Sinsod maybe the end

[Izbbroke]

Brev.... That's the advice I was looking for.

I don't know all. You sure the hell don't either. Thanks for the non helpful replies.

[Brevity]

 

Brev.... That's the advice I was looking for.

I don't know all. You sure the hell don't either. Thanks for the non helpful replies.

 

I was trying to give you some warnings without being too direct, but I know there are many people who would rather have things spelled out for them.

Don't pay any sin sod. They should not be asking for it in this situation. If you pay it, they will see you as a money-dripping buffalo who can be exploited freely. They will expect a new herd of water buffalo and a Toyota pickup truck soon. If they insist that sin sod must be paid, leave this woman and her family behind immediately. They are probably taking advantage you now.

There you go. that's good advice.

[Morakot]

You are a future victim, I await your sad story in the future. Read Thailand Fever.

Future victim? Isn't this already a sad story, being taken for a ride so badly?

[petermik]

I know it's a lot. She has a car and a failed business to pay for.

I'm just not sure how to deal with this other than what I've done. Say I'm not sending anymore til after married.

You may as well put a noose round your neck-run,don,t walk

[petermik]

Brev.... That's the advice I was looking for.

I don't know all. You sure the hell don't either. Thanks for the non helpful replies.

My situation

I have a GF from Trang, 43 year old never married no kids-one previous thai BF-university degree and currently living/working in Bangkok-she has never asked me for money and as regards sinsot her attitude is-"I want nothing from you but your love" maybe I,m damm lucky but I regard myself as a good catch for her-I personally would NEVER pay any lady to mary me

[brewsterbudgen]

Many Thai parents expect sinsod from a farang irrespective of whether the bride has been married previously or has a baby. If this makes you angry or you think it's racist, then you run the risk of losing your bride to be. That may, or may not be, for the best - only you know how you feel.

Not everyone thinks that Thai culture, or Thais, is out to scam them, so if you can afford some sinsod speak to the MIL (or your fiance) and negotiate a suitable amount. You are no doubt considerably richer than her family, so why not make a nice show of it at the wedding? Of course, if you can't afford it don't pay it.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to the comments from people who seem to have issues with some Thais' attitudes to foreigners.

Edited January 6, 2014 by brewsterbudgen

[sam sen]

crikey... you are very naive about thai culture. in this situation a thai man would never pay sinsot. you are being manupulated by your gf and her family. i suggect you get out of there and find a decent normal girl, of shichthere are many, who will not require any money from you.

a quick check on the veracity of your relationship; explain you cant quite support to the past amounts and belts will have to be tightened. see what happens.

[Takeover]

Hi everyone there,

I'm reading your story, i understand your feeling well.

I'm Thai lady also.

Sin-sod is important for Thai people that we call thai tradition and culture and many foreigners dont understand.

its not for only virgin or not

its thai tradition and culture!

but if it happend like this to me and my bf . . . and if i love him so much i will also ask for sinsod but not too much

because all sinsod later after marry will be from us (this depend on you and her again)

just for show that we do all things right by the thai way ....

normally if you give sinsod for your bride its will be not too much and not to less (when you love her real and her love you real also)

normally just about 100,000 - 300,000 baht and a bit gold with a small party (this is ok already but if give less can do also but it looks like you will insult your lady)

but if rich people do the groom will pay for sinsod 100 millions baht or more (in case of rich people you can see from the tv)

i dont know how much they ask you for sinsod?

in case if you also take good care of her already like that i hope they will ask not too much

and please understand, that sinsod should have on the wedding but like i told you not too much and not too less.

how and wish you all lucky with your love ....

happy new year 2014

Edited January 6, 2014 by Tywais
Changed to standard font for better readability

[Morden]

Hi everyone there,

I'm reading your story, i understand your feeling well.

I'm Thai lady also.

Sin-sod is important for Thai people that we call thai tradition and culture and many foreigners dont understand.

its not for only virgin or not

its thai tradition and culture!

but if it happend like this to me and my bf . . . and if i love him so much i will also ask for sinsod but not too much

because all sinsod later after marry will be from us (this depend on you and her again)

just for show that we do all things right by the thai way ....

normally if you give sinsod for your bride its will be not too much and not to less (when you love her real and her love you real also)

normally just about 100,000 - 300,000 baht and a bit gold with a small party (this is ok already but if give less can do also but it looks like you will insult your lady)

but if rich people do the groom will pay for sinsod 100 millions baht or more (in case of rich people you can see from the tv)

i dont know how much they ask you for sinsod?

in case if you also take good care of her already like that i hope they will ask not too much

and please understand, that sinsod should have on the wedding but like i told you not too much and not too less.

how and wish you all lucky with your love ....

happy new year 2014

A very helpful post and I for one have have learned something something from. Many thanks.

