What would you do 2

[Soutpeel]

Well seeing as no one has stated the obvious TV remark think I well throw it in the mix.......this is what happens when you marry a BG LOL

Edited November 8, 2013 by Soutpeel

[oxo1947]

What about case 5.......

Personally I feel that in any relationship a few fatal beatings everyday doesn't hurt anyone. .............

[thhMan]

At the end of the day, a Thai lady has 2 choices. A farang pig or Thai pig... They are both the same with one perhaps a bit more ;lazy than the other.

Had the Thai lady tried harder, she would have found a 3rd choice.... A decent human being, of any nationality... It just takes some time to find them.

[Baerboxer]

From what I have seen and heard in the UK, part if not alot of the problem is the wives finding or actively seeking other Thai women for friends etc, then the "keeping up with the joneses" kicks in, pressure is put on the husbands because comparisons are constantly being made and one wants to out do the other, which is so typically Thai, I a sure you have all witnessed that to one degree or another. Even here in Thailand I have heard and read on this forum of expats steering clear of friendships with other expats for exactly this reason.

My own answer to this was dont take the flower out of the garden, what once was beautiful, will wither and die. You can transplant for periods but you know where it belongs to thrive.

If you look at the OP, they are all friends of his wife, all one group, all have problems, how much comparison is going on there as an example. How many had problems BEFORE they were a group.

From what I saw in the UK, your comments are fair. Thais more so than most expats like to keep tight with their own nationality. Temples, restaurants, language schools all connect Thais and they form quick social networks, "Keeping up with the joneses", outdoing one another, comparing what's presents and money they get from their husbands and even how many times their husbands want sex. All starts as friendly gossip and then can, and often from what I saw, deteriorates into cat-calling and little gangs forming. This group became polarized into the ex-bar girls and the non-whores, and each had its own factions within.

I saw:

- from a group of 9 ex-bar girls, all bar 1, going out once a week nightclubbing. This was in a small city with only 4 main clubs. I knew the door staff at all of them and heard about the girls antics. The 1 who didn't go was married to a good working guy about the same age. They started a family and she seemed happy, nice and contented whenever I spoke with her.

- one lady, non-bar girl group had a fairly wealthy, but much older husband. He set her up with a successful food outlet where she met many male customers. She told the other girls in the group the she got "more action" than she could handle and if any wanted some phone numbers just let her know. Ironically her husband was screwing the Thai "friend" who worked for her, even though that girl was married to one of his mates.

- one ex-bar girl left her English husband for a toy boy. Her 3 Thai children all chose to remain with their step-father who had adopted them sometime before,

- one ex-bar girl told her MiL (who told me) that she had to work as a whore to support her impoverished family. Luckily her husband was client number 2. Same girl told my wife that she was really popular with the customers often averaging more than one a day, over a 2 year period of "employment". She was engaged to a farang but dropped him in favour of the husband because hubby sent more to her each month. However, she didn't tell the other guy, who continued paying until after she'd moved to the UK and got married.

I've lived in 2 countries and in each my wife insisted on socializing with the resident Thai ladies' community. I met a great number, married to Americans, Aussies, Brits, Irish, Dutch and German. I met many who were happily married, some who saw their wife as a trophy wife - but spent plenty on them and one or two that were on the rocks, or certainly looked that way. 3 Thai ladies made passes at me, even though they knew my wife, and knew I know their husbands. One told me that she screwed around because her hubby was only interested in golf and one ditched her husband whilst "holidaying" in Thailand with their son, after taking him for a packet. One guy took his wife shopping, they argued and she hit him with her high heeled shoe in the middle of a big mall.

I've racked my memory, which is pretty good and detailed, and I cannot think of one instance where the Thai lady was mistreated anything like in the cases the OP posts. That's not to say it doesn't happen. Just seems strange that the OP has so many cases, and I've none.

Edited November 8, 2013 by Baerboxer

[HardenedSoul]

Well seeing as no one has stated the obvious TV remark think I well throw it in the mix.......this is what happens when you marry a BG LOL

I think you're right, SP

[flyingdoc]

Far too many foreigners are beguiled and rush in feet first. Sound advice indeed - live in Thailand first for at least 3 years, get the feel of the country and customs, and then decide - not before! Not taking the flower out of the garden may well be good advice in certain cases !

[Alwyn]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9R5oI3RGunk

[smileydude]

Whether it be the westerner or a thai gal, bad people are bad people and someone's always on the end of the receiving stick.

