Farong married to Thai women with family

[Madgee]

My stepchildren who are in their mid-teens call me by my first name, as do all my Thai relatives and friends, except the young children who call me uncle.

I'm happy with that, plain and simple.

[zeichen]

For adult children it would be normal to call them step children. However for the grandchildren, I would think that calling them grandchildren and you grandpa would be natural. I had a step mother and called her mom after a few years, however I never called her parents anything but their given names. They treated me quite coldly and enjoyed a distance.

In Thai though use the proper title for them with their name. Nong is just nice to say and makes them feel closer to you.

My mother in law never calls me son in law. I am treated like her natural born son and almost favored to him because I spend a lot of time doing things with her.

Build the family relationship and enjoy them and don't worry about the complexity of names that will come with time.

[marquis22]

Daughter is 37 and your youngest is 49?

youngest what??

I'm confused!

in response to your question:

Thais are very liberal about who they call what.

Any older woman or man can be called grandmother or grandfather.

My wife has many, many aunts that are not the sisters of her mother or father.

She has a lot of "cousins that are not the children of her biological aunts and uncles!

All the children in my village call me "Daddy". ( pronounced Dad Deee )

It is what they hear my wife and daughter call me.

So, it is my nickname!

Yep. It took me a while to get used to being called "Dad Deee" by the teachers at my daughter's school...!

My Thai fiance started calling me daddy, had to put a stop to that. I started having kids at 25 not 19.

[rct99q]

Geez, how old are you?? Judging from some of the information I assume 78 or 80. If I live that long I would be happy to just be around them no matter what they called me. Enjoy having them around, Thais do not have the same hang ups as we do in the West. My family call me Hum Dang.....still funny after all these years.

[oldsailor35]

Not half as bad as the problem i have.

My partners 15 yr old (pretty) daughter insists on copying her mother and calling me "Darling"

Just imagine how that goes down in public. I get some awful stares from tourists and their fat wives.

[robertson468]

What's a Farong ??

totster

It's what a Foreign Grandfather wears in Thailand

[phitsanulokjohn]

It's however you feel i suppose.Many years ago my 2 Thai stepdaughters asked their Mum if they could call me Por(dad) I agreed as their real Dad died when my youngest one was only 1 and the elder one 4.I felt very sorry for them, and felt that if it adds a bit of stability into their lives,then surely that can't be a bad thing.

[Nemesis7]

Take it easy ....life is too short to worry about small issues like this.

[nahkit]

When I married my wife she already had a four year old son. I think its fair to say we had a somewhat acrimonious relationship, especially during his teenage years.

Earlier this year he separated from his wife and the family were discussing what he should do. I was working overseas and was talking to my daughter who told me that my stepson had said that he wasn't willing to make any decision until he had talked to 'dad'.

I cant put into words how I felt on hearing that he considered me his father and trusted me to give him advice on something that serious.

I would say that if your step-children and step-grandchildren want to accept you as family you should welcome it, trust me, it beats the hell out of fighting for years.

[FiftyTwo]

First, stop using tinglish (farong <deleted>)

Second call them "luke", Thai word for your own children.

So you never have to use son or daughter.

[FiftyTwo]

Daughter is 37 and your youngest is 49?

youngest what??

I'm confused!

in response to your question:

Thais are very liberal about who they call what.

Any older woman or man can be called grandmother or grandfather.

My wife has many, many aunts that are not the sisters of her mother or father.

She has a lot of "cousins that are not the children of her biological aunts and uncles!

All the children in my village call me "Daddy". ( pronounced Dad Deee )

It is what they hear my wife and daughter call me.

So, it is my nickname!

I think you should lighten up a little more...relax!

It sounds like they love you and you love them.

Let them call you grandfather and be happy that they want to!

Don't punish them just because you can not be with your biological grandchildren.

Enjoy the love and warmth they offer you!

You are a lucky man.

Choke dee!

I would strongly disagree

You are wrongly equating Thai words with a bad English translation.

Thais do not normally use the English words Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother, Grandfather

The various Thai words real translation, can include, female from older generation, female from two generations older, female married to my mothers brother, sister of my mother, etc.

There are dozens of words to describe Thai family relationships, not one or two simple words.

[mgjackson69]

To my step-daughter I have always been "papaa". To the wife's nieces and nephews (and to her two younger sisters) I am "khun lueng".

For me, they are all usually "nong" or "luuk", sometimes "laan" for the nieces and nephews.

