Am I just a farang bank to her?

[BlueSkyCowboy]

Cut your losses and get out now.

80K plus a few zoo tickets is small money compared with what you will lose in the future if you continue along with this relationship.

There are plenty of less mercenary women about - why get involved with one that sees you as a meal ticket for her and her family.

As for getting no time alone - Hogwash.

She's very likely made a promise to a Thai boyfriend (that was introduced as a relative) that she will not do the naughty with this Farang.

If the bounty is big enough a Thai man will not worry about the milage she put on. Most likely he is just after the money too and will drop her after he spent her "Dowry", your generous gift.

[bangarang]

Tell her you have no money left , and lets see what happens next. That will give you an answer. Do not marry her , test the waters first . You are not the only one to ask members about this topic and maybe one day you will telling someone what to do in your same situation.

Actually that is a really good test to try. I also met a TG from the internet and was lucky that I had success early. We did marry but she knew that I was young and working freelance and that I wasn't loaded with money. Some times I have run into situations where a couple weeks I only have 500thb in my account and she stuck with me the whole time. I feel that you can really judge a TGs character by introducing a little financial despair to see what their reaction is. Some women will stay and many might leave but its a test on good faith to see whether or not your a walking ATM as you so kindly put it.

And I did pay money for an engagement ceremony. I ended up paying around 45,000thb in gold including my ring, and her ring, necklace and bracelet. There were many times I stayed at her place and she lived with her mom. I slept in a different room but after a few months we ended up getting engaged to stay in the same room. My wifes mom wasn't pushy at all, but did want us to get engaged but also understood the culture I came from. Dont worry if her parents seem pushy about that but going out on a date shouldnt force a marriage so that could be a warning sign for you.

But also if your only going to be here for 6 weeks then leave why get married now. You should really do that when you plan on staying for a while. If you plan on bringing her to your country then you will most definitely have to pay up because who else is supposed to help out at the store when she is gone as it sounds like she helps out a lot. With her father being disabled you will most likely have to help out and in this case its the sin-sod. If this is something you cant accept then you should end the relationship.

[chiang mai]

Someone who actually gives a shit about the person they're asking for it from

Put yourself in the woman's position for a moment, you have two motivators, one to support your parents financially and the second to get married and make a life of your own, don't tell me that the two (very powerful) objectives can't be met simultaneously. Also, there is a cultural precedent here for sin-sod, it's not as though this woman (or others) simply dreamed it up.

Cultural, sure but get this; I positively guarantee that the woman with the financial imperatives you describe would even dream of asking a Thai man for 5 million baht and here's why - she'd be terrified of insulting him with such an inflated figure and, subsequently, losing his interest. She'd also be rightly concerned at the backhand he'd administer as punishment for her audacity.

She doesn't have such qualms with the hapless Western love-gimp because she doesn't give a shit about him

She doesn't have such qualms about suggesting the figure of 5 mill. to a westerner because she can, this world is rampant with dual pricing scenarios so why not, doesn't mean she's a bad person, merely using the leverage that she can. Again, put yourself in her position, what would you do, sell yourself to a local man for 100k or go for the foreigner with a starting price of 5 mill., you'd have to be mad not to try.

[soi41]

Dear OP! What happened to your home planet? Did it blow up??

[chiang mai]

Thank you Chiang Mai ....

personally, I have several ex-wives in OZ that took the dowry at the end of the use-by date ... there is still a cost, its just the timing ...

Ah yes, but that's a different story, pay now or pay later is universal in marriage.

[sdshaman]

I did not see anything about your and her age. I can tell u that I have extensive experience with girls in many countries, Thai's included. I am married to a Thai and she is a lady and of high quality. We have been together for more then 5 years. Many Thai girls are just wonderful, but all of us who have lived in Thailand have heard a few ROTFLMAO (rolling on the floor laughing my ass off) stories. 5 million for a dowry. Blow me down. She must be just beautiful, 18 and with a masters degree. We have some real pretty lady boys here in Pattaya, I suggest that you give it a go before u tie the knot

haha yes... She is beautiful and 19. I am twice her age. She doesn't have a Masters degree but she will be taking over her moms business that makes a couple hundred on a good day when her mom retires. My fear is that she will take it over and keep giving all the money to her controlling brainwashing mother. Sorry if that offends anyone here in Thailand, but the whole duty/support/dowry thing is full of brainwashing... in the name of tradition! In my country it is illegal to sell your children, If it wasn't I have one I would have sold already! lol Another funny thing is she has never had a bf before. (there is no way someone can fake her innosence) They try and push this like it is some kind of commodity... In a way it is... but I am more concerned that she won't know what to do when ......... haha

Edited January 4, 2014 by sdshaman

[thaigold]

My friend, the internet shops are overflowing with young Thai females looking for Farang husbands. Many have several on the string and they manipulate them all with the fantasy of real love. Many of these "girls" have one or two children in the village - and a Thai boyfriend waiting in the wings.

