I’m meeting the gf’s parents on Sunday. They are worried that I don’t have a job

[Sceptict11]

Interesting.

I wonder on what basis the OP is staying in Thailand? There are very few legitimate means for someone in their 40's who is unmarried and not working to remain in country long term.

If I was this educated ladies Dad I would ask some very searching questions !

Hmmm, I disagree with your statement, "very few legitimate means for someone in their 40's who is unmarried and not working to remain in country long term".

I 'm in my 40's and not working in Thailand, but I still have a steady income from previous work and investments whilst in OZ,

As for 1,000,000 for sinsod it's ok as the amount for a higher educated woman from a good family go up the better social status of the woman and family, same as a regular worker or famer the sinsod is lower. but yes I do think the farther has the right to know you are financially stable to take care of his daughter.

cheers good luck width=25 alt=thumbsup.gif pagespeed_url_hash=1443177670>

Perhaps you would be kind enough to explain which visa permits you to remain in Thailand ?

[LeeTheCelt]

All happening way too fast for My liking, 2 to 3 months dating & already talking marriage !

I know everyone is different, but Thais (in My experience) do everything over food, & would expect either you eat dinner at the family home, or they take you to their favorite restaurant, no food seems very none personal,I have even known job interviews to be done over lunch, all seems very strange to Me.

As for paying sin sod here is Thai Embassy.com have to say

"Then there’s the Sin Sod, or the actual dowry, which can include anything of value, but usually it is about the money. Most Westerners get confused with the amount of dowry that they have to pay to their Thai bride’s parents, as dowry prices are set at unbelievably high amounts ranging from 100,000- 1,000,000 baht."

​As for people not paying it any longer, bo**ox, I know a Thai guy who payed 10,000,000 Baht only last year, I was at the wedding. As for them giving it back, that's My concern.

Good luck fella, do let us know how you get on.

[gerry123]

i am most surprised with a post like that it usually lamb to the slaughter in TV land some very good advise all round

but one million ??????

[lostmebike]

Interesting.

I wonder on what basis the OP is staying in Thailand? There are very few legitimate means for someone in their 40's who is unmarried and not working to remain in country long term.

If I was this educated ladies Dad I would ask some very searching questions !

Hmmm, I disagree with your statement, "very few legitimate means for someone in their 40's who is unmarried and not working to remain in country long term".

I 'm in my 40's and not working in Thailand, but I still have a steady income from previous work and investments whilst in OZ,

As for 1,000,000 for sinsod it's ok as the amount for a higher educated woman from a good family go up the better social status of the woman and family, same as a regular worker or famer the sinsod is lower. but yes I do think the farther has the right to know you are financially stable to take care of his daughter.

cheers good luck

1 Million 'sin sod' for a higher educated woman???

I'm a lucky man then.

[Sceptict11]

1 million baht alt=cheesy.gif pagespeed_url_hash=3951237149 width=32 height=20> Commom that is way too much Even weathly dont expect that. 400,000 or 500,00o tops And to tell you the truth

You are falang and really should pay nothing for sin sod. But keep the faith. They see farang as rich in comparison to Thai and will take advantage of it regardless of the Education

I am with a Thai lady now for 6 years and she has a university degree No sin sod and I was married to a Thai lady for 12 years now divorced and no sin sod

You are giving her a great opportunity to marry you and her parents know this. They know you will make a good husband for their daughter.

I know she wants a million but cut it in half Not realistic my friend and I have lived here for 14 years and speak Thai and know what they woman do here

Be realistic and think with your head

(between your shoulders)

1 million baht !

Should be no problem for an independently wealthy, retired ,40+ year old "consultant" !

[Spaniel]

Well, be sure to post again after the family meeting, and let us know hot things went. Good luck.

[transam]

Well, be sure to post again after the family meeting, and let us know hot things went. Good luck.

I think not ''hot''.........

[elliottm]

My wife (early 30s) had a degree and worked for international sales orders for a chemicals company.

I was made redundant (late 30s) and she told colleagues that I worked freelance online from our home worried about losing face over an economically inactive husband among colleagues and at hometown (following the father's egregious example).

As I was on a tourist and now Non Imm O visa I was legally obliged NOT to work, you could run that passed the folks

Failing that, I've just set up a business with the wife in the main town outside her village. Still no WP but makes things easier culturally.