Best bet is to use your common sense and keep your realities in check for both sides. A young pretty girl swooning over an older bald fat man or a presumably wealthy westerner sweeping a plain looking farm girl off to the la la land should sound alarm bells in their respective minds.

Nothing better then playing it slow and safe and making sure we use the top head instead of the bottom one.

Edited November 8, 2013 by smileydude

[Larry001]

I have no problem believing these stories. I witness the manner in which some Farangs from UK treat their wife / girlfriend in Thailand. They think they own them and treat them like a piece of rubbish.

[umbanda]

I have been to the UK with my wife a few times and met some other Thai Scottishcouples. Nothing else in common with the guys.

My wife isn't interested either. Some sad cases.

"How did these people end up together?", I often wonder although it's pretty obvious.

Never marry a Thai woman unless you've lived in Thailand for at least 3 years.

Now that last line is some dam good advice.

Very good advise!.....I was living here exactly 3 years dating like craze..... before meeting the love of my life and married her in 2 months before other farang see her value....Years with good and bad experiences can give you the intuition to recognize a good woman...No doubts about.

[umbanda]

I have been to the UK with my wife a few times and met some other Thai Scottishcouples. Nothing else in common with the guys.

My wife isn't interested either. Some sad cases.

"How did these people end up together?", I often wonder although it's pretty obvious.

Never marry a Thai woman unless you've lived in Thailand for at least 3 years.

Now that last line is some dam good advice.

Very good advise!.....I was living here exactly 3 years dating like craze..... before meeting the love of my life and married her in 2 months before other farang see her value....Years with good and bad experiences can give you the intuition to recognize a good woman...No doubts about.

[me313]

The person writing this post reveals his/her own bias: they say that all the Thai women who get a bad deal when they marry these UK men and get screwed in the UK are all "attractive", so I must beg the question, do unattractive women then "deserve" worse treatment? It's a matter of semantics and it might seem like a small point but it reveals a state of mind about how people view women who "deserve" what they get from abusive men.

Edited November 8, 2013 by me313

[sangsom69]

it seems logical to suggest that any western man that deliberately flies half way round to world to a developing nation to find a wife because his economic advantage affords him a choice of younger attractive women might not have been blessed with an abundance of relationship skills back home, or be the dream partner for any woman.

Similarly, many Thai women looking for a man purely for financial gain might not make the dream wife. But there's honourable exceptions who treat each other with kindness and respect, and that's when it seems to work.

When I lived in Pattaya, however, far too many times you saw the other type who would treat their wives with utter contempt, seeing their economic advantage as entitlement to behave like a white slave trader. Then bitch and whine when she buggers off to get her jollies with Somchai. As the Thais say, som nam naa

Edited November 8, 2013 by sangsom69

[metisdead]

Spelling police posts have been removed.

[HaleySabai]

Seriously. The cultures are so different, not to mention some language barrier for most, it's really hard for both people to make a good and informed choice and then make it work. It happens, but I'm not up for the odds.

.....find someone you can communicate with. Connect with the' noodle'... not just the organs.

My wife is uni-educated,straight-goods-farm-girl that reads,writes and speaks english better than many farang do. We have kids,travel all over the world,run a business together and after 13yrs, life together just keeps getting better.

Its the luck of the draw I guess....but I had several years of experience in LOS before I met my wife and up to that point I couldn't imagine myself getting married to a Thai.....the only women I had met previously were ones with language skills and mental atmospheres that would make me cringe after a few days.

We know several Thai/farang couples who have been happy together for decades and many more who are on the "rocks"...... communication my friends ...thats the key, from which the other complex elements that make up a relationship will be more likely to merge and work in harmony.

[Ulic]

My advice to the ladies.

1-leave any man that beats you the first time

2-leave a man that does not treat your daughter as his daughter

3-Keep a separate bank account

4-leave any man that takes a trip to Thailand without you

5- understand western men can be just as flawed as Thai men

6- there are government services and programs that can assist them.

[Halion]

Been married to a Thai lady for the past 27 years and have three grown children. We lived in Singapore for many years and also in the UK before coming to Thailand to retire. Over this significant span of time we have met many couples of which the spouse was Thai. I would say that about 70% of these were simply an accident waiting to happen for a variety of reasons and faults on both sides. So many foreigners simply do not consider the challenges that beset a marriage which crosses cultural and often intellectual boundary's are they are inept at dealing with this phenomena.

