record ... I'd turn the hose on ... ... they're OK folk.

.

[soi41]

If you can even see them, you are living way to close!

A "safety" zone of 500-800 km's and you will manage just fine!!

[Dr Robert]

I am lucky to have great out/inlaws who are kind, respectful decent caring people. They are patient with my poor language, generous with their food,time, home and dont have a greedy bone in their loving bodies. Oh and their daughter is utterly beautiful... I am rich in the bounty of the extended family and bless my stars for such welcoming arms

[seajae]

Basically mine are great except for the half sister I mentioned in another post. The FIL lives up north so we never see him unless he wants money and that has not been in the last couple of year so I am happy with that. Half sister is simply a sponge and expects us to support her(she is in her 30's), she doesnt know how to cook or do any housework etc(been married several times) and makes a living lying on her back, the rest of the family I will help out if I can as they are all straight forward and really nice people but not this one, When my wife sold her original house the half sister(and my wifes mum) spat it because she expected my wife to give the house to her for nothing, actually she was thinking about it but I told her that I would not be here if she did. Luckily my wife loves me more than her sister so she used the money to pay off a loan on the current house. I must admit it is difficult to understand thai people with regards to family, their parents et el can shit on them and never do anything for them but they will still support them financially, definitely different to the western way of thinking. Have to admit that it is good though when you need help and the rest of the family are there to do so but this is what we do ourselves anyway, family, great when they are nice but...............

[David48]

If you can even see them, you are living way to close!

A "safety" zone of 500-800 km's and you will manage just fine!!

From a few of the stories I read and personal experiences from people I trust ... far, far away is still not far enough.

I actually live in the same house as them when I live in Thailand ... when you break the same bread, sit on the same shitter ... enjoy a whiskey after the sun is past the Yard-Arm ... not much is hidden.

Mind you ... they could be very good actors!

Dr Robert ... nice also to hear a positive story.

... have run out of likes ... back soon.

[CharlieH]

My in laws are great, never ever asked me for anything, they have made me aware through the wife of some problems over the years and I was more than happy to assist as I would with any family member, after all, they are my family too now. I often take care of any mediical issues, spectacles, dentist etc for the parents, occasionally buy them groceries or something nice whilst we are doing our shopping.

I consider myself more fortunate than most in this regard, they have never taken me for granted, always been respectful and we live in the same village. I have also built a small place within ours for the parents to retire into when they want. The FIL takes care of all the gardens etc and is happy to do so. 2 sister in laws, one never asked a thing, but I was happy to help her with certain more costly items when she had a baby, the other, works all the hours under the sun, has asked to borrow money (1000 baht) when cannot quite make it to the end of the month but has always returned it within minutes of being paid.

Generally a nice family, always ready to help if asked, always try to include me in everything and have never ever refused anything I have asked of any of them.

[benalibina]

You gonna be a dad. Do you know how you want to be involved in the babys first 3 years of their life. What kind of a dad you want to become for them. Thai style of raising kids or aussie style. Babyphone or the babys sleeping in your room.

If youre gonna be a laid back, not want to do yourself to much regarding nappies taking them to sleep and giving them milk, dad, then staying around your outlaws is ok. STAY then, they will take care. If the other way around, a safer bet is then to move away from the current environment after around 6 months.

Having kids you will really see the difference in cultures. Good though that your gf has already been in aussieland and should know that there is not only the thai way. Hopefully.

But you should know best about your outlaws. Children however, it can become a different ballgame.

Good luck.

[h90]

why marry....you can happily live together without marry.

[kannot]

both parents dead........ideal in my case

[mickjn]

If you can even see them, you are living way to close!

A "safety" zone of 500-800 km's and you will manage just fine!!

Short and sweet but that is your answer

[Travel2003]

I am lucky to have great out/inlaws who are kind, respectful decent caring people. They are patient with my poor language, generous with their food,time, home and dont have a greedy bone in their loving bodies. Oh and their daughter is utterly beautiful... I am rich in the bounty of the extended family and bless my stars for such welcoming arms

I have been blessed with exactly the same.

Nice decent working people.

No greed, envy, or discontent.

[ToddWeston]

My MIL is my second Mum, kind, generous, beautiful, horrible cook and a great wit she has never treated me like alien. We live in the same house now and we are still learning how to cope with each others company, but everyday gets better.

SIL's and BIL's and neices and nephews are simply wonderful, mutual respect and love and we really do like one another.

The FIL on the other hand, when I open the closest everyday I wonder/hope if I'll get to wear the black tie in the 25 years we've never liked each other and I've never called him by his name just a simple nod :) he treats me like the stuff on an aliens shoe but I don't care. Funny thing is when my family visit Thailand or when he visits back home he's the life of the party and talks about me like we are mates.

