Sin Sot question

[Nemesis7]

Any lady who truly loves you won be asking for sin sod rather stand next to you and tell the world it's not in the culture of my husband's.

you took a bold step to be here and decided to get married and its ur better halfs time to prove she is there for you

[rct99q]

Had many of these falangs been able to get a wife in their own home country they wouldn't be here talking about paying sin sod. AS it is they are here in Thailand because they couldn't score a wife elsewhere. So as it is you must pay the piper. Thai customs dictate you pay some sort of fee.

Don't want to pay the fee, Try and round up some hefer from Marsgate and marry her! Mind you she will probably cost you more than a lifetimes worth of misery so paying a Thai bride some money may be worth while.

[thaigold]

Depends; If she is a virgin and educated / pay the bride price.

If she is not a virgin and has any children / pay no bride price. Easy ...

[realenglish1]

I had agreed to Sin Sod with her parents but the parents started to question me a lot about my business and why I could afford the SS.

Way to many questions so I just stopped the whole think and called it off. No reason they should know why I do something about my total finances

Just a bad situation I remedied

[HUAHIN62]

It's just weird I guess for me. Her mom is married to a Swed and lives in Sweden. She really has no other family here other than her Aunt that is just a few years older than she is.... So I'm confused why I should give money to family that isn't here. Now I will say, she has not said a number and isn't ragging on me too hard, just brings it up every so often and I get to thinking about it.

Will you have a traditional Thai wedding? If so the sin sod will be on display and will be used to pay for the wedding. Your future wife will keep the gold as a back up for in case the marraige dont work out. One of the rich Thai guys paid a B 100 m sin sod last year, but in most cases if the sin sod run into millions I become skeptical. It should be enough to cover the cost of the wedding with extras such as transporting family and close friends to the wedding included.

[fatdrunkandstupid]

If her mum is married to a Swede then her step father is a westerner.

In western culture it is traditional for the father (or step father) of the bride to pay for the wedding.

Next time she raises the sin sot issue, take her to a computer, browse the web and find some threads on the topic of the western father paying for the wedding, and ask her how much is her step dad willing to pay for the wedding.

Shortly thereafter your tirraks head will explode....and you will be free to carrying on dating other Thai ladies...

[The Fat Controller]

Firstly, I am not a regular poster here but have been visiting Thailand for 18 years or so and have heard just about all sides of this topic from both Thai ladies and their partners.

My view is that in the unlikely event you are marrying a Thai virgin, then sinsot will most certainly be required.

Every other combination of circumstances requires negotiation and compromise.

I plan on getting married in the next couple of weeks, to a biochemist who works at Siriraj Hospital in Bangkok.

We will be having a quiet official ceremony first so that she can add me to her government healthcare scheme before she quits her job later this year and we set up home elsewhere.

Apparently the paperwork takes a couple of months.

The Thai-style wedding party with monks will be in November and as she has been married before no sinsot has been asked for, but we have agreed between ourselves that out of respect for her family, money will be shown at the ceremony.

Some of my cash is locked in for a while, so she has said she will empty her bank account to make up the difference rather than me losing out by closing my account early.

I will be picking up the bill for the party, we agreed that.

At the end of the day, the show-money will go back into a joint account for our future.

My final comment to the OP, do whatever you feel comfortable with and make sure your partner agrees with what you are doing, even if it means a little confrontation, which the Thais find difficult to handle,

Edited February 17, 2014 by The Fat Controller

[Straight8]

Yes, we have talked about it a few times. I think 2 ways.. If her mom and thai father were together and lived on the farm and wanted to do the whole village thing, I kind of get it. I'd be ok to do the whole show thing, do the hokey pokey and what not... But like I said, her mom and her farang step dad live in Sweden. I think it would be weird as shit to be handing over anything to a Thai mom and a farang step dad sitting there in the house. Her argument is basically "you have to". She hears what I am saying, she even hints that she knows I make sense, but it's almost like she doesn't even know herself. It's like trying to convince people the earth is really round. They have been raised in such a way that they can't question something even if they know it doesn't make sense.

Also, like I said, there still hasn't been an amount discussed nor a timeline given, just a quarterly argument. I would feel extremely awkward Skyping with her mom and step dad in Sweden even talking about it.

Her argument is basically "you have to" -

That alone is a mighty "red" flag, to either get her to do a complete 180 or get out of this relationship asap... cause if you don't do either, you will "have to" for the rest of your days you are together.