As such we have both become rather wary of engendering relationships with foreigners married to Thai wife's owing to the potential bitching and moaning that so frequently occurs.

I have little doubt that many of the foreigners who come here have little appreciation for the potential problems that are part and parcel of any marriage where a respect and understanding of the cultural and social behavioral norms are a critical part of a successful relationship.

From personal knowledge I would estimate that around 60 to 70 % of the foreigners who come here and marry a Thai have a less than 4 year relationship which fails owing to both sides, not just the Thai woman. The remaining 30-40 % are perfectly happy. It is all about compromise not domination.

[abrahamzvi]

Nothing stopping these girls going to the pigs where unlike Thailand something can be done nobody likes a wife beater Or going back to Thailand unless of course they are sticking it out for the passport and all the lovely benefits.

Sent from my iPhone using Thaivisa Connect Thailand

Your answer/comment is a disgrace showing your utter contempt to Thais. Can you please indicate to us what the "lovely benefits" are? You, as well as all of us, know what it means to Thais (not only to Thais, to a lot of us, as well) to lose face and that would be the case with most girls coming back. So please, be careful with your statements and if that is the way you feel about Thais, may I suggest that you go back to your home. It must be awful to live among people you despise to that extent!

[wileycoyote]

Sad and disappointing

[simple1]

OP: taking your cases at face value you must know quite a few UK//Thai couples. I last lived in Australia in different towns and cities and knew many, I would say approx 4 couples where male was abusive either physically, psychologically or both.

As an assumption I would say that some are fearful of the husband threatening to have them deported, so feel trapped. Some are scared of police/social services i.e. figures of authority.. So puts you and wife in a very difficult situation as you would need the victim to collaborate & provide proof of their tormenters actions. In addition, very trustworthy friends to provide support for them.

Maybe it's too off the wall, but on some occasions I was approached by guys I knew for an introduction to a Thai women, but this would mean your/wifes personal involvement, plus they would have to take care of the victim just about immediately, as well as liaising with social services/immigration to counter the husbands allegations to try & get them deported

[norrona]

OP: taking your cases at face value you must know quite a few UK//Thai couples. I last lived in Australia in different towns and cities and knew many, I would say approx 4 couples where male was abusive either physically, psychologically or both.

As an assumption I would say that some are fearful of the husband threatening to have them deported, so feel trapped. Some are scared of police/social services i.e. figures of authority.. So puts you and wife in a very difficult situation as you would need the victim to collaborate & provide proof of their tormenters actions. In addition, very trustworthy friends to provide support for them.

Maybe it's too off the wall, but on some occasions I was approached by guys I knew for an introduction to a Thai women, but this would mean your/wifes personal involvement, plus they would have to take care of the victim just about immediately, as well as liaising with social services/immigration to counter the husbands allegations to try & get them deported

are you talking about husbands in the UK trying to get their wife deported?

if so it took the UK years to get rid of hook hand and the other cretin.....what chance does some regular johnny have in getting a Thai or anyone else deported if they have Indefinite Leave to Remain?

[metisdead]

An inflammatory post has been removed as well as the replies.

[Maestro]

What would you do 2

Thongkorn, I'm afraid I do not understand the title you gave the topic you started. Could you rephrase it, please?

What constructive advice would you give to any of them, and how long do you stand by and not offer any help. even though they are asking.

Advice to whom? The husband or the wife or both in the various cases you have listed?

[Soi Sauce]

<deleted>? More than BS

[nongsangcity]

Just my take on this my wife and myself are rock solid ....but in the UK I have seen many thai girls treat their English husbands/ boyfriends in a terrible way.....staying out all night down the local casinos, slagging their partners off to their friends in thai in front of their partners...total disrespect to their partners....there are many good thai wives/girlfriends in the UK but what I have seen with my own eyes and heard with my own ears they are out weighted by the bad/shellfish/pathetic individuals....who don't deserve to be in the UK with a good British man.

[thaibook]

Far too many foreigners are beguiled and rush in feet first. Sound advice indeed - live in Thailand first for at least 3 years, get the feel of the country and customs, and then decide - not before! Not taking the flower out of the garden may well be good advice in certain cases !

Like everywhere one needs to consider the character of the person, not just the smile. In addition as you say it is important to take into account the two key Thai characteristics - griengjai and respect of pee - and understand how they apply, even to money.

