nithisa78 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 If the GF is listening to and taking advice from the 3rd party (cousin in Europe), then it is a really good time to find out about it. If she doesn't love and respect you for who you are, then you are looking at a rough road ahead if you plan to continue. As for meeting the parents, be yourself! The same advice applies to that above; if the GF takes the advice from the parents over what her heart says, then there is something wrong with the relationship before you start. She is in her late 20's and not in her teens. I know this will rub some people up the wrong way with the 'This is Thailand, things are done differently here' argument. (Late 20's is deemed to be close to the sell-by' date) Yes, this is true, but it is also the 21st century and attitudes are changing all the time. And why is she not wed already if a good catch......... Could be million good reasons. First one, she hasn't met the person to hold her interest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sayonarax Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 My wife (early 30s) had a degree and worked for international sales orders for a chemicals company. I was made redundant (late 30s) and she told colleagues that I worked freelance online from our home worried about losing face over an economically inactive husband among colleagues and at hometown (following the father's egregious example). As I was on a tourist and now Non Imm O visa I was legally obliged NOT to work, you could run that passed the folks Failing that, I've just set up a business with the wife in the main town outside her village. Still no WP but makes things easier culturally. another fine example of an illegal working and living here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sayonarax Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 imo that's way too fast. give it some time, whirlwind romance you might say but the fact she was sharing emails with her thai cousin would surely acivate my alram bells you have to agree some sort of coaching might be involved here i bet meeting the parents was never your idea. regardless, you don't need anyone's approval if the both of you are really in love back off a little & see what conspires, take a breather, no one can fault that good luck Some people take weeks deciding on a new car, others visit the showroom and buy within days. Buying a wife in Thailand is exactly the same. Take her for a test drive, and if you like the ride, buy. For me, marriage was agreed within 1 week of first meeting, and purchase completed in 3, 4th anniversary next month. But how old are you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sandhurstmolonski Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 OP wrote: We had a brief discussion about sinsot (if we were to marry) and hers would be 1million but her parents would refund that to me. I don't want to pay this at all but will go with the flow. He is a headmaster of a big school and she is a teacher. I’ve been told that her mother is a jovial and affable person who likes to have a laugh but her father is really serious guy This would be the deal breaker for me and a postponement of meeting the folks... 1 million baht.. tell 'em their dreaming!! So OP, here is the ultimate test. What would happen if you: 1. Tell her your customs don't believe in what Thai's call Sin Sot, so your want no part of it, or 2. She can stump up the 1 million baht, beg, steal, borrow, converge on a meeting with the family to all come up with it so they can show it on the wedding day, then when it is over, they can do with it as they like. Now do you think she will still love you? Will she stay with you through thick and thin, and let your love for each other conquer all? You can always put her to the test and find out exactly what side your bread is buttered on. He in a Headmaster and she is a Teacher ... Sounds like my Old G/F ..exactly the Same ..The Mother was the Worst ..So caught up in her own " Status " .. Especially , after she won " Mother of the Year " in the Province , ( The other Sister was a Doctor ) ..the other one a Nurse .. I told em to JAM the sinsot , I had done so much for this family .. But , some idiot came from Europe ..and WOW ..what a wonderful man . Always Understand B/S for exactly what it is ..They will always suprise you , This was after a Number of Years . I had another Mother ..( Young Daughter ..No Child ..Good education ..But Isaan ) Ask me for 1 mil , I laughted .. " How much you Pay " ? ..ans .." I will have to Consider " .." When you tell me " ?? Hmmmm ..It will take around 3 weeks ( Me ) ..Okey ..Okey ..I do , 600,000 Barht ..ha ha ha ha .. a Game of Honour ? ..They give it Back ? .. Sorry , Its simply a game of C*AP ..enjoy what you have ..but view over a number of years . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kangawallafox Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 A million baht, hahaha I love it. Sent from my iPad using Thaivisa Connect Thailand Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
namdocmai Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 You will get the money back, it is only for show. But if you get married you don't want your wife to know how you make any income? Maybe she thinks you are a drugdealer or bankrobber or whatever. Anyway don't stress, sabaai sabaai. It seems you found one of them very hard to find girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travel Dude Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Take her father a bottle of decent malt-whisky, to show respect & demonstrate that you're suitably respectful/generous/financially-solid, and ask your GF's opinion about what to give her mother. Relax.... the whisky is a good one but not necessary. Flowers for the mother is the best gift... Don't lower yourself too much. Be confident, mature. You are already 40 past. Be friendly and soft. Don't show off but be friendly. Don't start to argue... Hey, this relationship is only going for a couple of months, don't you think it is far too early to talk about marriage? My advice: never marry as long as you are still in puppy love. Real love takes time. Good luck and enjoy the visit and... As we all made the effort to give you a colorful advice, please be so kind