Farong married to Thai women with family

[hellodolly]

This is not a negative posting. Or about money.

I am married to a Thai lady with two grown children both married with kids of their own.

The son is no problem as he lives in Bangkok and I have only met him once. The daughter and her family husband and two daughters 10 and 14 have recently moved here and are treating me as family. They already had a grown son living and working here in Chiang Mai. I in turn treat them all including the one in Bangkok as family.

This is where it gets hard for me. It is very hard for me to call them my son and daughter even though I feel the same about them as I do my real son's and granddaughters. I often find myself saying my wife's daughter or son or son in law. Correct me if I am wrong but does a Thai look on a son in law as a son?

It is very difficult with the granddaughters as they are here. My own were raised half a continent away. It really gets difficult when the 10 year old one is trying to learn how to say grandfather in English a word I am not sure I prefer as I have had so little interaction with my own 4 granddaughters. If they are over and we are going some place each one grabs a shoe to put on me. (so far they have both grabbed one from the same pair) See there I am trying to make light of it.

Is there others that have the same situation and are feeling uncomfortable with calling them my son and daughter and grandchildren?

I might add that the daughter just turned 37 and my youngest is 49.

[willyumiii]

Daughter is 37 and your youngest is 49?

youngest what??

I'm confused!

in response to your question:

Thais are very liberal about who they call what.

Any older woman or man can be called grandmother or grandfather.

My wife has many, many aunts that are not the sisters of her mother or father.

She has a lot of "cousins that are not the children of her biological aunts and uncles!

All the children in my village call me "Daddy". ( pronounced Dad Deee )

It is what they hear my wife and daughter call me.

So, it is my nickname!

I think you should lighten up a little more...relax!

It sounds like they love you and you love them.

Let them call you grandfather and be happy that they want to!

Don't punish them just because you can not be with your biological grandchildren.

Enjoy the love and warmth they offer you!

You are a lucky man.

Choke dee!

Edited November 24, 2013 by willyumiii

[jvs]

Why don't you just ask them ?

[ThaidDown]

Don't punish them just because you can not be with your biological grandchildren.

Spot on willyumiii. it is not the childrens fault.

For your wifes son and daughter, if you do not feel comfortable calling them son and daughter then call them by their name or, preferably, Thai nickname.

[krisb]

So you find it difficult to be called Dad and Grandpa, or you find it difficult calling them your kids and grandkids? How long have you been married to this lady for?

I think English is not your native tongue right?

Here's what I think, perhaps your wife's kids are a bit old for you to call them son and daughter?...it depends how long you have known them for.

Maybe you would like her kids to call you Grandpa?

Don't feel uncomfortable, do what you guys as a family are happy doing. Talk it through with your wife.

[transam]

Although my wifes kids call me papa I do not call them son or daughter. I am different (farang) to their biological father and if I am honest l am not accepted in a parental way. They call me papa cos mum tells them to do. I have nooooooo problem with that at all, and they know l do not accept many of their Thai ways. Soooooooo, noooooo problem. .

[MJP]

HelloDolly, just enjoy the role, do the best you can and know life is too short to worry about any of this stuff. To be genuinely accepted makes life a lot easier here.

I gave up thinking at all on a deeply emotional level, especially here, quite a while back and generally deal in the everyday practicalities of living and making good progress for all.

[thehelmsman]

I perfer "Big Dog" Has a nice ring to it.

[maccaroni man]

It is possible to over think anything

[hellodolly]

HelloDolly, just enjoy the role, do the best you can and know life is too short to worry about any of this stuff. To be genuinely accepted makes life a lot easier here.

I gave up thinking at all on a deeply emotional level, especially here, quite a while back and generally deal in the everyday practicalities of living and making good progress for all.

I agree with you about accepting it but on a deep meaningful level I am having trouble with it.

It is easy to accept it on the surface but there are parts of me that do not run on just the surface level.

It is a personal thing really.

Nothing to do with my own kids or granddaughters. I do not regret not having spent that much time with them. It was not a matter of choice they lived half a continent away.

My youngest boy is 49 and the Wife's daughter is 37

I was just wondering if any one else had that same problem. I wont die or loose sleep over it.

[Totster]

What's a Farong ??

totster

[Johnniey]

If they are Thai and not biological they will never treat you like a grandfather. You are the guy paying the bills so they will fake respect, until they know you for many years and you earn it.

Sent from my GT-I9152 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[transam]

What's a Farong ??

totster

Y-fronts worn back to front........................... ..........................

[Beetlejuice]

I have had many close friends, not only in Thailand, who have married women that have had children from previous marriages or relationships.

Unless the children are extremely young and the real father is completely off the scene during the time of the marriage, then the children will maybe not accept their mother`s partner as being their father and the mother`s husband may find it difficult to feel a bond as if these were his own biological children. It`s just a fact of life.

The kids used to describe their biological father as Dad and their step father as pops and this way while still showing respect it allowed them to differentiate between the real father and their mothers husband and then everyone was happy all round.

Probably best that you consider your wife`s kids as your step children, which is a fact anyway, and you can give them the option of calling you uncle or Pops or Dad, whatever they feel more comfortable with and if you cannot feel a bond with them as you would with your own children, than no one will blame you or judge you for that.

Providing you have a good loving relationship with your wife and try to make her children feel comfortable with you and to realise that you are the husband, with mutual respect all round, and have a place within that family, this all is that matters.

Edited November 24, 2013 by Beetlejuice

[BuddhaChile]

You can call me Ray or you can call me J or you can call me Johnny or you can call me Ray J ...... but you doesn't have to call me Johnson.

PS: Just don't call me late for dinner.