So ... First, if she isn't a virgin, no bride price - Period!

Secondly, do you speak Thai? If not, how do you create any kind of a relationship with this new wife?

Third ... is she at least a high-school grad? A university degree is even better.

Four ... What is the true social status of her family? That's quite easy to determine.. Common sense is your guide.

Five ... Really ask yourself why you would choose a wife from an alien culture that is, even for seasoned Farangs - beyond logic.

Six ... Why isn't she seeing a Thai? Again, why seek a stranger on the internet?

Seven ... How old is she and what is your age differential? Both in your 20's (a chance) Her in her 20's, you in your 30's - beware. Her in her 20's, you in your 40's - you are a walking ATM.

Thanks for reading.

[Bender]

to sum up all the comments above, if she did have any respect or love for you, she would have never ever asked for 5 millions. Even 1 is too much!

Its really insulting, its diminishing, 5 millions its... uterly nonsense!

[HardenedSoul]

Someone who actually gives a shit about the person they're asking for it from

Put yourself in the woman's position for a moment, you have two motivators, one to support your parents financially and the second to get married and make a life of your own, don't tell me that the two (very powerful) objectives can't be met simultaneously. Also, there is a cultural precedent here for sin-sod, it's not as though this woman (or others) simply dreamed it up.

Cultural, sure but get this; I positively guarantee that the woman with the financial imperatives you describe would even dream of asking a Thai man for 5 million baht and here's why - she'd be terrified of insulting him with such an inflated figure and, subsequently, losing his interest. She'd also be rightly concerned at the backhand he'd administer as punishment for her audacity.

She doesn't have such qualms with the hapless Western love-gimp because she doesn't give a shit about him

She doesn't have such qualms about suggesting the figure of 5 mill. to a westerner because she can, this world is rampant with dual pricing scenarios so why not, doesn't mean she's a bad person, merely using the leverage that she can. Again, put yourself in her position, what would you do, sell yourself to a local man for 100k or go for the foreigner with a starting price of 5 mill., you'd have to be mad not to try.

Well if I was in her shoes and actually cared for the man, I'd be keen to minimize the haggling and just come up with a reasonable number that satisfied tradition without taking the piss. The parents of the OP's girl have a business so it's not as if they're starving is it?

The girl doesn't care about the OP

He should bounce . . .right now

[sdshaman]

U mentioned a 6-7 year old child. Whose child is this? Are you sure?

Yes. I have seen pictures. And this girl I am fooling for is only 19 and does not have birthing hips or stretch marks!

[Nobbie49]

Haven't we all read this before? Get TF out while you can. That said it would be interesting to know if your GF has stretch marks. If she does then I know who that 6 year old kid's mother is.

[khunpa]

You said her parents own a prominent business. Then mentioned that it was a shop and that the girl is the #1 employee and works 12 hours a day and are there even any other employees? Then you say her uncle is a tuk tuk driver.

Now I am really starting to understand on Thai Visa why I keep reading over and over again "my wife is upper middle class. Her parents have a prominent business" what that means and what qualifies... I realize now that the farang writing these posts are delusional and create alternate realities to suit their egos.

Her mom owns a beauty saloon. They cut hair. I am in there every day and they are busy. Maybe 15 customers a day. Some are just shampoo for 200 Baht but quite a few are hairstyles and colors that go from 1500 Baht and up. So it is not like they are selling used equipment trying to get rich. What would you consider this business?

They have no other employees

Okay, so the mother has a small business, that seems to be okay to take care of the family. At least they are living of it now.

So WHY do they need money from YOU? WHY is the money SOO important to them? Ask yourself that... and pray that you find the right answer...

[sdshaman]

Haven't we all read this before? Get TF out while you can. That said it would be interesting to know if your GF has stretch marks. If she does then I know who that 6 year old kid's mother is.

she is ony 19 with no stretch marks. I am going to play this out tomorow with her father telling him what I think and what some of you have posted here. I will keep you all updated just for entertainment!

[Aussie Paul]

OP is a troll

[sdshaman]

You said her parents own a prominent business. Then mentioned that it was a shop and that the girl is the #1 employee and works 12 hours a day and are there even any other employees? Then you say her uncle is a tuk tuk driver.