[Takeover]

many ladies are nice and many are not

so you cannot say that guy bad to pay a lot money for his girl?!!!

that mean he loves her real .... if you love someone real you will know?!!! if not you will dont feel

the guy who post this story is not bad and not stupid

he love his lady so much but only bad luck that matter happend to him

if i was her (his gf) i will say just give me a small ring then we are marry because he is take good care of me

and money is not always for buy thing or wife

[SailingHome]

I met this woman 14 months ago. She's now 30 and I'm 45. When we first met I was reluctant about online dating to a point but open in the sense that you never know.

We talked for about 4 months and decided to meet. I flew to CM to meet her and spent two weeks there. Met her mother, her daughter, and a portion of her family. We fell in love during this trip.

I then flew there later again last year and we became engaged.

She is a wonderful woman and a good mother. She has a 5 year old daughter. Father isn't around. She had a quick marriage before daughter was born for birth certificate reasons. Then divorced later.

Sinsod is now becoming the major issue we deal with. We are engaged and love each other very much. I love her daughter as if she was mine. I've been supporting all of them including her mother for over a year. 1500+ usd each month. Sending extra at time to help keep her daughter in a nice school etc. the 1500 has been sure and she can count on it.

Now that we want to marry her mom insists I pay Sinsod. I mKe make good money and overall I can deal with paying it. This issue I can not do it all at one time. It's haRd to save for a big Thai wedding and Sinsod. She believes mom will deny wedding if Sinsod not paid in full full at wedding. I suggested maybe over 3 months.

Fact is I cannot keep us together sending her 1500usd on top of my bills and save money for a wedding. I love her and she loves me but seems Sinsod is going to end us.

Any insight from anyone?

Yes: You and fiancee read Thailand Fever. The same copy of the book is in Thai and English (right page and left page reapectively). Every gf I had read it and used it to help,her family understand, and it also helped me understand. from there, communication is much easier. Most bookstores in LOS have it.

Sent from my MyPhone A919 Duo using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app

[Takeover]

if anyone still dont understand about thai culture or tradition please ask me because im stay in the middle thai and farang

because im real thai lady and i've also farang bf but i ask him nothing

because he is alwasy take good care of me already

//e-mail removed//

Edited January 6, 2014 by Tywais
email removed as per forum rules

[amykat]

Dear OP,

You are taking VERY good care of this family right now. Read that underlined part again, and again, and again! They have no right to expect this from you and no legs to stand on to ask for sinsod, except that they would like it, and for some reason, some Thai people, feel very entiltled to money from farangs. They will NOT think that you have been SO generous already, that asking for sinsod, where not even deserved, is pushing it too far. Somehow, they THINK they deserve more and more. They think because you aleady parted with such a huge amount of money (for them) that this must mean you have only just begun to open up all your generousity on them, and they only need to ask, in order to receive more and more, and more, and then after that, even more! Then after that, will be the "tricks" which I know you have already experienced, the extras, the emergencies, etc.

Some Thai people, feel no shame at all, to ASK, and ASK, and ASK, and they only put the brakes on their mental process when they start to hear NO. They are in some kind of child-like euphoria ...can't believe how lucky they have suddenly become and think they DESERVE this. These type of Thais, only stop to negotiate once they start hearing and BELIEVING the NO answer. Actually they won't take it as a NO, as I just said, they will take THAT as a clue that now is time to negotiate. At least, this has been my experience.

They probably wouldn't even BELIEVE that you have sacrificed in order to give them this money each month (in my opinion, because they themselves are too damn selfish to even imagine it,) so they THINK you must be giving them the equivalant of "dog scraps" and further, don't appreciate it, or YOU, because of course, this is only your dog scraps you are giving ...not 1/3 of your wages, or 1/2 of your disposable income, or in place of your retirement contributions, whatever. No matter how you explain it, they won't believe it, and/or they don't give a damn. "Oh, the poor farang, can't make his retirement contributions ...we feel so bad ...what the hell are retirement contribuitions, and why does he need that, he might die tomorrow."

You are way too early into this to be getting married. You are way too early to be sending this kind of money to a family here!!! I would cut the money ASAP to $500 a month and feel very good about it. Feel like you are more than taking care of them!!! If they want sinsod, then say you will save it out of that ...the $1000 a month you are now NOT sending! They will not get both. They can "save face" if that is what they like and get the $1000 a month in sinsod, you never said what amount, but take it from that. Oh, wait, you will see a BIG change right away... because they will prefer the monthy money, vs, saving over time, and giving to them later. But they may then ask for it all now, which you then say NO, you have to SAVE it.