[jacko45k]

Take her father a bottle of decent malt-whisky, to show respect & demonstrate that you're suitably respectful/generous/financially-solid, and ask your GF's opinion about what to give her mother.

Well he might be a serious man who doesn't drink!

So check that first....

If he does you know the bottle of JW Blue might just be splashed into water, soda and ice.

[KhunWichai]

I reckon I could safely bet the OP his 1 million SInsot that his beloved is still hooked up with the "Ex"............

Niggling friends and relatives living the high life with a farang overseas is also a recipe for disaster fella.............

P.S. have you visited her at work ??

[chiang mai]

I reckon I could safely bet the OP his 1 million SInsot that his beloved is still hooked up with the "Ex"............

Niggling friends and relatives living the high life with a farang overseas is also a recipe for disaster fella.............

P.S. have you visited her at work ??

[Daz1966]

Ignore all the sceptics and people who have had bad experiences go with the flow but be careful. You obviously have your head screwed on.. When you meet the parents just be yourself and you have nothing to prove. I wish you all the best., life is not a rehearsal.so move forward carefully you may get burnt but hay ho that's life.

[CapeCobra]

1 million baht alt=cheesy.gif pagespeed_url_hash=3951237149 width=32 height=20> Commom that is way too much Even weathly dont expect that. 400,000 or 500,00o tops And to tell you the truth

You are falang and really should pay nothing for sin sod. But keep the faith. They see farang as rich in comparison to Thai and will take advantage of it regardless of the Education

I am with a Thai lady now for 6 years and she has a university degree No sin sod and I was married to a Thai lady for 12 years now divorced and no sin sod

You are giving her a great opportunity to marry you and her parents know this. They know you will make a good husband for their daughter.

I know she wants a million but cut it in half Not realistic my friend and I have lived here for 14 years and speak Thai and know what they woman do here

Be realistic and think with your head

(between your shoulders)

1 million baht !

Should be no problem for an independently wealthy, retired ,40+ year old "consultant" !

I can understand the cousin's concern and the father's worries. I'd like to ask the man with a Dr. in front about his son's career.

It took you about 12 years to get a degree. It took another 5 years learning on the job. Then you could start consulting. You had luck. Consultants are like eunuchs, they know exactly how to do it, but can't. Given an unexpected short-term success, you could have started the real thing, but retired? Went to LOS, joined TLL, met the jackpot, can't understand your luck, rightfully get worried if the inlaws could read you out, and wonder why you show no ambition to achieve something, making the Dr. proud.

What kind of high caliber consultant would post such a trolly problem to such a questionable audience.

[CapeCobra]

1 million baht alt=cheesy.gif pagespeed_url_hash=3951237149 width=32 height=20> Commom that is way too much Even weathly dont expect that. 400,000 or 500,00o tops And to tell you the truth

You are falang and really should pay nothing for sin sod. But keep the faith. They see farang as rich in comparison to Thai and will take advantage of it regardless of the Education

I am with a Thai lady now for 6 years and she has a university degree No sin sod and I was married to a Thai lady for 12 years now divorced and no sin sod

You are giving her a great opportunity to marry you and her parents know this. They know you will make a good husband for their daughter.

I know she wants a million but cut it in half Not realistic my friend and I have lived here for 14 years and speak Thai and know what they woman do here

Be realistic and think with your head

(between your shoulders)

1 million baht !

Should be no problem for an independently wealthy, retired ,40+ year old "consultant" !

I can understand the cousin's concern and the father's worries. I'd like to ask the man with a Dr. in front about his son's career.

It took you about 12 years to get a degree. It took another 5 years learning on the job. Then you could start consulting. You had luck. Consultants are like eunuchs, they know exactly how to do it, but can't. Given an unexpected short-term success, you could have started the real thing, but retired? Went to LOS, joined TLL, met the jackpot, can't understand your luck, rightfully get worried if the inlaws could read you out, and wonder why you show no ambition to achieve something, making the Dr. proud.

What kind of high caliber consultant would post such a trolly problem to such a questionable audience.

[wolf5370]

Interesting.

I wonder on what basis the OP is staying in Thailand? There are very few legitimate means for someone in their 40's who is unmarried and not working to remain in country long term.

If I was this educated ladies Dad I would ask some very searching questions !