Now I am really starting to understand on Thai Visa why I keep reading over and over again "my wife is upper middle class. Her parents have a prominent business" what that means and what qualifies... I realize now that the farang writing these posts are delusional and create alternate realities to suit their egos.

Her mom owns a beauty saloon. They cut hair. I am in there every day and they are busy. Maybe 15 customers a day. Some are just shampoo for 200 Baht but quite a few are hairstyles and colors that go from 1500 Baht and up. So it is not like they are selling used equipment trying to get rich. What would you consider this business?

They have no other employees

Okay, so the mother has a small business, that seems to be okay to take care of the family. At least they are living of it now.

So WHY do they need money from YOU? WHY is the money SOO important to them? Ask yourself that... and pray that you find the right answer...

They are not rich and do not have retirement. Thats what this is to them as sad as that sounds. At the engagement party one of the guys said "i want a daughter" and I know he was referring to the money he could make from it. Very sad actually! The money I gave them the father said he was going to invest and they did. I see him playing commodities (other than humans) every day. He has actually made a little money already so at least they are not drinking and gambling it away. The did give her a gift of 20k baht of gold from it also soo they are not completely heartless!

[chiang mai]

Put yourself in the woman's position for a moment, you have two motivators, one to support your parents financially and the second to get married and make a life of your own, don't tell me that the two (very powerful) objectives can't be met simultaneously. Also, there is a cultural precedent here for sin-sod, it's not as though this woman (or others) simply dreamed it up.

Cultural, sure but get this; I positively guarantee that the woman with the financial imperatives you describe would even dream of asking a Thai man for 5 million baht and here's why - she'd be terrified of insulting him with such an inflated figure and, subsequently, losing his interest. She'd also be rightly concerned at the backhand he'd administer as punishment for her audacity.

She doesn't have such qualms with the hapless Western love-gimp because she doesn't give a shit about him

She doesn't have such qualms about suggesting the figure of 5 mill. to a westerner because she can, this world is rampant with dual pricing scenarios so why not, doesn't mean she's a bad person, merely using the leverage that she can. Again, put yourself in her position, what would you do, sell yourself to a local man for 100k or go for the foreigner with a starting price of 5 mill., you'd have to be mad not to try.

Well if I was in her shoes and actually cared for the man, I'd be keen to minimize the haggling and just come up with a reasonable number that satisfied tradition without taking the piss. The parents of the OP's girl have a business so it's not as if they're starving is it?

The girl doesn't care about the OP

He should bounce . . .right now

FWIW I think that's what they are doing, it's just that the process is slower than the OP might wish. I also don't believe from what the OP has written subsequently that even if sin-sod is paid and they are married, he will never ever break or diminish the relationship between daughter and mother, it's not possible. She will always be looking for ways to support her parents and improve their quality of life, even if 5 mill. were paid up front, that's the way it is and he shouldn't get involved if he can't accept that! Can't knock the ethos really, the alternative is an old people's homes in Brighton and being beaten up by carers who don't give a jot.

[nithisa78]

Sir, You sound like very good man. Thank you. Continue to love and be patient. Be very patient and very love. There doesn't seem to be anything that is cut in stone. Rely on what seems to be fact. You are good man and it will work out well. I have learned to keep my mouth shut. For love's sake which is all our sakes.

You are on the right (correct) track. Have faith in love. It is the River of Life.

Psalm 41:1-3

(1) Blessed is he who considers the poor;
The LORD will deliver him in time of trouble.
(2) The LORD will preserve him and keep him alive,
And he will be blessed on the earth;
You will not deliver him to the will of his enemies.
(3) The LORD will strengthen him on his bed of illness;
You will sustain him on his sickbed

[Hermes100]

meeting thai ladys on net,in bars ,etc and thinking its genuine is self deluding- the vast majority of them are just out for one thing-$$$

and who can really blame

i blame the "me" who are so blind not to see this.

[sdshaman]

OP is a troll

can you explain OP and troll please. I am new to this forum and do not know what either means. Thanks

[HardenedSoul]

FWIW I think that's what they are doing, it's just that the process is slower than the OP might wish. I also don't believe from what the OP has written subsequently that even if sin-sod is paid and they are married, he will never ever break or diminish the relationship between daughter and mother, it's not possible. She will always be looking for ways to support her parents and improve their quality of life, even if 5 mill. were paid up front, that's the way it is and he shouldn't get involved if he can't accept that! Can't knock the ethos really, the alternative is an old people's homes in Brighton and being beaten up by carers who don't give a jot.