However, "chances are quite high" [since you need to ask on here] that no matter what the replies you get here, you are going to end up doing what she want, and pay a sin sot of some amount.

My advice, don't pay a satang.

[Briggsy]

Locate your soon to be father-il-law. Ask him how much he paid and whether he got it back.

Locate all previous husbands of your soon to be wife. Ask as above.

Armed with information above, plan your negotiating stance.

Send in a representative e.g. your uncle or brother to negotiate with Thai mother in Sweden on Skype.

[Straight8]

It's just weird I guess for me. Her mom is married to a Swed and lives in Sweden. She really has no other family here other than her Aunt that is just a few years older than she is.... So I'm confused why I should give money to family that isn't here. Now I will say, she has not said a number and isn't ragging on me too hard, just brings it up every so often and I get to thinking about it.

Your future wife will keep the gold as a back up for in case the marraige dont work out.

Would he get some gold from her too, if the marriage went belly due to her??

Thought so...

[slipperylobster]

You know the answer in your heart, and so does she.

True love has no price....Family or not. They will love you if they love her.

Don't be a Sot !

Those rich guys who need to pay...let them save face and tell you that her family will burn her in hell for not collecting...

But the joke is on us, in the end. Its an outmoded custom that is just being used for enrichments...

Most gals have been married/have thai kids.... You are doing her a favor. She might run, but that is the good part.

[EyesWideOpen]

So , like this is all just for show then really, right ;-?

I recommend the HP1515cp

Most provincial "scamilies" who are actually still into this kind of jive- @$$ show-and-tell will never know the difference.

You can always add a white-skin touch to the festivities by burning it in a can outside the wedding venu. :-))

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit."

Great idea !!!! This could be the all time classic Isan moment. Print up a couple of million baht of fake money, all carefully displayed to impress the farm folks with the value of the future bride. Then when no one is really paying attention, grab all the money, throw it into the fire, and then start dancing around the fire shouting out you are so deeply in love, money does not matter any more !!!!!

[age4short]

If it's all for show what's the problem? So much negativity soon as sin sod or dowry is mentioned, most farangs (elderly, out of shape etc) want the pretty young Thai bird but are ignorant of the culture that comes with it.

In my case 4 or 500k will be refunded after the wedding except for maybe 50k (who cares) in recognition the parents will need assistance some time in the future.

Of course it's all about FACE the gf, the parents as well as your own. Everyone happy

[VINCENT2012]

sin sot......well..........Up to you ...man.!

I was astonished , the first time when i heard this thing from my girlfriend,......my self i refuse strait away to pay what ever to the parents, as a foreigner i have also my way to be..and i was the one who had to pay ...so ..thats it!..and i was helping other ways anyway (well a very little bit, not much..that way they dont get used to it).....so my wife tell her parents before getting married what i told her (no) and they said that was not a problem.she could do what ever she wanted to do with me.

so the story was finished then! thats why i love that people.....they are really good thai people.......but that is my family.....!

Others are moved by the sound of gold falling only......remember that you are going to marry your wife ....and also her entire family (with all their tribulation too), if there is a probleme she will stay with her family ...not with you...99,99%..i bet !

thailand is allready a complicated place to live......you better make sure with who you are going to spend the next 50 years..don't invest...dont buy a house...rent it for a few years instead to see whats going on ..and to have time to know who is who around.

good luck and good day

[Tacho De Lao]

just tell her youll keep the money in your account for the future of you two and possibly your children,

i dont think shell be to botherd about that,

jake,

ps if she,s not ok with that run

Well said LOL. She sounds like she is not a virgin etc and has not family who needs money since mom already found a rich farrang. Say I don't want to do it and see how much she "loves" you. Pigeonjakes take is spot on.

[Donnie Brasco]

If it's all for show what's the problem? So much negativity soon as sin sod or dowry is mentioned, most farangs (elderly, out of shape etc) want the pretty young Thai bird but are ignorant of the culture that comes with it.

In my case 4 or 500k will be refunded after the wedding except for maybe 50k (who cares) in recognition the parents will need assistance some time in the future.

Of course it's all about FACE the gf, the parents as well as your own. Everyone happy

I notice with some concern that you are future-tensing your post to all us weird old out of shape guys. And you sapeak enough Thai (no doubt) to distinguish between haa meun and haa saen.

The Thai culture thingie is soooo last year, age4short but hey, whatever gets you through the night ;-)))

Looks like you've got the whole thing all sorted.

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit."