I am the same, been here since my mid thirties full time (part time for a decade before that) and now early 40s. There are lots of ways to earn money without doing a 9-5. Investments, inheritance, trusts, overseas company ownership, property rental overseas, and so on. This frees one up to undertake other pursuits and takes out the "fun" of work permits, teaching English or running a bar here!

To the OP - if it is easier just say you are a company director or work in investments (depending on your income stream), and you have a job

He is probably asking for the 1m (returned) sin sot as a way of checking that you can raise it and are not just going to hang off his daughter's tails. A lot of posters here have little experience with women of the lower classes/echelons (not only BGs, but maids, waitresses, shop workers etc) as that is where it is easiest to meet Thai women as a foreigner (or certainly was before internet dating took off here). I have been married for 17 years to a Thai from the upper-middle classes (military family - father, now retired, was a Naval officer) - there is only 6.5 years between my wife and I, she was just 19 when we met. We had 2 years of courting before we were married and I gave a fair size sin sot which was returned afterwards (I spent a fair bit of it then on presents for the new family - my choice, no hints - like new car, fridge, moped, etc). Her father wanted to know about my job and how much I earned etc (I would not tell him how much I earned), my position in my job, my car (I guess as a way of guessing my income) and so on. Done in a friendly way, but it was obvious he was checking I was good enough for his daughter. I was her first boy friend, although two suitors had been turned away before me. She is 1/4 Chinese, so Sino-Thai (father's side - he is half with his mother (RIP) being Chinese) and the suitors were all likewise Sino-Thai (from the private school/college she had attended). Like I said, we are still together 17 years later (with 2 teenaged kids) and never had to pay for any sick buffalos in all that time!

I do agree about friends and family though, a lot of shi!t comes from them and can cause issues - I have had people reporting back that I spent the night with hookers when I stayed out at a visiting friend's family bar after hours playing pool (bar was shut - just him, me and his wife and her family) - my wife was away at the time. Easy enough to disprove, my friend's wife is an old friend of my wife - and was there - but p!ssed me right off. Had other similar crap, but my Mrs has learned to ignore them and trust me - it is a hard sell though in Thailand, especially when it comes from the mouth's of family.

[h90]

Unlike the other posters, I don't think 1M is a lot to pay for a doctor.

Is she really a doctor or not?

As for the rest, she has problems reading English, so of course she will ask a friend to help read the emails.

Your income, nobody's business but your own.

But

If I were the father, and had invested a small fortune in her doctor training, I wouldn't want my daughter marrying beneath her.

PS

Very few Thais (including my SCB home loan manager) understand savings, pensions, investments, passive income.

If they have spare cash, they buy a plot of land or gold.

yes not a lot for buying here.....But as the original poster isn't in slave trade....he only want to marry her....it is a lot.

[gladaseya]

I love forums. It's so much fun to see all the advice and opinions.

Remember one thing: Advice is worth exactly what you pay for it.

All advice and opinions here are free.

Good luck.

[HeavyDrinker]

Anyone been through the topic history of the OP yet ?

If so you will know who you're talking to.

Who? Pray tell...

interesting 70-odd, 4 pages of replies but no comeback from the OP....

[impulse]

Make it known that you expect a dowry of 2 million, which you will happily refund- and politely ask them how they intend to handle the payment.

Seriously, though- best of luck with your happiness.

[ericthai]

Unlike the other posters, I don't think 1M is a lot to pay for a doctor.

Is she really a doctor or not?

As for the rest, she has problems reading English, so of course she will ask a friend to help read the emails.

Your income, nobody's business but your own.

But

If I were the father, and had invested a small fortune in her doctor training, I wouldn't want my daughter marrying beneath her.

did you say "pay??" the others are saying you get it all back anyways.... well...what is it then?

When I got married sin sod was 300,000B, we got it back right away. Also about 2 months later her father divided the land up between my wife and her sisters and we ended up with 8 rai, so we are actually ahead. One of my ex-pat friends got nothing back. He kept asking her to try and get something back as he was tight on cash but nope not one baht. So some you do some you don't guess it depends on how greedy the parents are.

[SOTIRIOS]

...you better reconsider.....

...you are being set up......

....it's not love......

[oneday]

If I were the girl's father, I would want to know how the OP gets his money. With all the scammers that show up here, it's a legitimate concern. Someone who doesn't work and has plenty of money is suspicious to say the least.