It comes with the package i suppose falling in love, I learnt a long time ago a wonderful word when dealing with inlaws - just say "sure", now I say "sure up to you"

I'm also very fortunate the family has a great sense of humour and we spend hours just laughing at life, sure helps a lot.

Edited October 13, 2013 by ToddWeston

[robblok]

Nothing wrong with the MIL at first she tried to get money but when she saw that was not possible and when my language skills improved all was good. Nice old lady no problems so far and now that she does not ask for money I sometimes take them out for dinner or something like that.

Brothers and sisters, don't hear much from them don't see them much though they don't live too far. For a while we had her brother here a lot.. good guy but a bit stupid. Worked as a day labor / handyman made some mistakes here in the village so we don't see him anymore. I had no problems helping him at times as he worked and was not lazy. But now that he is not here its good too. I love it that people dont disturb me too much.

The wife does not contact her family that much besides her mom that is. But things could have been different if I had been foolish enough to give in to demands of sinsod and money. Now they know I am no ATM and am treated nice.

[cpofc]

I am lucky to have great out/inlaws who are kind, respectful decent caring people. They are patient with my poor language, generous with their food,time, home and dont have a greedy bone in their loving bodies. Oh and their daughter is utterly beautiful... I am rich in the bounty of the extended family and bless my stars for such welcoming arms

I have been blessed with exactly the same.

Nice decent working people.

No greed, envy, or discontent.

yep, me too.

I am one very lucky bloke to be honest.

I have a huge Thai family, due to divorce and remarriage and more kids, on both sides. The girls all just had a mini reunion here this past week. Coming from the USA & Australia. it was great to see them all together, having a ball, with their mum and dad. Lots of water under the bridge, skeletons in the closet, fallouts, split ups and the usual family things. But they are still family, and family is strong.

I have a superb relationship with my In Laws. The thing is, they 'respect' me, and in turn, I respect them.

So yeah, in answer to the question I do give a toss. if it weren't for my MIL & SIL I would not have the nice little set up here that I have.

[HeijoshinCool]

One full-time Thai in my life is more than enough.

[iancnx]

This comment is a world wide one, not restricted to Thailand. From bitter experience ensure you size up the mother in law very very carefully before you take the plunge.... If you are unfortunate to find one that WILL rule the roost, you have my deepest sympathies.

[transam]

It is literally a mine field. Some are lucky and reach the other side.

[kikoman]

I have been very lucky, not only do I have a great wife, I have great in-laws, great people never ask me for anything happy.accepting, considerate people. As they live in Bangkok, we added a room on our home for them to come live with us whenever they want to. Many of the family's that lives in the village are from my wife's extended family.

The best in-laws I have ever had, I am truly blessed!

Cheers:

Edited October 13, 2013 by kikoman

[dao16]

It's difficult living near the in-laws, as there are all kinds of family obligations that seem unimportant but which Thais find very important, and that definitely will put a burden on your wife (especially if she is the eldest and/or has the most money--EDIT...I don't mean just money, but by being the person with the most money and being older, more is expected in terms of responsibility in general).

That said, my in-laws are great and we have all helped each other out in different times and different circumstances.

Edited October 13, 2013 by dao16

[mjj]

In-laws, some are good some are bad.

The real question I feel should be about the missus. From what I have heard from others, I'm lucky in that my wife puts me and my son at the top of the priority tree. No matter how much the in-laws stamp and scream, that is the way it is................and should be..........

[iancnx]

In-laws, some are good some are bad.

The real question I feel should be about the missus. From what I have heard from others, I'm lucky in that my wife puts me and my son at the top of the priority tree. No matter how much the in-laws stamp and scream, that is the way it is................and should be..........

Agreed totally, and your experience is exactly the opposite to my experience in the Middle East! Here (no 3) everything is super sweet thank Buddha.

[krisb]

Number 1 is they looove our daughter and loooove to babysit her. It's not considered taking advantage when they really really want to help. It's they really do care and love our daughter.

Trust me, having loving grandparents around to give you a much needed break from bubs is fantastic. Grandma and grandpa are welcome anytime. For that matter so is uncles, aunts and cousins of bub.

[David48]

Great replies above ...

In-laws, some are good some are bad.

The real question I feel should be about the missus. From what I have heard from others, I'm lucky in that my wife puts me and my son at the top of the priority tree. No matter how much the in-laws stamp and scream, that is the way it is................and should be..........

Interesting point you raise, and also a point of discussion in itself.

