Relationship with Thai woman

[rayongchelsea]

One year...enough said..how can you be fully informed about an individual, legal rights, Thai culture whatever!!

It's madness a farang coming here and considering marriage in such a short time..

The op has no credibility on that basis alone..

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[Somsrisonphimai]

Maybe what she's requesting is another form of dowry. When you marry a Thai woman, you will be asked pay dowry. You will also marry her family too not just her, so whatever the family needs, you must provide (:

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[Guitar God]

@ Gsxrnz- You're a scholar and a gentleman, your posts reads like a reading from a fortune teller but I don't mean that in a negative sense, just an impression of the writing style of your reply. I'm not sucking up just because you're saying what I want to hear, it just seemed like an appropriate time to use a phrase I haven't had occasion to use for a while, and I think it fits. I think you've summed it up well, do your research, think rationally, follow your instincts, be aware of the situation and take responsibility for your actions. I can't predict the future but I've been a good judge of character. I think, and hope I have more insight into my relationship than the people warning me to run away.

@FiftyTwo- I have a gent from the UK for an estate agent and I view most of the properties by myself first. I don't doubt that what you suggested happens though, in my case, it's highly improbable.

@ Timtscott- I believe the more information the better. After reading so many stories of relationships gone bad, it never hurts to have a second opinion, even if my gut feeling is to trust her.

@Shancloudy - Thanks for a woman's opinion, I considered posting on the women's forum to get another side of the story. Your point is well taken. She does often pay when we go out and isn't constantly asking me for money. She does buy me gifts from time to time and spent 30% of her salary on a gold Buddah amulet and chain for my birthday (20% if you include what I give her). Without going into detail, I'm 100% sure she is not now nor has she ever been married and there are no other men she is currently romantically, sexually or financially involved in. This I am certain of.

@Water Buffalo- Standard of living is important to me too, it's another thing we have in common. :-).

@Somsrisonphimai- True, the down payment on a house is a form of sinsod. I accept. If we stay together she inherits everything I have anyway so to me it doesn't matter, if we don't, then it's her lovely parting gift. I spoke with my lawyer and gf and we have an arrangement that if we split up, both the house and post martial assets are split 50-50. Two of her sisters may expect financial assistance from time to time but we have a plan for them. Her parents I don't expect to make many demands on me or her. They turned down money her ex bf gave them. If I can help them I will, same as I would the parents of my wife, regardless of their nationality.

@ Rayongchealsea- We're not married yet, we're planning . I have a ex employee from the EU who is marrying a employee from my California office, they met six months ago, that I think is rushing things but hey, sometimes if you meet the right person, you know. My parents married less than a year after they met and were still happily married till death did they part, almost 50 years later.

@ everyone else. I respect and appreciate your inputs, even the pessimistic views and I will take everything under consideration.

We now return to our regular programming...

[Shancloudy]

Oh well, nice to hear that. You deserve to be happy.. Good luck.

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[David48]

OP -Have you read a book called "Thailand Fever". It's a reasonable guide to many of the cultural differences you're facing. I strongly suggest you read it.

Your second post lends some credibility to the situation. Only you can decide if the history she is giving you is plausible. Only you can decide if you want to commit to her (and Thailand), both emotionally and financially.

I accept that most of what she has told you does conform to Thai thinking. Has she mentioned Sinsot? If not, ask her about it - that may well be the clincher. If she demands it, and it's a large amount........RUN! If it's a modest/token amount, OK. If it's zero, even better.

The house - I get her logic and it does make sense from a Thai perspective.

As to everything else, keep your cash outlay as minimal as possible. You want a car in her name, minimal deposit and credit in her name. Same with the house as she suggested. As time goes on you will know if you have a keeper, and if it goes pear shaped you can walk away and not lose your shirt.

Assuming there are no more "hidden" details in what she's told you, the only other issue is why/how did she have two Farang boyfriends, and why didn't those relationships work out. I mean, never mind the financial and risk issues, are you sure she isn't an emotional nightmare/psycho bitch from hell?

Anyway, good luck. I'm sure you'll get lots of advice on TV

Do consider reading the book I mentioned earlier. And as with all things.....keep your eyes wide open and your powder dry.

If I was going to write a reply ... I would have written very close to this ...

[David48]

It is not " Thai culture", it is only that because you are a Westerner and she is working on fleecing you.

If she has started off this way I think the best option is to run.

Serial farang hunter ..... to be avoided at all costs.

Their pan is to manipulate you through 'Thai culture'.