One lesson, they will always PREFER what they can get NOW. So they might say okay, stop the $1000 a month, but send us $10K tomorrow for sinsod. Your answer is NO ..you will send $10K AFTER 10 months have passed, with you only sending $500 and no emergency money for anything else, do you get it?

But you really should be re-thinking this entire thing, become less valuable money-wise and see how things might change. You seem to be a nice person, do you really want/need this kind of relationship? Give yourself some time to evaluate and maybe get feeling better about yourself. Sometimes we do things like this when our self-esteem is in the toliet and time might see it back out of the toliet?? You probably don't deserve to have your self-esteem where you/or circumtances have put it right now, but you might not be able to realize that!! But with some time, you will recover, and you will wake up and wonder who this guy was, and why did you do this?? And then you will regret it, or be happy you didn't fall for it.

Best Wishes to You, Amykat

[Patsycat]

On a lighter note, my father once said he would pay ANY man loadsamoney to take me and my sister off his hands...

[arlissmichaels]

Sinsot is against the instinct of most Western husbands but this is Thailand, as they say. Dig in your heals with a total refusal and you may lose a genuine lady because she is obliged to put mother first. You need to be flexible. The lady is caught in a cleft stick and the would-be husband should look for a compromise that suits him and digs her out with dignity.

A "genuine lady" would not just sit back and let the punter pay triple over the tote odds each month, I'm thinking. Not all it seems here it would appear.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Edited January 6, 2014 by arlissmichaels

[arlissmichaels]

I agree with tingtong that it is hard to believe that he is serious. This query has all the parts of a classic and age-old Thai-Farang relationship scam with the greedy MIL who wants something that she knows she shouldn't even ask for. I really can't believe that this isn't a troll post. But if by some small chance it is for real, I would advise the OP to avoid marriage (in Thailand) completely. If he has to ask about this type of situation (and doesn't have the ability to research something like this with tonnes of information available on the internet) he is likely very naive and not well equipped to determine what is happening around him in Thailand. He will definitely be financially and spiritual picked dead by the family he (allegedly) is thinking about marrying into.

No this could be real, I got bailed up in an Airport lounge by a bloke with a similar tale and he had no idea about much at all including sinsot, other than he was going to marry this TG. Sounds so similar to this story.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[FiftyTwo]

She is lying to you.

There is no "birth certificate" reason/advantage for a woman to get married in Thailand.

The money you are already giving is way over the top.

No way two posts like this, both in CM, are legit.

No way two men could be this stupid.

Another troll post by the "19 year old virgin hairdresser" poster under another name.

[Loptr]

To the OP, do you really think that the requests for $$$ will stop once you are married? If so, I have a nice bridge I'll offer you cheap!!!!

[FiftyTwo]

Brev.... That's the advice I was looking for.

I don't know all. You sure the hell don't either. Thanks for the non helpful replies.

My situation

I have a GF from Trang, 43 year old never married no kids-one previous thai BF-university degree and currently living/working in Bangkok-she has never asked me for money and as regards sinsot her attitude is-"I want nothing from you but your love" maybe I,m damm lucky but I regard myself as a good catch for her-I personally would NEVER pay any lady to mary me

Yep, even the market stalls give away the old fruit for free.

[yannic]

You wrote, you love her and she loves you??? Wake up pal, she does not love you, she just loves your money. What the hell came to your mind sending that huge amount of money monthly and some extra once in a while????? Do you actually know the salaries over here?

You have met her for 2 weeks plus another couple of days where she has blown your brain out of your head that you send that huge amount monthly.

People like you are responsible for the situation like what we have in LOS right now where most girls have 3-5 sponsers sending those ridiculous amounts.

If I were you I would run run run!!!

And stop paying anything!!!

Sent from my iPhone using ThaiVisa app

Edited January 6, 2014 by yannic

[ttthailand]

I recently had a girl I have been dating suddenly tell me about a 500,000 baht business that she had that failed. She went on to say she got the money from her family who put their land up to a loan shark..... Tears in her eyes saying no one understands her and her life is so bad. We had been talking about why she not have bf and that no Thai man wanted her. My response was that I was sorry to hear about her problem and that her family should put the land up at the bank to get money to pay loan shark. I added that if in future we stayed together that the loan is her responsibility. i said I would support her as far as a place to stay and food but would not pay this loan . I said she had to learn and that sometimes life is not easy. She is 29 from CM and works and makes about 15k a month. My point is that true or not she saw an opening and took it. I could tell from her reaction that she never expected my response ... I was proud of myself. Your gf and her mother saw an opening and you entertained the idea instead of stopping it dead. Let the chips fall where they may but I will not be taken for a fool nor will I commit to pay something that is not mine. Perhaps if it was to work out I would pay after a few years of her paying towards the loan.