[rayongchelsea]

If it's all for show what's the problem? So much negativity soon as sin sod or dowry is mentioned, most farangs (elderly, out of shape etc) want the pretty young Thai bird but are ignorant of the culture that comes with it.

In my case 4 or 500k will be refunded after the wedding except for maybe 50k (who cares) in recognition the parents will need assistance some time in the future.

Of course it's all about FACE the gf, the parents as well as your own. Everyone happy

Never seen an elderly out of shape farang with a pretty young bird..

It is not ignorance, it's when should or should it not be paid..

Usually married before if now marrying a farang, usually has another kid, usually uneducated, no sin sot required..period!!!

Why should a farang worry about his face..

They lose face already by allowing their daughter to marry an elderly out of shape farang who is probably older than the patents..

As you are showing 500k sounds like you are marrying an educated, career lass..well done..

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[Sayonarax]

Had many of these falangs been able to get a wife in their own home country they wouldn't be here talking about paying sin sod. AS it is they are here in Thailand because they couldn't score a wife elsewhere. So as it is you must pay the piper. Thai customs dictate you pay some sort of fee.

Don't want to pay the fee, Try and round up some hefer from Marsgate and marry her! Mind you she will probably cost you more than a lifetimes worth of misery so paying a Thai bride some money may be worth while.

Awww, what you so broke up about you got to lash out?

What was her name? Im here for you bro.

[EyesWideOpen]

Depends; If she is a virgin and educated / pay the bride price.

If she is not a virgin and has any children / pay no bride price. Easy ...

If that standard was applied across the board in Thailand, sin sot would virtually cease to exist, as I suspect the number of virgin hi-so girls that are highly educated is quite small.....

Edited February 17, 2014 by EyesWideOpen

[slipperylobster]

If it's all for show what's the problem? So much negativity soon as sin sod or dowry is mentioned, most farangs (elderly, out of shape etc) want the pretty young Thai bird but are ignorant of the culture that comes with it.

In my case 4 or 500k will be refunded after the wedding except for maybe 50k (who cares) in recognition the parents will need assistance some time in the future.

Of course it's all about FACE the gf, the parents as well as your own. Everyone happy

LOL it's up to you. And, I know several people that were married without it. Even my gals sister ran away with a thai man who paid nothing....had two kids, grown up, then died. Her next husband (Canadian) paid nothing....at the wedding. All his payments came later, and added up to more than a million. Nothing to do with any sin sot.

It is an older tradition.... many Thai gals are shacking up, or are Mia Noi's ...or have Giks...etc....

My gal has a nurse friend (mid 40's) with 2 grown up children and is on Date In Asia asking 2 million baht for a farang husband. Mind you, this is not going to be returned at the wedding, as that is going to pay off her new car and finish her house payments. That is what I am talking about. My gal is in disbelief...and laughs at it. The whole town does. You have two different animals out there.....

Please do not tell everyone it is "required" as it is not. If you want, go ahead, but if you don't, take your gal to a nice island get away, and do your own wedding plans. Not everyone wants to move in with the inlaws....

All culture aside.... it is being done daily, without sin sot.. Better just offer a down payment for a house or car you can use.

[EyesWideOpen]

Had many of these falangs been able to get a wife in their own home country they wouldn't be here talking about paying sin sod. AS it is they are here in Thailand because they couldn't score a wife elsewhere. So as it is you must pay the piper. Thai customs dictate you pay some sort of fee.

Don't want to pay the fee, Try and round up some hefer from Marsgate and marry her! Mind you she will probably cost you more than a lifetimes worth of misery so paying a Thai bride some money may be worth while.

Well at least after the heifer from Marsgate cleans you out with her team

of lawyers, you will still be alive. Cannot say the same for a lot of farangs

that married a Thai girl. Life is full of risk......

[RecklessRon]

IMHO: I will pay any amount of sin sod that is asked so long as it is the exact same amount as her dowry! They give me the dowry and I return it as sin sod. Problem solved!

[Briggsy]

For anyone going on about culture, the sin sot would be negotiated between the families, usually the parents, not between the engaged couple. So I feel there is an opening for the rent-an-uncle position whose role it would be to negotiate with the parents of the lucky bride for the sin sot price. May I recommend myself.

[age4short]

If it's all for show what's the problem? So much negativity soon as sin sod or dowry is mentioned, most farangs (elderly, out of shape etc) want the pretty young Thai bird but are ignorant of the culture that comes with it.

In my case 4 or 500k will be refunded after the wedding except for maybe 50k (who cares) in recognition the parents will need assistance some time in the future.