If she like 'Thai culture' that much, how come she isn't marrying a Thai?

PS

When they don't want you to meet friends, parents, etc. It's usually because they already have a Thai husband and are trying to minimise the risk of you finding out.

Sometimes the 'sharp' advice is earned through hard knocks.

The 'Serial farang hunter ..... to be avoided at all costs.' should not be dismissed as a negative comment out of hand.

Have ran out of likes.

OP ... you are getting some very well meant advice here.

[transam]

And if I may add, a husband in the background does not necessarily mean a legal husband. A village wedding is looked at as a marriage to locals.

[Shancloudy]

If she is asking from a very start about money that's a bad sign. I know you're older than your girlfriend but it doesn't mean you'll provide everything she needs. There's no challenge for her to work hard if you'll give everything. My boyfriend is 18 years older than me. He is 48 and I'm 30 but love and respect are there without any money involved. Don't let your girlfriend to become dependent to you. Save your money for yourself your getting older do you think if you'll be sick are they capable to take care of you? Be wise... I'm saying this to you because I feel that you're a nice guy and you deserve more than her.

[skippy]

Run and don't look back.

[Water Buffalo]

Maybe what she's requesting is another form of dowry. When you marry a Thai woman, you will be asked pay dowry. You will also marry her family too not just her, so whatever the family needs, you must provide (:

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Within reason

[rgs2001uk]

If you really want to give what she wants it's your choice but be aware to the people in a family/relatives maybe one of them is her boyfriend.

I'm doing a part time job as a private tutor in a village after my class in a Business school and I know some stories that if the husband is not here there's a thai guy living in the house.

Be aware.....

So true, I could also tell you stories about when the husband is not there a farang guy is living in the house.

[rgs2001uk]

Maybe what she's requesting is another form of dowry. When you marry a Thai woman, you will be asked pay dowry. You will also marry her family too not just her, so whatever the family needs, you must provide (:

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When you marry a Thai woman, you will be asked pay dowry.

Really?

When I married my mrs I wasnt asked to pay anything.

You will also marry her family too not just her,

Really, I married my mrs, neither she nor me really give a pigs ear about the rest of her family.

so whatever the family needs, you must provide

You must provide?

In all the years I have been maried neither the mrs or me have given them the time of day, but thats another story.

As the mrs says, "I have two hands I can work"

In a way you are correct, there were a few pissed of freeloaders would suddenly realised the farang gravy train wasnt stopping at buffalo central.

The gravy train pulled out with their sister on board while they were left behind crying into their lao kao.

[David48]

If she is asking from a very start about money that's a bad sign. I know you're older than your girlfriend but it doesn't mean you'll provide everything she needs. There's no challenge for her to work hard if you'll give everything. My boyfriend is 18 years older than me. He is 48 and I'm 30 but love and respect are there without any money involved. Don't let your girlfriend to become dependent to you. Save your money for yourself your getting older do you think if you'll be sick are they capable to take care of you? Be wise... I'm saying this to you because I feel that you're a nice guy and you deserve more than her.

Hey Shancloudy, as a Filipino, how do you compare the Phillipines and Thailand on this issue?

Have you lived in Thailand for an extended period.

I love to hear your experiences.

BTW ... your English is exemplary ...

.

[Shancloudy]

If she is asking from a very start about money that's a bad sign. I know you're older than your girlfriend but it doesn't mean you'll provide everything she needs. There's no challenge for her to work hard if you'll give everything. My boyfriend is 18 years older than me. He is 48 and I'm 30 but love and respect are there without any money involved. Don't let your girlfriend to become dependent to you. Save your money for yourself your getting older do you think if you'll be sick are they capable to take care of you? Be wise... I'm saying this to you because I feel that you're a nice guy and you deserve more than her.

Hey Shancloudy, as a Filipino, how do you compare the Phillipines and Thailand on this issue?

Have you lived in Thailand for an extended period.

I love to hear your experiences.

BTW ... your English is exemplary ...

.

Hey Shancloudy, as a Filipino, how do you compare the Phillipines and Thailand on this issue?

---- I do believe that in every country there are just as bad girls as there are good girls. But Filipina woman can understand fully well that her husband her number 1 priority that being taught how to become wife by (their /my) mothers since this is a part of the culture. And if you have a problem with a Filipina woman you can talk to their parents and let them to discipline their daughter most parent are not tolerating their daughter in doing bad things. And the parents should say treat you husband as your King. I think that's the difference between Thai people and Filipino people.