to inform us how it went... Cheers 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wayne hoskins Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 a million seems steep... are you sure she's being straight with you? as for meeting the parents, be yourself - assuming you're not a drunken slob... the worrying thing is third party advice; thai's a renown for listening to and taking on board friends and family advice that can be given more put of jealousy or spite than a genuine desire to be constructive and helpful. the only hope you have is that your GF is independently minded enough to make her own decisions. good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Torrens54 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Only natural that her parents don't want to risk their daughter to an unemployed layabout....not saying that is what you are, but put yourself in their position. Just be ready with all the answers, you should be fine and forget about the Bride Price, this isn't PNG where you might have to toss in 3 goats, 10 chooks and a keg of beer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wayne hoskins Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Mate move on believe me it will only get worse as far as Ma Pa giving you money back, I've been there and done that,it won't happen,once she discusses you with friends etc etc time to get out enjoy what you have with some one else,that will accept you,being you,all the best,hope you go down the right track, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NovaBlue05 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Falang don't need job...they already rich..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sniffdog Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Know each other for 2-3 months and talk already about sin sot. Sometimes you wonder who's more desperate for 'love' ... the parents or the farang. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khunPer Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 The best you may be able to do for all your questions, your relationship, your wife to be and yourself is to rush to a bookstore and buy the book “Thailand Fever”, you can find it in local bookstores. It’s written in both English and Thai, so both of you can read it (also available in some other languages). See more at http://www.thailandfever.com 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimbeam1 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 I've just got to page three, has Davy boy got back to us yet? jb1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alexpho Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 This is truly a different situation than the normal rich falang meets Thai farm girl. You not having a job should not be a concern to anybody. With her having a good education and job is surely a big plus. Now for some reason, someone got the impression that you may not have any money or did not sort of " pay the dinner bill " like a gentlemen would. Lets not get overboard with the same storyline of getting ripped off by a Thai girl. Sounds to me, the family is afraid of YOU RIPPING THEM OFF. Put yourself in the parent's shoes. If you have to show income, show it. Heck, I am a father of a teenage daughter too. People need to understand one thing. There are some Thai's that are more wealthy than any of you in this forum combined. These educated and elite Thais may have a different view of Falangs. Seriously, have you actually seen the weird ones already? Do you blame them? Sounded like you got a gem, I would work on it and do what needs to be done if you two love each other. Good luck ! Good luck. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penwithcris Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 You've only known this lady for a very short time. Bit early to be talking about parting with one million baht. I know it sounds cynical but I think you should make some very discreet enquiries over the next few months about the lady's background. If she's consented to sex with you at an early stage in your relationship be a little cautious. Truly respectable Thai ladies would expect you to wait until after your nuptials before intimacy. I've been on 'meet the parents' missions and have learned later that I was just one of many suitors. I guess the families are looking for the wealthiest son-in-law they can find. Can't blame them for that. They've probably sacrificed a lot to give their daughter a good education. So treat it all as a preliminary exercise. Don't worry too much about Thai etiquette. You will always be considered the most subservient member of the gathering. Another 'stupid Farang' Just take the immediate family for a bite to eat, have a quick chat and don't stay too long Remember - act in haste repent at leisure 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post menorah Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 I'll try to stay objective: Firstly, you should treat the situation no differently to any similar situation back home....the parents are not Gods ! Far from it. Secondly, from the tone of your post you seem to have limited experience of Thailand and Thai women. You need to be aware education, social status and a good job do not preclude this lady free from all the usual traits applicable to many Thai women. Thirdly, why a million....they've not met you so numbers aren't relevant yet. Good manners would suggest they meet you before offering up their 'princess' for a price. Fourth. You're here in Thailand and don't need to work for income. Perhaps they believe you may be some form of 'Mafia'. It goes without saying if you're foreign & in Thailand then you must have income.... finance to support you. They're nor worried about her having to pay for you, they're simply curious to know where your finances derive and how long they'll last! Yes, cynical but more than truthful. Fifth, I wish I had a thousand baht for every women... lady I thought I was in love with !!! Love is an enigmatic emotion and hard to truly define. However, love reveals itself over the course of time and time is something you should seriously consider. 6 months or 2 years is time enough to determine the validity and strength of the love in the relationship....no need to rush in. Six. Things that 'hold good' in your native culture still have validity in Thailand. The Thais may not readily like your values but they will respect you for them.... if not your GF will disappear and you will be better off for it, believe me. Seven. From the little useful information in your post, if this relationship is to stand any chance at all, then I'd say make a home no closer than 300KM to the in-laws' . Eight. My uncle in UK is fond of one particular saying....."Why buy one, when you can borrow one". This may seem like the most negative way of thinking in respect of a woman, however, for many foreigners...inability to understand or interpret usual body language or nuances of Thai character is a 'trap in the waiting'. Take a step back and count to a million before committing to anything. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