[ttthailand]

You should show some sinsod at the wedding but it should be returned. If this is only a face thing I think it is ok for show only. Maybe 100,000 and two baht of gold. Let the mother pay for the wedding out of the 100,000 when it is over and take the remaining. The gold should go to your wife.

Or better yet, don't get married .... She is an expensive girl for Thailand.

[rgs2001uk]

honestly someone needs to put one on your chin then you might wake up with some sense . Has to be a troll no one could possibly be that stupid or desperate .

Believe you me, they walk and work amongst us.

Worked alongside a guy that 8 years and $200k later the penny finally dropped.

The sin sot and wedding were of course extra to the above.

This was in spite of colleagues and even the Thais telling him he was a mug.

Wonder what upper control limit the Op has set for himself?

How many $$$$ will he allow himself to be taken for before the penny finally drops?

The OPs problem, he has already made a rod for his own back, why the heck is he sending $1500 a month, for what?

[David48]

There is another 'SinSot and ChiangMai Lady' thread running the in the General Forum ATM.

Different Members of course.

Interesting to read the lasted post from the OP of that dilemma ...

Sorry for the late reply but I have been at a celebration with this family that I am part of.

We BBQ pork and then A and I drove around town on a scooter looking for something good for desert. I wasn't into the BBQ liver but the pork was good.

Before I really tell you the conclusion I want to thank everyone for the moral support, good and bad posts alike. I think that I gained some knowledge but mostly everyone giving me their input and expertise (lol) really helped me through this situation.

Yes I am a movie maker and a script writer, but that wasn't the purpose of this thread. It may very well be the conclusion of it but not the purpose. I have worked on 5 marvel films and about 30 other movies most of ones you all have seen I am sure. I also have several independant films I have directed and produced. Unfortunately I am not going to reveal my name for you to verify. Just know that when you watch your favorite recent Marvel film, my hands were all over the making of it. OK enough about me

There are two posts that I want to especially thank and point out. If you want names you will have to find them because I have too much to write to tell you the story.

"If you think you understand Thai tradition. You don't understand Thai tradition"

And another one that mentioned that the responses from the single guys is the reason that they are single.

When you hear what happened some of you are going to realise you are #$^@$'s, me included.

Those that gave the most positive responses will probably shed a tear.

Those in suspense will hopefully be entertained... Those that complained about this thread and wanted it shut down.. What are you doing still reading? did I get to you also? LOL

The conclusion to this story is in an ebook and you can buy it for 200 Baht on www.......

Just kidding, but wouldn't that be brilliant?

Don't worry I would never due that to such a captive audience that helped me though this... whatever it was! The conclusion will be in a seperate post...

Not drawing a connection, just drawing your attention ...

.

[holeyman1]

Before we got married, i told in-laws that it was customary for brides to pay sinsod in farang land. Never an issue after that "talk"

Sent from my jack-in-the-box

[taninthai]

^

Hit the nail on the head , by sending that amount of money every month you have no one to blame for this situation but yourself.

They now think you are a rich ferang and have there claws into you.

Me I personally think you are a troll ,if you are not a troll then you are extremely naive honestly engaged and marrying a girl you have not even spent a whole month with .........pull the other one

[petermik]

Brev.... That's the advice I was looking for.

I don't know all. You sure the hell don't either. Thanks for the non helpful replies.

My situation

I have a GF from Trang, 43 year old never married no kids-one previous thai BF-university degree and currently living/working in Bangkok-she has never asked me for money and as regards sinsot her attitude is-"I want nothing from you but your love" maybe I,m damm lucky but I regard myself as a good catch for her-I personally would NEVER pay any lady to mary me

Yep, even the market stalls give away the old fruit for free.

Your comment shows eiher immaturity or ignorance on your behalf- or probably both?

[Thai at Heart]

I hate to say, but this is either trolling or the op is on cloud cukkoo land.

[Patsycat]

I just find it sad that men have to pay for "love", the more you pay the more she loves you.

What the hell happened to romance?

[thai4me]

$1500 per month is really decent money. After all that support, sin sot should only be a word and nothing else.

Someone else on TV suggested to use a big 10 million baht mock up cheque for show.