Have you lived in Thailand for an extended period.

---- Yes.

[mesquite]

OP, My opinion is that you are being overly concerned about her and not enough about yourself, a common problem with westerners.

She's Thai and she will get along well no matter what happens. If she has to live in a rented house (the horror!) so be it. There are documented cases of people renting and doing just fine. Also, watch the price of the house if you do buy. Thai ladies married to farang's are known to work a deal with the seller or builder where he overcharges and splits the difference with the farang's wife.

I would further suggest that if you feel you are doing something because "it's the right thing to do," be careful. It may be right in your mind, but she and her family could see it as a weakness to be exploited.

In all my years here, I've never heard a farang say, "I wish I would have bought her a more expensive house." Or given her more money.

And if you find yourself thinking,"she's different" drop her immediately.

[Anonchuk]

OP, My opinion is that you are being overly concerned about her and not enough about yourself, a common problem with westerners.

She's Thai and she will get along well no matter what happens. If she has to live in a rented house (the horror!) so be it. There are documented cases of people renting and doing just fine. Also, watch the price of the house if you do buy. Thai ladies married to farang's are known to work a deal with the seller or builder where he overcharges and splits the difference with the farang's wife.

I would further suggest that if you feel you are doing something because "it's the right thing to do," be careful. It may be right in your mind, but she and her family could see it as a weakness to be exploited.

In all my years here, I've never heard a farang say, "I wish I would have bought her a more expensive house." Or given her more money.

And if you find yourself thinking,"she's different" drop her immediately.

[Bazw57]

Run away now and don't look back.

Change your phone number and email, Facebook everything, and move on.

There are women in Thailand who don't want to fleece you and they can be found.

They all want a better life but once you start getting demands for buying houses and cars for family then that should be the alarm bells ringing.

There is an extremely high probability you will get burned badly if you continue with her.

And who is to say once you have paid off that expensive house and buy the family a new pick up truck or car that you will be simply kicked out with nothing. ...it has happened many times before.

And you will loose the lot and have nothing to show and absolutely no way to recover anything.

If I was you I would be scared right now.

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[RichBKK]

Is possible it could be genuine. Things just are different here a bit

Sin sots etc can be negotiated down. For instance I used the marriage visa deposit for the cash part of it, we took it out, showed it off so the face part was fine, and put it back in the bank

If the parents in law like you and get to know you then they can adjust their expectations sometimes

But of course it varies on a case by case basis

[FiftyTwo]

You could get a 20 year old for less.

Why chase an expensive one?

[Tacho De Lao]

First of all, she says you can't marry and live in a rental house and that's thai culture. That's not thai culture, that's her mindset and her explanation for requesting 3-4 mill. Do NOT be fooled by that. Thais always pull the 'thai culture' card because they know that foreigners don't know anything about it(even if they think they do)so they will probably believe it. Don't be one of those who have believed it and later regretted.

She nas not introduced you to her parents yet and is reluctant to do so until you prove it that you can provide her. Again, she has just proved it that she is full of sh_t. If a woman truly loves you, she is going to be happy and proud to introduce you to her parents. When she comes up with pathetic excuses like this one, she just makes it clear that her main motivation is money instead of love.

Besides, you have posted this here and need advice. That is because you are in doubt. Deep within you doubt that you should do it. So I suggest you to listen to that voice and find yourself a real woman. You have not got married yet but this relationship is already all about money. Get me a car, buy me a house etc...and after I might introduce you to my parents. Is this for real? Leave that mess and find a woman that truly loves you. There are plenty out there. You are going to find her.

This is the best and truest response to this. Very few Thai women really want love, they want security. The comment about the meeting of the parents says the most and is true. She already said it's about money. What more do you need to know. I suggest the Phils next time. Same issues but I have found a little less of this "money measuring your love"

[Guitar God]

Thanks for the advice but I'm but I'm not out bride shopping. I met someone who I like and love and we want to be together.

One of our best friends is a thai woman in her 50's, she has a Norwegian boyfriend who comes here often to visit. Although she owns a home here, when he visits he stays in a hotel because she doesn't think it would be proper for him to sleep there since one of her adult children lived there with her.

My gf and her parents have similar values.

Of course she's concerned about security. She'll probably outlive me by 30 years and by the time I'm dead her chances of remarrying will be slim to none. She's smart, beautiful and very popular and could have any man she wanted. She could marry a wealthy man her own age but she chooses to be with me. Along with that come conditions which I accept.

She's willing to sing anything I want to guarantee I have as much rights as I can in Thailand.