Agreed...

I don't see why the OP can't open up a little bit, in broad terms, about what his past employment history was, which may go a long way to painting a picture of why he doesn't need to work now. He doesn't have to give details, but being totally closed mouth without any clue or hint of where his money is coming from will only lead to suspicion and speculation. It certainly will not lead to good thoughts.

"I worked in the oil industry, made good money and invested it wisely"...something like that. I just don't see what harm opening up this little bit would do.

[aussieinthailand]

Interesting.

I wonder on what basis the OP is staying in Thailand? There are very few legitimate means for someone in their 40's who is unmarried and not working to remain in country long term.

If I was this educated ladies Dad I would ask some very searching questions !

Hmmm, I disagree with your statement, "very few legitimate means for someone in their 40's who is unmarried and not working to remain in country long term".

I 'm in my 40's and not working in Thailand, but I still have a steady income from previous work and investments whilst in OZ,

As for 1,000,000 for sinsod it's ok as the amount for a higher educated woman from a good family go up the better social status of the woman and family, same as a regular worker or famer the sinsod is lower. but yes I do think the farther has the right to know you are financially stable to take care of his daughter.

cheers good luck width=25 alt=thumbsup.gif pagespeed_url_hash=1443177670>

Perhaps you would be kind enough to explain which visa permits you to remain in Thailand ?

No prob's, Married visa, with appropriate cash in Thai bank, also as an extra I have income from OZ, cool?

[PaulHamon]

don't tell them anything you don't want to.

be yourself

don't do shit you don't feel comfortable doing

if you jump thru hope and try and impress them, you'll have to live up to the forever.

they ask about money, tell them YOU don't need to borrow but thank for offering..

[JJttttt1]

it's hard for them to understand that in the West there are millions of "consultants", "managers", "assistants", "salesmen", "agents" and other office staff, who manage to get an enormous income from shifting papers and talking....

[superdome]

If its love between the 2 of you..good...sound to me the love is with her perants and money....DONT PAY A F.......ING BAHT

[edwardandtubs]

now have money coming in each month- mostly due to hard work and some luck.

Online poker?

[Wordworx]

From the sound of it she is a decent person, likely because the parents are solid folks. (Emphasize: going by what you are saying.) Yeah, like others have said, be yourself, no pretenses. They will likely catch on to any phoniness pronto. And, from the sound of it, you have no need for BS.

But would not hurt to have some prepared explanations for why you don't NEED to work. Thai-friendly explanations. Basically what you explained; that you worked your ass off and got lucky. They should dig that. Then, if you wanna throw in a kicker, say something along the lines of you are considering investing in a new business, if the right one came along. But you are in no (no) rush. If you have concern that might green light some business venture pitches, come up with a non-Thai angle. Like no restaurants or apartment buildings... Subtlety get across that you are set, money-wise and a very conservative person with your finances.

Also, maybe suggest to your GF that the cousin should mind her own business, at least until she meets you. Then she can bad-mouth you behind your back, if she's into that sort of thing. Maybe, too, suggest to GF she should not share your personal emails unless you give permission.

[smileydude]

My advice is ask your gf for tips on what her parents like and don't like. Do your homework.

Bring something like a gift basket as a show of respect for tradition.

Be humble but yourself otherwise it will just be a charade and any connection you make will be superficial.

Any parent would want to know what kind of future their potential son-in-law is capable enough to provide for their daughter so you'll want to explain your current job situation and future plans.

In asian society it is of utmost important that the parents at least don't disapprove of you so you can't apply the western thinking of "too bad if you don't like me but its up to your daughter" because the family unit is very tight in Thailand so try your best. If you're a responsible decent caring person then you should have nothing to worry about.

Girl's will always ask for advice. Let her be. If she doesn't trust you or her own feelings then I guess it wasn't supposed to be and time to move on.

Edited January 17, 2014 by smileydude

[HardenedSoul]

Perhaps you would be kind enough to explain which visa permits you to remain in Thailand ?

No prob's, Married visa, with appropriate cash in Thai bank, also as an extra I have income from OZ, cool?

Surprised you dignified that question with a response.

It's no one's business but immigration's as to the means by which you're able to remain in Thailand.

It's almost as if people on here are hardwired to be sceptical or suspicious of any foreigner who isn't retired or who doesn't have a work permit.