steven100 Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Just take along a good bottle of gin and a few Leo's .. a copy of a recent bank statement not more than 3 months old .... get sloshed with mum , and everything after that should be just fine. Sent from my TR736 using Thaivisa Connect Thailand mobile app Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umbanda Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Her parents concern is valid. The dowry is valid. Your girl friend sounds like a honest and independent woman, and from a good family. If you will meet her family is because you are serious and in love, and you will have to show that to her parents. More of that, you are showing your interest in getting married with her. If you get married probably you will change your visa to marriage visa to stay in the country, and will need to show monthly income or money in the bank to immigration. If you have steady income coming from your country of more than 45000THB/month you also may need a statement from your Embassy translated to Thai. If you get that now and show it to your GF, she will pass the information to her parents and relatives and that will be enough for them. Many Thai teachers and professionals make that kind the money here and is an OK income.....With that information and telling them that you will look for business opportunities or investments here, or even a job in the future, probably her parents will feel more confident in your ability in be a provider for their daughter. My best wishes for you! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeavyDrinker Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 This is truly a different situation than the normal rich falang meets Thai farm girl. You not having a job should not be a concern to anybody. With her having a good education and job is surely a big plus. Now for some reason, someone got the impression that you may not have any money or did not sort of " pay the dinner bill " like a gentlemen would. Lets not get overboard with the same storyline of getting ripped off by a Thai girl. Sounds to me, the family is afraid of YOU RIPPING THEM OFF. Put yourself in the parent's shoes. If you have to show income, show it. Heck, I am a father of a teenage daughter too. People need to understand one thing. There are some Thai's that are more wealthy than any of you in this forum combined. These educated and elite Thais may have a different view of Falangs. Seriously, have you actually seen the weird ones already? Do you blame them? Sounded like you got a gem, I would work on it and do what needs to be done if you two love each other. Good luck ! Good luck. possibly the most deranged post ever.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wym Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Sorry haven't read all the thread. A million or even ten million sin sot is no big deal, to the extent you trust the portion they actually keep will be reasonable. Unlike back home you'll most likely be expected to pay for the celebrations, and for even a poor upcountry family that can easily be 100K+ for the sound system, slaughtered pigs and cases of whisky and perhaps even live entertainers and dancing girls. The family's concern over your finances is normal and justified. Personally I'd advice opening up the books as if you have a prospective buyer of "you as a business". I would do this one-on-one with the father, letting him inspect your documents but not giving him any, making copies anything like that. If that's too much for you, then a letter from your accountant/tax advisor stating your net worth is over XXXX and you have a secure income derived from your past investments of YYY, get it translated and as many official-looking stamps all over it should make him happy. And of course some presents of gold from Hua Seng Heng will boost your credibility. Best of luck!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thailandbeachisland Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 3 months and meet the parents ? Crazy if you start to listen to these stupid requests... You don't need to have a job, Asian only want that you have money, they don't care how you get it ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
menorah Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Her parents concern is valid. The dowry is valid. Your girl friend sounds like a honest and independent woman, and from a good family. If you will meet her family is because you are serious and in love, and you will have to show that to her parents. More of that, you are showing your interest in getting married with her. If you get married probably you will change your visa to marriage visa to stay in the country, and will need to show monthly income or money in the bank to immigration. If you have steady income coming from your country of more than 45000THB/month you also may need a statement from your Embassy translated to Thai. If you get that now and show it to your GF, she will pass the information to her parents and relatives and that will be enough for them. Many Thai teachers and professionals make that kind the money here and is an OK income.....With that information and telling them that you will look for business opportunities or investments here, or even a job in the future, probably her parents will feel more confident in your ability in be a provider for their daughter. My best wishes for you! 45000 baht per month is a salary realised