Of course it's all about FACE the gf, the parents as well as your own. Everyone happy

I notice with some concern that you are future-tensing your post to all us weird old out of shape guys. And you sapeak enough Thai (no doubt) to distinguish between haa meun and haa saen.

The Thai culture thingie is soooo last year, age4short but hey, whatever gets you through the night ;-)))

Looks like you've got the whole thing all sorted.

"Sometimes, 'fuggedabowdit' just means fuggedabowdit."

I retract the "old out of shape farang" comment, never intended to offend.

I have no problem with people weary of being ripped off but surely there must be compromise between the two parties.

Bottom line is farang wants a good younger gf/ wife & Thai lady wants financial security for herself & family.

From what I've seen Thai culture is still quite staunch particularly in rural areas where elderly parents still reside.

I've not been to a Thai wedding where the groom has displayed nothing but a bowl of peanuts

[Kitsune]

Normally I have an answer or two to the SinSot question ... but in your case OP ... sadly not.

New territory for me.

Yet you still need to post !

Sometimes it's just nice to have a response, to know that someone is out there and has taken the time to reply ... even if that person could not assist you.

Hey Kitsune, imagine for a moment that you are a woman ... what level of SinSot would you believe that you are worth.

Just the Cash and Gold side of it ... no need to account for the actual wedding?

.

I think price tagging a woman is plain degrading.

What do YOU think you would be worth ?

[FireMedic]

Well just for the record....I'm 36, 6'3 and 200lbs. I retired once when I was 30, got bored and now more than gainfully employed and moving to BKK from Phuket. She is transferring to the Business Admin school in Nonthaburi in a couple months. She has never been married and no kids. The biggest thing that freaks me out is handing over money, show or not, to a mom and farang dad. I'll make a deal on a house or something. Again, I think it's more about a village status thing. Her mom has a Swed husband in Sweden, her Aunt has an American (not married), and she has me. So I think she has to show the village that the family has it better or something. There is always more to it than what we are told. I just have to figure it out.

[herb59]

i have discussed thousands of ideas with my low-so girl. no sin sot. only the sins.

[David48]

Hey Kitsune, imagine for a moment that you are a woman ... what level of SinSot would you believe that you are worth.

I think price tagging a woman is plain degrading.

Humm ... you talk about your sisters in the 3^rd person.

Kitsune, you are a woman ... aren't you?

[rgs2001uk]

Well just for the record....I'm 36, 6'3 and 200lbs. I retired once when I was 30, got bored and now more than gainfully employed and moving to BKK from Phuket. She is transferring to the Business Admin school in Nonthaburi in a couple months. She has never been married and no kids. The biggest thing that freaks me out is handing over money, show or not, to a mom and farang dad. I'll make a deal on a house or something. Again, I think it's more about a village status thing. Her mom has a Swed husband in Sweden, her Aunt has an American (not married), and she has me. So I think she has to show the village that the family has it better or something. There is always more to it than what we are told. I just have to figure it out.

It has nothing to do with you or your intended, its all to do with face and bragging rights at the local fish market.

My issue isnt with sin sot its about what happens to it afterwards.

Will it be returned?

Who will pay for the wedding?

Who will keep the white envelopes"

Is your intended saving up to contribute?

Is this just a down payment with monthly installments to follow?

What is your future wife bringing to the table?

Will the parents be gifting you land somewhere?

For the record, uni educated woman in govt position in Bkk (coupled with all the benefits that entails) sin sot 300k, no monthly payments.

Use the above as a guide and negotiate accordingly.

BTW, any girl that told me "you must pay" would very quickly be kicked to the kerb unless she gave me a damned good reason and could verify the sin sot would be returned.

For the record I paid no sin sot, none was asked for, no monthly payments to either wife or her family, if your intended cant match the above, maybe time to reconsider, whats more important to her you as a husband or face for her family?

[rayongchelsea]

Well just for the record....I'm 36, 6'3 and 200lbs. I retired once when I was 30, got bored and now more than gainfully employed and moving to BKK from Phuket. She is transferring to the Business Admin school in Nonthaburi in a couple months. She has never been married and no kids. The biggest thing that freaks me out is handing over money, show or not, to a mom and farang dad. I'll make a deal on a house or something. Again, I think it's more about a village status thing. Her mom has a Swed husband in Sweden, her Aunt has an American (not married), and she has me. So I think she has to show the village that the family has it better or something. There is always more to it than what we are told. I just have to figure it out.

Way too many farangs in the family, run...

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