[lockman]

Daughter is 37 and your youngest is 49?

youngest what??

I'm confused!

in response to your question:

Thais are very liberal about who they call what.

Any older woman or man can be called grandmother or grandfather.

My wife has many, many aunts that are not the sisters of her mother or father.

She has a lot of "cousins that are not the children of her biological aunts and uncles!

All the children in my village call me "Daddy". ( pronounced Dad Deee )

It is what they hear my wife and daughter call me.

So, it is my nickname!

I think you should lighten up a little more...relax!

It sounds like they love you and you love them.

Let them call you grandfather and be happy that they want to!

Don't punish them just because you can not be with your biological grandchildren.

Enjoy the love and warmth they offer you!

You are a lucky man.

Choke dee!

I would strongly disagree

You are wrongly equating Thai words with a bad English translation.

Thais do not normally use the English words Aunt, Uncle, Grandmother, Grandfather

The various Thai words real translation, can include, female from older generation, female from two generations older, female married to my mothers brother, sister of my mother, etc.

There are dozens of words to describe Thai family relationships, not one or two simple words.

Relax and don't worry about the small stuff. I get called "uncle" in Thai all the time, because my name is not a nice word in Thai, and I'm also Grandpa (again in Thai) or brother, etc. Those basically mean you are accepted by people you know, etc. And don't try to compare English to Thai, it gets very difficult as they actually spell out the relationship in the language, and whether older, younger, etc. But when you are older, and are respected, The Thai 's often use Uncle, Brother, Grandfather, etc, and sometimes the darling, etc, as they don't (especially younger children) think in the same connations as we do.

[Bender]

I might add that the daughter just turned 37 and my youngest is 49.

sorry can't resist but.... sorry again

they should not call you grandafther, they should call you old dinosaur.

ps: anyone can come to pick up me from the floor, i am laughing dead

Edited November 25, 2013 by Bender

[David48]

I perfer "Big Dog" Has a nice ring to it.

I might be wrong ... but isn't Big Dog the name of the Bar at the entrance to the NANA Entertainment Complex?

[David48]

I might add that the daughter just turned 37 and my youngest is 49.

sorry can't resist but.... sorry again

they should not call you grandafther, they should call you old dinosaur.

ps: anyone can come to pick up me from the floor, i am laughing dead

Gentlemen ... a bit of respect for a member who has over 12,000 posts to his name.

He's stood the test of time.

As for his youngest daughter being 49 ... if he was 20 when she was born ... that would make him 69 years old ... not exactly one foot in the grave!

Sure make a bit of light of the 5 times returned Troll ... but a wee bit of respect for a long time poster here.

Maybe, I'm just a bit old-fashioned ... who knows?

[Bender]

I might add that the daughter just turned 37 and my youngest is 49.

sorry can't resist but.... sorry again

they should not call you grandafther, they should call you old dinosaur.

ps: anyone can come to pick up me from the floor, i am laughing dead

Gentlemen ... a bit of respect for a member who has over 12,000 posts to his name.

He's stood the test of time.

As for his youngest daughter being 49 ... if he was 20 when she was born ... that would make him 69 years old ... not exactly one foot in the grave!

Sure make a bit of light of the 5 times returned Troll ... but a wee bit of respect for a long time poster here.

Maybe, I'm just a bit old-fashioned ... who knows?

.... 5 hours later i am stll rolling on the floor

ps: sorry if anyone get upset by my silly joke

by the way how the youngest (49) is "younger" than the daughter who is just 37?

Edited November 25, 2013 by Bender

[MAJIC]

Hello Dolly,don't worry about the intricate details,it seems like you are making a good job of having the youngsters around you who give respect,and no doubt you deserve it. Seems to me you don't need any advice,you are doing a wonderful job on your own. Ask your wife if she agrees with me?

[MAJIC]

It's however you feel i suppose.Many years ago my 2 Thai stepdaughters asked their Mum if they could call me Por(dad) I agreed as their real Dad died when my youngest one was only 1 and the elder one 4.I felt very sorry for them, and felt that if it adds a bit of stability into their lives,then surely that can't be a bad thing.

Well ,Phitsanulokjohn, your two Thai Stepdaughters have bestowed on you a great Honour,and no it's not a bad thing,it's a wonderful thing,which i'm sure you have earned,you can't kid ...kids.

[David48]

Gentlemen ... a bit of respect for a member who has over 12,000 posts to his name.