If I married an American woman in California and we eventually divorced , post marital assets would be split the same as here, 50/50.

In spite of how much she respects her parents, she thinks they wouldn't accept our relationship but she chooses me over them. Rare in Thailand from what I hear.

[FiftyTwo]

She's smart, beautiful and very popular and could have any man she wanted. She could marry a wealthy man her own age but she chooses to be with me. Along with that come conditions which I accept.

And she loves you 'cos you hansum man?

One born every minute.

Always amazed how totally unlovable old guys find some young Thai girl who really loves them for themselves.

(and not their wallet)

[Guitar God]

I must be, I've always attracted younger women. I've dated fashion models, actresses, the daughter of the VP of Citycorp who was 14 years younger than me and she insisted on paying whenever we went out. I had a long term gf who was 15 years younger than me and my best friend in Europe is 30 years my junior. I've never bought her anything, we see each other twice a week, trade off paying for dinner or we cook for each other.

I have a 30 yo woman in the US who would drop everything to see me if I told her I was in town,

None of my friends back west ever suspected any of my younger gf's of having ulterior motives but since this one is Thai, everyone here assumes she just another bg or scam artist.

I'm not an old, fat, bald grampa throwing money around in return for false affection.

I'm sorry if a lot of people here have had bad experiences with some Thai women but to paint them all with the same brush seems racist to me.

Some of the warnings I've received were laughable. I'm sure there are some Thai women who are married and scamming farangs but absolutely impossible in my situation.

I've talked with many western men happliy married to (usually) younger Thai women who paid for the house, paid for the car and a few have little or no contact with their in laws.

Rather that call me a sucker, tell me about your situation and what qualifies you as a relationship counselor or psychic?

On another thread someone said they'd never heard a Thai admit they were wrong or apologize. My gf has told me, "I'm sorry, I was wrong " a few times. One poster said "she was like finding a diamond in a pile of broken glass. She's a treasure, keep her". I think she is and I will.

If she's exceptional in that respect I don't know why it's so unbelievable that she's not the same as some other bad girls some people here have ran into.

[Bazw57]

You are Frang and you obviously have money so you can have just about any beautiful young Thai women you want.

So choose very carefully as you are holding all the csrds and csn call the shots not her.

Good luck, I have a feeling you will need it.

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[FiftyTwo]

I'm not an old, fat, bald grampa throwing money around in return for false affection.

Give it a rest gramps, you're 55 (with a ponytail 555), fat and bald are just around the corner.

Edited February 11, 2014 by FiftyTwo

[inzman]

Your obviously full of yourself, I say go for it. I will await the future post where she bleeds you dry and tosses your ass out on the street. And you, with your stunned attitude will be asking us what happened. Been here too long, I'm jaded.

[thailampang2012]

Every time I read that a Thai woman is asking for "commitment" = money, house, car, etc......my question is..Why no ask for her "commitment"...to share what she already have now with you and wait what the future will bring? Commitment is a prove of love..in both ways...Sharing life 1/2 and 1/2 is a prove of love....and if she is a Government employee do not need a lot of cash down to buy a house or condo...in her budget. Share her new house payment, share her new car payment, share all common expenses...and take the time to see what happen..If she do not accept the deal...RUN!

Edited February 11, 2014 by thailampang2012

[sam sen]

as soon as your gf starts to use 'its thai culture' to get what she wants it's time to get out of there.

once you've experienced a relationship with a normal, open minded, non-money grabbing gf you will realise how foolish you were to put up with the '...its thai culture...' vultures.

i have dated and had great relationships with many wonderful thai ladies over the years and not one has ever asked or expected a penny from me - regardless of their personal financial circumstances. they were with me because we had a good relationship not because i was paying her.

[Guitar God]

I'm putting down a downpayment on a car, she's financing the rest, the car will be registered in my name. I'm paying for less than half the house, she's getting a mortgage in her name. It seems as even as other relationships.

If I married a European or American woman who made a tenth as much as me, we wouldn't be living in a house based on twice her income there and I nor she would like to live in a 25k house here either. I only want a house as nice as I have in the US and Europe. Nothing fancy and a whole lot cheaper here.

[Guitar God]

Your psychic powers are underwhelming.

You could easily fill the shoes of the late Sylvia Browne who recently died, unexpectedly.

I'm not an old, fat, bald grampa throwing money around in return for false affection.

Give it a rest gramps, you're 55 (with a ponytail 555), fat and bald are just around the corner.