I've had the (honest) conversation with my partner and we aren't married, not have kids yet and yes, I do rank below them, her parents.

Thankfully, I'm on the next rung on that ladder, equal with one of her siblings and above the rest of the family.

Things might change when get married and the kids are born ... who knows.

I am surprised that there are not more horror stories as I understand some real bad <deleted> goes down.
.

[wooloomooloo]

I am surprised that there are not more horror stories as I understand some real bad <deleted> goes down.

Why should there? No problem here either.

We have a buffer zone of 6500 miles from the in laws.

My wife and I visit twice a year and never no problems when we're there either.

My in laws are in receipt of a modest amount of money every month and I like to make small improvements to their house when we visit.

They wait on, and look after me one rung lower than Buddha which is quite insulting really. Only kidding.

[benalibina]

Great replies above ...

In-laws, some are good some are bad.

The real question I feel should be about the missus. From what I have heard from others, I'm lucky in that my wife puts me and my son at the top of the priority tree. No matter how much the in-laws stamp and scream, that is the way it is................and should be..........

Interesting point you raise, and also a point of discussion in itself.

I've had the (honest) conversation with my partner and we aren't married, not have kids yet and yes, I do rank below them, her parents.

Thankfully, I'm on the next rung on that ladder, equal with one of her siblings and above the rest of the family.

Things might change when get married and the kids are born ... who knows.

I am surprised that there are not more horror stories as I understand some real bad <deleted> goes down.

.

There must be alot more horrorstories about. Shame and/or keeping up appearances prevents many from posting it i guess. Probably too about fear of getting bashed by rude posters who are not able to read properly or show some empathy. My situation is an utter shambles. It is how it is. I primarily blame myself for it. Should have known better but having kids i always, wanted to, believe(d) that when push comes to shuffle, their interest have priority above her own family. WRONG !!!!! In my situation. Read otherwise topic of of scotty1999 on fam&children forum. Its unbelievable and mine is even more complex.

In the western world in case of conflict the westerner chooses, in general, more the side of their partner than own family.

[Gsxrnz]

I spent an interesting 22 years watching my 1st wife (falang) turn into a replica of her mother.

Her mother was the devil incarnate.

The sad part is that I knew the MIL was devil's spawn from the minute I was introduced to her but never thought her daughter would turn out to be just as evil. Hindsight is a real bugger!!

All those Mother-in-law jokes have more than just a semblance of truth about them, so look at the intended MIL and that's probably what you're going to have in 20 years.

My Thai wife very quickly insulated me from her family. They're not exactly evil, but they've shat on her a few times and she is a strong believer in the som-num-na theory. She helps them only after serious interrogation as to the reason they need help, so consequently they tend not to ask for help unless they really are desperate.

She's not exactly close to her parents or immediate family - somewhat different to most Thai women. But that suits me just fine.

[David48]

^^ Great post ...

... and she is a strong believer in the som-num-na theory.

Now this is a genuine question ... what is the 'som-num-na theory' ?

I probably know it ... just don't know it by that name.
.

[benalibina]

I spent an interesting 22 years watching my 1st wife (falang) turn into a replica of her mother.

Her mother was the devil incarnate.

The sad part is that I knew the MIL was devil's spawn from the minute I was introduced to her but never thought her daughter would turn out to be just as evil. Hindsight is a real bugger!!

All those Mother-in-law jokes have more than just a semblance of truth about them, so look at the intended MIL and that's probably what you're going to have in 20 years.

My Thai wife very quickly insulated me from her family. They're not exactly evil, but they've shat on her a few times and she is a strong believer in the som-num-na theory. She helps them only after serious interrogation as to the reason they need help, so consequently they tend not to ask for help unless they really are desperate.

She's not exactly close to her parents or immediate family - somewhat different to most Thai women. But that suits me just fine.

The MIL resemblance is quite an interesting 1, thinking about it. Correct about my wife and MIL. I belief that in your current situation youre lucky with partner like yours.

[JLCrab]

^^ Great post ...

... and she is a strong believer in the som-num-na theory.

Now this is a genuine question ... what is the 'som-num-na theory' ?

I probably know it ... just don't know it by that name.

.

There could be lots of English equivalents but a karma-like one would be: What goes 'round comes around.

But after reading posts above it seems much of the in-laws attitude toward their farang SIL could also be: Can't get blood out of a turnip

Edited October 13, 2013 by JLCrab

[Sealbash]

I have been married 17 years. In laws are honest, proud, and have integrity. I have never been asked for anything. I have offered and paid for three nieces to through university. My idea, not theirs. All three have great jobs now.