ONLY by a Professor or Education Senior. I guarantee no ordinary Thai TEACHER has ever earnt 45K. As an example of higher management salary, I have a Thai friend who works as a senior in a local health center connected with the local hospital and she earns 30K pm at age 40. Business opportunities and investments...prey tell where the average ;'Farang' can enjoy the benefit of 'ownership' of such things here in Thailand and without 'jumping through hoops' to do so. As for saying a dowry is valid, I can assure you most 'modern & emancipated' Thais, view the old dowry as distasteful, not least of all because it directly echoes the past when Thailand was barely more than a feudal Kingdom and the people truly submissive. Your's is a text book account of how to procure an economically viable relationship but has absolutely nothing to do with the real emotions and feeling behind real love. If the OP isn't put off enough already, let him not forget the old adage..... BUYER BEWARE ! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
menorah Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Troll post. Similar topics have been posted so many times of late. The OP is a Troll so don't waste your time replying, to this <deleted>. For sure... 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post wotaplonker Posted January 17, 2014 Popular Post Share Posted January 17, 2014 i'm worried you dont have a job you lazy bugger, pull yourself together and go down to soi 6 in Pattaya with some of your 'passive' income and find a nice girl friend who will love you for yourself and not your money. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jackr Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 Take a fine bottle of Sang Som for pops and a nice bunch of bananas for khun maaaeee. That'll break the ice and no need to mention work. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wym Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 As for saying a dowry is valid, I can assure you most 'modern & emancipated' Thais, view the old dowry as distasteful, not least of all because it directly echoes the past when Thailand was barely more than a feudal Kingdom and the people truly submissive. Absolute <deleted>, still very much a part of local tradition & culture, you're just imposing you own cultural programming making it into a moral issue. I'm sure you DEFINE "modern & emancipated" this way, but in fact in my experience only poor rural Thais are willing to go along with such crazy foreign notions because they know they'll more than make up for the loss down the road. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiuvo Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 You have been invited to meet with the prospective in-laws. Make no mistake this is a very big deal for your girl friend and should not be underestimated. Without the parents blessing there will not be a happy future with this lady. Do not be too concerned by your lady asking her friend/s for emotional help because at the level of Thai society your girl is from there may well be concerns, there is in some respects a feeling that is definitely against mixed marriage to a Falang, especially one with no discernible means of support without a job. If I was your girls Father, I too would want a long interview with you. As far as the dowry is concerned, the amount could be described in the families circumstances as low and as long as your lady hasn't been married to anyone before and not had any children not unusually high. The fact that the parents would give this back after the wedding is a very good sign that the Sinsot is just for show and nothing more. Initially meeting the Mum and Dad for the first time can be stressful for both parties but if you keep your calm and your dignity, show that you really do love their daughter and you have the means, brains and self respect enough to support her then you will be OK. It may be sensible to explain to them that you do not intend to become a professional loafer all your life and maybe you have plans to build an hospital or a school or maybe even get a job as a school janitor but you will resume work at some foreseeable point in the near future Enough of the charades! I got married here and took her to USA etc etc. now I have a gf who wants me to do the same thing. I gave no dowery to first and will not to second. It's old story. OP three months and you are in love with what? You are serious in this post I want to believe. I had a girlfriend who is head of a university south of Thailand . I said no sin sot and they agreed but I did not like her ways. No marriage. No worries with this meeting of yours. It will be all about money but I think you will not understand anything they say. 555 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiuvo Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 You've only known this lady for a very short time. Bit early to be talking about parting with one million baht. I know it sounds cynical but I think you should make some very discreet enquiries over the next few months about the lady's background. If she's consented to sex with you at an early stage in your relationship be a little cautious. Truly respectable Thai ladies would expect you to wait until after your nuptials before intimacy. I've been on 'meet the parents' missions and have learned later that I was just one of many suitors. I guess the families are looking for the wealthiest son-in-law they can find. Can't blame them for that. They've probably sacrificed a lot to give their daughter a good education. So treat it all as a preliminary exercise. Don't worry too much about Thai etiquette. You will always be considered the most subservient member of the gathering. Another 'stupid Farang' Just take the immediate family for a bite to eat, have a quick chat and don't stay too long Remember - act in haste repent at leisure I like this post much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
falkan Posted January 17, 2014 Share Posted January 17, 2014 lol they are scared that your cant pay the 2 million baht sinsod and house,car and some gold for the family, and dont forget the monthly fee to.. dump this gold-digger family asap.. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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