Well, the OP isn't quite ready for a care home yet being "only" double the age of his 19 year old betrothed.

Imagine that; a 19 year old Thai girl - with a 12 year old mentality - for a wife

OP needs his head examined

[M12MKD]

Gump, do you mind if I call you that? Because it's easier for when I tell you what to do next. Take of the leg braces and let them legs do the work.

I'm a newby so yes I'm still learning about Thai customs and culture. But it's simple yes you need to acknowledge her culture it would be rude too but like everything in life its a two way street. She needs to also accept your culture. Would you marry a homeland girl so quickly?

Answer is probably a no, so why would you with a Thai girl?

Yes my other half has talked about marriage and I've stated that yes I love her but marriage is a big step and we need to allow time for the relationship to develop.

Many confuse love with lust.

As for family and money, yes most will want to look after their parents as they get old (50ish is old in Thailand? ) I've told her that this is a good thing to do but 55 is no old and the my parents both in the 60's are still working so no rush to look after them.

Also I've stated from the start that if she wants a future with me she needs to work and save.

Basically what I'm saying is start as you mean to carry on, because once you start you cannot back peddle.

[trainman34014]

Ah.....another poor victim who doesn't understand 'Thainess' !

[chiang mai]

FWIW I think that's what they are doing, it's just that the process is slower than the OP might wish. I also don't believe from what the OP has written subsequently that even if sin-sod is paid and they are married, he will never ever break or diminish the relationship between daughter and mother, it's not possible. She will always be looking for ways to support her parents and improve their quality of life, even if 5 mill. were paid up front, that's the way it is and he shouldn't get involved if he can't accept that! Can't knock the ethos really, the alternative is an old people's homes in Brighton and being beaten up by carers who don't give a jot.

Well, the OP isn't quite ready for a care home yet being "only" double the age of his 19 year old betrothed.

Imagine that; a 19 year old Thai girl - with a 12 year old mentality - for a wife

OP needs his head examined

The care home remark was a reference to the fact that Asian people tend to want to look after their parents far more so than people in the West, it's that aspect that I can't fault.

As for age, most Asian women regard themselves as over the hill by age 26, best to start early in that sense! And I'm not ashamed to admit that there is twenty years difference between myself and my wife and I'm 63, indeed she is 83!

[sdshaman]

Sir, You sound like very good man. Thank you. Continue to love and be patient. Be very patient and very love. There doesn't seem to be anything that is cut in stone. Rely on what seems to be fact. You are good man and it will work out well. I have learned to keep my mouth shut. For love's sake which is all our sakes.

You are on the right (correct) track. Have faith in love. It is the River of Life.

Psalm 41:1-3

(1) Blessed is he who considers the poor;

The LORD will deliver him in time of trouble.

(2) The LORD will preserve him and keep him alive,

And he will be blessed on the earth;

You will not deliver him to the will of his enemies.

(3) The LORD will strengthen him on his bed of illness;

You will sustain him on his sickbed

Honestly one thing that I love about her is that she is so caring for her family. I had to kick my last wife out for being abusive to our children. Their family knows I am a good man. That is why when I refused their first attempts at a 5mill dowry they called me back and said "you decide". They told me they don't want to put the price because they feel that is like selling her ( i still feel this way a little about it) but the money I gave them for the engagement even though is out of tradition, was to make sure I wasn't going to just leave. They want me around (maybe just for bank but I am still calculating that) and her father said he was going to invest the money which he did and I see him working the commodities and they have actually made a little profit this week. They also gave their daughter 20k Baht worth of gold (not 20k baht, but 20k baht dollor value) as a gift from the engagement. I feel they are sincere but this tradition is very shady! What I would hate most is to loose something special in life over a few dollars... that would be selfish beyond selfish! I see that this whole dowry thing with their family will bring popularity to their family, which will help their business and her grandparents have already promised us land once we are married. Her grandparents were very sincere people... you should read another reply of mine about my work and why this relationship would be perfect for that!