He's stood the test of time.

As for his youngest daughter being 49 ... if he was 20 when she was born ... that would make him 69 years old ... not exactly one foot in the grave!

Sure make a bit of light of the 5 times returned Troll ... but a wee bit of respect for a long time poster here.

Maybe, I'm just a bit old-fashioned ... who knows?

.... 5 hours later i am stll rolling on the floor

ps: sorry if anyone get upset by my silly joke

by the way how the youngest (49) is "younger" than the daughter who is just 37?

Maybe 'his' youngest daughter is 49, and the daughter of his 'partner' is 37.

I have no idea ... just a suggestion.

Sure, if what I suggest is correct, his grammar was a little confusing.

... just a thought.

[Bender]

Gentlemen ... a bit of respect for a member who has over 12,000 posts to his name.

He's stood the test of time.

As for his youngest daughter being 49 ... if he was 20 when she was born ... that would make him 69 years old ... not exactly one foot in the grave!

Sure make a bit of light of the 5 times returned Troll ... but a wee bit of respect for a long time poster here.

Maybe, I'm just a bit old-fashioned ... who knows?

.... 5 hours later i am stll rolling on the floor

ps: sorry if anyone get upset by my silly joke

by the way how the youngest (49) is "younger" than the daughter who is just 37?

Maybe 'his' youngest daughter is 49, and the daughter of his 'partner' is 37.

I have no idea ... just a suggestion.

Sure, if what I suggest is correct, his grammar was a little confusing.

... just a thought.

you are nasty, you know it... you are teasing, you are pushing me to make silly joke

and you claims to be a gentleman.

so if his own youngest daughter is 49 so how old is his own oldest child?

And if he get his oldest one at 20 yo...

they should not call him XXXX but mostly XXXX

edit : XXXX prefer to delete

my deep apologise to may whom are concerned

Edited November 26, 2013 by Bender

[David48]

^^ Nasty ...

Anyone else ... am I missing reading what is going on?

I just trying to help ... or doesn't that come across?

[ThePinkPanther]

Sorry to bud-in here like this, unannounced and all but my personal take on life is that should any individual, male OR female now, get married to a partner who already has a family from a previous marriage, then this entire family in it's totality becomes THAT individuals family all the same. (You don't just marry a single individual, you marry a package, so-to-speak). Therefore in my view, the fact that you yourself admits to having a problem with life, or then with FAMILY-LIFE at least is indisputable. However this problem would be of a very personal nature and therefore I think you'd need to think it through a lot deeper and harder after which you'd really NEED to come to terms with your current situation. (The alternative, I think wouldn't at all be a good solution to anyone of all the parties concerned herewith. I'm referring to a separation, divorce here as being the alternative).

From your posting I can but only come to ONE conclusion namely that you are a very sober minded, lovable, mature, placid, kind, loving and serious individual as well as being very honest throughout your life. So I can but only hope that I didn't offend you in any way with my input above for that was never my intention to do. I was merely trying to bring into your problem another angle of consideration being a tool for you to utilize in finding a acceptable medium to deal with the situation.

All the best there, take care and I do sincerely trust that you'll overcome your difficulties regarding your current situation. Blessings.

Edited November 26, 2013 by ThePinkPanther

[thehelmsman]

Sorry to bud-in here like this, unannounced and all but my personal take on life is that should any individual, male OR female now, get married to a partner who already has a family from a previous marriage, then this entire family in it's totality becomes THAT individuals family all the same. (You don't just marry a single individual, you marry a package, so-to-speak). Therefore in my view, the fact that you yourself admits to having a problem with life, or then with FAMILY-LIFE at least is indisputable. However this problem would be of a very personal nature and therefore I think you'd need to think it through a lot deeper and harder after which you'd really NEED to come to terms with your current situation. (The alternative, I think wouldn't at all be a good solution to anyone of all the parties concerned herewith. I'm referring to a separation, divorce here as being the alternative).

From your posting I can but only come to ONE conclusion namely that you are a very sober minded, lovable, mature, placid, kind, loving and serious individual as well as being very honest throughout your life. So I can but only hope that I didn't offend you in any way with my input above for that was never my intention to do. I was merely trying to bring into your problem another angle of consideration being a tool for you to utilize in finding a acceptable medium to deal with the situation.

All the best there, take care and I do sincerely trust that you'll overcome your difficulties regarding your current situation. Blessings.