For example, I have been married for just over 30 years to the same Thai girl. We have lived in the UK and the USA. She returns to LOS every year of two for a couple of months and I try to make it there for a week or two. When I am there, if we have dinner with her girlfriends I pay as I am pee. If we are with another couple or two, it depends on the relative pee-ness and closeness. When we eat out with her family, her parents pay or if it is just her siblings and their families her brother pays as he is pee. The brother often organises a trip of a few days, when I come, to a part of Thailand. For these the costs are shared.

We are thinking of spending more time in LoS, so might bump into some of you. In some cases it might be fun but wife beaters, please wear a badge so I can cross the street.

[chrisrazz]

Thai ladies seem to think that a falang husband is going to answer all their problems. A childhood neighbor of my wife, decided to off to phuket to find a falang, meanwhile her Thai husband was working in Taiwan, after some considerable time she returned to the village and asked if I would drive to the airport to pick up her catch. She was busy telling everyone in the car how he was too rich to even look at. Well turns out not that rich, as later, he was asking me to lend him money, he lied to her about how he was rich, she lied to him about her husband beating her. I hope they are happy, they deserve each other (I actually know they are not happy at all, but for face on her side, and necessity on his, they are stuck with each other).

We often have visits from locals wanting to know how to get a 'rich' falang. Be careful what you wish for is my response. Please don't look at me as a typical example of a falang husband.

The wife's cousin fell in 'love' with an english bloke, she went to the UK, they married. The bloke was ok, but, I explained to her he was a drug dealer, is that what she wanted? He got busted, then jailed and she was off with another bloke quick as a flash. Not because he was a dealer, but because he was caught. He did the right thing before going inside, left her plenty of money, bought a house in Thailand for her family etc. She is still in the UK btw.

I/we try to limit our friendships to a select few thai/falang couples. I've encountered many where I don't like the attitude of the husband and there are many where my wife doesn't like the attitude of the wife. We don't really need the problems, we have enough of our own.

Recently another cousin (there are more every year it seems) met an aussie fellow, they spent a few days at our place. A nice bloke, she's a nice lady. They both seek our advice. My advice to him is if you are serious, do not under any circumstances throw it all in for Thailand. Take her to your home, let her see for herself what REAL LIFE is like, let her experience the everyday drudgery that is your life. If her only experience of you is when you're on holiday, that is not real life. The most important thing, if it works out is that she can go to school and learn English, develop relationships of her own, (please not just with Thais, they are terrible snobs) she can get a job, all the rest of it. You can think about Thailand later.

An aussie mate has a Thai lady, he visits her for a few months, she visits him in oz for a few months. I really can't see the attraction for him. According to my wife she is abusive in thai in public. She has an alcohol problem, a real problem in that she tries to hide it. He is a great guy, works hard, looks after her kids etc. and she's no trophy. It takes all sorts I suppose.

[brd]

rule number one

to speak thai you need to learn kids language as adults they still use it confusing every one keen to learn thai.

rule number two

all foreigners are good to produce lighter skin babies for the primary pleasure of the thai themselves as mothers do not want to share with any of their own babies fathers Thai or not.

rule number three

to get married to a Thai lady like every where else is an adventure though get to learn what she is looking for from you and do not try to educate her as long as she still treats herself as her own mother's daughter prior being your wife and the mother to share with you kids accepting your own add up education skills.

rule number four

a farang remains a farang all his life same in other countries like japan and better you get rid of the influential in laws unable to accept neither to respect by keeping smiling a farang authority, being themselves superior as Thai Nationals as they are extrreeeeeeeeemely selfish giving forced perpetually smiles to hide their crazy agendas.

Finally

Once all the above is clear in your mind and you have not bought a house with your foreign capital but have suggested to pay a rent to buy it over twenty years benefiting first your wife/ afterwards possibly your kids they will have it given to in their names once the loan with the bank has ended, you can be very happy with your wife, bilingual kids absolutely full of live and no in laws interfering to have kept them otherwise under their usual rules ( women out to raise cash ) as pure vulgar bufalos from the jungle, free of everything civilized nearly mad.

Next chapter in private

[tingtongteesood]

Refreshing to hear the opposite to what we usually hear......

[thongsuknork]

Nice topic but i think this is cruel to treat your wife like this and making her sorrow leaving all when she comes to UK you should feel they think u treat well i think most of the Thai G think this only marrying a Farang and going to UK makes them happy after this post i felt Bad about this kind of treatment met in UK if any one cannot treat wife well just do not marry my opinion do not be offended by my post just come and enjoy go back have happy life