Edited November 25, 2013 by BuddhaChile

[Kayahammer]

I think you are over thinking this. It sounds like you have lived the majority of your life already, so stop over thinking things and enjoy your life mate.

[Kerryd]

What's a Farong ??

totster

A male "sarong" perhaps ?

[BlueSkyCowboy]

What's a Farong ??

totster

A foreigner who asks smart questions

[BlueSkyCowboy]

You can call me Ray or you can call me J or you can call me Johnny or you can call me Ray J ...... but you doesn't have to call me Johnson.

PS: Just don't call me late for dinner.

and don't call me Barry Soetoro

[thinkingofhow]

Go buy and read the book "Thailand Fever"

[tyler2208]

they are your step children. The boy is your stepson and the girl is your stepdaughter, not rocket science really. What is weird is that you say you have only met her son once, yet you feel equally about her children as you do your own, how can you meet someone once and feel for that person the same you do about your own children? or is this just some sence of missplaced loyalty to this boy because he happended to come out of your wifes vagina?

[NoshowJones]

That's a nice story HelloDolly, may I just wish yourself, wife, and all the rest of your family all the best.

[orpheus454]

Daughter is 37 and your youngest is 49?

youngest what??

I'm confused!

in response to your question:

Thais are very liberal about who they call what.

Any older woman or man can be called grandmother or grandfather.

My wife has many, many aunts that are not the sisters of her mother or father.

She has a lot of "cousins that are not the children of her biological aunts and uncles!

All the children in my village call me "Daddy". ( pronounced Dad Deee )

It is what they hear my wife and daughter call me.

So, it is my nickname!

Yep. It took me a while to get used to being called "Dad Deee" by the teachers at my daughter's school...!

[rotary]

This a a problem I have never had as I never associate with family, even my blood relative western family. ha ha

[Louisblackbird]

This post is absolute rubbish the op must be bored

Go on vacation

What are you complaining for get out the house

Wake up

Edited November 25, 2013 by Louisblackbird

[slipperylobster]

What's a Farong ??

totster

the opposit of far right?

[scorecard]

HelloDolly, just enjoy the role, do the best you can and know life is too short to worry about any of this stuff. To be genuinely accepted makes life a lot easier here.

I gave up thinking at all on a deeply emotional level, especially here, quite a while back and generally deal in the everyday practicalities of living and making good progress for all.

I agree with you about accepting it but on a deep meaningful level I am having trouble with it.

It is easy to accept it on the surface but there are parts of me that do not run on just the surface level.

It is a personal thing really.

Nothing to do with my own kids or granddaughters. I do not regret not having spent that much time with them. It was not a matter of choice they lived half a continent away.

My youngest boy is 49 and the Wife's daughter is 37

I was just wondering if any one else had that same problem. I wont die or loose sleep over it.

Hellodolly, I suggest your being way too serious about this.

I have a Thai son who I 'inherited' a long time ago. He's now in his 30's, well educated and has a professional career. He has proudly introduced me as his father for a long time. He insisted (with no objection from his wife's family) that I be the guest of honor at his wedding. I have always introduced him as my son, and with pride.

His Thai wife (my DIL) addressed me as father which I quite like, and their two kids introduce me / call me 'grandfather' in both Thai and English according to the crowd at hand.

I enjoy it all, feel very proud of my family, and we live very happily as a typical 3 generation under the same roof Asian family. In reality my Thai son is my best buddy.

My much older kids from an earlier marriage in the west are well aware of all of this (I never kept any secrets), they have stayed with us many times, always bringing their own kids, now in their late 20s. They enjoy the whole scenario, they all get along well and all concerned look forward to visits..

Hellodolly, please enjoy!

Edited November 25, 2013 by scorecard

[Bpuumike]

HelloDolly, just enjoy the role, do the best you can and know life is too short to worry about any of this stuff. To be genuinely accepted makes life a lot easier here.

I gave up thinking at all on a deeply emotional level, especially here, quite a while back and generally deal in the everyday practicalities of living and making good progress for all.

I agree with you about accepting it but on a deep meaningful level I am having trouble with it.

It is easy to accept it on the surface but there are parts of me that do not run on just the surface level.

It is a personal thing really.

Nothing to do with my own kids or granddaughters. I do not regret not having spent that much time with them. It was not a matter of choice they lived half a continent away.

My youngest boy is 49 and the Wife's daughter is 37

I was just wondering if any one else had that same problem. I wont die or loose sleep over it.

They will call you what they decide they want to.

I just use their Thai nicknames. They sometimes have an even more personal one for use within the family.

[menorah]

On the face of it this appears to be a case of 'too much time to think about nothing in particular'.

However, assuming the OP is seriously concerned, my advice would be to consider why he feels unable to use the accepted 'family terminology'.

Assuming OP is well into his 70's (from information given) perhaps it's just a generational thing. If the family genuinely consider you as 'one of their own', then adapt and 'get over your problem'.

Seems to me you're wasting valuable quality, family time worrying about things which are irrelevant.

[dao16]

My stepkids call me "papa" as opposed to "po" and that is cool with me. Talking to them directly, I use their nicknames (I don't do the "look" thing like Thais do). But, when referring to them while talking to someone else, I just say "my son" or "my daughter" as they have known me longer and much more than they have known their biological father. It doesn't really confuse anyone because they don't look anything like me--they are Thai.

Occasionally, when having a talk about kids, I will specify that they are my stepchildren, but that doesn't come up much. Like others have said, don't worry about it too much unless you see that they really react negatively to it. I doubt they would care, though. Some neighborhood kids with no familial connection to me call me "uncle" and it is totally normal.

I guess it is different since they are older. Ask the wife and see what she says. Otherwise, all is good.

Edited November 25, 2013 by dao16