Do you make House Calls ??

[hellodolly]

I think you are over thinking this. It sounds like you have lived the majority of your life already, so stop over thinking things and enjoy your life mate.

Feelings are not things you think your self into. they just happen.

[hellodolly]

Gentlemen ... a bit of respect for a member who has over 12,000 posts to his name.

He's stood the test of time.

As for his youngest daughter being 49 ... if he was 20 when she was born ... that would make him 69 years old ... not exactly one foot in the grave!

Sure make a bit of light of the 5 times returned Troll ... but a wee bit of respect for a long time poster here.

Maybe, I'm just a bit old-fashioned ... who knows?

.... 5 hours later i am stll rolling on the floor

ps: sorry if anyone get upset by my silly joke

by the way how the youngest (49) is "younger" than the daughter who is just 37?

Maybe 'his' youngest daughter is 49, and the daughter of his 'partner' is 37.

I have no idea ... just a suggestion.

Sure, if what I suggest is correct, his grammar was a little confusing.

... just a thought.

you are nasty, you know it... you are teasing, you are pushing me to make silly joke

and you claims to be a gentleman.

so if his own youngest daughter is 49 so how old is his own oldest child?

And if he get his oldest one at 20 yo...

they should not call him XXXX but mostly XXXX

edit : XXXX prefer to delete

my deep apologise to may whom are concerned

It would be nice if my posts had been read, I am simply talking about my feelings. My youngest is a boy and I have no daughter's not that either fact has any bearing on my inability to feel comfortable with it. I asked if any one else had experienced this after having been married to a Thai spouse with children and grand children that treat you as part of the family?

[FiftyTwo]

It would be nice if my posts had been read, I am simply talking about my feelings. My youngest is a boy and I have no daughter's not that either fact has any bearing on my inability to feel comfortable with it. I asked if any one else had experienced this after having been married to a Thai spouse with children and grand children that treat you as part of the family?

OK

I have a Thai spouse with both her and our children living with us.

I call them all "luke", except when talking to one in particular which will be 'luke-sow' or 'luke-chai'

MIL is 'mare', all Thais same generation are 'nong' or 'pee' depending if younger or older than me, all Thais older generation are 'lung' or 'ba'.

No confusing English words used.

As for 'feeling comfortable', all the Thai children are closer to me than my English children ever were.

If I could choose not to be dad to my former children, I would, I did, I have.

[mgjackson69]

To the OP's question: Do I have a problem referring to my Thai step-daughter as 'my daughter'? None whatsoever...I married her mother, she is now my daughter. But then, I grew up in a blended family...my parents divorced when I was very young and both remarried to people who had been married before. I have 3 brothers and 4 sisters who grew up in 3 different households. Only my older sister has both parents in common with me. To me they are my brothers and sisters... I do not use the step-, half-, or 'real' designations except for purposes of clarification.

Feelings are overrated. You should be honored that the young ones consider you as part of the family. I consider it an honor that I am 'papa' to my daughter and that she shows me the same level of respect (or more) than she does to her biological father.

You are the adult in the relationship...step up. It seems the children are doing fine with it, you can as well. And really, what is more fulfilling and more honest than interacting with one's children?

Sent from my Xoom using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Paangjang]

HelloDolly, just enjoy the role, do the best you can and know life is too short to worry about any of this stuff. To be genuinely accepted makes life a lot easier here.

I gave up thinking at all on a deeply emotional level, especially here, quite a while back and generally deal in the everyday practicalities of living and making good progress for all.

I agree with you about accepting it but on a deep meaningful level I am having trouble with it.

It is easy to accept it on the surface but there are parts of me that do not run on just the surface level.

It is a personal thing really.

Nothing to do with my own kids or granddaughters. I do not regret not having spent that much time with them. It was not a matter of choice they lived half a continent away.

My youngest boy is 49 and the Wife's daughter is 37

I was just wondering if any one else had that same problem. I wont die or loose sleep over it.

So your in your 70's? In a few years they won't be calling you anything, only refering to you as a past tense...

[DrTuner]

I've got stepkids, they were 1y and 5y when I entered the scene, wife was freshly widowed. From the start on it was clear to me that they would be my kids and so it went. They call me Por, I call them Nong. They are now 8&12y, never had any problems whatsoever, not even now that there's a 1y old son in the family.

My take is, a lot of it is up to the stepdad. Kids adapt quickly, but grumpy old men don't.