[OxfordWill]

I did not see anything about your and her age. I can tell u that I have extensive experience with girls in many countries, Thai's included. I am married to a Thai and she is a lady and of high quality. We have been together for more then 5 years. Many Thai girls are just wonderful, but all of us who have lived in Thailand have heard a few ROTFLMAO (rolling on the floor laughing my ass off) stories. 5 million for a dowry. Blow me down. She must be just beautiful, 18 and with a masters degree. We have some real pretty lady boys here in Pattaya, I suggest that you give it a go before u tie the knot

haha yes... She is beautiful and 19. I am twice her age. She doesn't have a Masters degree but she will be taking over her moms business that makes a couple hundred on a good day when her mom retires. My fear is that she will take it over and keep giving all the money to her controlling brainwashing mother. Sorry if that offends anyone here in Thailand, but the whole duty/support/dowry thing is full of brainwashing... in the name of tradition! In my country it is illegal to sell your children, If it wasn't I have one I would have sold already! lol Another funny thing is she has never had a bf before. (there is no way someone can fake her innosence) They try and push this like it is some kind of commodity... In a way it is... but I am more concerned that she won't know what to do when ......... haha

Tragically, it is apparant to many of us that you do not have the tools at your disposal to properly judge the experiences you are having. You ought not make any decisions at all, you are in a very risky position indeed. You need to learn much more about your environment first. You literally cannot trust yourself or your feelings about this girl and her family until you gain more experience and knowledge.

What is the rush? If she loves you, and you promise marriage is on the horizon, then she will wait. You also have time. Be patient and prudent. I guarantee you that you are flying blind right now. She might be good or bad, and none of us can tell you the answer- but you certainly cannot judge it for yourself yet either.

What's worse is you have "made up your mind" about various things already- an attitude that lends itself very strongly to all of this resulting in tragedy for you. You need to readjust your thinking to "I have no clue about anything" and then you will have a fighting chance.

Edited January 4, 2014 by OxfordWill

[Aussie Paul]

OP is a troll

can you explain OP and troll please. I am new to this forum and do not know what either means. Thanks

Not playing, dude.

[sdshaman]

FWIW I think that's what they are doing, it's just that the process is slower than the OP might wish. I also don't believe from what the OP has written subsequently that even if sin-sod is paid and they are married, he will never ever break or diminish the relationship between daughter and mother, it's not possible. She will always be looking for ways to support her parents and improve their quality of life, even if 5 mill. were paid up front, that's the way it is and he shouldn't get involved if he can't accept that! Can't knock the ethos really, the alternative is an old people's homes in Brighton and being beaten up by carers who don't give a jot.

Well, the OP isn't quite ready for a care home yet being "only" double the age of his 19 year old betrothed.

Imagine that; a 19 year old Thai girl - with a 12 year old mentality - for a wife

OP needs his head examined

The care home remark was a reference to the fact that Asian people tend to want to look after their parents far more so than people in the West, it's that aspect that I can't fault.

As for age, most Asian women regard themselves as over the hill by age 26, best to start early in that sense! And I'm not ashamed to admit that there is twenty years difference between myself and my wife and I'm 63, indeed she is 83!

Actually I took care of my father until he died so I can appriciate this kind of care in a family. I bought a property that had 2 houses on it so he could live in one and I would always be close by. At the time I had a business that I worked from home.

[ChrisKC]

With due respect to your story, it is a variation on a theme! You are falling in love with her and she is falling in love with her economic future and from what you have said it does seem like a thin end of a wedge.

If you were telling us how often you both talk of honesty, sincerity, respect and love and your future together making a home, rather than dowry, which by the way is not remotely a facilitator in many Thai families, I would have more faith in her stated motives for wanting you.

Some Thai women are exceptionally skilled at nurturing a relationship that will get them what they want.

For me, you said one thing in particular that would offend my principles: that she didn't have time to discuss the matter but would have time to buy the gold! That shows me she is impatient and selfish and doesn't respect you enough to allow you the time to feel good about your decisions. That attitude doesn't coincide with my ideas about a relationship now, let alone for a committed future. If you smell a rat, there is one!

I can assure you, as a fellow farang, that young Thai women are so easy to fall in love with; they (appear) to be so charming, beguiling, demure and innocent. But be sure you are falling in love with a woman who will make you happy in all aspects of your life. If you have concerns (which you do because you are writing here) at this early stage, the signs are shouting at me to be extra cautious.

I have rejected ALL Thai women who demand dowries and there are still thousands and thousands you can choose from.

And another thing, don't make a permanent decision because you have to go home, soon! If you are worth (to her), real love, you are worth waiting for!

As a general rule, Thai women will take any farang! But farangs should be very, very choosy; the odds are stacked in your favour.

Go with your heart but take your brain with you!

This is not about money; it's about honesty, honourable intentions, contentment. A real, brave man will see the light and make a bold decision.

[473geo]

Spend what you desire, enjoy your time with the young lady, if it does end in the future having a few less dollars in the bank isn't going to kill you!

Although it appears to cause severe palpitations and panic for a few on this forum, I've never met a guy that didn't enjoy spending on a Thai lady, if he can comfortably afford to of course!

Good luck, enjoy

[Carl64]

Run!